Learning Pains

Adelessa didn't know why she ever thought that this would be a good idea. There was no good reason for a tactician – much less a woman of her build – to be waving around a weapon. Her arms, back, and chest protested all of the new abuses she put them through. She'd given up on keeping her hair in any semblance of order or neatness; the wavy brown locks flew all over the place, getting in her eyes and clinging to her neck and forehead. The physical discomfort was bad enough. The frustration of not being able to just immediately pick this up like any of her other studies was worse.

Worst of all of it, though, was her tormentor's grin as he watched her pick herself up out of the dirt. "See," Matthew told her cheerfully, "this is why you need all this teaching every evening."

"You," she gasped in return, "are a terrible person."

"I know!" Adelessa imagined punching him right in his wide, too-cheerful-to-not-be-mocking-her grin. The only reason she didn't was because she knew she'd end up on her butt in the dust yet again. She'd lost track of how many times she'd tried to hit him – tactics and brute force and all she could think of – but she hadn't managed it, not even once. The fact that hardly even one of his stupidly blonde hairs was out of place only aggravated her more; he didn't seem to be working hard against her. "But you won't get any better if you don't practice."

Brushing the dirt off of her tunic – even though she knew she'd have more on it in no time at all, it was hard to shake her habit – Adelessa tried to soothe her frustration by looking around. She and Matthew weren't the only ones practicing: Eliwood and Lowen were under the watchful eye of Marcus. He didn't bark orders, but his quiet, level orders sent them hurrying to do as he commanded as well as any hollered yelling. Hector was sparring against Oswin, their weapons crashing against each other with a vigor that made it hard for Adelessa to remember that it was only practice. Even Guy was practicing, his sword slashing through the air with grace and speed seen only in Sacaean swordsmanship. Rebecca didn't come out here; she practiced by hunting game. She claimed that bringing in a deer was far better practice than shooting at a stationary target time after time.

"You know, you look pretty wiped," Matthew said. Adelessa looked over at him when he sat down on a log that he'd decided made a good bench. His voice was more serious, but his smile still twitched up the sides of his mouth and lent a glitter to his brown eyes. She sat down to his right when he patted the log. "Feel like taking a breather? For all that you're still terrible at this," he teased, "you're actually making good strides for only having a week's practice."

She stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed. "I'd like a quick break," she admitted. "You wouldn't mind, would you?"

"Not at all," he replied, rolling forward onto his feet. "I wanted to talk to my lord about something, anyways." Matthew threaded his way across the impromptu practice ground, leaving Adelessa to watch his red cloak drag through the air behind him.

She sighed and braced her hands against the coarse bark beneath her, letting her arms take some of her weight. Wiggling her feet in front of her, Adelessa looked away from where the spy was talking to Hector. Being here to practice was a strange new feeling for her, though not a bad one – as long as she wasn't sitting on her butt in the dirt. If she was going to be fair, this new challenge was just as enjoyable as it was frustrating. Adelessa hadn't had a good, novel challenge for quite some time, not since she traveled with Lyndis' Legion and the exam she took shortly after. Added on to that was the fact that, for all of her frustration and wounded pride, she was learning more under Matthew than she had even dared to hope. There was more to learn than she had anticipated, but it was a pleasant surprise if anything. All in all, it had been several very interesting days since they had picked up Merlinus.

The morning after they rescued Merlinus had started as normally as any other. Adelessa had helped Merlinus gather what he could, packing and settling items into his wagon. She volunteered to have Rhea help draw it: his horses had been driven off and they couldn't very well leave his wagon here. Good thing I don't mind walking, she thought, bemused, and that Rhea's so even-tempered. Though I hope we won't need anything from in there any time soon. She cringed a bit; Eliwood had wanted to get going right away, so they hadn't time to properly organize anything.

"You like to be busy, don't you?" Adelessa looked over at Matthew, surprised. She hadn't heard him approach. Though, to be fair, that's true enough most times he comes to talk.

