A/N: I think this is the first time I've laughed out loud in the middle of writing a chapter for this story.

Only one more part left after this!

Everybody Loves Vegeta, Too!

Part Twenty

Marron slumped backwards against the door of her studio. "He's been alone in there for hours. What's he doing?"

"I'm not sure how Goku puts up with someone so mysterious." Android 18 wrapped her arm around Krillin and pressed her cheek against his cool head. It was only dawn, but the humid air already bearing down on them promised a heat wave later in the day. She smiled. "I'm surprised you're not in there with him, Marron."

"He told me I wasn't allowed."

"If he doesn't get out here soon, I'm going to eat his breakfast." Krillin used his chopsticks to pick at the large bowl of rice and natto in his hand. A fried egg dangled from his mouth. "I'm going to be ticked if we miss Piccolo's big day."

Marron gasped at the sudden pressure against her back. She jumped up and away from the opening basement door. Vegeta stepped outside clutching a large sketchbook. "Oh. I didn't know you were all waiting for me."

"We can't leave without your highness." 18 watched Krillin finish off Vegeta's breakfast. "Hope you're not hungry."

Vegeta's eyes darted back and forth. "I have a gift for you all."

Marron dashed to his side. "Really?" She latched onto his arm. "What is it?"

Struggling with Marron's added weight, Vegeta walked toward Krillin and 18. "I can't thank you enough for letting me stay here for the past year. I like to think of you all as part of my family now."

"D'aww," Krillin said, "Vegeta's gettin' all sappy on us!"

"Yes." Vegeta cleared his throat. "Over the past year I've been wondering how to express my gratitude. So I worked on this every night." He shoved the sketchbook into 18's hands.

She flipped through the pages. "Whoa. This is a manga."

Marron flew away from Vegeta to peer over her mother's shoulder. "Hey, there's Dad!"

Vegeta nodded toward 18. "It's an alternative telling of how you and Krillin met."

18 lifted her head. Her steely blue eyes bore into him. "Why did you make this?"

"I—" he cleared his throat again. Marron found all of his bashfulness this morning a tad strange. "I like how you and Krillin…um. I think the way you two interact is sweet." He looked away and muttered, "I want a relationship like you two have."

"Damn." Krillin stared down at his empty bowl. "Now I feel bad I ate your breakfast, bro."

"Anyway," Vegeta said, raising his voice again, "It's about how a child from space named Marron travels to Earth and helps unite a man and a cyborg woman."

For the first time in her life, Marron witnessed her mother blush. She used the opportunity to snag the sketchbook away from 18's shaking hands. "I want to see what I look like!"

"It's not perfectly cleaned up," Vegeta said.

Marron ran her fingers over the lines of ink on the first page. The underdrawings were still visible. "I think you should publish this, Uncle."

"I'll let you read it first. I'm sure it needs improvements. It's the first comic I've drawn where people speak a human language, after all." His attention wandered away up toward the second story of the house. "Is it okay if I leave some of my things here until I get more space at Kakarot's house? There's no way my comic collection is going to fit there. Or all of my artwork."

"Sure!" Krillin said. He stole the sketchbook away from Marron. "Some of those comics are mine, anyway." He distracted himself with flipping through the pages of the manga. "Whoa, I look really cool in this panel!"

Marron raised her brow. "I thought you were gathering all your stuff the whole time you were in my studio?"

"No…"

"Then what were you doing down there?"

"I'm going to get all of my clothes before we leave." He walked away toward the patio doors.

Marron automatically followed in step behind his brisk pace. "W-wait! What's going on?"

"Nothing. Sorry to keep you waiting a bit longer. I'll be right back."

Once more, he was abandoning a place he considered to be his home.

It didn't take long to pack all of his clothes. He never was the type to possess a large wardrobe. But he was shocked to see everything else he'd accumulated over the course of a year. A bookshelf the length of the room sat full of comics and books. Cases and cases of paints, brushes, pens, pencils, and markers sat in piles on the floor. Dozens of sketchbooks littered his bed. They were even neatly arranged in a halo around where he normally slept.

None of the junk had anything to do with fighting. It boggled his mind.

He threw his last pair of shorts into his duffle bag and zipped it closed. The sudden shift in the air pressure around him didn't faze him at all. "Hello, Father."

King Vegeta sat with his legs crossed on what was about to become Vegeta's old desk. "You seem to be in high spirits today."

Vegeta pulled a sweater over his head. "I am."

"What in the world? Isn't it hot outside? Why are you wearing that?"

"How would you know how hot it is? You're dead."

King Vegeta brushed off the comment. Excitedly, he rubbed his hands together. "It doesn't matter. I didn't come to chat about the weather. You only have one curse left on you, boy. Do you feel any different now that it's almost over?"

Vegeta bent over and grabbed onto his ankles to stretch. "You could say I feel lighter." He rose again, stretching his left arm over his head.

"What's with the stupid smile on your face?"

Self-conscious, Vegeta touched his mouth. "I don't know what you mean."

"And you're blushing like a schoolgirl!" King Vegeta leaned toward his son and scrutinized him with narrow eyes. "What's going on? What are you hiding from me?"

"I'm not hiding anything, Father."

"At this point in our visits you're usually screaming at me. What gives? Does this have something to do with Kakarot?"

"You could say that."

"You—you look positively moonstruck." King Vegeta shook his head. "It's unbecoming of you. Stop it."

"Whatever." Vegeta slung his bag over his shoulder and ran to the ledge of his open window. "I have to go."

"W-wait!" King Vegeta clawed his ghostly hand through the air. "I didn't get to tell you—"

"What is it you need to say? I'm in a hurry." Vegeta placed one foot on the ledge and stretched his thigh.

"I'm, uh," King Vegeta stammered, "I'm proud of you. Good job."

