Chapter 20

The sound of someone activating his door chime made Sheppard reluctantly drag his ass off his bed and walk over to answer it. He found a woman...Teyla, his mind told him...smiling up at him on the other side of it.

'John...when you did not join us for dinner I was worried...' she began, concern puckering her brow.

He looked into her soft brown eyes sensing genuine warmth exuding from her, but he felt tense and he didn't know why.

'I didn't have much of an appetite,' he heard himself tell her, watching her eyebrows lift several degrees.

'Now I know I was right to be worried. You are rarely not hungry!'

She remained looking up at him expectantly, clearly waiting for an invitation to enter. He stepped back and made room for her to pass.

'I suspect I know what is troubling you.'

'Nothing's troubling me. I think I may be coming down with something, s'all.' He knew it was a lie as soon as he said it, even though he didn't know what the truth was.

'Then you will be too ill to take part in the mission tomorrow?' she responded turning to face him as the door slid shut behind him.

He took in the room now, so many things within it familiar to him; his favourite Jonny Cash poster, his guitar, his skateboard, his surfboard...even his photograph of the time he'd met Evel Knievel as a kid. 'No, I have to be there...this all has to happen the way it did the first time...'

'It is understandable that you have reservations about this experiment, John. We all have them, even Rodney, though he will never admit it. I see it in his eyes when I speak to him about it...even he is a little afraid.'

'He told you that?'

Teyla shook her head. 'He does not need to. Rodney's emotions are never far from the surface,' she fixed him with an earnest look, 'unlike yours.'

Sheppard sighed and slumped down on his bed. He could read this Sheppard's thoughts now; he was worrying about an experiment McKay planned to carry out...something linked to Sarayah. 'He's the one who told Woolsey this was the right thing to do. What's he scared about?' he huffed, a twinge of panic at the thought Rodney wasn't as confident as he claimed to be churning low in his guts.

'Nothing in life is certain...there is always...what is it Rodney calls it? A margin of error. Yes, that is it. He has run the simulation many times, and each time anything stored in the 'gate prior to its collapse is transferred through. But he cannot completely rule out the chance that it is possible that, if one element of the experiment changes...Sarayah could be lost.'

'So he thinks I'm gonna screw things up!'

Teyla's eyebrows lifted again and she leaned back, regarding him without judgment.

Realising he'd overreacted Sheppard dropped his head into his hands and sighed. 'I'm sorry...I shouldn't be yelling at you...'

'There is no need to apologise,' she said, in her soothing, melted honey voice. He felt her hand creep into his and grip it tightly. 'Your feelings...whatever they are...are completely understandable.'

Though her touch felt alien, it was also comforting. He rarely allowed such contact, even with his closest friends, but he clung to her slim fingers, finding comfort in the warmth of her skin against his palm.

'It...it took a lot of long hard soul searching over the years to convince me to keep doing this, to keep the timeline exactly as it should be. I...I guess...'

He felt a gentle squeeze on his fingers, urging him to continue. Talking wasn't something he was all that good at. He found it...painful to some degree. Talking meant exposing truths about himself that made him feel vulnerable. But this was Teyla; he sensed that if his innermost feelings would be safe with anyone, it would be with her.

'You guess?' she prompted, sensing his hesitance.

'I guess the closer to the time of the experiment it gets, the harder it is to see this through.'

'Without following the sequence of events surrounding Sarayah's life as closely as possible, we may never find Janus' outpost where the experimental 'gate generator was located. And if the Wraith were to somehow find it instead...'

'I know, I know, and even though I pointed out to McKay that the Wraith hadn't been there in centuries because of the hive ship the 'gate destroyed, he has endlessly pointed out that it doesn't mean they won't try again and manage to find it if time resets again.'

'It is always possible that one small change to the fabric of time could have tremendous consequences,' Teyla nodded.

Sheppard quirked an eyebrow, smirking. 'Has Rodney been talking to you about Chaos Theory again?'

She nodded, smiling along with him. 'He has mentioned it a few times over the past few days. I believe he is trying to convince himself of the validity of his theory.'

