.:Chapter 20:.

Virgo don't always need advice. Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand. Virgos are the worst to make angry because they hold it in, so when that person comes back and boils them over... hell comes. No relationship is better for Virgo than having someone as their lover AND their best friend.

As a Scorpio, you heal others by showing them that it's safe to confront their own darkness as you have done.

Riley squeezed salt water out of her hair as she sat on her surfboard, allowing the waves to roll underneath her, lifting her up and depositing her with each swell. They waves weren't that great but it gave her something that she was able to work with, something that would allow her to keep her out of her mind, out of the dark thoughts that were starting to come back in again. It was frustrating, she could feel herself getting to that dark part of her cycle again, before she had been so motive, so upbeat and so happy to jump out of bed and do whatever it was that she needed to get the day done. She had so much energy those couple of times; when she had made those thousand sandwiches, when she had been excited to fit Logan for the Young Hollywood event, when she and her siblings had gone to see Kevin. She had become particularly upbeat again. She had started to regain control over her sleep.

And then it all crashed back down.

After meeting up with Kevin, her insomnia came back, she had started to become short tempered all over again and never saw a point of getting out of bed or doing anything that would have normally interested her. She hadn't picked up her guitar in days when she used to spend up to three hours a day practicing as much as she could and working on new guitar riffs for possible upcoming songs. She used to actively work on hundreds of CDs that held her guitar riffs that she came up with that could potentially be moved into songs they would use as demos later or be sold to other bands. Now she found herself up longer and writing more in her notebook, the neat and styled handwriting turned into the rushed scribbles she could barely make heads or tails of on a good day. The water was normally the only thing that could clear her mind but this time it seemed that the weather was matching her mood. Not even hanging out with the Hollygrove kids, the abused children of the area, was doing much for her when it used to be the highlight of her week.

While all of those little kids' smiling faces could put a smile on hers, her heart wasn't able to muster up the feeling throughout her body and that wasn't particularly fair. Placing her hands in the water, Riley dug against the waves with her cupped palms and directed herself towards shore. Sydney was running around with all of the kids that ranged in ages along the beach. It was the happiest she had seen her own brother in a while, considering he didn't have many friends his age and he was constantly on the road or in the studio recording with his brothers and sisters. Not that Big Time Rush or Jo, Camille, Stephanie, Katie, Lizzie, Dak, and WayneWayne weren't his friends and he didn't have fun with them. It wasn't the same of having his own friends and while he was able to hang out with the Hollygrove kids he was able to be the eleven year old boy that he should have been, an eleven year old that none of his older siblings had been able to be.

Riley turned her surfboard back around and let out a heavy sigh, lying down on her board. The scent of her strawberry flavored wax filled her nose as she brought her hands forward and started to windmill them, pulling them through the water, propelling herself towards the wave that was starting to form. Focusing on her rhythm she approached the wave and when she felt gravity start to take over, she stuck her left arm in the water up to her elbow, using it as a pivot point to turn her board around. A few seconds more of paddling and when the wave started to crest, she brought her hands up onto her board in the pushup position. Pulling her body weight up, she brought her feet from behind her to underneath her, using her sudden shift to balance her weight in the middle of the board. Arranging her feet in the goofy stance, she stood up and shifted her weight forward, shooting down the face of the wave. Holding her arms at weight height by her sides, she used a toss of her arm to keep her towards the bottom and the middle of the wave. When she got closer to the top, she bent backwards, holding her body at an almost ninety degree angle, and used her knees to force her board back down. Righting herself, she stood up straight, her arms by her sides, allowing the wave to spread out towards shore.

With her momentum slowing, Riley brought herself back down to sit on her board, then laid on her stomach, paddling back into shore. Once she got there, a group of four or five kids immediately swarmed her, all tugging on her arms and the leash of the surfboard, nearly knocking her over.

"Ri-Ri, let me surf with you!"

"No, I want to be pushed in first!"

"No, me! Me!"

Riley laughed and ruffled the hair of the boys and girls that had crowded around her before motioning for them to go rejoin Sydney. With dejected sighs, frowns, and pouts, they turned on their heels and went to do as they were told, their worries immediately forgotten at Sydney's announcement that they were going to do a 'lolly relay'.

