A/N:

Alright its FRIDAY, well... now midnight on Saturday... first time i'm a day late.. but that means this is my last update till Monday. T~T But don't worry, upon my return I will have a big juicy chapter for all you fans. ^_^

Chapter 20:

"Remember when we first met?" Haruka didn't know if this was an okay topic but she didn't know what else to say. "You and Usagi were at the arcade when I came in, feels like forever ago." She gave a small chuckled. "You know, you gave me a run for my money at the racing game, we should have a rematch sometime." Haruka looked over at Usagi and gave a small smile of reassurance.

"Hotaru wanted to learn Volley ball, maybe you could come over and teach her sometime? Setsuna has been wondering about you too, she misses you helping her with her clothing designs." She didn't know what else to say. Setsuna really did miss the senshi of love, and honestly the only one who could teach Volley ball to was Minako, Haruka tried once and her nose bled for a good thirty minutes from a rouge ball attacking her face.

"I'll help Hotaru-Chan with her volley ball practice mostly because I miss her company too. Maybe we can have a rematch, but you're going to pay if you want to make it up to me." She tried to sound a little happier, but she hated being alone so she did cling on to the others in hopes to have everything feel normal.

"I know Luna wants to have a meeting with all of us involved and she's been trying to get me to get everyone together, I just didn't even know how to do that because unless it's an emergency nobody really communicates anymore. We get together about once a month at Crowns, but it's not the same. Luna wants us to start fighting again because she feels like there's going to a force we haven't seen yet. Maybe you can help us get back into shape for fighting as trade? For helping Hotaru?" It wasn't much of a trade, she'd do it anyways she loved Hotaru a lot. "Can you help me get the others to come and meet with Luna on Friday evening?"

Usagi felt bad for Minako, maybe disappearing and being depressed like that did more damage and it was taking a huge toll on the moon Senshi. She so desperately wanted to fix everything she caused but she slumped back in the seat of the car in exhaustion. The emotion was pinning her down, she tried to keep hold of Haruka's hand but she was emotionally drained.

Haruka looked over at Usagi with worry when she let go of the tomboy's hand. "Deal, I'll pay and Friday I'll also help with the meeting, don't worry about it." She flashed her famous Tenoh wink and smile.

After driving a bit longer, the wind senshi pulled up to Minako's house and slowly got out of the car. She felt a pain in her heart as her mouth took the lead, confessing her dark secret to the two younger blondes. "I owe my life to Artemis and Luna…" She trailed off softly touching the fading scars on her cheek. "This was a few weeks ago, honestly about two weeks before he died really thinking about it." Tears filled her eyes but she fought to keep them from falling. "I was… I was very depressed and everything this past year, especially the way I treated everyone hit me, so hard. I… I bought a gun…" Haruka stopped to get her emotions under control before continuing.

"I was in the darkest place I've ever been and… I planned to…. kill… myself. I left the window open a bit, I don't know why." Tears escaped her eyes but she quickly wiped them away. "I put the barrel in my mouth, I was about to pull the trigger and… next thing I know, Artemis barrels through knocking the gun out of my grasp and Luna claws me across the face, her version of a slap." The wind senshi leaned against the car. "They lectured me of course, made me get rid of the gun, and for a week I'd see them both around my yard, in the tree by my window. Making sure I didn't try anything stupid again." She held her head in her hand trying to mask the tears.

"I noticed them not coming around anymore, I was curious but I never thought…. Minako-san if I would have known… I… I owe Artemis, both of them everything. They were there for me and… I wasn't even there for… I was selfish, consumed by my own sorrow and pity that I never thought about anyone else." Haruka was distraught, she wished she could have properly talked to Artemis, apologize. "I wouldn't have a life, or Usagi if it wasn't for him."

Both Minako, and Usagi were quiet and listened to Harukas story from start to finish. Usagi squeezed gently on Harukas hand, and needed to confess after the blonde was was a few times after Mamoru when she did kill herself because she didn't know how to cope with life. She'd lost everything, and after time she lost all her friends. They weren't really there when she needed them the most. They gave her time and space to heal, but she needed persistence and that didn't happen. Luna was the only one there who guided her out of every stupid idea she had over the last year. She was glad Haruka didn't a life without Haruka wasn't a life at all.

"Haruka San. Artemis was just old in age, he passed away in his sleep. There wasn't anything that could have been done. Luna chan said that they've been away from the moon kingdom too long so they were going to age"Minako sighed. "I don't mind what you said; it was a wake-up call." Minako promised, "It made me realize that I wasn't performing my duty to its full potential, and maybe we still weren't. We thought that by giving space would be enough, since we were pushing it too much by trying to be there. In the end none of us knew how to help, It hurt a lot of us. We don't really go out fighting anymore; none of us have transformed in over six months because we've just been so distant with each other and lost our way." Minako looked down at her lap and played with the hem of her skirt.