"I like being helpful," she corrected gently, pausing to work a stone out of her shoe. "It's not quite the same." Seeing the questioning eyebrow that Matthew quirked up in a question, she used the few seconds it took to properly tie her shoe back on to think over what she wanted to say. "Well, it's nice to make things easier for other people. I know I'd want someone to help me if I needed it like Merlinus does. And... I guess I don't like just sitting around, twiddling my thumbs, if there's something I could be doing. It makes me feel antsy." Her mouth quirked up on its own, betraying her. "I guess you're right, in a way. You seem to keep plenty busy yourself, though," she pointed out.

She laughed when Matthew heaved a dramatic sigh. "You'd be busy if you had to keep up with my lord, too," he informed her with a roll of his eyes so exaggerated she wouldn't be surprised if they off and rolled away on their own. "Never a quiet moment, I swear!"

"Surely I don't hear you complaining, Matthew – it must be a trick of the wind. Oh, wait, there isn't any," Hector growled from behind Adelessa. Her feet hovered above the ground for what felt like several seconds. Her hand pressed over her heart while she turned, ready to start stammering frantic apologies to appease the obvious disgruntled lord. "I remember you insisted on inviting yourself – and Oswin and Serra, of all people – along for the journey."

"I never said it was a bad thing, my lord." Matthew's voice was smooth and respectful, but Adelessa could see the mischievous glint in his eye and mentally cringed. There's no way, she thought, that this can end well! "Why, my lord, if you feel that was how I was taking it, then surely you must think that of yourself! If you don't like how you act or your pace, you should change yourself. There's no need to feel insecure about your uncertainties," he added, face perfectly somber now, "why, you're still fairly young and learning your way-" Matthew grinned wickedly when Hector muttered something that an upstanding young lord definitely shouldn't say and passed them to walk with Eliwood.

"Isn't it a bad idea to needle him like that?" She recognized her voice all too well for her liking; she'd spent years trying to get rid of the shaking quiver and the over-emphasized Bernese accent. Biting her tongue for the briefest of seconds, she tried to compose herself before she said, "I've always thought-" She cut off when her accent didn't fade, trying not to wince.

If Matthew noticed – she was sure he did – he didn't comment on her suddenly different vocal tics. "Who, Hector? No – he won't be annoyed for long." He casually waved off her worry. "He'll bluster from here to the Dread Isle, but he doesn't get in knock-down, drag-out fights over little things like this. It's more of a game for him – gives him an excuse to stomp around angrily." She saw him give her a sideways look and somehow his voice was wry and gentle at the same time. "You know, you don't have to tiptoe around them. They're not bad sorts – at least not these noble types."

Her next step faltered; Matthew got ahead of her by a couple of steps before she started walking again. "Have I been that obvious?" Adelessa felt her face burn with a blush. "It's not that I don't-"

"Take it easy," he soothed. "You aren't that obvious about it or anything, so long as you're not looking." His assurance made her feel a little bit better, but only a little. "You just fidget with your hair more around them, really pick and choose your words – you slow down when you're double-checking your words and pause – that sort of thing." He stopped talking. In the silence, Adelessa could hear his next observation almost as clearly as if he had said it outright: It's almost as if you're ready to jump up and run. "All it looks like," he said instead, "is that you're very formal."

"I'll..." Adelessa grimaced a bit. "I'll try to work on that, then."

"Don't worry too much about it. It's sort of cute when– yes, coming, my lord!" he called back when Hector hollered for him. "Ah, well. I'll talk to you later – service calls. Just don't get all worked up about it." Matthew gave her a roguish wink and trotted forward to tend to whatever Hector needed.

This left Adelessa to stare at him, befuddled. Cute? she wondered, raising her hands to her cheeks and watching his back with wide green eyes. He called me cute.

The next day started off much the same way. The unpacking and repacking were just as terrible as she had feared, much to the amusement of Rebecca; the girl was helping, but she spent more time laughing at Merlinus' frantic hurrying and Adelessa's dismay at his frazzled state than doing any actual work. Adelessa wasn't upset; she would be doing the same if their positions were swapped.

Rebecca was still laughing when they got on the road; instead of staying and chatting with Adelessa, she got called over by Lowen to discuss arrangements for meals. The two had ended up taking care of most of the needs for food once they learned that the rest of the group was either hopeless with cooking on the road or too busy to be of much help.