"Heh." Vegeta leapt out the window.

"…And that's how Blondie and I ended up in the middle of a gunfight outside a hostel in Istanbul."

Goku massaged his eyelids. Waking up early hadn't been difficult. It was digesting the full length of Bulma's insane story at such an early hour that taxed him. "Wow," he said, "I didn't expect you two to meet like that."

"It was all pretty unexpected. But exciting!" They both lounged in a gazebo on the Capsule Corp property eating a huge catered breakfast. Bulma downed the rest of her mimosa. "I haven't had a chance to go on adventures like that since we were kids."

"We did get shot at a lot back in the day, huh?" Goku shoved another piece of toast between his lips. The past year he'd longed to eat freshly toasted loaves of bread with jam. And cooked sausage. And eggs. And pancakes—

"Goku, did you hear anything I just said?"

"Huh?" He swallowed the wedge of French toast in his mouth. I don't even remember eating that…

"I said I wanted to thank you. For that awkward phone call a year ago."

He winced. "You do? Why?"

"Because—well, this is kind of awkward to tell you a year after the fact, but I thought you should know." Across the table she took his hands into her own. "Vegeta and I almost had sex the day after you two broke up." She squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation of the worst.

"I already knew that, Bulma."

She leaned away. "He told you?"

"Yep." Goku dropped her hands and returned his attention to spearing more sausage with his fork. "Did you know this was my favorite?" The moment the meat landed on his tongue his eyes rolled into the back of his head. "Ooh my gawd—"

"Goku, this is serious!"

"Oh. Sowwy." He swallowed and returned back to Earth.

"Sometimes you can be such a space cadet." Bulma ran her finger around the rim of her champagne glass. "What I'm trying to get across is that I was in denial about Vegeta. I missed him. A lot." A weak smile dimpled her otherwise smooth face. "But because of the call, I finally got the chance to move on. Thank you, Goku."

Did his threesome butt dial seriously lead Bulma down a path of redemption? "Er, no problem. Now that I think about it, I should thank you, too."

"What for?"

"For the List. And for almost having sex with Vegeta."

"Are you pulling my leg?"

"If it weren't for those two things, Vegeta wouldn't have changed so much."

"Ha!" She slammed her hands down on the tablecloth, shaking all the glass platters filled with food. "That has nothing to do with me, buddy. I was with the man for years and he never did stuff like that for me!"

Goku shrugged. "That's true. But you did help push him over the edge."

Bulma grinned. "I guess so." She leaned back and crossed her arms. "I know he got pissed about the whole 'List' thing, but do you ever plan on finishing it?" She winked. "I know all along you wanted him to do that naughty thing with you."

Goku choked on the pancake stuffed in his mouth. "Geez. I couldn't help myself, Bulma!" He wrung his hands together. I hope it's okay to still talk about this stuff around her. "On the night of our date he bottomed for me."

"GOKU!" she slapped his knee.

"Ow!"

"You were supposed to wait until the last step so he'd beg for it!"

"But he did beg for it." He focused on the myriad of colorful fruit on the table, hoping Bulma didn't notice how flushed he was. "You know how pushy he can be. Vegeta gets what Vegeta wants."

"Sounds more like Goku gets what Goku wants. I think that man would jump over the moon for you."

"Hehe. It does seem like he made a huge effort to get close with all of our friends. I think he wanted a year to finish the List himself."

She clicked her tongue. "That throws all of my seduction methods into question. Now I have to go back to the drawing board and think up something new for getting boyfriends to do what I want!"

"Bulma, you already have the Announcer guy!"

"And? I can still conceive new ways to bend his will to my liking, right?"

Goku shook his head in defeat. I hope he likes this side of her.

She laughed to herself while finishing up her own plate of food. "Anyway, I can't believe how great of an artist Vegeta became in the past year. Trunks told me he was good, but I had no idea. And to think, Vegeta thought he could keep a secret from me." Using her thumb and forefinger, she widened her right eyelid. "I've got eyes and ears everywhere!"

Don't I know it. Seeing Bulma be her bright, energetic self again warmed him. "Even though Vegeta was nervous last night, I think he was happy you did him that favor."

"It's like you said, Son. He just needs to be shoved off a cliff once in a while. Looking over the edge is always worse than the actual plunge." She sucked down her last drink and pushed her chair out from beneath the table. "Enough chitchat, dude. Let's get going. Mom's going to watch Bra while I'm gone, so everything's set."

"You've been drinking, Bulma."

"Oh, hush. I'm a pro at driving. And mimosas don't count. They barely have any alcohol in them at all."

"Did…you just make that up? Your last glass didn't even have any orange juice in it!"

Bulma rolled her eyes. "What, are you going to drive instead?"

Easy does it. Just stay inside the lane. Don't make any sudden movements. Remember, the right pedal is the gas pedal. And the left is the stoppy-thing.

"Goku?"

Or is it the other way around?

"Goku, listen!" Bulma said slowly. "You're going to make a right at the stoplight ahead. After that, all you have to do is go straight and make another right into the parking garage. Got it?"

Goku clenched the steering wheel between his sweaty hands. It'd been years since he last drove. Chi-Chi forced him to get a license, even after he failed the exam ten times in a row. What his late wife didn't know is that the instructor was so frustrated with his incompetence she passed Goku just to get him out of her hair. That can't be legal, can it?

Adding to his panic was the fact he was driving a car that cost over a hundred grand. Sure, Bulma went through luxury vehicles like used napkins. But if he ruined her precious Maserati, by Monday morning his name would be splashed all over the obituaries. "Okay. I think I can do this, Bulma!"

"Sweet, precious Goku. No one else has ever been my designated driv—oh fuck!" Goku swerved the car into incoming traffic. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm sorry! All those people on the sidewalk distracted me." Abruptly, he steered the car to the correct side of the road. "There's tons of them."

