Authors Note;; Hello all! Well, this is a bit of a different taste for you guys. I'm not sure if I mentioned it before, but I was planning on doing this completely through Suicide Girl, after Bella's POV is over of course. If you hadn't figured it out yet, yes. This chapter is, indeed, from Dark!Edward's POV. Excited? Sorry! I know I've been bad, and it took me forever but I really do have good reasons and I'm getting back on track now. But more at the note at the end. Let's get to it, shall we?
Disclaimer;; I do not own Twilight, 'Vermillion', 'The Way You Lived Your Life'. They belong respectively to Stephanie Meyer, Slipknot and CKY. Also, don't own 'The Raven', 'The Lion For Real', or 'Romeo and Juliet'. That's all Edgar Allen Poe, Allen Ginsberg, and Shakespeare. I also don't own the borrowed scene from New Moon.
Edward's POV.
Bella.
Bella Swan.
Bella Suicide.
What is it with these Bella's? Do they exist to simply torment me through out the remainder of my immortal life?
I can't bring myself to regret knowing, and loving Bella Swan. But it seems she is definitely haunting me.
Have I finally lost my mind? Seventeen years without the love of my life. Had the appearance of Bella Suicide had any effect on this? I do not even know where to begin to deal with all of this.
A sharp pain cut through my chest, just thinking about Bella Swan. Had I done the right thing, walking away from her so many years ago? I thought I'd left my heart with her.
But Bella Suicide…
Is it her similarities to my Bella that catches my attention? She is nothing like my Bella. And yet…Something strikes me. I'm unsure as to what, but it is definitely there. Is it possible…?
No. I won't even let myself begin to hope.
But if she's not my Bella…Then what have I done?
Flashes of the pure lust pulsing between Bella and I…The 'random passionate moments'… What do those mean? I feel like I've betrayed my Bella, in a way. Though I feel nothing like what I felt for my Bella for Bella, as much as it pained me to admit it…There was definitely something there. Physical attraction, if nothing else. And that…unnerved me. The redundant bickering that takes place between the two of us, the battle of our wits, and our relish of pushing the others' buttons… I just couldn't seem to stop myself.
It was me who instigated all of our 'random passionate moments', I am highly aware of that. But I don't want to feel anything for her. I don't want to feel anything for anyone but my Bella.
As it is, the feelings I have for Bella are…mixed, to say the least. One second I can not stand the sight of her, and the next I can't seem to keep my hands off of her. She just…reminds me of my Bella, but at the same time is everything untame that my Bella never was. Not that I wanted a wild side to my Bella. Just that…I don't have to watch myself around Bella. I don't have to be sure that my fingertips don't crush her skull, or my teeth don't graze her lip when we kiss. I can let go. And it's a bit fearsome how much I seem to be enjoying myself.
And I hate myself for it.
Because she'll never be my Bella.
When I walked away from my Bella…I knew I'd never find anyone for me, but her. I know, even now, that should I ever find out that she is not on this earth anymore…My life will cease to matter. I couldn't going on knowing my Bella didn't exist, somewhere.
Another sharp pain right through where my heart would be, and resentment flooded me. This Bella Suicide was mixing up my emotions, toying with my mind. And it did not help the matter that I seemed to be losing it along the way.
How could I let her invade me this way? I could not allow it. I would not allow this feeling to continue.
I sat up, from my position of casual lounging on the couch perched in my room. I reached onto the table beside it, snatching up a blank piece of composure paper and a discarded pen. I began scribbling the words passing through my mind as my thoughts wandered, knowing maybe we could use them.
I wasn't sure what it was about Bella that attracted me to her. I wasn't so shallow as to only judge on appearances, but it certainly wasn't hard to notice her dark beauty. With her corsets and boots and long black and fuchsia hair, her wild red eyes and her…well, dare I say it, her absolutely perfect body. And that voice. Despite my earlier rebuffing of her musical skills, I quite admired her voice. It was more beautiful than any immortals I'd heard before. And the way she held herself…Well, that was where it got complicated.
She was very independent, and highly intelligent. I didn't doubt that for an instant. But she'd so obviously built walls around herself…Walls that I, myself, had acquired similarly over time. And although she put up a tough façade, I saw something beneath. Something I didn't want to see. It seemed she did have a heart in there.
