Disclaimer: Supernatural and its characters are the property of Eric Kripke. Sadly, I do not own any of these guys.

Castiel was very inquisitive by nature, relatively non-judgmental and willing to try just about anything once. He did still stick to some of the traditions he had learned as an angel, sure, but even back when he had had his grace he had always been very adaptable, curious about the habits of all of God's creatures and willing to imitate most everything humans did for the sake of gaining more knowledge about them. But while Castiel had thousands of years of celestial knowledge under his belt, he was also incredibly inexperienced in many of the lesser traditions of humankind.

Today's lesson in humanity, and one that was proving quite confusing for him, was the subject of Christmas stockings. He had heard that part of the Christmas tradition for many families involved hanging large stockings above the fireplace on Christmas Eve, but what he did not understand was why presents needed to be placed in giant socks. Surely wrapping paper would suffice, as it did for most of their other presents? These "stockings" also appeared to be utterly useless for daily wear, too big for any person to reasonably put under their pants or shoes.

Regardless, he had purchased enough stockings for each person at the bunker when they had taken that trip to the mall to Christmas shop, plus two extra for himself at the recommendation of the saleswoman. He hadn't understood exactly why she seemed so interested in him collecting the strange socks in large quantities, but she had seemed so genuinely convinced that he needed two more that he hadn't had the heart to tell her no. Besides, the credit cards weren't charged to them anyway; what harm could it do?

Picking up one of the long, colorful red stockings from the stack on his bed, Castiel examined it closely, running his fingers over the material to get a feel of the texture. He knew the Winchesters, Gabriel, and Kevin were out getting some food in advance for their Christmas Eve dinner, so now seemed as good a time as any to put these things above the fireplace. He regarded the extra pair for a moment, then decided to put them on himself. Stockings were socks, after all, and he'd worn socks for years under his suit and trenchcoat. The fact that the saleswoman had said he'd look "sexy" in these… Well, she was probably just a little bit crazy.

When Dean pulled open the door to the bunker, laden down with a gigantic ham and the ingredients for a pumpkin pie, he was expecting Castiel to be watching television or reading a book in their room, like he usually did whenever Dean was gone before he woke. So when he found the ex-angel in the main room, stringing something up above the mantel of the fireplace, he was a little surprised.

Even more surprising, though, was the fact that Castiel appeared to have dressed himself in the bottom half of a kinky lingerie set from Victoria's Secret. The angel's legs and feet were bare below the Metallica boxers Dean had gotten him to sleep in; that was normal. What was not normal were the pair of bright red, thigh-high fishnet stockings that covered Castiel from his mid-thighs to his feet, making him look like some kind of confused Christmas hooker. There were even a pair of little red bows, complete with jingle bells, on the outer edges of his thighs, and the straps that were meant to attach the stockings to a corset hung loose in front of them.

Even funnier was the fact that Cas appeared to have bought another two pair of these fishnet stockings, and the four garments were hanging by their corset-straps just over the fireplace, so long they brushed against the grate and nearly touched the floor.

"Uh… Cas?" Dean said softly, and the angel turned around and smiled warmly at them.

"Hello, Dean. I was just finishing putting our stockings up. I don't understand the purpose of this custom, but if it's part of a traditional Christmas I'll go along with it."

That did it for Sam and Kevin. They immediately burst out laughing, hurrying to set their grocery bags on the floor before they dropped them, and doubled over while they cackled like hyenas. Castiel looked strangely at them, turning his head to one side and raising one of his eyebrows.

"Did I do something funny?"

"Cas… You…" Dean began, fighting off laughter himself because he was afraid to hurt Cas's feelings.

Gabriel smirked at him, amusement written in every line of his face. "Bro, you look like one of the girls I used to bring back to my old bachelor pad. That isn't a good thing in a man's body."

"I don't understand."

"Right. Uh…" Dean said slowly, gesturing to the red stockings on Castiel's legs. "Those stockings, wherever they came from, are actually for women. And they're pretty much only for women to wear right before they take them off, if you know what I mean."

Castiel took a moment to process this, and then he turned as red as the stockings from neck to ears. "Oh. I see. So this is not the right kind of stocking to wear at Christmas?"

Sam, who had finally gotten enough control of himself to speak, decided to answer this time. "You don't wear Christmas stockings, Castiel. They're too big. It's just a decorative thing now."

"Ah," Castiel said softly, pulling the stockings off of his legs and tossing them far away from him with a look of disgust. "Well, I did wonder why that saleswoman kept telling me I'd look really sexy in these. I thought she just didn't know anything about Christmas. It's probably too late to return these now that I've worn them, but I can at least take these down from the mantel…"

"No wait, wait!" Kevin said quickly, rushing forward to grab Castiel's hand. "I don't care if they're lingerie or not, they're hilarious! We should use them every year, like a new tradition."

"I agree," said Gabriel, who had managed to snap a picture of Castiel on Sam's phone and was now sending it to everyone in the house. "We need to remember this every year."

Castiel sighed, walking closer to Dean until they were almost nose-to-nose and then laying his head on the hunter's shoulder.

"Dean?" Cas said when the older Winchester wrapped his arms around him and chuckled.

"Yeah?"

"What is Victoria's Secret, anyway?"