A long line of people wrapped around the city block they careened down. "Oh sweet!" Bulma cried, clapping her hands. "These are all the people attending the show this morning. I'm so pumped!"

"I didn't know so many people would be here." A thin stream of sweat trailed down Goku's brow. I'm almost there. Just don't get distracted and don't kill anyone—

Bulma gasped. "Hey, I see Vegeta!"

Goku turned his head. "Where?" The car drifted outside the lane again.

"Goddammit Goku, watch the road!" Bulma lowered her sunglasses and jumped forward in the passenger seat. She whistled, long and low. "Wowza. His ass looks fantastic in those jeans!"

"No fair, I wanna see!"

"Goku, this is Driving 101. You can't get distracted while on the road!" She sighed. "Mm-mm! Sweet Jesus, I can't believe what I'm looking at right now."

"You're the one distracting me!" Goku scanned the periphery. Walking alongside the long line of people were Marron, Android 18, Krillin, and—"Hey, I see him!"

"Just focus on parking, Goku."

Ignoring her, Goku pulled the car up to the curb. He smashed his fist into the car horn. Instead of a beep, the full first verse to R. Kelly's Ignition Remix blared from beneath the hood. Every single person in a hundred foot radius whipped their heads around to stare at him. "Geez Bulma, why couldn't you get a normal horn?"

"Hey, Son Goku!" Krillin jogged up to the car and leaned over through the driver's seat window. "I didn't know you drove!"

"I don't really. How's it goin'?" Goku squashed his urge to ignore Krillin completely so he could stare at Vegeta's backside.

"Not bad, not bad. We're just cutting everyone to head backstage." Krillin whistled and ran his finger along the dashboard. "Last time I saw this baby I didn't have a chance to admire it!"

"Don't think I forgot what you did to me!" Bulma shouted.

Krillin stuck his tongue out. "Sometimes rich girls should get knocked down a peg or two!"

Bulma flipped him off. "Bite me!"

Goku smiled. He'd forgotten how much Bulma and Krillin bickered like siblings. "Krillin, we gotta park. I'll see you in a second, okay?"

"Sure." Krillin blew a final raspberry at Bulma before turning his back on her. 18 and Marron followed him further up the street, but Vegeta lingered behind with his back still facing the car.

Goku leaned out the car window. "Hey, Vegeta."

As if taken by surprise, Vegeta glanced over his shoulder. "Yes?"

"I noticed you're wearing the sweater from our date a year ago."

The exaggerated look of shock on Vegeta's face made Goku laugh. Vegeta even tugged on the bottom of his sweater in confusion. "I am? I didn't even notice when I put it on this morning."

Goku lost his original train of thought. Did he wear that for me? "Heh. Um..."

"Was there something important you wanted to tell me? Or did you just want to comment on my clothing?"

Goku scrambled to think of something smart to say. "Did you sleep well last night?"

Vegeta nodded. "I did."

"That's good. Me too!" Goku wanted to slap himself. Why couldn't he think straight? In his heart of hearts all he wanted to do was put the car in neutral and follow Vegeta's receding, perfect ass until it disappeared into the studio building.

Finally, Vegeta turned around to face him. "Did you drive here in this fancy car to impress me?"

Goku sputtered. "N-no! I had to do it because Bulma was drinking, and I didn't want her to drive, and—"

Vegeta smirked. "That's a shame. I was hoping you wanted to show off for me. Now I'm disappointed."

Goku casually hung his left arm out the window. "Well…it is a hard car to maneuver." He blew away invisible dust on his fingernails. "I haven't driven in years, but I handled this thing like it was nothing." He patted the steering wheel a little too hard, setting off the car horn again. To make matters worse, this time around Bulma and all the people in line started dancing to the beat.

"You do look good in the driver's seat," Vegeta said in a half-yell over all the people singing along to R. Kelly.

"Really? Thanks." Goku scanned his eyes from the bottom of Vegeta's shoes to the top of his head. The sexy music fueled the inappropriate thoughts running through his mind. "You look good, too."

"Would you mind giving me a ride later, Kakarot?"

Goku blinked. "In the car?"

"No."

Bulma groaned, still bouncing her shoulders as if the music took possession of her body. "Oh my God, can you two stop flirting for two seconds so we can park already?"

"Sorry!" Goku was never good at showing off anyway. "I'll see you in a second, Vegeta!"

"Right."

Goku hit the gas. Minutes later they were securely parked in the underground garage across the street. "I'm glad we made it here alive," he said, wiping his wet forehead.

"You and me both." Bulma hopped out of the passenger seat. "Let's get moving!"

Thirty minutes later, Goku sat stuffed into a lumpy seat in the studio audience. Bulma sat to his right, while Yamcha, Master Roshi, Oolong, Gohan, and Videl were seated in the row behind them. Goku twisted around in his chair to poke Gohan's knee. "Where's the baby?"

"With Mr. Satan. I have no idea where Goten is, though."

"Probably with Trunks," Bulma said, rolling her eyes. "They might as well be joined at the hip at this point."

"I hope they make it. I barely got to speak with Goten at all last night," Goku said with a sigh.

"I'm more curious about how Piccolo's holding up all by his lonesome backstage." Yamcha rubbed his chin. "What if he doesn't show up at all?"

"He better come," Oolong muttered under his breath. "I didn't traipse all the way out here for my health. I need to see some Grade-A drama."

"Speaking of drama, I'm surprised you didn't stay with Puar." Yamcha slouched in his seat. "She's mad at me. Again."

Oolong smacked Yamcha's wrist. "Just lie and say that vampire dude is your boyfriend so she gets off your back!"

Goku frowned. "Are you talking about Yorick?"

