First and foremost, I would like to thank my lovely reviewers: Tam Lin's rose and jhsbradford. You're continued support is what keeps me going.

Secondly, I would like to thank everyone else who has read thus far. I am completely overwhelmed by the amount of views I've had just this month. Thank you all for putting up with my tardy updates.

Anyway, let us continue on with Selena's journey in coping with Erik's imminent demise. I'm sure she's coping quite well ;)

CHAPTER 19: DEATHBED
Autumn and Winter 1851, Mazandaran and Ashraf – Selena's POV

Selena couldn't stand the gasps that occasionally emanated from the caravan. Erik tolerated his pain better than could be expected but even he wasn't strong enough to ignore it entirely.

She had tried several times to distract him but was met only with vicious words. Though she knew he did not mean them, it still pained her to hear them, especially when he was quite content to let Ayesha lick his face incessantly.

The caravan hit a bump and Erik let out a startled yelp and groan. Then, he lapsed once again into agonised silence.

"He won't make it to Mazandaran, will he?" Selena asked, making Nadir sigh.

"I do not know. The journey will most likely be too much, even for him."

"Is there any cure? Anything at all?" Selena continued desperately.

Nadir looked at her with pity. "I don't know what poisons he ingested and without that knowledge…" he paused. There was nothing more that needed to be said. "Even if I knew the poisons, chances are that there would be nothing we could do. I'm sorry Selena but he will die soon."

Tears began to fall down Selena's cheeks again. "He's so young. It isn't fair."

Nadir didn't respond for a long time, gazing thoughtfully into the distance. Selena suddenly remembered Reza.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean "

"It is quite alright," Nadir interrupted. "You're right. It isn't fair."

Selena dismounted Dana and made her way to the caravan, jumping in with more elegance than she expected. Erik opened his eyes as he saw her enter and groaned.

"Go away, Selena. Let me rest in peace."

Stubbornly, Selena remained and began stoking his hair gently.

Erik tried feebly to move away. "Leave me be, girl."

Selena held her ground. "For once dismiss your pride, Erik."

"It's all I have," Erik muttered childishly, closing his eyes.

"Not anymore, Erik. You don't realise how many people care for you. You have me, Nadir, Reza, Darius. You're not alone anymore." Selena stopped talking, realising he'd fallen asleep.

The rest of their journey to Mazandaran was uneventful. Erik mostly slept, and Selena re-joined Nadir, though they rarely spoke. Only once had Erik acknowledged Nadir's presence, entrusting him with rolls of blueprints for the palace that were to be given to the architect Amir on the event of Erik's death. Selena tried her best to ignore the last part.

Ayesha remained loyally at Erik's side, only leaving to mewl for food. By Erik's estimations they had agreed that the cub was around three months old. With food being plentiful, she was growing steadily bigger and stronger. Her appetite was becoming insatiable, but no one had the heart to deny her anything when she looked up with those innocent honey-coloured eyes.

When the palace of Mazandaran began looming in the horizon Selena found herself at a loss for words. It was the most stunning building she had ever laid eyes on. The roof upon which she had spent time with Erik was finished and gleaming with golden tiles. The design had a distinctly Persian feel to it though she could see in the large tinted windows echoes of the West. Though the outside seemed elegant and traditional, Selena knew that the inside belonged only to the future. New designs mixed with old to form a kaleidoscopic picture that was almost ethereal. His genius had created the greatest masterpiece of the century.

Erik, however, was less than amused. He forced himself to a sitting position and gestured to Nadir. "Give me those plans! Now!"

As Nadir searched through his packs and Erik tapped impatiently, Amir ran out of a tent to greet his employer, who with papers in hand whacked the man upside the head, causing Selena to let out a startled giggle that was met only with glares. "You are lucky that I do not have a whip. You have failed to follow my instructions."

Once again Nadir was kind enough to translate for her.