Riley grabbed her towel and held it over the crook of her arm, crossing her arms and grabbing the bottom of her rash guard. Once it was off, she reached behind her and unzipped her wet suit, then pulled it down halfway, tying the arms together. She laughed, seeing the group of kids now crowding around Sydney, jumping up and down, practically climbing on his arms. "Are you sure that's a good idea, bro?"

"It's better than nothing," Sydney replied. He flicked his hair out of his face. "I mean, what ankle-biters don't like candy? If these were the older kids we'd probably be playing a game of football or something and I'm still sore from Patrick's pile driver last night," he said, laughing lightly. He gave her a meaningful look and Riley smiled, shaking her head.

She took her gaze away from Sydney, noticing a figure heading their way up the beach. Riley's eyes narrowed for a moment and then she shook her head. "So am I hallucinating or is a greek god really walking my way?" She called.

James gave a good-natured laugh before pulling up his hood up over his head as a gust of wind blew sand everywhere. Riley merely closed her eyes, waiting for the sand to settle. Once she opened her eyes, James reached out and brushed sand off of her face. "Thanks for that, Beautiful, you've filled my daily self-esteem quota for the day."

"No worries." Riley draped her towel over her shoulders. "So what's up? What are you doing here? Don't you guys have studio work today?" She turned her head and gave him the side-eye. "And weren't you out here a couple of days ago?"

"I ducked out of studio work," James said with a sheepish smile. "It's also why I'm keeping my phone off."

"Smart move," Riley admitted. She continued to dry herself off, then smirked when she felt James's eyes on her. "You know I can feel you burning holes in me, right?" Flipping her wet hair over her shoulders she moved her towel to the other side. "If you're going to look, you might want to try being discreet about it."

"Sorry," James apologized. "Think of it this way, your years of working out has done very well for you."

"Thanks." Riley gave a fleeting smile, wrapping her towel around her shoulders before crossing her arms over her chest. "What are you doing here?" She repeated the question, looking up and down the beach again. She wasn't sure what she was particularly looking for exactly, still, she did a complete one-eighty before focusing on James once more. When she caught his gaze, his eyebrows were lowered in concern, hazel eyes staring right at her. "What?"

"Nothing." James flicked his hair again. "Actually, I was wandering around the beach, wishing that it was sun tanning weather,"-at this Riley rolled her eyes-"and I saw you guys and wanted to see what was up. We haven't seen you guys around in a bit, since you all went to meet Kendall's and Katie's dad at his office."

"Yeah, well…there wasn't really a point for us to be there," Riley said. "It made more sense for you guys to go. Don't get me wrong, I understand Mama Knight's reasoning that you lot didn't but I still don't understand why we went if he clearly didn't want to talk about Robert stealing our money."

"He probably thought it would be a good way to lure Kendall there," James admitted. "To make it seem like there was a bigger problem rather than to outright have him there, since we all know that he would rather chew off his own foot."

"Right." Riley nodded. She side-eyed him again, instinctively knowing that there was more to the conversation than he was letting on. "So what's up with you?"

James licked his lips. "Having watched Kendall go through what he did, it made me realize that I compared myself with him on almost everything in my life and that's what was, in a way, making me unhappy with my father. Kendall and I bonded over having Dad's that weren't there for us and that clearly didn't want to be around. But…my Dad did want to be around and I wasn't giving him a fair chance. Even when we had gone to the ski lodge and he was trying his hardest to have something to talk about, I would just shut him out. He tried talking about how his life was going, not even mentioning Mom once, not even complaining about her or anything, and I continued to shut him out." He frowned, looking at his feet. "And it made me feel like shit when I realized it."

"The truth hurts, James," Riley pointed out, gently laying a hand on his arm. "If it wasn't the truth, it wouldn't hurt sometimes. It wouldn't make you feel good, sometimes. If it wasn't the truth, it wouldn't make you feel anything."

"I know, but growing up I had always imagined this picture perfect family that I couldn't have," James insisted. "And I thought I had found that with Kendal, Katie, and Mama Knight. I thought they were the family that I should have gone into. Even without Kevin there, they were living perfectly."

"There's no such thing as perfect, James." Riley shook her head. "People can't always be perfect because that's not real, is it?" A bitterness came to her tone, her Australian accent sliding into it as well. "I mean, people say that I'm perfect all the time, cause I always know what to say to people, because I'm not afraid to speak my mind…then they don't really see me, they think that I'm the person that they see on stage and I'm not." She turned away from him and started to pace, kicking up foot fulls of sand as she did so. "They look at me and think that everything's ok." She stopped walking. "Sometimes when I close my eyes, I pretend I'm ok. But it's not enough."