As it was, Adelessa found herself walking alone, munching on the last of some dried fruit she had bought from Merlinus while she was going through what was left of his goods. It wasn't nearly enough to replace the breakfast she'd only half-eaten – Merlinus had been in such a tizzy that she had to calm him down by helping him, leaving her breakfast forgotten – but it was better than nothing at all.

"Hey!" Somehow Adelessa wasn't surprised to see Matthew jogging to catch up to her. "I see that Merlinus finally let you go."

"He just needed a little bit of help," Adelessa protested. "It wasn't a big deal." She glanced down at his hand when he held it out in front of her, then cupped her hands beneath it. A still slightly-warm turnover dropped into her hands. Delighted, she wasted no time before she shoved the first bite in her mouth. She was chewing on the overlarge chunk in a special kind of satiated bliss when she realized just how terrible her manners were. Casting a sheepish, embarrassed look over at Matthew, she quickly swallowed.

"No worries," he replied lowly. "I won't tell anyone about that breech of etiquette if you don't."

He grinned when she laughed. "Deal – and I won't tell Lowen that you're sneaking away with his cooking," Adelessa teased. Matthew's feigned look of horror made her laugh all the harder; it took a moment before she dared to venture another bite of her turnover. "How did you know to sneak one of these away?"

"You're the one who's all about helping people," Matthew reminded her. "When I saw Merlinus fretting I figured you'd be roped into his insanity before you finished breakfast. You were bad about getting to meals back when we were with Lyndis – you can't have changed that much in a year."

His amber eyes dared her to disagree and she found herself unable to retort with evidence to the contrary. With a sigh, Adelessa nodded. "You're right," she admitted, "but it's not such a big deal. I could have made it to lunch."

"Well, now you won't have to – and next time let him know that you haven't finished eating. He'll survive five minutes without you."

"Says the man who wouldn't wait five extra seconds for me to tie my hair back," Adelessa pointed out. "I believe the pot is calling the kettle black, here."

"That's different!" he protested. "I'm teaching you out of the goodness of my heart-"

"-something that you basically ordered me to do, if you remember-"

"-and the least you can do is be ready when I come to grab you-"

"-which spirits only know when that will be!" Adelessa realized that she was grinning just as much as he was; it was becoming a familiar and comfortable thing to bicker and banter about little things like this to get the conversation away from more touchy subjects. Shaking her head with a helpless laugh, Adelessa waved him off. "You're a scoundrel, Matthew."

"I know – it's so much more fun than being an upstanding citizen, really." He gave her a broad grin. "How are you feeling, by the way?" The grin turned to a smirk; he had to know how she felt after the solid trouncing he gave her in practice.

She didn't justify that with a response, only giving him a flat stare in return. "Oh, hush," she told him when he started chortling at her. "I bet you weren't any better when you started out."

"I wasn't," he replied cheerfully, "but I was also only a kid back then. You're a young woman who, apparently, never had anyone who loved her enough to teach her how to throw a punch or fall properly." That stung. Adelessa turned her face away; she didn't want Matthew to see her face twist with pain at his little jibe. It was more accurate than she wanted to admit. Unfortunately, Matthew caught her. "Hey, what's wrong? It was just a joke, Aydie."

"Nothing's wrong," she replied, praying that he wouldn't try to push it any further than that. Luckily she could keep tears at bay – it wouldn't do to look any more upset than she already was – but she knew Matthew wouldn't let her be. "Just… no, it's nothing."

"Last I checked, 'nothing' doesn't make you look like you've been kicked in the gut," he insisted gently, his voice lowering when Lowen passed them to talk to Marcus up ahead. "You shrug off most things like this. Now let me know what I did wrong so I won't do it again." His light brown eyes bored into hers, unwilling to let her go no matter how hard her bright green ones darted away from them.

She finally broke down; no matter how much she didn't want to, she couldn't resist that quiet intensity. "I just… No one ever did teach me any of those things." She hadn't meant to say that, but it just bubbled out. The lump in her throat brought a thin film of tears to her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut to try to keep them from doing anything more than gather at the corners and to keep from seeing the pity on Matthew's face.