Sheppard nodded, chewing his lip. 'I...I just don't know if I have the strength to send her back knowing what she does. It was...'

Teyla laid her other hand on top of their entwined fingers. 'John, you are the strongest person I know. You will do this because you know the fate of so many could rest upon you taking the same action you did the first time. You will do this because you are the most selfless person I know. It is the gift the Ancestors blessed you with.'

He gazed at her, feeling a little of the tension that had seized him draining away. 'How come you always know what to say to make me feel better?'

She beamed brightly at him, clearly please to have helped. 'Because that is the gift the Ancestors blessed me with. And I am glad to share it.'

A faint, pleasant breeze ruffling his hair woke Sheppard the next morning. At first he was confused by the smell of dust mingling with antiseptic, but then the throbbing in his back and side kicked in with a vengeance and he quickly remembered the events of the previous day.

His eyes snapped open to a different view from that which had surrounded him when he'd collapsed. She'd moved him, but they were still somewhere up in the Afghan mountains and he was cold...well, at least most of him was. His back felt warm, and it wasn't just the heat from his injuries – he became aware that he could feel someone tucked in behind him.

'Good morning. I was beginning to tire of having no one to share this beautiful sunrise with.'

Sarayah sat up beside him, resting her hand on his hip. 'Would you like me to help you get up?'

The question was posed as if she were a nurse in an infirmary, not the woman who had mercilessly murdered several people yesterday just to get to him. So Dr Jeckyl was in residence this morning? He peered over his shoulder at her, but realising he was unlikely to get up any other way since not only his wrists but his ankles were now bound, he was forced to give a nod of agreement.

She bounced up and stepped over him, catching hold of his upper arms and easing him up off the rough ground. He didn't thank her, just glowered, shuffling on his butt until he found a position he could be at his most comfortable in, though that was far from comfortable in the traditional sense of the word.

'Would you like some breakfast? I collected some things last night while you were out, so we have plenty to choose from.'

She crossed over to a pile of rocks and began to pull them apart, revealing a stash of food inside, safely concealed from any scavengers. There was bread, eggs, a small parcel of butter and some fruit, along with more bottles of water, and some pans for cooking.

'How many people did you kill for that little haul?' he grunted as she began to build a small fire.

She flashed him a sharp look, a warning she was in no mood for him to pick a fight already. 'None. I took these things while the family in the home I stole them from slept.'

'How very benevolent of you.'

'John.' Her tone left no room for misunderstanding. She wanted him to stop provoking her, and she would take action to stop him if he didn't

He dropped his head, sullenly staring at the dusty ground, hating the fact that even if he weren't restrained and injured he was powerless to escape her. It was like being grounded as a child, when his father had had the entire house staff watching out to stop him climbing out his bedroom window. Only this time he didn't stand a chance.

'So, what should I make for you?'

Her sudden kindness riled him more than if she'd slapped him awake. Cruel and heartless he could deal with, but this change...this unpredictability...threw him off balance. It actually made him feel churlish to rebuff her offer, but this was his wife's murderer, the woman who had callously handed him over to Taliban torturers for her own amusement. Nothing she ever did would make up for those things.

'I don't want your stinking food,' he seethed, fists clench within his restraints.

Sarayah looked him over, something that made his stomach lurch after last night's kiss, taking in his taut body language with an amused smile. 'My, my. Aren't we prickly this morning? Someone clearly needed more sleep.'

'Stop that!'

She blinked back at him 'Stop what?' she asked innocently.

'Pretending like this is some kind of cosy little vacation we're on! You and I...we're not an item, we're not even friends. You don't get to talk to me this way, get it?'

She was on him in an instant, food sent spilling in the dirt as she launched, disintegrating in mid air and reassembling as she landed on top of him, slamming him flat onto the dirt. 'I think you're the one who doesn't get it, John,' she hissed, her lips twitching up into a fierce grin. 'I say what's happening between us now, not you. I have all the power here. You have none. If I tell you to eat, you eat. If I tell you to sleep, you sleep. And if I tell you to grovel in the dirt and kiss my feet, you'll do it. Understand?'