"Yeah, yeah, we're talking about him." Yamcha pointed to the opposite side of the audience. "He's sitting over there with Anya and Boris. If you can't tell, he's real high-maintenance. Do you know what he made me do last night?"

"I don't think I want to know," Goku said, returning his focus back to Bulma. He rubbed his dry hands together. If he blew hard enough, he could see his own breath. "Bulma, why is it so cold in here?"

"Because the cameras and lights heat up the stage."

Goku whined and settled on distracting himself with admiring the set. A fluffy couch sat in the middle, flanked by two larger chairs. The Announcer sat in the chair on the far right, surrounded by a crew of make-up artists and a woman holding a clipboard. "What's going on down there?" he whispered into Bulma's ear.

"They're prepping Blondie for the cameras. And the producer is probably going over what'll happen once the cameras start to roll."

"'Roll?'"

Bulma looked past Goku's shoulder. "Where's Krillin's family? And where's Vegeta?"

On cue, Krillin popped up at the end of the row with a sour look on his face. Vegeta pushed past him to steal the seat beside Goku. Android 18 steered Krillin's wobbly body down the row with both her hands planted on his shoulders.

"What's wrong with Krillin?" Bulma asked.

"He just spent the last half hour in the bathroom with a sick stomach. My guess? He ate too much this morning." She glared at the back of Krillin's head.

"Poor Dad," Marron muttered. They all took their seats. "I was worried we'd be stuck backstage forever."

All the bright lights and clamor around Goku was drowned out by the attentive smile Vegeta gave him. The Prince even lifted the armrest between them so he could press their sides together. "You seem happier than usual today," Goku said, returning the smile.

Vegeta responded with a soft kiss to his cheek. Goku wrapped his arm around him, enjoying his warmth in the frigid room. A group of women behind them whispered.

The lights dimmed. Bulma bounced in her seat. "It's starting!"

A blue spotlight shined on the left side of the stage to reveal a studio band Goku hadn't noticed before. The woman on drums began her set, flipping her braids around wildly. The pianist slid her hands across the keyboard. A grinning saxophone player danced beside the bassist and guitar player. Their music swelled and filled the room with energy.

Flashing spotlights swirled in circles across the audience. The Announcer stood up in his chair and beckoned all the lights toward him. Once they hit their mark, he rose his arms high into the sky. "Welcome to The Announcer Hour!"

The audience whooped and cheered. Bulma whistled. Goku felt Vegeta flinch in reaction to the rising noise around them.

On stage the Announcer smiled, absorbing every ounce of positive energy being flung his way. "I'm excited for today's show. The topic is 'Unrequited Love.'"

"OoooOOOH!" replied the audience in collective fascination.

"Am I missing something?" Goku whispered into Vegeta's ear. "How does everyone know to say the same thing at the same time?"

"Hush, Kakarot."

The Announcer readjusted his sunglasses. "Lust." He pumped his fist into the air. "Longing." He threw his head back. "Love! Today we're going to explore all of these facets of the human experience with our guest Samantha!"

A short brown-haired woman waltzed onto stage. The crowd cheered, some even chanting her name. She waved at everyone with a cupped hand like a beauty pageant queen.

"Welcome, welcome." The Announcer shook Samantha's hand. "Please, take a seat." Once Samantha made herself comfortable on the couch, the Announcer sat down in the cushiony chair beside her. "So. Sam. May I call you Sam?"

"Of course!" she said, blushing.

"Aww!" yelled a man in the audience, "she's just so freakin' cute!"'

"Oh, stop it," Samantha said, waving the compliment away with her manicured hand.

"Sam. You were on the show with us back in January. To bring everyone else up to speed, Sam is in love with King Piccolo. But King Piccolo was defeated by Son Goku when he was a little boy."

Vegeta pinched Goku's cheek. "You always find a way break women's hearts," he whispered.

"Don't make fun of me, Veggie."

Sam clenched her fists. "If I ever meet Son Goku, I'll end his life for taking my love away from me!"

"Oh boy." Goku sunk in his chair. I have a feeling coming here was a bad idea.

"You would legitimately murder him, Sam?" the Announcer asked.

"Weeell," Sam drawled, curling her hair between her fingers, "I would at the very least say something mean to his face."

"That's perfectly understandable." The Announcer leaned forward to read the cue cards a woman held beside the camera operator. "Remind us, Sam. Aren't you married with children?"

"I was married. I filed for divorce last winter right after I left your show."

The audience hooted. Exclamations of, "You go girl!" and, "I hope you hit him up with that prenup!" filled the room.

Goku scratched his head. What the hell is going on?

"That's incredible!" The Announcer laughed along with the crowd. "Now that your husband's out of the picture, can you tell us a little bit about why it is you're in love with Piccolo?"

Sam's cute demeanor disappeared. She ran her hands down her thighs. "He's just so fucking sexy." She paused. "Can I say 'fucking' on TV?"

"It's not a problem. The censors are going to bleep out all the good stuff anyway."

"Great." She sighed. "Piccolo is just so motherfucking sexy. Ever since I was a teenager I had this fantasy about him ripping all my clothes off and shoving me onto a giant bed."

The Announcer pulled the handkerchief out of his front pocket and used it to sop up the sweat collecting on his neck. "Is that so?"

"Yeah." Her sultry voice echoed in the dead silence of the studio. "And once all my clothes are off, he takes his long nails and gently rubs my nipples with them."

"Oh my."

"And then," she gasped, slowly inhaling so her breasts poked forward in her blouse, "he takes me."

"W-what do you mean by that?"

"He takes his long, purple tongue and licks it straight down my stomach, past my quivering belly button, and straight to my—"

"Mom! Dad!" Marron yelled. "I—I have something I need to tell you!"

"Quiet, Marron!" Krillin whispered, "Daddy's trying to listen to the lady's important story!"