Instead of saying anything, he just patted her shoulder gently. When she peeked her eyes open, Matthew said, "You don't have to worry about that anymore. You've got us now." His voice was gentler than she thought he could be and it was exactly what she needed to hear. It melted away the ice creeping around her heart in lattices of frost. The gentle reassurance locked away the sudden doubts.

"I'm starting to see that – thank you, Matthew."

He nodded. "Yeah. You're not doing this alone anymore, you know – you can go ahead and talk to us if you need to." The warmth in his eyes changed to a mixture of annoyance and chagrin when Hector called for him at the front of the group. "Are you alright if I...?"

"Go ahead – it wouldn't do to keep Hector waiting." She smiled even though she didn't much feel like it. "We both know how he gets."

"That we do," Matthew agreed. His voice was wry and apologetic. "Now, if only Eliwood or Marcus could teach him some patience, we'd have some real progress! Elimine knows Oswin's tried for years." With that, the blond spy sighed and trotted forward to deal with whatever had Hector yelling. Adelessa watched him go and bit the inside of her lip. She hadn't expected Matthew to drag up the pain of being alone so sharply. Even more than that, she would never have thought he could soothe it away so quickly. She was rattled, but beyond that... Adelessa felt glad, almost. Here was someone who, while he didn't know what was wrong, accepted it and tried to help her.

How long has it been? she wondered. There was a little flutter deep in her chest that she stalwartly ignored. How long has it been since someone made me feel like this? She honestly couldn't remember the last time someone both almost brought her to tears and then soothed her within moments of each other. That realization unsettled Adelessa enough that she decided to leave it alone; instead, she tried to focus on the path and creating strategies for the group.

"Hey, Matthew?"

"Hm?" The blonde looked over at her, a hint of surprise on his face. That wasn't unexpected: so far in their conversations, Matthew had been the one to break the quiet stretches. "You have a burning question for me, Aydie?"

He grinned at her slight scowl: they both knew it was just for show, but it was a habit Adelessa had yet to break while talking with him. "I wouldn't say that," she replied, "but I was wondering something, just a little question." When he waved his hand for her to continue, Adelessa asked, "What's your affinity?"

"What, are you trying to figure out our compatibility here?" Adelessa flushed and shook her head in denial, but Matthew was already waving it off. "Geez, Aydie – take it easy. Not everyone takes everything as seriously as you, you know. I'm a Wind. You?"

"Dark." Matthew "huh"ed at that, his eyebrows rising up in surprise. "Yeah, I know."

"Not every day you find someone with Dark. Aren't you only born in August?"

"Half the time we go with other affinities, too," Adelessa added. "Nobody really knows why." They lapsed back into a mostly-companionable, very-slightly-awkward silence. They had come to an unspoken agreement not to tread near the crumbling cliff of what had set her off the day before and had instead spent their time talking about harmless, meaningless topics like where they've traveled, how he picked locks, and some of her observations of the terrain around them from a tactician's point of view.

"Doesn't that mean your birthday is coming up?"

"At the end of the month," Adelessa replied, reminded by his question. I hadn't realized that it's August already. Goodness, how time flies when you're traveling.

"Now, I know it's rude to ask a lady her age," Matthew said, his voice just smooth enough to tease her, "but how old will you be?"

"Twenty." Adelessa laughed when he gave her a quick double-take. It isn't very often that he's the one poleaxed. Perhaps she was more amused by that than she should be, but it was hard to deny that the look on Matthew's face was priceless. "No, I'm not pulling your leg."

"I bet you hear that you look older than your actual age all the time," he grumbled. She'd learned that he didn't like being wrong about his impressions; it was one of the reasons she hadn't brought up her age earlier.

"All the time," she agreed, "but it's not so bad. You're not going to treat me differently now that you know I'm just a young'un, are you?"

"Is that a joke I hear? Nah, couldn't be." Matthew grinned back at her. "No, I'm not. I'm only a few years older than you anyway. I just had thought with the way you acted that you were my age. Maybe older."

"Like I said – I get it all the time." She shrugged a little bit and he returned it. When he gave her a thoughtful and quizzical frown, she asked, "What?"

"Doesn't that mean that you had your birthday while you were with us during the whole Caelin incident?" he asked. Her reply was a nod. "Why didn't you say anything about it?"