She squirmed her weight on top of him, forcing his bound hands up above his head and scraping his still swollen and bleeding welts on the rocky surface beneath him. He clenched his teeth and tried to bear it, but eventually she drew out the cry she was so determined to earn from him, leaving tears streaking down his cheeks as she set the injuries on his back alight again. He hated her proximity, hated the sense of triumph oozing out of her, but she had him beat and he had to admit it...for the moment.

'I understand,' he croaked, and after a few seconds of staring into his eyes with such intensity he felt sure she was about to defile him right there amidst the spoiled food and dusty earth, she thankfully sat back on her heels and nodded with a self-satisfied smile.

'Good boy, John. I knew you'd come around.'

Then she pushed up and left him panting there, too shaken and in too much pain to even think about moving. He heard her sigh as she realised their food was ruined, yet another casualty of her absolute desire to dominate him.

'Looks like I'll have to go get us some fresh supplies,' she grumbled, kicking through what remained of her first attempt to prepare breakfast. 'At least these survived.' He felt a thud as a bottle of water landed on his stomach, winding him and making him jerk his back against the dirt again. 'I suggest you drink that until I get back with more food. Oh, and John...don't try anything stupid while I'm gone.'

The slight breeze that disturbed the dust around him heralded her departure. For a second or two, Sheppard lay and stared up at the sky, the vast stretch of azure blue telling him it was going to be another hot day in this hell-hole with his psychotic companion. Then he shook himself out of it. What was he thinking? He was alone out here; this was possibly his one and only opportunity to get himself away from her. There were networks of caves in these mountains. If he could get lost in one of them, she might never find him again. Maybe he could make his way to the airbase at Kandahar and get help there. The scenery did suggest he was in that province now. Or maybe he could reach the AH01 and flag down an allied patrol. One thing was for sure, he couldn't do any of those things if he lay there feeling sorry for himself.

So he forced himself up into a sitting position again and began unlacing his boots, shutting out the pain from his injuries and using the water she'd left behind to lubricate his ankles and feet to slip them out of the tight, but not quite tight enough zip tie. Then slipping back into his boots, he got onto his knees and from there onto his feet and began to stagger away, each step sending a wave of pain through him, his determination to escape driving him on regardless.

He spotted a cave entrance not too far from their camp. He ducked into it, the cool, damp air instantly refreshing as the heat was already mounting outside. Once inside, he hesitated for a moment, listening for any sounds that might suggest the cave was already occupied. It was silent, but he knew he was taking a huge risk anyway. The caves were where the insurgents hid out from allied troops. If he ran into any of them, he'd be sliced and diced sooner than they could say "Allah be praised". But right now, they seemed a more manageable option than dealing with the freak with the deity complex.

Seeking greater safety in the dark, Sheppard wound his way deeper into the tunnel. The caves in this region formed a massive network and could lead just about anywhere or nowhere at all. Worst case scenario, he might get so lost he died of starvation, but again, even that seemed like a better option than facing his homicidal stalker.

Soon, the light from the opening was behind him, and all around was utter darkness. He was forced to grope his way along one of the cave walls, intermittently stumbling on uneven ground or grazing himself on unexpected rocky masses. Each unforeseen jolt awoke the discomfort in his back and side, but he held in the whimpers and edged onwards, hoping that if he kept moving he would eventually see a chink of the light which would lead him to an alternate exit.

And then, he saw it, a light up ahead. With something to aim for, he began to move with more purpose. It was far from certain he would find himself in better circumstances when he got back out into the open again, but he doubted things could get any worse.

As he got nearer to it he developed the distinct feeling the light was artificial, not natural. It was round and yellow in hue, and suddenly approaching it any closer seemed like a very bad idea. He stalled, only the sound of his breath shuddering in and out of his lungs breaking the silence.

The light blinked out.

Now the sense of foreboding that had warned him to stop increased one hundred fold. Had he stumbled across insurgents? Whoever it was, they clearly didn't want him to see them. But what choice did he have other than to press on? If he headed back the way he'd come, it would bring him out close to the camp, exactly what he didn't want. So he opted for waiting a little longer, hoping whoever was ahead would move on to avoid discovery themselves.