18 snickered. "This is amazing."

"I would like it if the studio audience members didn't interrupt our guests during the segment." The Announcer dipped his handkerchief into the glass of ice water next to him, then dabbed his forehead. "Carry on, ma'am."

Sam smiled. "He takes that long purple tongue of his and—ah!" She slid her hand between her thighs. "He tastes me over and over again until I scream!"

Master Roshi yelped. "Does anyone have a tissue for my nosebleed?"

"Wow," Goku said, "she must really love Piccolo."

"And then," Sam said, panting, "just when I think I'm about to come, he flips me over onto my stomach and pulls me up on my knees." As pleasure washed over her, her eyes closed. "I feel his big, green—" She stopped herself again. "Am I allowed to say 'cock' on TV?"

"Absolutely."

She fell back into character. "He shoves his big, green cock into my tight pussy and fucks me doggy style until I can't even see straight!"

The audience exhaled. A full section of men and women in the front row fanned themselves. Goku looked over at Bulma and saw a crooked grin on her face. Everyone likes this kinda stuff? It's straight-up smut!

"He rams me so hard I can't support my weight with my arms anymore, so I fall over. Then he grabs my hair," she said, pulling on her own locks for emphasis, "and tugs until I'm sitting upright again. All the while he's still fucking me."

Vegeta leaned over toward Goku. "You did that to me on our date. Remember?"

"Vegeta!"

"Oh my goodness. That's all very graphic," the Announcer said. "What else happens in this fantasy of yours?"

Sam licked her lips. "Once he comes inside of me, he decides it's time for dinner. So he puts all of his food on my back and I basically become his human TV dinner tray while he watches the Monday night news."

"Oh my God!" 18 covered her mouth to stifle a scream.

Laughter, groans, and murmurs filled the room. Still lost in her reverie, Sam ignored the audience's judgmental commotion. "This fantasy haunts me every night. It's all so tragic."

"Well, Sam, I've got some good news for you! Piccolo is backstage this very moment."

A tremor traveled up Sam's body. Her eyes opened. "He is?"

"Yes. And he's coming out right now!"

The audience screamed. The studio band revved up and played a sexy melody. Piccolo walked out from stage left with his arms crossed. Goku had never seen Piccolo's face such a lovely shade of violet. The alien sat down in the chair to Sam's left.

"Piccolo! How're ya!" The Announcer yelled.

Piccolo's mic echoed feedback throughout the stage. It sat nestled between the deep folds of his cape. "I'd be happier if I was somewhere else."

"That's great to hear!" The Announcer said. "Are you excited to finally meet Sam?"

"Absolutely not." Piccolo avoided her gaze. "Only a lunatic would spew trash out of her mouth on public television!"

"Oooooh," moaned the audience in disbelief.

"There! They did it again!" Goku said.

Sam turned pink. "Be still my beating heart. It really is you." She crawled across the couch toward Piccolo. "I've waited years for this moment to come true!"

Piccolo winced. "Don't touch me."

She extended her arm until her hand was only inches away from his knee. "Why not? I'm in love with you!"

He held his nose in the air. "This isn't love. This is—" he dismissed her with a quick motion of his hand, "a sickness. You don't even know me."

"But I want to get to know you!" She kowtowed before him. "Please love me, Piccolo-san!"

"She means well! Why won't you love her back?" screamed a woman in the audience.

Piccolo covered his face. "Goku! Won't you help me out down here?"

All the spotlights in the studio flew across the room to land on Goku. Hundreds of eyes bored into him. "What? Why me!"

"Son Goku is here?" Sam arched her back and hissed like a cat. "Why!"

"P-Piccolo and I are friends, lady!" Goku waved his hands in front of himself in defense. "Please don't hurt me!"

"Goku," Piccolo said, "please explain to this woman why she's in the wrong."

"Um, err…"

Marron raised her hand in the air. "Objection!" The spotlights abandoned Goku and shined on her instead. Slowly, she rose from her seat. The lights cast a halo around her blonde head. "I have something I need to get off my chest!"

The Announcer sighed. "Go ahead, young lady. But please keep it relevant to the topic."

Marron chewed on her lip. She glanced down at her parents. "I'm sorry, Mom and Dad. I've kept it a secret for too long. But this woman's riveting story," she said, pointing at Sam, "made me realize I can't live this lie any longer!"

Vegeta laughed. "This is going to be good."

"I…" Marron inhaled. "I'm a lesbian!"

Everyone in the audience gasped. Krillin's jaw dropped. 18 grinned. Goku scratched his head. "A lesbian?"

"It means I like women." Marron inhaled and exhaled repeatedly. "I like breasts. And I love VAGINAS!" Her victorious hands raised into the air. "I want a girl I can fall in love with!"

Yamcha stood up from his seat. He clapped once. A few seconds passed. He clapped again. Several audience members stood and joined him. Soon enough the slow clap grew into a full round of applause. People whooped and hollered. Women whistled. The drummer on stage held up her hand in reverence. "Fuck yea, little girl! You tell 'em!"

"Wow," the Announcer said, "I believe Marron, Krillin's daughter, has just come out on national television!"

Krillin turned to his wife. "Did you know about this?"

18 shrugged. "Yeah. It's pretty obvious. I wanted her to tell us on her own, though."

Marron squished her cheeks between her hands. "I'm sorry!"

"Aw, there's no need to apologize." Krillin stood up and hugged her. "I'm just sorry you felt like you had to hide it for so long."

Marron cried. "I love you, Dad!"

"Awww!" the audience crooned.

"This is super weird," Goku laughed. Even though he didn't quite understand what was happening, he was caught up in the excitement of the crowd and found himself clapping too.

Vegeta nodded in approval. "Looks like the girl finally manned up."