…Somewhere.
I paused when I finished the lyrics, and scanned over them.
'She seems dressed in all the rings
Of past fatalities
So fragile yet so devious
She continues to see
Climatic hands that press
Her temples and my chest
Enter the night that she came home
Forever
Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)
She is everything and more
The solemn hypnotic
My Dahlia bathed in possession
She is home to me
I get nervous, perverse, when I see her it's worse
But the stress is astounding
It's now or never she's coming home
Forever
Oh (She's the only one that makes me sad)
Hard to say what caught my attention
Vixen crazy, Aphid Attraction
Carve my name in my face, to recognize
Such a pheromone cult to terrorize
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I'm a slave, and I am a master
No restraints and, unchecked collectors
I exist through my need, to self oblige
She is something in me, that I despise
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
She isn't real.
I can't make her real.'
Now where had all that come from? I knew it all served a purpose, and I sighed wistfully. What a catastrophe I have gotten myself involved in.
Looking over them, I decided it was better not to show Bella these. It would arise too many questions, that I had no answers to.
I had just shoved the paper carelessly under a few books that were aimlessly scattered on my table when a rather harsh knock pounded at my door.
I smirked to myself, as a favorite poem sprang to mind. "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore, while I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door." I recited softly.
"Edward?" A soft musical voice asked.
Speak of the devil, and she will appear.
"A moment please." I called, and made certain that the paper was hidden from view. I rose fluently to cross over to my stereo system. I flipped interestedly through one of my many CD cases noting that this particular case based upon rock music. "You may come in now."
The door opened, and my eyes flickered up to meet the ruby stare of the one and only Bella Suicide.
"Evening, Edward." She tipped her head politely in greeting, her soft. loose waves falling over her shoulder.
Why did I notice that?
"Bella." I answered, reverting my gaze back to my CDs. I paused when I found one that suited my mood, and effortlessly slipped it from its binding. I slipped it carefully into an open slot in the stereo, and pressed the play button.
'There's 10,000 reasons to survive
But you only needed one to die
It's too late to change what you've become
I won't always be this lonely'
"Edgar Allen Poe?" She questioned quietly, and I turned to see an eyebrow raised delicately at me. I mimicked her, echoing the action.
"You read poetry?"
She snorted at me. "Of course I do. I read a variety of things." She stepped farther into my room, and seated herself on my couch. I moved slowly to join her, keeping a safe distance between us as I heard her continue confidently, " 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door; Only this, and nothing more."
I smirked at her, and leaned comfortably back against the couch, throwing one arm casually across the top of it. "I am indeed impressed."
"Did you take me for an unintelligent woman who only gets what she desires because of her looks, or just an idiot?"
"Neither, actually. Did you have a purpose in your visit or did you just come to annoy me?"
"Touché." She smirked, and handed me a decently thick file stuffed with papers. "This is everything I need you to memorize for the concert. I've finished the songs I had yet to complete, and a few of them include you so I'll need you to know them flawlessly. I can't afford any mistakes, after all." She absentmindedly brushed her hair behind her shoulders, and my eyes zeroed in on her collarbone, deliciously standing out of her pale ivory skin.
Bad, bad Edward.
I decided a distraction was in order.
"Eaten by lion in bookstore or on Cosmic Campus, a lion myself starved by Professor Kandisky, dying in a lion's flophouse circus," I began, arching both of my eyebrows in a challenge for her to finish the line.
Was it my imagination, or did her face tighten and eyes widen when I said the word 'lion'?
Nevertheless, she finished the line articulately, and for some reason I was truly unsurprised. "I woke up mornings the lion still added dying on the floor, 'Terrible Presence!' I cried, 'Eat me or die!'" Her voice shook on the word lion, as well as the words 'Eat me or die'.
Wasn't that peculiar?
I rewarded her with a half of a smile, and tilted my head back to rest on the couch, enjoying the rhythms pulsing around me.
'I hear the creaking through the door
I see you seeping through the floor
It's not easy, asking you to leave
Cuz you'll always be the only'
Oddly fitting the music played around here seemed to be all the time.