James watched her, not sure what to say. He had a strange feeling as she turned back to him, her eyes downcast, and a serious expression on her face, unlike the cheerful one that she had given him before when he had first arrived. Riley looked back at him, then shook her head, smirking, some life coming back to her face.

"Wow, that sounded really bitter," she remarked then looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Handsome, I made his about me."

"No, it's ok," James reassured her. "I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest and I wasn't sure how. You guys are really great to talk to and I really like that about you." He ruffled her hair, pulling his hand back and drying it off on the side of his sweatshirt. "But, are you sure you're ok?"

Now Riley looked confused. "Yeah, why?"

"Well." James hesitated, licking his lips. "First you were un-Riley like happy, then you got mad at Logan for something sort of trivial, and now you sound kinda…depressed." Riley waved off his statement with a light chuckle. "I'm serious, Riles, you guys are always showing us that you're here for us, but you know it works the other way around, too right?"

"Um, considering that we're not living with Ronan, I think you've attested to that."

"That's my point though, you've only let us help you then. If there's anything else going on, you all usually try to keep quiet."

"Because we don't need the help or advice, we just want to be able to live normally."

"And having friends that want to go above and beyond for you is living normally. Having friends is living normally." James frowned. "Trust me, I understand what you're saying, but you really need to try not to close yourself off so much. You've made so much progress and now…" He shook his head. "Just know that I'm here to listen if you need it, though I might not be of much help. Hell, even when at the gym or are on bike rides, or if we're out here just goofing off and it looks like I'm not paying attention, I am. I promise."

Riley nodded. However, she stayed silent. Half the time she couldn't trust what was going to come out of her mouth to a total stranger, what emotion was going to take her over—though she was famous for being able to feel two things at once, she usually went with the stronger feeling—and potentially makes things better before it got worse. She knew exactly what he was saying, she heard him say it, those exact words that he and the rest of Big Time Rush had said before, but there still seemed to be that little block that was keeping it from affectively getting from her brain to her heard. Nonetheless, She surprised him by walking into him and wrapping her arms around his lower back, resting her cheek on his chest.

"Thanks Handsome," she said, surprising herself with the quietness of her voice.

"You're welcome, Beautiful," he replied, hugging her back.

When the hug ended, Riley pulled away and the two sat down in the sand, quietly watching the waves. After ten minutes, James announced that he had to leave, knowing Gustavo probably had a manhunt out for him—or else Logan was going to chew him out for hours about punctuality and letting others down—gave her another hug and left the beach. Riley continued sit on the sand, watching as the waves rolled in, bringing salt water towards her feet. She shuffled forward a little, sticking her painted toes in the wet sand. Her upper lip curled the longer she looked at the red and dark blue blending together. She couldn't understand why it made her so angry, so disgusted but she couldn't look at it anymore. All of a sudden arms wrapped around her neck and she lifted her hands to rest on Sydney's arms.

"The kids done?" She asked, tilting her head to look at him. Her disgust immediately switched to one of peacefulness as Sydney smiled and nodded back at her.

"Yeah, Miss. Cathy are taking them back to Hollygrove now." He pointed over his shoulder and the two waved to the older woman who was leading the kids through the parking lot and over to a large, sixteen passenger van. "They were really aggro when they realized that you were here but not to play with them."

Riley shrugged. "Yeah, well, that's what happens when I need to drive my brothers around all the time." She tweaked Sydney's nose, causing him to giggle, and stood up, bringing him with her, dangling off her neck. She shifted, leaning forward so he didn't drag her in the opposite direction. "I mean, when you lot are quiet and not backseat driving."

"That's because we're so scared that we're going to die that we're shocked into silence," Sydney explained. He laughed and dropped down from Riley's back, moving to stand in front of her. He tilted is head to the side, noticing the displeased expression on her face. "C'mon, Ri-Ri, even you have to admit that you drive really fast."

"No," Riley denied, holding up an index finger. "Everyone else drives too slowly, there's a difference." She cuffed Sydney on the side of the head when he rolled his eyes. "C'mon, let's get back before Ronan wonders if we got dragged out to sea." She gathered her things, tucking her wet suit, towel and rash guard into a drawstring bag and slid over her shoulders. Then she packed away her surfboard in her board bag and put that over her left shoulder.