"Uh, excuse me!" Piccolo screamed. Everyone quieted down. "I thought this was a show about me?"

"Oh, yeah!" The Announcer laughed. "I'm not sure if what Marron said had anything to do with the subject at hand."

"Of course," Vegeta yelled, "I'm sure your guest's sexy story had nothing to do with it!"

"WhoooAAAH!" The audience laughed at Vegeta's comment.

"How did you make them do that, 'Geta?" Goku asked.

Piccolo stomped his foot with the fervor of a two-year-old. "Dammit, Goku, get down here now!" He pointed his claw at the couch.

"No way! I'm too shy!" Goku said in his defense.

"Excuse me? Mr. Announcer?" A short man stood up in the crowd. "If we're going off-topic, I would like to use this opportunity to make an announcement."

The Announcer readjusted his shades. "Who is that man? Put the lights on him!"

"It's Yorick!" Goku waved across the room. "Hi, Yorick!"

Yorick cleared his throat. "May I have a microphone, please?"

"Fine. It's going to be that kind of show today." The Announcer motioned toward a scraggly intern backstage. "Give the man a mic!"

The young boy fled from behind scenes up the flight of stairs into the audience. He tripped over his tennis shoes. Once he recovered, he handed a microphone off to Yorick.

"Thank you," Yorick said. "As I was saying, I would like to make an announcement." The spotlights circled around him. "Many of you may not be familiar with the state of Cortasia. It's a vast wasteland buried in snow thousands of miles away."

"Oh, so that's what it's called?" Goku said.

"Kakarot," Vegeta said, rubbing between his eyebrows, "aren't you an ambassador for them? Shouldn't you know that already?"

"I never asked!"

"Shut-up, Goku!" Yorick hissed. He collected himself again. "Cortasia may not be well known to most people. But it has been my home for a long time. In fact, it's home to a lot of people like me. If you haven't noticed, I'm a vampire."

The audience screamed. People in the two surrounding rows around Yorick hauled ass and climbed over their seats to evade him. One man fainted in his chair.

"See? This is why I'm speaking today!" Yorick growled.

"Man, get the fuck outta here with that noise!" a man cowering in the aisle yelled. "Ain't nobody tryin' to hear about fuckin' vampires biting bitches and shit!"

"Yeah, what he said!" agreed the girl beside him. "Fuck vampires!"

"Happy thoughts, happy thoughts…" Yorick rubbed his temples. "Vampires aren't that different from humans. Sure, we may bite you and turn you into one of us. And we feed on blood. And we're immortal. And we can be grumpy at times. But that doesn't mean we don't deserve to be treated equally!"

Yamcha stood up again and clapped.

"Sit down, Yamcha. Don't patronize me!"

Yamcha sat down. "Alrighty then."

"Ugh." Yorick stared up at the ceiling. "Son Goku helped people like me have a home again. In fact, his friend Anya is head of state." He pointed at Anya, who Goku noticed was one of the few people left in the section of seats around Yorick. "Anya used to be human, but she sacrificed her mortality to become a vampire. She and her husband represent how vampires and humans can get along."

"Awww?" The audience was slowly warming up to the speech.

"So please. The next time you see someone like me, remember that vampires are people too."

"Are you still gonna feed off of human blood?" yelled a man crouched in the walkway near Yorick.

"Well…" Yorick scratched his head. "Fine. We won't do it as often."

The crowd cheered. The men and women cowering in the aisles kissed each other. Yorick rolled his eyes and flopped back down into his seat.

"Ah, excuse me." A tiny voice boomed through the microphone. Anya stood up. "I'm happy my friend Yorick was able to speak with you all today."

The Announcer rubbed his face. "Is this another public service announcement, ma'am?"

"Not quite." Anya squinted her eyes. "Oh. There's Goku and Vegeta." In her fluffy winter coat she looked as if she was being eaten alive by a furry beast. "I was hoping I'd have a chance to speak with you both after the show. But I think now is a good time to tell you this."

Goku and Vegeta glanced at each other. "What's going on, Kakarot?" Vegeta demanded.

"Goku," Anya continued, "for the past year Boris and I never forgot our promise to repay you for helping us." She smoothed the front of her coat. "As you know, now that we have replaced the tribunal, we have possession of the Monet painting you destroyed."

Goku cocked his head. "Yeah?"

"We also have ownership of the space that painting occupied in the gallery. After seeing Vegeta's wonderful work, I wanted to know if he'd like to replace the destroyed painting with one of his own?"

Goku gasped. He turned to Vegeta. "Sweetie, do you want your work in a national gallery?"

Going by the horrible expression on Vegeta's face, he was terrified. "You'd—you'd do that for me?"

Goku held his hand. "Is that a yes?"

"I suppose it is."

All of Goku's friends and family stood up and screamed. The audience followed their lead, bouncing up and down in their seats over something they didn't even understand.

"This is incredible!" The Announcer said. "If I heard correctly, Vegeta, who is now a prolific comic artist, will have his work hanging in one of the most prestigious galleries in the world!"

Marron leaned across her parents' laps to grab Vegeta's arm. "You did it! I can't believe it!"

"I didn't do anything! It's all Kakarot's fault!"

"Hehe." Goku took Vegeta's chin in his hand. "You're adorable when you're embarrassed."

Vegeta blushed and looked away. "Ugh."

Piccolo clawed at his head. "Are you people insane?" His screech reverberated around the room. The front row plunged their fingers into their ear canals. "What does any of this have to do with the show!"

"I'm sorry, Piccolo." The Announcer settled back into his chair. "What were we talking about again?"

"This woman has a sick obsession with me, and I need Son Goku to come down here right now and straighten her out!"

"Oh. Right!" The Announcer waved at Goku. "Hey Son. Can you come down here for a second?"