"To be honest? I lost track of time." He snorted in amusement and Adelessa felt her cheeks turn red with embarrassment. "Well, I did! I had bigger things on my mind – keeping everyone alive is a little more important than celebrating my birthday."

"Well, did you when you went home?" When Adelessa gave him a blank stare, he sighed dramatically and elaborated. "When you went home did you celebrate your birthday either before or after you took that exam?"

"Oh – I suppose I did, in a manner." It wasn't that she was trying to avoid the topic-

Who are you trying to kid, Adelessa? She was trying to skirt around it, and in a way that stunningly lacked subtlety. Luckily enough for her, Matthew had learned better than to press the matter; that or the group stopping for the evening kept him from asking. We're here already? she wondered, honestly surprised. I hadn't noticed the time pass.

"Alright, who's on tent duty today?" Marcus' sharp question snapped her out of her daze and she hurried over to help set up the camp.

"You know, if not for us people who do head-counts around the fire – that is, you know, me – you'd miss dinner every damn day." His voice cut straight through her sleeping haze and jolted Adelessa right into wakefulness. She blinked her eyes open to find Matthew's upside-down face hovering over her. He smoothly stepped back to avoid her usual reaction of jolting up into a sitting position.

"What do you mean, dinner?" she asked when he circled around to stand in front of her.

"You fell asleep reading," he told her. Adelessa took his outstretched hand when he offered it. She could feel the calluses on his palm and fingers as he helped pull her to her feet. It was warm, much warmer than hers, and she couldn't help but flush when she realized that she noticed that. "It's dinnertime and you'd have missed it if I wasn't always coming out here to wake up your sleeping self."

"Well... thanks," she replied, not sure what to say in response and far too distracted by his teasing grin.

"Oh, I must have caught you at a good time. I swear you never took this many naps before, though. C'mon, you – time for you to get some food in you before I try to teach you to be less of a damsel in distress."

"Did you ever wonder if it was your training that makes me need to take naps?"

"Nonsense! How could you ever think such a thing?"

"Bah! It's not worth doing anything else tonight." Matthew's voice snapped Adelessa out of reminiscing over the past few days. She looked up at him as he stretched. "I'm just not feeling it tonight and you look tired. Go ahead and take it easy tonight. You've earned a day off."

"Alright – but we'll be back at it again tomorrow night, right?" She didn't want to admit how hopeful her voice sounded, but there was no way around it. Adelessa looked forward to the lessons, even though they were becoming more and more complicated even as she found them more pleasant. Time where she was even somewhat alone with Matthew was something that had her in fits of glee and anxiety both.

"Of course. I wouldn't miss the chance to take you down to my level." He gave her a roguish wink that made her want to grin so wide she'd risk eating her ears. "Someone has to keep you humble, oh mighty tactician."

"And don't you forget it!" He laughed and wandered off. She watched him go before she realized what she was doing; snapping her head to look forward, Adelessa found herself praying that no one had seen. It was bad enough that she knew what was going on. There was no need for anyone to catch wind of it, especially not someone who would think it was a good idea to tell Matthew.

She knew what this was, of course. She'd felt the same butterflies in her stomach when she had been at the university when potential suitors had courted her or when one of her rare crushes caught her eye. It hadn't been something that she'd expected to find when she found herself with Eliwood and especially not with a man who had previously antagonized her so. Though maybe – just maybe – that was part of this whole thing going on.

Adelessa found that she was rapidly falling in love with Matthew.

A/N: I exist! Sorry about this being so late, guys – this term has just DEMOLISHED me. These 20 credits are a lot more homework-intensive than I had planned on. ._))) But! Here's an update for you.

Thank you, Ryan, for being a good beta and guilt monkey over these weeks. Many, many, many thanks to my lovely reviewers – MilleniaMaster, AquaticSilver, DrakDarkblade, Sethera, Tom-Ato13, Solyeuse, anon, angelbeets, Sieben Nightwing, and Drachegirl14 – and those of you who stopped by my dA page to check up on me. :'3 It really warms my heart to know that you guys were concerned that I was okay and wanted to check on how the fic was coming along. This one's for you!

And bawww, fluff! *shamelessly throws pairing at you and flees*