Sydney waited patiently, holding out his hand. Riley took it and hand-in-hand the two walked up the beach to her car. Sydney tilted his head and glanced up at his sister, studying him for a moment, before tightening his grip on her hand. Riley noticed and looked down at her brother.

"What?" She asked gently.

Sydney was easily the most outgoing out of all of them, he was the first one to start trusting people. It may have been his young naiveté or his positive outlook on the world that his elder siblings seemed to have pushed aside. It was strange to see him so quiet. Having taken care of him since he was born, watching as he grew up to be one of the more talented people she had ever seen and was proud to call her baby brother, he always had something to say about whatever obscure topic he could come up with. She liked to listen to him when about something he was passionate about. She wondered what he had to say about the things that she went through, he probably knew a lot about it from the countless scientific journals and articles he read. He probably knew everything that she was going through, all of the thoughts that went through her mind when she got to her lowest points, and he still sat back and waited for her to come to him

Why did he not speak up more? She could be overbearing, she could admit that. Maybe he fell back into the mind of being the youngest, of not being heard a lot when it came to matters like this. Or maybe he was just as scared as she was. Bless his heart if that were the case, and while she had been raised to be Christian, she wasn't religious in the slightest.

"Nothing," he said. Riley was starting to get tired of that word. "Just…" he frowned as he studied her again. After a long moment he relaxed and his dimples appeared in his cheeks. "Don't let go."

Riley smiled back and him and leaned over, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "No worries, Little Man."

Lance shifted his teeth back and forth, grinding them as he waited for his client to count out money. How hard was it to count your money? He made it absolutely clear that he was to have it all counted out and squared away when he arrived, freeing the risk of getting caught. It was more of a hassle than anything else, even if he did get caught he would be back out on the streets in a matter of time. Even if he wasn't running it himself, he had connection that could take over his job while they waited for him to give them more direction. Even from behind bars he was running the streets of LA.

"Here you go, man," the guy said, slapping the money into Lance's palm.

Lance looked over the money, carefully inspecting the bills for fakes, then shoved it all in his pocket. Reaching into his coat pocket he raised his eyes to the man's face. He was probably in his late thirties if he had to guess, probably had kids and a wife that he was going back home to. That wasn't his business in the slightest, he did what he had to do. No pint in getting too attached to his customers. Lance pulled his handout from inside his coat and discreetly passed him a bag of cocaine. The man clutched the bag in hand, muttered a quick 'thanks' and walked out of the alley as fast as he could, ducking his head when he arrived back on the street.

Lance waited a few minutes before following him, instead, he went in the opposite direction. After a few steps, he pulled a magazine out of his inside pocket and flipped it open. Anyone that passed him gave him funny looks, why would a young man, clearly in his mid-twenties, want to read a teen magazine? Some would say that it was weird.

He would say it was research.

Kendall pressed his back against the wall, looking back and forth for a moment before reaching out and grabbing onto the low rung of the ladder that was attached to the side of the building. He climbed up a few rungs and stopped for a moment, waiting for someone to turn the corner or to have his leg grabbed and be yanked back to the ground, or have a flashlight shine in his face. There had been a couple of close calls ever since he had been introduced to the place, still he had never been caught. Besides, how was he going to explain to his mom that he was found at a random abandoned pool fifteen minutes away from the PalmWoods? It was better to be a secret, more…humbling in a strange way. Kendall finished climbing up the ladder and shuffled over to the edge of the room. After checking to see that the stack of pool rafts were still in the marked placed, he stepped off the edge and plummeted down.

As per usual, his stomach crammed into his throat, the wind whistled by his ears, and for the couple of seconds that he fell, adrenaline raced through his body. He landed on the stack of rafts with a light thud and swung his legs to the side to find Riley sitting at the edge of the pool, her feet in the water, scowling down at it. That made his footsteps slow, she always seemed to love the water. Going to the beach whenever she got the chance, planning on going to the beach in between sessions at the studio. The only thing that cut into her surfing was when she left the water to quickly scribble in her notebook when inspiration struck.

"What's wrong?" he approached her.

"Nothing, Hockey-Head." Riley pulled her feet from the water and shoved her hands into her sweatshirt pocket. Her face softened a little as her eyes locked with his. "So, you gotta story for me? Or was there something else you wanted to talk about?" She shrugged, tilting her head to the side. "If it's the latter, I'm sure I already know what the topic of conversation is going to be."