Goku groaned and dragged himself out of his chair. "Excuse me, sorry, thanks!" He bumped his ass into one man's face on accident. "Sorry!" An eternity later he finally reached the front of the set. When the lights flashed in his face he held up his arm. "Oh geez, it's bright down here."

Across the audience, men and women alike giggled. "What a cutie!" shrieked a girl in the front row.

"He is quite adorable," said the drummer on stage.

"Can we get a close-up on Goku's face?" The Announcer spun his finger in the air to motion one of the camera operators to move in closer. "Yes, there we go. That's perfect."

"So handsome," the pianist said. "And muscular."

"Just look at him. He doesn't even know how good-looking he is," the drummer said. "Mm! Give me one night with that man and I'll turn his world upside-down!"

Goku gasped. "That's why women say all those weird things to me wherever I go!" The lights were too bright for him to see anyone in the audience, but he smiled toward the section Vegeta sat in. "They want to have sex with me!"

"No shit, Kakarot!"

"Can we hurry this along?" Piccolo said.

"Of course!" The Announcer waved his hand toward the couch. "Take a seat, Goku."

"Okay." Goku sat down next to Sam. A low hiss emitted from her throat. His natural reaction at hearing an animal threaten him was to shield himself with his arms.

"Piccolo." The Announcer stared at the alien from above the rim of his glasses. "How do you think Goku can help you figure out your relationship with Sam?"

"I'm not in a relationship with her at all!"

"Just give it a chance, Piccolo." Sam hiked her skirt up her thigh. "You won't regret it."

"Excuse me, ma'am?" Goku laughed. "I don't think you'll get him to like you that way."

"What the hell do you know!"

With all these people hanging onto his every word, Goku's mouth went dry. "I know what it's like to care about someone who may not like you back." Sam crossed her arms. At least she was pretending to listen to him now. "And I know what it's like to want someone to care for you in a specific way. But they keep resisting you."

"Is that so?" Sam spat.

"Yeah." Goku shifted on the couch. All the eyes on him made him feel like he was trapped under a microscope. "If you want him to like you, you probably shouldn't, um, force yourself on him. It may feel like the right thing to do because it's all you want to do. But that's not true. If he's interested and you give him space, he'll come around."

She lifted her nose in the air. "You don't understand. I've loved him years."

"Me too…"

She raised a brow. "Huh?"

The lights were going to blind him if he sat on stage for too long. "Eh, Vegeta? Could you come down here?"

The audience gossiped among themselves. A silhouette rose from the crowd. Goku squinted his eyes and held his hand over his brow to watch the figure lightly tread down the stairs toward the stage. "You better have a good reason for dragging me down here," Vegeta yelled. He ignored the Announcer's invitation to take a seat and took his natural spot beside Goku on the couch.

The drummer spun her sticks in her hand in excitement. "Whoa, little dude has rockin' hair!"

"Vegeta!" Goku took both of the Prince's hands into his own. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"You saw me just a few minutes ago. We were sitting next to each other, remember?"

"That's not what I meant." Goku scratched the back of his head for the umpteenth time today. His heart was going to beat out of his chest. "I wanna talk to you about something."

"Why now?"

"Uh, hello!" The Announcer interrupted the intimate moment with a loud snap of his fingers. "Can we get two mics on them, please?"

Goku continued to cradle Vegeta's hands. Two people from backstage fastened mics onto their shirts. Vegeta winced at having been touched by a stranger. "Vegeta. Did you know you're my best friend?"

"I did."

"And did you know I've been in love with you for years?"

"Awwww!" The crowd's affectionate coo rose to an annoying pitch.

Vegeta blushed. "I had my suspicions."

"Heh." Goku focused on the way Vegeta's hands sat perfectly still inside his shaking ones. "I remember the first time I saw you. Which to be fair, was a pretty horrible circumstance," he laughed. "But I knew something about you was special. It took me years to understand I loved you ever since we met!"

Vegeta stared down at their hands. "So what?"

"You always want to act so tough. But right now, in this moment, it doesn't matter anymore. Does it?"

Vegeta's blush worsened. "I don't know what you're going on about."

"I think you know exactly what I mean. Here we are, finally together, like this. And here I am, holding your hands in front of all of these people. You're not pushing me away anymore. And now you're looking at me, waiting for me to ask you already so we can get this over with…"

"Shut-up."

"Nah." Goku dropped Vegeta's hands. He dug around in his pocket. "I was gonna do this later, but now seems like as good a time as any."

"What are you doing, Kakarot?"

Goku pulled the small velvet ring box from his pocket. He popped it open. "Will you be my mate, Vegeta? Please?"

Once again, the audience gasped. Vegeta gaped down at the ring, mystified. "You found it."

"Yup! Well, Marron did."

"Good." Vegeta's face softened. "Yes."

"I—wait, really?!"

"Yes. Of course I'll be your mate."

Goku pumped his fist in the air. "Yes!"

The crowd hollered in joy. The Announcer rubbed his chin. "Ladies and gents, I believe Goku just asked Vegeta for his hand in…some sort of romantic ritual?"

"Yes! Yes!" 18 yelled from the crowd. "You did it, Goku!"

Goku hummed to himself while sliding the ring on Vegeta's finger. "I knew you would say yes this time!" He pulled Vegeta into his lap and leaned in for a kiss.

"Nu-uh." Vegeta shoved Goku away. "Not so fast."

"Uwaah?" Goku landed on his back on the couch. "What's wrong?"

Vegeta stood. "You always think you can one-up me, Kakarot. For all the years we've known each other, it's been like this. I refuse to let it happen again!"

The previously joyous crowd was caught between emotions. One young lady yelled, "I don't understand why they don't just kiss already! Why aren't they kissing?"