The light winked on again, this time a little closer.

Crap! They were coming toward him! Use your smarts, John. Think! With little other hope of evading them, Sheppard found the biggest protrusion of rock on the wall near to him and crouched behind it. Much as he hated to hide from trouble, he was in no fit state for a fight right now. He had to hope that whoever was coming passed him right by.

The beam of light extinguished once more, and he listened for footsteps, but none reached his ears. All he noticed was a breeze that brought the hairs on his forearms to rigid attention. It took only a split second for him to realise he hadn't felt any shift in the air until that light appeared. Which meant...

Aw crap!

'Didn't I tell you not to go doing anything stupid, John?' a voice whispered in his ear.

He spun, but couldn't see her. It was dark and the light was gone, but she was there somewhere, he could feel the static tingle in the air. 'All right. I get it. You found me,' he grunted as loud as he dared. 'Just show yourself and get this over with.'

'How close. Like this?' she rasped, appearing right in his face and making him flinch back before she disappeared again.

He looked around, spotting the lamp light some distance away now. 'Or would you prefer me at this distance?' she called to him, her features highlighted in the scant glow. 'Perhaps this makes you feel safer...it really shouldn't.'

And then she was on him again. Before he could react she caught hold of the front of his shirt and flung him out of the niche he'd found, sending him sliding across the craggy cave floor. He was so stunned that it was a few seconds longer before the pain registered, and by then, she was right there with him, stamping down on his chest to pin him and punching him so he was too dizzy to fight back.

'I have been nothing but courteous this morning, and you've thrown my kindness back in my face,' she growled, pressing down harder and leaving him struggling for breath. 'This is disappointing, John. Very disappointing.'

He really didn't care about her disappointment, but he did care about the pain. 'Sorry to let you down!' he wheezed, hoping that was enough to placate her for now. Surprisingly it worked, and she lifted her weight a little, laughing.

'Somehow, I suspect you're not,' she said, eyes glinting with amusement.

Then he felt the tingle that told him they were going somewhere, and when he was next fully conscious of his surroundings they were back out at camp, her foot still wedged into his breastbone.

'That was a very foolish thing to do, John, but I'm willing to forgive you, just this once. It's been a difficult few days for you, and you're clearly not thinking straight. You have to try to understand. You. Can't. Get. Away. From. Me. I can sense your breathing...your heartbeat...your life force...no matter how far apart we are. You'll never escape me, John. NEVER!'

'But I'm gonna take every chance I get to try!' he grated out, attempting to lever her boot back off him and ease the pressure on his back.

'And I will drag you back here screaming and kicking every single time,' she snorted, leaning harder on him again.

It was difficult to get his breath, and his lungs ached in protest, but he was still determined to set her right on that point. 'You're no god. You're a freak, an anomaly...an error in someone's calculations. By rights you should be dead.'

At first, her face dropped in response, but then she smiled. 'Perhaps you're right, but the very fact I'm not shows how strong I am now. You can't win this time, John Sheppard, and no matter how many days it takes to teach you that, I'll prove it to you without any possible doubt.'

With a final firm shove, she kicked off from him, sliding him a couple of inches across the rough ground and leaving him groaning in her wake.

'Now,' he heard her call back to him, 'about that breakfast...'

He lifted his head from the dirt and watched her head over to the camp fire, where a pan of water was already coming to the boil judging by the steam billowing out of it, and several slices of bread sat waiting to be buttered. He realised then that his escape hadn't fazed her for a moment. It looked as if she'd expected it, taking the time to set their meal out ready before coming to look for him. So was it true that she could actually sense him? Was that why she hadn't panicked when he was missing on her return?

'Would you like me to toast your bread to take with your morning tea, or would you prefer it as it is?' she asked with a distinct glint in her eye as she squatted beside the fire and slotted a slice onto a makeshift toasting fork.