"Both, actually," Kendall said. Now it was his turn to shrug. "Though it's not a funny story or anything. Katie's finally talking to me again." And he explained how Katie had been feeling with the news of their father being back and how she constantly felt ignored with everyone around her being focused on more than her. He explained why Katie was annoyed with everyone caring more about how Kendall was feeling with Kevin and his success while back in Minnesota while she sat on the sidelines, trying to get some attention here and there. He then went on to say that Katie had even resented him and the guys a little because they always made things harder for her; whenever they did something stupid, she had another rule added on to the things that she wasn't allowed to do. It didn't stop her gambling and mischievous habit, of course, but he could see where she was coming from.

"Well, unfortunately, Katie's also going to have to get used to that, seeing as most of her friends either are or are trying to break into the entertainment industry any way they can." Riley's nose wrinkled slightly, shuffling her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt. "She's the only one that's not really trying for anything, other than being normal, and, in a way, that's probably what's best for her. She doesn't have to worry about being in the spotlight, she doesn't have to worry about rumors, and she can get different opportunities just from the people she knows. I'd say it pretty perfect where she is right now." She reached out a hand and poked him in the chest, hard enough to make him take a step back. "So, why don't you just go ahead and tell me what it is about your Dad that's pissing you off now."

Kendall wasn't sure if she was in a bad mood or not, but that one comment really irked him. He wanted to be able to talk her about his Dad, to analyze their conversation that they had almost a week before, to unpack what unfamiliar feelings he had. Frankly, he had been scared to go in there, she had to know that from the way his hand was sweating, clamped down onto hers. Now she was casting it aside, like it was a joke. Kendall's stare must have become harsh for Riley looked befuddled, her eyes shifting.

"What?" She practically spat after a second.

"Nothing." Kendall crossed his arms over her chest as Riley's upper lip curled. She was really starting to get annoyed of that word. Her harsh stare made him say it. "What was that supposed to mean?"

"What was what supposed to mean?"

"You saying what it is about my Dad that's pissing me off now…what's that supposed to mean?"

Riley's right eyebrow lowered as her left one raised. "Uh, that you have a vendetta against your Dad. I mean…I get it. You're pissed that he left, but you went to see him, to hear what he had to say and you're blowing him off."

Kendall's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "Blowing him off?" His raised his voice. He was way past caring about whether or not patrolling cops would hear them and investigate. It was the furthest thing from his mind. "He left us! How's that for blowing someone off."

Riley pressed her lips into a thin line. "Y'see, I thought it was a bad idea that you wanted to go see your dad, but I didn't say anything." She held up her hands as if protecting herself from Kendall's glaring daggers at her. "I thought it would muck everything up. But I was being supportive and went with you anyway."

"Like that was a big stretch," Kendall spat. "You only went because you wanted to see how much money Robert had stolen from you guys."

Both of Riley's eyebrows now rose, her face creating an expression of surprise. He could see flash through her eyes before it was doused by flames of raging fury. "Are you saying that I…that we only cared about moolah when we went to his office with you?"

Kendall raised his hands and slapped them down to his sides. "Makes sense, right? Considering you were too much of a chicken to say anything about me not going to see him in the first place."

"So I always have to be the one that says something?" Now Riley was glaring at him, her face turning as red as her strand of hair. Her eyes flashed. "I always have to be the one that helps you? Cause you always do such a good job of listening to me. I told you, practically begged you not to punch out that guy at the ski lodge and did you listen to me and walk away? No. You let the boofhead's words get to you and punched him and now Carlos could quite possibly be facing charges. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?"

"NO!" Kendall shouted back. "I want to hear that you support me."

Riley raised her hands to her hair. "I can't support you!" She shrieked, her voice rising several octaves. "Don't you get that? I can't! Because I don't know what it's like. I don't know what it's like to have someone leave your life and come back. You have to face it, Kendall, I can't always help you with your problems and you can't make me, either. I don't know where to go from here. I'm trying, but I can't."

"Oh please don't tell me that you're going to play the 'oh-woe-is-me-my-parents-are-dead' card again." Kendall could see a distinctive change in Riley's face, like she had just been slapped. He knew that it was the worst thing that he could have said, that it was one of her more vulnerable topics that she absolutely refused to talk about. "Because that's starting to get really tiring."