Amir trembled. "Forgive me sire. I did not understand them. It was all too complex."

"The next time you do not understand something," Erik said, letting out a calming breath. "You ask. Do you understand, you damned fool?"

"You weren't here sire. I wanted to ask but you weren't here." Amir let out with a shuddering breath.

"Yes, I suppose you are right," Erik whispered. Selena could see his tired body giving in to the bliss of sleep once again. "Come to my tent. I will explain everything to you and if you don't understand, you will ask. Do you understand? I will repeat myself as many times as necessary, but everything must be perfect."

Selena dismounted quickly and helped Erik stand and shuffle to his tent, which was fortunately close by. For hours they spoke in a language she was still unable to comprehend, much to her frustration. Only a handful of times did a familiar word grace her ears but never enough to make out even a sentence. Giving up, she concentrated instead on making sure Erik was alright. She could see his pained shudders though he tried to ignore them, and his voice became progressively quieter. As they finished Erik let out a quiet sigh. He stood, and Selena's heart fell to her stomach. She did not have time to reach him before he fell in a heap, unconscious.

Amir and Nadir managed to place him back in the caravan, Selena trailing behind worriedly. This time she let Nadir lead Dana, opting instead to stay with Erik until they reached Ashraf. Only two hours after they left Mazandaran Erik was sweating with a fever. Selena tried her best to keep him cool, covering his face and chest with rags dipped in cool water, but it did nothing and the heat of the desert was only making his fever rise.

By the time they reached Ashraf, Erik was delirious. He flailed and groaned, stuck in ancient nightmares.

"Father… father… papa… father why? Why did you make me?... I didn't… didn't mean to… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…"

As Nadir bent down to pick him up, Erik gripped his arm.

"Let me out! Let me out! I hate this filthy cage! Don't touch me! Let me out!"

Nadir tried to pry Erik away, but he fought like a madman, scratching the Persian's arms until they bled. Tears were pouring down his face and he suddenly became deathly still.

"Don't touch me. Get away! Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't hurt me! Get away! Get away!"

Knowing what Erik was dreaming of, Selena pulled Nadir off him and grasped his thrashing arms, whispering nonsense to him in soft tones.

"Sasha… where's Sasha?" His voice became suddenly very quiet. "Where's my Sasha?"

"She's here, Erik. Right here." Selena whispered gently. He calmed, though he still moved around nervously until Ayesha, who had hidden in a corner, frightened by his violent outburst, returned to his side. He smiled suddenly and held on to the little cub tightly.

"Don't let her out," he pleaded, holding Ayesha more tightly to his chest and closing his eyes. "Please don't let her out tonight."

Selena promised, and he fell asleep.

They managed to carry him into the house after that, placing him comfortably on a bed. Selena stayed by his side after Nadir told her begged her not to tell Reza that Erik was in the house. At dusk Nadir wheeled the child in, looking defeated.

"Do you think he can hear me?" the boy asked as he hugged Selena tightly.

Nadir sighed. "I don't think so, but you can try."

"Erik, Erik you have to wake up," Reza insisted, gripping his sweaty palm. "My music man is broken, and I need you to fix it. No one else knows how to do it."

The poor boy repeated his innocent request over and over again, becoming steadily more agitated. Finally, Nadir wheeled him away, concerned for the boy's already frail health. Ayesha followed them, most likely curious about the new addition to her little family. As they passed the threshold of the door, Selena saw Erik's fingers twitch. She decided to say nothing. It was most likely just a dream.

For a long time, Selena simply watched Erik's chest rise and fall weakly, alternating between states of tearful grief and numbness. She expected every breath to be his last and every time he did not breathe for slightly longer she found herself desperately checking his pulse.

She sang to him then, hoping that it would prevent her from falling asleep. Her voice was mediocre at best. Though she could carry a tune her timbre was not unique or pure. It was the voice of the masses, but Erik loved music and she hoped it would at least ease his passing.