His stomach lurched at the thought of eating anything. He allowed his head to thud back to the ground and stared up at the treacherous blue sky, all part of her trap. She'd obviously brought him here because he hated the place so much. It was all part of his punishment. The heat, the pain in his back, the nauseating mingling of aromas coming from the campfire, and a consuming sense of futility all combined to make his companion even more loathsome than he'd thought possible. If she wanted him to eat, she was going to have to force him...again. He wouldn't willingly accept anything from this creature.

So...no point in getting up then.

oooOOOooo

O'Neill entered Carter's lab to the sight of two very intense and frustrated, not to mention exhausted, expressions. This was never a good sign, and was evidence if he needed any, that the two brilliant scientists had so far come up empty in their search for Sheppard and the missing alien freak. Around them, various laptops sat displaying news websites, some scrolling the latest breaking news. So this was what they'd resorted to in their attempts to find their missing alien. He figured it would leave him feeling grouchy, too.

Clapping his hands together and giving them a vigorous rub, he forced on a smile. 'Good morning, campers. What news?'

McKay's look was murderous, and Carter's was little better. Apparently neither of them was in the mood for his sparkling wit this morning.

'Nothing, Sir,' Carter responded, her tone betraying just how tired she was. 'We've been scanning global news reports for any unexplained phenomena, but other than the accident with the cab driver we're coming up empty.'

'That's...disappointing,' O'Neill said, deciding on a neutral approach to the news. In truth, he was probably almost as frustrated as they were by the lack of information, but losing his cool wasn't going to make things move any faster. 'Not surprising, but disappointing all the same.'

'Yes, well, I guess when you can split your body into every individual cell that makes it up, it's pretty easy to hide,' McKay huffed, biting off half a glazed donut in one go. 'She could be here for all we know,' he added, spraying crumbs.

Everyone paused, including McKay, his eyes slowly widening and darting around the room. Even Carter looked unnerved by the suggestion. But O'Neill knew she wasn't there. She had a whole huge world to explore, why would she waste a moment more of it stuck in a underground bunker?

'Okay, I think you two should focus on somethin' else,' he suggested, figuring they needed something to occupy their considerable combined intelligences more than their current paranoia. 'Daniel, Teal'c and I can take over watching out for unusual news reports...you guys should concentrate on finding a way of containing that woman when we do find her.'

'If we find her,' McKay muttered.

'When,' O'Neill reiterated, refusing to allow McKay's innate pessimism to rub off on him.

McKay couldn't hold his insistent gaze.

'I suppose we could try to increase the speed of the alternating fields,' Carter theorised, her formidable mind already kicking into gear.

'Well, we could,' McKay sneered, 'although I'd like to be on a flight to Malibu before we actually try that one out on her again.'

'The field held her for a while last time, so if we can alternate it faster, or in a more random way –'

'—it'll just take her a while longer to break out. She can completely disintegrate herself...working out patterns in alternating fields is probably not that much of a stretch for her!'

'That's an assumption –'

'So is thinking you can make that force shield prison cell work!'

'Children...children!' O'Neill interrupted, reasserting the calm between them. 'How about we waste a little less time on criticising each other, and expend some of that energy on figuring this thing out. That woman still has Sheppard...we think...and if we can't find a way of holding her, she's just gonna wipe the floor with anyone trying to get him back. Personally, I'd prefer to live long enough to see her caged with no hope of parole, not end up like the cab driver going through an autopsy in our surgical theatre right now.'

'No, Sir. You're right sir,' Carter nodded, looking suitably humble. 'We'll get right on it...start from scratch.'

'Whatever works...just do it fast,' he told her.

'Just for once I'd like to get called out here for something that doesn't include impending disaster,' McKay grumbled, shuffling over to his designated workstation and starting work.

'So would I, McKay,' O'Neill grunted. 'So would I.'

A/N: So there you go! The last chapter for a few days. I had to do one this morning because I hate odd numbers, lol! Leaving it at Chapter 19 would have bugged me until I could post again. So I'll wish everyone reading this who celebrates it a very Merry Christmas, and I'll be back with more some time net week! :D