Chapter 20 – Walking

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Persiannissimo!

Aurae's POV

I didn't feel anything - I don't think I could. Perhaps my mind knew as much and allowed numbness to take over in order to survive. I didn't care - I saw them together upon the altar and after; I felt my heart tear, from side to side - I haven't felt anything since. I organized the few objects I had, in the chamber I was given, up to decent satisfaction. Since the wedding, Athena had asked me to clean and take care of her garden. The day of the wedding she had called me inside and after joining her for a drink, had asked me for my help - a common task to keep me away from the pain - I don't think she understood I no longer felt anything. I was dead.

As always, with the first rays of the sun, I marched off to Athena's house. As dawn broke through, I sat by the rose beds and cleaned each rose, I made sure they only had the leafs that were necessary and that each bud received nourishment and all that they needed.

Each rose was so unique - each one so tender and delicate. Unknown to me, my left hand had clenched when touching one such bud and killed it - I yanked my hand back but didn't unclench it. I raised the hand up to my face and as I opened it, the sweet smell of its death reached me. I looked at it - dead upon my hand and dropped it. I didn't care.

Athena had been watching - I felt her - with her infinite wisdom she left me well enough alone. At about midday - when the sun burned my back and forced sweat upon my brow I stood upright, having been bent for hours - it brought a sweet bodily pain - yet I felt nothing.

I walked towards the forest at the back of Athena's house. I wanted to lose myself in something. I walked through ageless trees and silent creatures. I came up to a unique tree, which time had bent down - making it resemble an old man - living but perpetually still. The moss on its twisted base had been disturbed and ripped at by desperate hands. I softly touched the broken moss with tentative fingers and salty tears dropped from my eyes. I felt nothing.

Since I had decided to walk into the forest - I had decided to leave. What could they do to me? Kill me? If so, then it would be a sweat release - let them kill me if they wished, the fluttering thought of ending my life passed between my closed eyes and broken heart, but I knew I didn't even have the strength or moral decadence for that.

I kept on walking - at times nymphs would walk next to me, or other critters would accompany me - I walked past the point of pain, hunger, and all human characteristics. As I saw my feet continue moving - I wondered how they continue to move - I wondered why I hadn't collapsed - yet I kept on moving - I kept on walking. My mind fluttered in and out of consciousness but I kept walking - drawn to something unknown - to some sort of release - I kept on walking; never stopping, never slowing down or speeding up - as marked by my still functioning heart - I walked… Nothing ever seemed to get in my way - through the blur of human weakness it seemed as if the very trees would bend to my existence and urge me on… towards what?

There was a river, I felt water underneath my very feet - yet I did not sink - I did not cease - I kept on walking - coherent thought had left me, seemingly days ago - yet the shreds of logic left allowed me to understand it would be impossible for me to have walked as so, yet who am I? what can I do? I have never known my limits before - maybe I could do it? I no longer cared for warm hands gripped at my flesh - the warm hands only got warmer - screams filled my ears and my very lungs - I could see death once more - warm nothingness.

Yet as it had happened before, a hand reached out to me and dragged me back; but not before I had seen a face - a face so like mine - except the eyes, those beautiful hazel eyes… crying hazel eyes…who could she be? But I didn't care – for there was nothing I could feel.

Eros' POV

"I want to have children - many children - male children. I want little boys running around my feet, loving me, I don't want girls; they are weak and would only envy my beauty - not to say your blood would taint them - it would simply weaken mine, which created the apex of beauty you love - its just reason that is all, if you wish to have daughters than as your noble wife I will comply - but not happily and if you wish for her, you may raise her. Also I want to change your servants - they do not have the mentality of servitude they need - they think of themselves above you and I do not like it. Like that curly hair wench, crying without expression - I asked her for a simple favor and she didn't even seem to see me - she just marched off to Athena's house! Who does she think she is? If I could, I would beat her, but I dare not taint my hands – I have a good man servant at home – I shall bring him in, he will bring honor to the servants of the house and…"

I looked at the feeble creature talking and talking and talking. I dare not hit a woman - even if she killed my very soul with each word… thankfully this vain creature saw lack of attention as such a blow that would surpass physicality, thus my lips had not formed a word since the one that bonded us the day of our marriage. Simple nods had satisfied me from the beginning. I could not trust myself to talk without vomiting in disgust. I could not believe I had married her, let alone slept with her. My hate for her only seemed to increase. I no longer ate at home for I feared the creature I lived with would poison me into her bed as she had tried to do the day of our wedding - I will never make her a full woman with children - I will not yield my seed to her poisonous womb. I could not punish a child with such a mother.

Aurae never came into my presence anymore - Athena occupied her and if we ever crossed paths, her eyes never wondered and she never stopped. I secretly would look at her, working diligently and almost as if in a trance, on the gardens. Or as a statue - sitting in her chamber, the food forgotten in front of her. I decided I had been in the presence of my wife enough and left; wondering just what Aurae was doing…

I arrived at the gardens and from Athena's terrace - crouched as to keep from view - my eyes expanded to allow her crisp image into my very soul, she was looking at a crushed bud in her hand. I felt Athena come up quietly behind me; I looked back at her sad silver eyes. I trembled unconsciously - I had never seen that expression upon her face - for most of my existence I though she was above such petty things as feelings yet, in front of my very eyes - I saw she was not.

I had asked Athena the day of my wedding, to feed her a solution that would numb her to the pain she would feel. I could not bear to make her suffer, although part of me wanted to, I could not - I could not force onto her what I felt right now - the sad silver eyes looked away and she left.

As I dared to look back at the woman that had become the very essence of my existence – she was gone. I followed her sent to the forest and as I approached her near vicinity, I took to the trees to keep from being seen. Her tender hands were touching the moss I had ripped out in desperation and she wept. The second I had realized where she was I had begun to shed tears, yet for every tear she wept; my heart bled. I did not want her to feel that. I wanted her to be happy! Damn contradictions of my heart and reason. I decided I no longer cared for anything but her happiness – I jumped off the tree I was hiding in and approached her – I was going to make love to her – I would love her and forget all that had happened – I wanted happiness and realized I was ready to sacrifice everything for it. As I went to touch her shoulder – she stood up and began walking.

I called her name, but she did not stop, I begged for her to look at me; but as I placed myself in front of her eyes, she did not see me – as my soul screamed for hers – it did not hear. My heart started to beat at the pace of fear and my soul shuddered – what is happening?

She walked and walked to an unnervingly steady pace and didn't stop. The days turned into nights and so on, she didn't seemed to see the never ending obstacles that would have collided and hurt her, had it not been for my hands upon her waist – guiding her body and lifting her when needed – I dread to think of what could have happened.

My heart never stopped beating to the speed of fear – but being close to her, smelling her and, in my small way – helping her instead of hurting her; I was happier than I had been in what seemed as forever.

After days of walking, I grew hungry – I asked Comis to see my surrounding; eventually he caught up and brought food for her and me. I didn't know if she would eat – I kept the bag with food for her as Comis left, but I drank a pitcher of ambrosia or more and I kept on guiding the love of my life. Just when I had become accustomed to this odd lifestyle – she stretched out her hand and disappeared.

Thank you for reading –

Persiannissimo