"I don't have to, you already did," Riley hissed. "And that's a fucking cheap shot if you ask me."

"Yeah? Like yours was even better." Kendall turned on his heel and started to pace back and forth. He roughly ran a hand through his hair, then both of them over his face. With a growl, he faced Riley, his own green eyes flashing. Riley had stayed uncharacteristically quiet as he paced, but he could see her hands clenching into fists and she was probably going to explode soon. "So why are we friends if we can't help each other?"

Riley blinked at him. "ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?!" She roared. "You're really going to questions why we're friends just because of the fact that your dad's back in the picture? You're really going to be that much of an asshole?" She rolled her eyes. "Not like I didn't see it coming before, you were the one that had almost thrown it all away before, what's gonna stop you from doing it again?"

"That wasn't my fault!" Kendall insisted.

"Really?" Riley looked skeptical. She gave him an exaggerated look filled with massive amounts of 'duh' as she sneered, "It wasn't?"

"No, I couldn't-"

"Couldn't what?"

"I couldn't help it. It's wasn't my fault! I wasn't the one that made it perfectly clear that we were only going to be friends. I wasn't the one that would act like they were into me one minute and then…flirt with James the next."

"Just because you were jealous I wasn't giving you all of my attention that you were used to-"

"Ok!" Kendall threw his hands into the air. "I admit it! I was jealous, ok?! I'm a jealous person, you know that!" He pointed a finger at her. "You've always known that, so don't act like it's a new thing." He lifted an eyebrow. "And don't act like you weren't jealous of me and Lucy, either."

Riley scoffed. "I was NOT jealous, Kendall" she denied hotly, eyes ablaze with fury. "Unlike you, I'm not a jealous person."

"You were jealous, alright," Kendall insisted. "You practically spit fire anytime she was around."

"I was NOT!" Riley paused, her eyes shifting, trying to find the right words to say. That was ironic, the girl that never had any problems expressing herself was now taking the time to choose the right words. Finally, she let out an exasperated cry and threw her hands in the air. "I was possessive! There's a difference!" She wasn't going to admit to her that she was jealous. It wasn't like it was going to help anything; she had already made a fool of herself in front of Kendall because of her jealousy. Best friends or not, there were things that made her want to avoid Kendall at all costs, there were times that having to look at his face really hurt her. She turned her back on him, starting to pace, her hands repeatedly clenching and unclenching. "I can't believe we're arguing about this, again! It's all we ever argue about since you told me-"

"Since I told you that I wanted to be with you and you turned me down?" Kendall reminded her.

All of a sudden, all of the fight went out of Riley. She was tired. Just plain tired. He didn't get it. There were going to be many times that they could help each other, but there were going to be many times where she couldn't. It was time to get it done and over with once and for all. If their friendship didn't withstand it, then so be it. She needed to get it off of her chest, not just for her, but because she couldn't stand to see the hurt in his eyes anymore. She could admit it, it was hard to be around him after the two had-in a roundabout, not exact-exact way-admitted that they liked each other way back when he told her that he chose her over Jo and Lucy. It was easy but so hard to grow closer to the point where she could see nothing but disappointment in his eyes when he was aware when they held hands or hugged or did anything else that showed her affection, things weren't moving forward between them.

She hated to see him hurt and she hated to be the reason for it.

"I didn't turn you down;" Riley said slowly, gauging his reaction. She turned away from him, rubbing his arm. "I just didn't….want to be another girl on your girlfriend list…" The last part of Riley's sentence turned to a whisper and faded away. Kendall stared at her with wide eyes, his jaw dropped. Not a single sound came out of his mouth. "I know, that's not you at all. You're too much of a gentleman to be like that. Your mum raised you not to be like that. Katie would beat you up if you were like that. But what was I supposed to think? You dated Kayslee before coming out here and never really broke up with her. You dated Jo…and that ended terribly...then you dated Lucy…don't even get me started on that." She shook her head then lifted her gaze to his. "I didn't…I don't care that there would be some point you'd get another girlfriend, that doesn't bother me." She gave a sarcastic laugh. "But Lucy…that really was like a slap in the face. And then when you started to ditch me for her…"

She shook her head. "That really hurt me. And then I got to thinking…why would my best friend hurt me like this?" She shrugged. "So I figured that I finally missed my chance. I had the perfect opportunity to tell you at the party that we threw you guys but I didn't want to do it in front of everyone knowing that they were going to make a big deal about it. So I waited and that blew up in my face. I knew that everything that went down was partially my fault because I didn't tell you sooner, Ronan helped me see that too."