The next morning, she awoke with a start, finding herself on the chair next to Erik's bed, her head laying comfortably on the mattress. Erik was still asleep but someone had entered and deposited his trunks in his rooms. She was shocked to find her hand gripping his tightly. She let go and changed the wet rag on his forehead, pleased to find his fever gone. Then, she tried to give him some water, massaging his throat so he swallowed.

Bored, she began unpacking his things, placing them neatly on shelves. She couldn't understand why she bothered if he was going to die at any minute. Perhaps it was to trick her mind into believing he would recover. Perhaps it was simply a distraction. It didn't matter either way, so she continued.

At the bottom of the trunk she found a small pile of journals. Curiously, she opened them. Though what she was doing felt wrong she could not help it. He would never know anyway. Still, her guilt only allowed her to flick though the pages briefly, catching only words and sentences.

I knew nothing but shadows and I thought them to be real…

This face, which has denied me all human rights, also frees me of all obligation to the human race…

My mother hated me

…exhibited like an animal in a cage…

She stopped suddenly at one of his most recent entries.

My mind has touched the farthest horizons of mortal imagination and reaches ever outward to embrace infinity. There is no knowledge beyond my comprehension, no art or skill upon this entire planet that lies beyond the mastery of my hand. And yet, like Faust, I look in vain, I learn in vain… For as long as I live, no woman will ever look on me in love.

What did it matter? It is not like I could ever love her. She is vain, ignorant, narcissistic, dogmatic, narrow-minded, pompous child. She is… she is…

I love her.

I love her.

I love her. I love her. I love her.

My Eve; my Marguerite; my beautiful, gentle, kind, strong love. Ever infuriating, ever lovely. My Selena.

Oh God…

.

Selena closed the journal quickly and placed it on a shelf with the others.

Oh God…

She walked up to Erik slowly, taking in every inch of him. His sunken eyes, his cracked lips, his scarred hands, his long limbs. She was loved by a corpse. No, not a corpse… not yet at least. For now, he was just a man, a very ugly man but a man nonetheless. He loved her.

Selena stood there staring at him, not knowing how to react. She was both disgusted and elated. She sat down by his side and gripped his hand. They carried the blood of so many men. She could not be loved by a murderer.

She could see his eyes moving behind their closed sockets. He had the most beautiful eyes, even if they were unnervingly penetrating.

Unable to contain herself, she lifted her hand and placed it on his cheek, doing her best to ignore her trembling. Erik smiled in his sleep and snuggled into her hand. His smile was grotesque. He looked like a grinning skull, but he looked so innocent, so happy.

Oh God…

Slowly, she began stroking every inch of his skeletal face, from his cheeks to his forehead, to his eyelids, down the bridge of his non-existent nose and finally to his chapped lips. She traced them gently and gulped. Drawing in a large breath for courage she bent down and kissed them. Tears poured down her eyes and fell onto his cheeks the moment his dry, thin lips made contact with her smooth ones. She pulled away for a second before dropping her head on the crook of his shoulder. She sobbed into his neck for a long time as the realisation dawned upon her. He couldn't die, he just couldn't.

As her sobs turned to hiccups she rose again, cradling his head in her hands. "I don't know if you can hear me but it's worth a try. I love you, Erik! I love you so please wake up. Please."

Her voice cracked, and her tired eyes filled with tears once again. A creak made her turn. Nadir was standing in the doorway, looking at her with pity. He'd heard her. Pushing away propriety in her grief, she lunged herself into his arms, taking comfort in his fatherly affection. He held her until she finally stopped crying and then led her back to Erik's bedside, knowing that she would be unable to leave his side. He let her lay down next to Erik, though she remained above the covers and soon, she fell into a deep slumber.

That night Erik opened his eyes staring at Selena with surprising lucidity. His tongue licked his parched lips for a second as he stared at her intently before his attention turned to Nadir. "Why didn't you tell me that the music man was broken?"