"Another thing. We'll need to think of a alias for you while you're sharing my stage." Bella informed me, and my only response was a curt nod. I expected her to leave after giving me the manila folder, but instead she situated herself comfortably on the couch at my side. She smirked at me, and even though it screamed arrogance there was still something…caring? beneath it.
She seemed to confound my broad vocabulary often. This irritated me.
"So, any other poets you're particularly fond of other than Poe and Ginsberg?" She questioned lightly.
Was she trying to hold a civil conversation with me? The world's time must be running out.
"Quite a few actually."
When it was clear I wasn't going to give any more information than that, she pressed on. "Shakespeare?"
I arched an eyebrow. "Occasionally. What's your favorite?"
"Romeo and Juliet." She responded without hesitation, a hint of a reflective smile gracing her lips.
A sharp stabbing pain shot through me, and I shifted to sit straight up. Well, didn't that bring back memories.
Pulling the old afghan off the couch, I wrapped it carefully around her small, soft body so she wouldn't be too bothered by the chill of my skin.
"You know, I've never had much patience with Romeo." I told her as the pictures began flashing across the small screen.
"What's wrong with Romeo?" She asked, the smallest frown tinting her lips. It was adorable.
"Well, first of all, he's in love with this Rosaline- don't you think it makes him seem a little fickle? And then, a few minutes after their wedding, he kills Juliet's cousin. That's not very brilliant. Mistake after mistake. Could he have destroyed his own happiness any more thoroughly?"
Her cute little frown deepened, and she sighed in exasperation. "Do you want me to watch this alone?"
"No, I'll mostly be watching you." I admitted, trailing my fingers ever so gently up her small arms, feeling the gooseflesh rise beneath my fingertips. I smiled a little. "Will you cry?"
"Probably." She snuggled back into me a bit farther, and I leaned into her, inhaling her wondrous scent. Freesia, mixed with pure essence of Bella. And the strawberries of her shampoo. Delicious. "If I'm paying attention." She added.
"I won't distract you then." Inhaling some more, I pressed my lips to her hair. Throughout the movie, I teasingly murmured Romeo's lines into her ear, feeling her shiver every now and then. Would I ever tire of her reactions to my own actions? I sincerely doubted it.
And when she did cry, though it did amuse me, I vowed I would never be the cause of her tears.
I grimaced, and her head tilted lithely to the side. I quickly composed my features into the empty mask I'd held it in for years, and looked at her. "I've never had much patience for Romeo." I repeated.
Her head cocked to the side even more, a pink tongue darting out to lick her bottom lip. What I wouldn't give to…
"What's wrong with Romeo?" She asked.
Her words froze me in my very place. And if that wasn't enough to bring back the ripping pain through my chest…
That adorable little frown rose, as if she were disappointed in my assessment.
I couldn't move. Did this mean something, or was my mind playing tricks on me?
I suddenly felt suffocated. I needed to get out, and remembering my Bella and her scent had unwillingly made my a bit thirsty. I could use the distraction right now.
Without another word on the subject, I rose fluently to my feet and headed towards the doors that led out onto the balcony connected to my room. Remembering the last time Bella and I were alone in this very room for an extended period of time, and I'd danced with her with that sensual electricity sparking around us. It was bringing bad feelings up in me, and I needed to clear my hazy mind. As I reached the doors and swung them open, I was just about to leap the thirty feet down to the ground when a voice called after me.
"Leaving so soon?"
"I'm going to hunt."
"Mind if I join you?"
Absolutely.
But those were not the words the tumbled from my lips. "Not at all." And with that, I was off, flying through the trees so fast that to human eyes they would have been nothing but a blur.
I heard the sound of someone quickly gaining on me, and in instinct turned, teeth bared. Black, pink and olive green assaulted my vision, and the blinding, exhilarated grin she greeted me with made my head spin.
She was quite fast.
I turned my focus back to my hunt, and sniffed experimentally. Ah, wonderful. A small pack of elk were grazing just too hundred yards or so away. We'd be upon them so fast they wouldn't know what was coming.