Kendall ran his hands over his face. He was tired of this conversation too, but at least they were making headway with it. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Riley snorted. "What was I supposed to do? Whinge about not having your attention?" She gave him a wry smile. "You've done that enough to me."

Kendall gave a half smile. "Ha ha." He crossed his arms over his chest as well, spreading his legs apart, grounding himself. "Ok…but if we're best friends…" he trailed off, before laughing lightly. "We say that a lot." Riley gave him a curious look. "We're best friends but…we're more than that." He looked directly at her. "Right?"

Riley slowly gave a teasing smile. "Yeah…" Then her face clouded. "But there's still so much stuff that you don't know about me and that's when it gets to me. That we're best friends and we say we can tell each other everything but we can't. Not really. There's too much at stake."

"That's the point!" Kendall became exasperated again. He could see the conversation heading in the opposite direction. "That's the point of trying to start something. You're risking your feelings and your friendship and your heart just because you want to be with someone that makes you feel…alive. If there wasn't a risk, there wouldn't be a reward."

"And what's the reward with me?" Riley demanded. She was now glaring, not at him, no exactly. She was glaring at the ground, as if looking for reflection of herself so she could tell herself everything she ever wanted to but had been too afraid to do it before. "You'll get a girl that can be manipulative, judgmental, impulsive, abrasive, blunt, stubborn-"

Kendall broke in. "You know how to get what you want, you're perceptive, you're outgoing, you're protective, honest, determined-"

"-and I have this perpetual dark cloud hanging over my head, of what we call the Jackson Curse as you should know by now, that things always seem to go wrong before it gets better. I have this…darkness following me everywhere, constantly beating me down to the point where-"

Kendall grabbed onto her shoulders and started to shake her. He all but hollered into her face, as the two of them had been raising their voices, trying to speak over each other, "You are so fucking stupid!" He gave an incredulous laugh when Riley's eyes narrowed and her face started to turn red. Despite the situation, he smiled a little.

"You are stupid if you don't understand this; you and your brothers and sister, you're all stupid. You're not the only ones that have darkness in them! You're not the only ones that have darkness following you around. And you're never going to be the only ones. The difference is that you all are always willing to try and beat it, to knock it back. You always have a support team to help you even though you all, you especially, are way too damn proud to use it. I know that you're too proud to ask for help, I know that you'd rather deal with everything yourself. You wouldn't be you if you didn't do that. You'd rather have everything go to shit for you than have your brothers and sister go through the same thing. You'd give up your appearances or your studio time just to help one of us or our friends if the situation ever came to it. And yet, you're still so stubborn that you focus more on the things that go wrong for you and what people think of you, when you say you don't care when we all know you care too much.

"You always put on this front for being brave and tough and I know that's only one side of you and it's sad that you only allow your family and me see the softer side that you have. You haven't even really showed James, Carlos, and Logan how soft you can be and they're some of your best friends. I know that at some point you're going to allow them to see it but, please, let me help you. Let me support you so the darkness can go away. And maybe…you can help mine go away, too."

In the prolonged silence Riley closed her mouth that had dropped open at Kendall's confession. She had gotten used to his speeches at this point—moderately surprised he hadn't tossed a hockey euphemism in there somewhere—and was ready to tease him about it like she always did. But her words were stuck in her throat.

For the first time in her life, she was left speechless.

That didn't ease Kendall's nerves at all, he was used to her talking, used to her having something to say for any situation, though most times it was nervous rambling and dislike of prolonged silence. "And I'm sorry about everything that's been going on, but I can't be the only one to blame here," he added. His eyes searched hers, she continued to stare back at him. "Ri?" He prompted.

Riley held an open hand in front of his face, effectively cutting him off. She lowered her hand, still looking directly at him—eye contact was never one of her weaknesses—the same serious expression was on her face, but he could see a glimmer deep in the darker parts of her eyes. Riley ducked her head and took a step closer to him, pressing her face against his chest, threading his arms up through his and resting her hands on his shoulders. Kendall lowered his arms to her upper back and turned his head, pressing his face into her hair.

It really is the simple things that make a difference.