Here's the next chapter in this story. I hope that everyone is enjoying the humor as we see Booth and Bones during her pregnancy, as well as Hodgins dealing with his own set of woes. Gregg.
Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Booth waltzed into a startled Sweets office the next morning. He had things that needed to be discussed, and it couldn't wait. Just that morning he had turned down sex from Bones. Now that just would not do! He patiently waited seven years for her, they finally do the deed and she gets pregnant, and now he doesn't want sex? How fucked up was that? As much as he hated to admit it, he needed to see if maybe he was messed up in the old brain box.
"Sweets!" he said loudly, startling the shrinky 12 year old.
"Agent Booth," Sweets said, clearly nervous. "Uh, did we have an appointment that I'm forgetting about?"
"Never mind that, Sweets," Booth waived his hand in frustration. "I need you to work your shrinkiness and see if I'm losing it upstairs."
"Excuse me?" Sweets asked.
"I need to know if I'm going nuts, Sweets," Booth said, a bit brusquely. "I just turned down sex from Bones! Only a nut would do that!"
"Okay, I didn't see that one coming any time soon," Sweets commented as his eyes widened. He was in the Angela camp on that subject, believing that the raging inferno between the two would take a decade or two to cool down. At a minimum! Not just a couple of months! "Uh, is there any performance anxiety on your end?" he asked.
"Hell no!" Booth replied indignantly.
"Then why did you refuse sex from Dr. Brennan?" Sweets asked. "Is her pregnancy holding you back? You should be aware that it is perfectly okay to have a normal sex life for most of the duration of a standard pregnancy."
"I know that, Sweets," Booth said sarcastically. "I think maybe I developed a complex."
"Over what?" Sweets inquired.
"Last night Bones tossed her cookies all over me when we were about to...uh...you know...," he managed to admit. God this was so humiliating!
Sweets barely managed to hold in the deep belly laugh that was threatening to escape. Dr. Brennan threw up all over Booth when they were going to have sex? If it wasn't for the fact that Booth could kill him in all sorts of slow and painful ways he would milk this one for all it was worth!
"And you're afraid that if you engage in sexual relations with Dr. Brennan she may do so again? Or is it that you are afraid that she is repulsed by the idea of engaging in sexual relations with you?" Sweets asked.
Booth frowned, wanting to glare, but he had to admit that those were the two things that had rushed into his mind that morning when Bones very sexily began to try and continue from the night before.
"I guess so," he admitted, feeling humiliated.
"I wouldn't worry if I were you, Booth," Sweets told him. "You experienced an extreme result of the hormonal imbalances inherent in pregnancy, and you are understandably nervous about a repeat. The feelings should pass soon, and you will be back to your normal sexual relationship in no time."
Booth leaned forward. "Are you sure, Sweets?" he asked. "Because I gotta tell ya, right now the idea of being with Bones...that way...kind of creeps me out."
"You could always throw up on her and it would be even," Sweets offered, feeling that a ridiculous suggestion may show Booth how much more he was making of this than was necessary.
"I'd never get to have sex again!" Booth said what he thought of that idea.
"So you do want to have sex with Dr. Brennan," Sweets observed.
"Well of course I do, Sweets," Booth ground out. "Now do I have something to worry about or not?"
"No," Sweets assured him.
Booth left the office with the strange feeling that Sweets was right, but at the same time somewhat discomfited that he had been discussing his sex life with the kid. Shaking his head in frustration, he made his way up to his office to grind away at the piles of paperwork.
At The Jeffersonian
"Angie!" Hodgins said in a determined voice as he barreled, as gingerly as possible, into her office holding some printouts. "I don't care about the sex anymore! There is no way I am going to go through this!" he thrust the printouts towards her.
"My Hodgie not caring about sex?" Angela's eyes twinkled. "Now that's a first."
"I just got off the phone with that so-called specialist that Doctor B recommended and there is no way I am going through that Hell!" he declared. "Especially not after what I endured yesterday at that Spa! I'm half tempted to sue those sadists for everything they've got!"
"Ellen Castillo is a world renowned specialist in skin grafting," Bones said from her seat across from Angela. She was a bit startled at Hodgins' announcement, but a bit amused, too.
"Probably got her degree from some commie torture school during the Cold War," Hodgins retorted.
"Advanced Doctoral and Post-Doctoral medical degrees from Johns Hopkins," Bones corrected.
"Commie Central," Hodgins declared ridiculously. "Look at that info! And those pictures! It's hideous!"
Bones went over and leaned down to take a better look. "These results are consistent with excellent skin graft procedures," she remarked. "Granted tattoo removal is somewhat more complicated, but the results should be quite effective, and any resulting scarring would be minimal and fade over time."
"But the pain, Doctor B.," Hodgins complained.
"Hodgie's a total pussy when it comes to pain," Angela supplied helpfully, giving Hodgins a wicked grin.
"Ange!" Hodgins cried out in complaint. "You didn't hear that, Doctor B.," he told Bones instantly. The last thing he needed was a lot of shit from Booth about something like that.
"Why do men feel the need to hide simple truths?" Bones asked aloud. "Booth was horrified about it coming out that I threw up on him last night when he came into our bedroom for a sexual rendezvous, and then this morning his not feeling comfortable having sex in the bedroom. In fact he looked ill at the thought."
Hodgins eyes lit up in glee. He didn't say anything, though. He would wait until later to use that info on Booth. The King Stud contest was still on!
"I don't think you were supposed to say anything about that to anyone, Sweetie," Angela chuckled at the image of Booth's reaction when Bren threw up on him. The mental picture was priceless! And then the morning after. "I better calm Hodgie down. Talk to you later?"
"Before I leave for the evening," Bones promised. She left the couple and went back to her office. The last thing he heard was Hodgins whining about the injustice of it all, but still threatening to become a completely celibate husband. It would be interesting to see how this particular controversy turned out.
That Evening
Booth looked at himself in the full length mirror with approval. Yep. This should do the trick. Taking a deep breath, he walked out into the living room.
"Hey, Bones!" he said with false bravado. "How about a movie?"
Bones, who was feeling a bit queasy, unfortunately, turned to look at Booth and burst out laughing, protesting stomach not withstanding. There before her stood Booth in a Jeffersonian Hazmat suit, face shield, and heavy rubberized boots.
A/N: There it is. Hodgins is upping the ante with Angela, Booth is now wearing a Hazmat suit at home in the evening, and we get to enjoy the comedy of it. I hope you enjoyed this one. Gregg.