I immediately let my instincts take over, and no longer thought like an intelligent man, but like an animal. A vicious snarl snapped from my throat as I pounced on the largest elk, the male leader, immediately taking it down. I snapped it's neck in a small move of mercy, and use my razor sharp teeth to rip the fur and flesh away. Low purrs of satisfaction rumbled from deep within my body as I closed my eyes, drinking the thick, creamy liquid and feeling it slide wonderfully down my throat. I shook my head once, dislodging my teeth, when it was drained.
This hadn't even taken me a full three seconds. I was up, and attacking another before it had the chance to scramble. I heard it's heart accelerate from the danger it knew it was in, and I treated it with the same mercy as my other kill. Sinking my teeth deep into my prey, I drank deeply.
I did feel slightly better now.
I heard a soft, sensual purr coming from somewhere to my left and my eyes snapped open. Only to be met with the blazing ruby or another hunter's eyes. Desire swept over my at an unbelievably fast rate. I didn't even finish sucking the life essence from my dead prey, and my next actions surprised even myself.
I growled low, but it wasn't menacing.
It was lustful.
I lunged at her, teeth snapping on the way, knocking her instantly off the dead body of her own prey. She automatically dug her nails into my sides, and I moaned at the contact. We landed on the ground, her solid body beneath mine somehow rock hard yet soft as silk. I snarled again, primal instinct instantly taking over completely. Nuzzling my cheek against her neck, I nipped lightly, but hard enough that her creamy skin twitched under my lips. A low, ecstatic moan graced my ears and I responded with an animalistic growl of my own.
There were no words spoken, only primal grunts and howls.
Her lithe body quivered beneath me, arching her perfect breasts to brush against my chest. I didn't even attempt to stop my wandering hands as one came to massage one full breast, my thumb rubbing small, rough circles of her nipple. I was rewarded with another moan.
I grinded my hips desperately down into her, unable to contain the sudden urges overtaking my usually so controlled psyche. She responded delectably, circling her hips to create delicious friction between our bodies. I clawed desperately at her top, and I was so blinded my intense desire that I couldn't even take not of the color and my sharp nails tore it to shreds.
She didn't seem to mind.
"Edward…" She groaned in a scrumptious little breathy voice.
I grinned wickedly back in response as my member twitched at the incredible lightening bolt of electricity shot down my spine. My mouth immediately assaulted her collarbone, nipping and licking my way down to her breast where I sucked a hardened nipple into my mouth. Her tiny, flawless body arched up even more, pressing herself harder into me and with a wild growl I was suddenly on my back. I lifted my head, that sinful grin returning as I questioned with my eyes.
She responded, in kind, by ripping my black cotton tee shirt right off my over my head, and raking her black nails down the length of my chest. I groaned in satisfaction, throwing my head back and exposing my neck which she went for instantly. I'd never been bitten bluntly this way before, and I shivered under her touch and the immense tingling feelings shooting through me. Her nails scraped over my own nipple, and I gasped when her nose was brushing against my cloth covered erection. I trembled harder, and she grinned back at me, a wicked expression on her beautiful face.
"I don't think you're ready for me, Edward." She teased in a purr, nuzzling me once more with her lips this time.
My eyes about bulged out of their sockets, and pleasure at that simple brush coursed through my very veins.
I smelled blood.
I glanced down curiously, but before I could get a decent view, she was straddling me. The moonlight glinted wonderfully off her pale skin, and I reached up, unable to hold myself back. I stroked a finger over her collarbone, and down her spine, noticing the small red spots covering her neck and chest where I'd licked.
I'd gotten the blood from my kill on her.
As I drank in the sight of her, my member twitched once more, fully hard by now, and I was too far gone to care at this point exactly what I was doing.
She was glorious, perching perfectly straight over my hips and slowly circling her waist so as to create more luscious friction. Blood drizzled gently down the corner of her mouth, and her head tossed back in ecstasy, making it trickle down her neck.
It was the single licentious thing I'd seen in my entire existence.
Her fingers teased the bronze hair just below my navel, and she ground mischievously into me. I returned the favor, and she leaned down, smashing her blood covered lips onto mine. I moaned my appreciation, and greedily sucked her wet tongue into my mouth, crashing and tangling my own with her. The mixed blood from our moths intertwined, and that mixed with her mouth-watering taste had me shuddering once more, as I felt her do the same.