Vegeta clenched his fists at his sides. "You think you're the only man up here that has an important question to ask? How selfish!"

Goku laughed nervously. Vegeta's ki was raising. "What do you mean, 'Geta?"

"What I mean is that I've become used to this mud ball and its customs."

"Okay…?"

"And while I admire your newly found respect for Saiyan rituals, I know how important human traditions are to you as well."

Goku gulped. Why is Vegeta so mad at me?

"So what I want to ask you," Vegeta said through gritted teeth, "is an important question too."

"Sure, ask me anything!" Goku looked to his right. The Announcer was hiding behind his chair. Probably a smart move knowing his history with Vegeta.

"Kakarot!" Vegeta barked, "I want humans to look at your hand and know you belong to me!"

"My hand? What?"

"And when people ask you who I am, I want you to say—um—!"

Goku wanted to grab and shake him. "Yes? Yeees? What is it you want me to say?" Goku looked at the Announcer again to see if he understood what was happening. Going by the open-mouth smile on his face, he did! Just a few seconds ago the man was cowering in terror! "Vegeta, please tell me!"

The Prince looked away from the cameras. "Goddammit, Kakarot! What is it about you that makes it so hard for me to think straight?"

The audience collectively squealed. Goku groaned. Am I the only person left in the dark here?

"I can't stand how happy you make me. So I won't any longer!" Vegeta fell to one knee at Goku's feet. He extended his hand and revealed his own ring box. "Kakarot, will you marry me?"

A gasp swept through the studio audience. Marron screeched. Android 18 stood up from her seat and pointed at Vegeta. "I knew it! I knew you were going to do that!" She snapped her fingers. "Called it!" She opened and closed her palm in Krillin's face. "Pay up!"

Goku clutched his scalp. "Vegeta!" The rapid beating of his heart hurt. A lot. "You seriously want to get married?"

Vegeta looked like he was in excruciating pain. "Yes!"

"You want me to be your husband? And you'll be mine?"

"That's how it works. Or so I heard!"

Goku rubbed the moisture from his eyes. "Okay."

Vegeta swayed on his leg, legitimately shocked by the answer. "You'll do it?"

"Yes. Yes. Yes, Vegeta!"

Everyone in the audience stood up and screamed. Goku could barely still his hand while Vegeta slid the ring onto his finger. A quick look confirmed it to be the same golden band lost a year ago. "Did you add gems to it?" Goku asked.

"Yes. This morning."

Goku gasped. "Are they from the earrings Marron gave you a year ago?"

"Yes, Kakarot!"

"How did you—?"

"Hush already!" Vegeta stood and swept Goku into a kiss.

The Announcer smiled. "I can't believe it, ladies and gentlemen! Vegeta has just asked Goku to marry him! And Goku said 'Yes!'"

Goku picked Vegeta up and spun him around in a circle. "Yes, yes, yes!"

"Don't drop me!" Vegeta said, laughing.

Goku kissed him again before setting him back down on the couch. "I'm getting married!"

"Wahoo!" Yamcha and Bulma screamed while dancing in the audience.

Goku leapt onto the Announcer's couch and dug his feet into the cushions. "I'm getting married!" he screamed again at the top of his lungs.

"There's no need to ruin the set furniture!" The Announcer said.

Goku ignored him and jumped up and down. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world!" He looked down at Vegeta, who had the biggest shit-eating grin he'd ever seen in his life.

"You son of a bitch. You did it!" 18 screamed.

"Goku!" Krillin yelled, wiping a tear from his eye, "I get to be your best man this time, right?"

Goku fell down onto the couch. "Vegeta, let's get the hell out of here!"

"Right now?"

"FLYING NIMBUS!" A great wind swept the whole studio. Seconds later, a yellow cloud burst through the glass window on the west side of the set. People screamed in excitement and fear. Goku grabbed onto Vegeta's arm and hopped onto the cloud. He held a sideways peace sign toward the Announcer. "Deuces!"

"Wait a second, Goku!" The Announcer jumped up so fast from his chair it crashed backwards onto the floor. "Don't you want to tell everyone more about this relationship? The last time I saw you two together I thought you were fighting to the death!" He waved his arms around with such zeal, it rivaled any inflatable tube man in every used car lot on the planet. "What's 'mating' mean? And when are you two getting married? Who's going to the wedding? I'm invited, right? We need details!"

"No time for that." He pointed his thumb at Vegeta, who precariously dangled off the side of the cloud. "I gotta take care of this guy right here."

"What do you mean by 'take care' of him?"

"You know. I gotta go screw his brains out, pronto!"

"Eh?!"

"It doesn't get any better than this!" Goku pulled Vegeta to his side, then flew the cloud straight out the broken window. The audience waved goodbye, yelling encouragements in the whirl of all the excitement.

Marron clung to Krillin. "That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life!"

"Couldn't Goku have just transmitted out of here?" 18 asked.

"I guess everyone has to have their moment to show off," Krillin said, smiling down at Marron.

"'It doesn't get any better than this?' Weird." The Announcer straightened his tie, then readjusted his clip-on mic. "I swear I've heard him say that before!"

Sam sauntered up beside Piccolo with her arms crossed. "What the hell just happened?"

"Everyone's in love with those two punks," Piccolo said. "It's like no one else even matters."

"Right? How rude!" She tapped her foot. "You want to go grab some coffee and bitch about it?"

"Only if you promise not to touch me."

She laughed. "Deal."

Goten pressed his ear against the locked door outside the studio. "Aw, man. I told you we should've arrived sooner! We missed everything!"

Trunks shrugged. "It's our parents and their friends, dude. I'm sure whatever happened in there was boring."

"Ya, you're probably right." Goten grabbed his hand. "Wanna sneak into the barcade across the street?"

Trunks kissed his forehead. "I thought you'd never ask."