Lon'qu destroyed opponents. He saw what Basilio was saying about Marcus being "Skilled" because things only got worse from there. Lon'qu was beginning to realise that armored foes make up for their lack of competence with the fact that they are a moving wall of steel. Lon'qu supposed that this ploy would work against lesser foes- like bowmen who do nothing but strike from a distance. Arrows would just bounce off of that armor plating. But against him? Tortoises can't get up once they are flipped over in their shells.
Lon'qu could feel himself growing complacent. He could not have that. He fought with full force in every bout, no matter their amount of skill. He would. No matter what. He fought for...
What was he fighting for?
Lon'qu almost stopped mid swing. What was he fighting for at this point? He had nothing. Was he fighting just to fight?
No. He had no will. He fought who Basilio told him to. He had no will, therefore he was a weapon at the disposal of the wielder. Basilio pointed. He stabbed and slashed the target to oblivion. It was simpler that way. He didn't have to think about the morality of his decision. He didn't have to think about the consequences. The consequences of his action were not his fault. He was just a weapon. Then no one's deaths were his fault. Lon'qu the person died the day Ke'ri did. He was only a weapon.
And weapons don't feel. Then why did he still feel guilt? He didn't. He couldn't. He was unfeeling. Unflinching. He…
Could only lie to himself for so long.
He was only human. Not some killing machine. He could only drain the emotion from himself to a certain extent. If only he did not feel at all. That would allow him to be a weapon. That would allow him to stare a woman in the eyes without seeing them take Ke'ri's fate. But if he felt nothing… then he would forget. He was the only one who could remember. He was the memory of her.
Then what did he want? He didn't even know.
He would fight. For now. Until he knew for certain what he truly desired. Be it a week or two decades. However long it took.