I ripped my mouth away, following the trail of blood down to the hollow of her neck, avariciously lapping it up. She clawed at the back of my neck, little mewls leaving her throat and I snapped my hips against her, jolting her body. My hands trailed up her exposed, creamy thighs, scratching lightly as I did so. A primal, delighted rumbling built in her chest, and I dug my fingers into her hips, rubbing small circles on the bone right by her pelvis. She half moaned, half screamed, and the sound sent another jolt right to my groin.
I couldn't take this anymore.
I flipped our bodies so I was once again over her, and I pressed one more deep kiss to her full lips before rising to my knees and focusing below. I pushed one leg of hers up, and teasingly trailed my fingers lightly up her shin, making my way to her core.
I was inches away, and she was writhing beneath me in anticipation, little purrs of excitement leaving her, when a vibration went off against my leg.
This has got to be a fucking joke.
I snarled, leaning down and sinking my teeth into the soft flesh of her inner though (1), and she screeched in passion, before I dropped my hips to grind into her once more. I had my cell phone in my hand in a flash, continuing my actions while I flipped it open and controlled my breathing enough to answer whoever the fuck was interrupting.
"This had better be good." I growled ferociously.
"Don't you sound like you're having fun?" Alice's bell chime voice met my ears, and I fought back a vicious snarl.
"What is it?"
"I just thought you'd like to know that Emmett and Rosalie are on their way to find you two. They heard you leave tell Bella you were going hunting, and decided they could use a trip to. I just wanted to warn you ahead of time so you could stop….er, your activities." She giggled softly.
I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Thank you." I replied briskly, before snapping my phone closed. I stared down at Bella, and saw that her eyes were focused once more, no longer free and wild as they were only moments ago.
Well, fuck me.
That killed it.
I lifted myself off of her with a soft groan, rolling onto my back by her side. "I'm-"
"If you say the word sorry, I swear to God I will rip your face off." She said, her voice void of any emotion.
The irritation at my inability to read her thoughts gnawed at me once more.
"Alright, then." I said simply, leaning up and jumping swiftly to my feet. I tossed her my discarded shirt. "Here."
"Thank you." She answered, tugging it over her head. I was a bit remorseful that her body was hidden from my view, but I silently scolded myself.
What the hell did I just allow to happen?
I sighed, bringing a hand up to rub the bridge of my nose. I had managed to completely and utterly confuse the living hell out of myself.
Bella Swan.
Bella Suicide.
Either way, either my guilt over one or my inappropriate lust for the other was going to be the death of me.
Authors Note;; Completely random? Absolutely. Should I redo this chapter from Bella's point of view, and add on to it with the events that follow for the next chapter, or just skip to the next events? Did you like primal Edward, or was he a bit to out of control? I realize that canon Edward would never, ever say or do half the things he does in this chapter. But he's not canon Edward, now is he? He is Dark! Edward! So. Let me know! I can't promise a date for a new update, but I will try my hardest. One of the next few chapters is going to be ridiculously long, the concert chapter. So don't worry, lots coming soon!
1.) A reviewed brought up an interesting point. When it says he sunk his teeth into her thigh, I didn't mean literally. Earlier during their ....steam session, when it says he bit her I tried to use the word bluntly as in to show he didn't break the skin. In Eclipse, Jasper told everyone that vampire venom was painful even to another vampire. So, in conclusion, they are biting each other, just bluntly. Like pressing their teeth down, you know? Rather than actually breaking the skin. Just wanted to clear that up! Thank you margaritama for pointing that out!
What actually inspired me to write once more was the movie. Did everyone like it? I did. Of course, a few things annoyed me. But I don't want to give anything away. The kissing scene is actually what inspired this. The way he just threw her…wow. It gave me chills. So anyways, review, please! I'd like to know what everyone thinks! I was actually planning on writing Suicide Girl from Edwards point of view when it was finished from Bella's. Should I?
ATTENTION EVERYONE;; I've decided to hold a contest! Edward needs an alias, as you can tell. I need to think of a absolutely stunning name for him. He has to complete with Bella Suicide, after all! So, enter your suggestions into reviews and I'll announce the winner in the next chapter!
Let me know!
Yours truly,
-LollirotXoX