"You were right. I'd never understand what it was like to lose someone I've been in love with. I've never been in love. I've never had anyone want me. I've never actually even been kissed, so I just decided that being a goddess of love and beauty was too much of a cliché when I've never had that opportunity and it felt like it was getting to become less and less of a chance. I'm glad you and Usagi are together, I really am. I'm glad that everyone else gets a chance to have happiness. I just can't help but too feel a little jealous and left out sometimes. Because I can't relate, I never lost anyone until last year and Artemis… even if he was just a cat….ninety percent of the time."

"Look. I'm not really mad at anyone, and I don't hate you and Haruka. We've all dealt with things differently. I'll never understand what you and Haruka are going through. I've never been in love. You're right Haruka, I'm the first line of defense to protect Usagi at all cost and I failed my job. You had every right to hate me and say those things at the time but I don't need an apology. I moved forward and accepted the fact. I don't mind you and Usagi, or us even being friends but I don't want an apology."

"I tried to kill myself a year ago." Usagi confessed. "I just didn't think anyone really cared and you hated me. You didn't even want me alive then and everyone just kind of...stopped being my friend, I tried a few times to kill myself and every time Luna and Artemis talked me out of it. They told me to remember Chibi Usa even if I lost everyone in this life time. It hurt to remember her, but it worked every time. I didn't want to do something stupid because of her. I tried so hard...and my mom found out. She got really upset with me and for a while sent me off to get help. I had to act like I was okay and moving forward to come home. Then a few months later you found me..."

Usagi looked down at her wrists, there were old cut marks and burn marks from when she tried to spit them or even use a curling iron because she couldn't get the knife deep enough. She did whatever it took, even taking her mom's pain medication and having to cough them back up. "I didn't think life mattered anymore. We fought for love and justice, and what have we been given? Hell. I didn't want endure hell alone... I was...I am far too scared to face hell alone."

It was her fault. God. Everything was her fault. If Usagi had heaved Harukas warnings so many years ago, and left Mamori none of this would have happened. Fate was punishing her by slowly removing the people she cared most about in this world. Usagi tried to keep in mind or Harukas words and battled with herself the entire time that she forgot about the food sitting in front of her. Rei asked for the milk shake at one point she must have responded because Rei finished that off. Usagi got her food boxed up and walked to the car never once letting go of Harukas hand until she got inside the car, even then the separation was short lived.

God. She was stupid. Staying with Mamoru ruined everything. She hated herself even more. Not only did Haruka warn Usagi about him, but Seiya too. Of course by then the abuse was already happening and it was powerful enough to scare her into staying leashed up. She leaned into the seat and felt tears burn the corner of her eyes. She didn't want Haruka to see her as a cry baby so she brushed them quickly away. She thought by staying in that life secured everyone's future.

"Usagi I never…." Haruka looked down at her lover's wrists and brought both to her lips kissing every mark. 'Haruka if you would just wake up, there is someone out there that shares your pain too!' Artemis yelled at her weeks ago. 'She went through hell because… I…' "Koneko… forgive me." Was all the wind senshi could say. This hell was caused by her, caused by the selfishness of her actions. "I didn't want you dead, I didn't hate you, I… I was hurt but I was wrong. I said those things out of sorrow and pain but that doesn't excuse anything." 'I promise someone understands how you feel, knows the hell you're in if you would just reach out!' Luna also said along with Artemis. 'Of course they would have known, I was so stupid.' Haruka wished she could have taken away all the loneliness and pain she caused her princess's but all she could do was make up for it now.

"You're not alone any more, I won't leave, I won't go anywhere I promise. We will get through this hell together, all of us." She pulled Usagi into a warm embrace. "I swear I won't fail you again, Koneko." Haruka held tight to her lover, as if she would fade away if she let her go.

Usagi hugged Haruka back. She shook her head, "No it's not your fault. Okay? Don't blame yourself; I was in the wrong for doing it. I had friends I just shunned them out." She looked at Minako who looked upset in the back seat, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't of pushed you out either when you were trying to help Minako chan."

"It's fine Usagi." Usagi could clearly tell the other was uncomfortable about something but it would be a while before Minako would really come through. Luna did mention at one point that Minako changed over the year; she became a bit bitterer toward anyone that she wasn't close to. Maybe it was a side effect of her dealing with everything, and hopefully she would become back to normal, because Usagi really did miss the Senshi of love and beauty.

Minako got out of the car when it was pulled up to her apartment, she'd moved out of her parent's house some time ago. She liked it, it provided more privacy and she didn't have to lie for when they did transform. "Luna's inside, if you want to come in and talk with her." Minako told Haruka. It was nice to have them back, but awkward that they were together. Then again, she always knew that they liked each other she just didn't see it happening that quick.

Haruka was relieved Artemis didn't die in a horrible way, but it still hurt. She never imagined the two cats getting old, let alone ever passing away. The tall blonde looked over at Usagi and gave her lover a soft smile. "Koneko, are you ready to see Luna?"

Usagi nodded slowly as she took a hold of her wind warriors hand. "Hai... I'm ready."