Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite.

Author natterings: Two weeks! Dear gosh, I am terribly sorry. I am also sorry for the lack of request-filling this time 'round. They're coming, I swear.
To all those who guessed R&J as the title inspiration for the last installment - you're right!
Hitsugaya and Matsumoto romantic couple? You decide. The only thing for certain is that they're an awesome combination.

-

34. SO MAYBE IT WAS UNDERHANDED
He should've known this would happen. He should've known this would happen. Things like this always happened at the least opportune moment, and with himself as an accomplice. Always.

"I'm sorry, Miss, but your blood alcohol content seems to be... zero point two," the man in the uniform was saying. His eyebrows were raised and his eyes were wide and he seemed to be pushing up the brim of his hat, in case the sunlight was playing tricks on him.

"I don't see how that's a problem," Matsumoto reasoned with her hands on the steering wheel, perfectly innocent and easy-going.

The officer stared at the contraption in his hands, confounded. "But you are driving outside of the law," he said, and it sounded like he was questioning himself. He blinked some more at the little machine.

"Oh?" Matsumoto leaned strategically forward a bit, elbow hanging out of the window. "How so, sir?"

The officer looked up from the contraption right into Matsumoto's wide blue eyes. And it was brief, but Hitsugaya caught the drift of his gaze to her chest. He almost growled under his breath. Hitsugaya himself was certainly the only male ever to not react to those... things. "Erm, well. Well, the legal limit is zero point zero eight."

"I see," Matsumoto replied, nodding her head, even though Hitsugaya knew that she didn't understand a word this man was saying. He simmered slowly in the passenger's seat, seatbelt cutting at his neck. These cars. These policemen. What ridiculous... contraptions.

"So what you're saying," Matsumoto rehashed, casually playing with the pendant that fell between her cleavage, "Is that I have drank too much alcohol to be driving. Is that correct?" She beamed up at the officer, dazzling him.

He blinked, thoroughly dazzled. "Um... yes. Yes."

"Well, that's funny," she said, placing a finger on her lower lip. "Because I haven't drank any alcohol at all."

Bullshit, Hitsugaya thought to himself, shifting on the seat beside her. But he said nothing. Dear God, these pants were uncomfortably tight. How could Ichigo wear things like this? And this car was a deathtrap. If he didn't die of the other idiots driving these things, he'd die from overheating. With this officer here, there was no way he could just call up Hyourinmaru...

"The test does seem suspiciously high," the officer mused.

"Exactly, officer. If I were drunk, could I speak this coherently?"

The officer seemed uncertain now, as if he were suddenly aware of the trap Matsumoto was setting. Hitsugaya couldn't blame him. Matsumoto could be terribly persuasive. The officer would, of course, fall into the trap regardless. "Um, no, you couldn't?"

Matsumoto nodded, dropping her pendant back into her cleavage. "Exactly, officer. Now, have a nice day!" She put up a hand to wave, and promptly rolled up the window. They were whizzing along the road in seconds, the officer standing in the dust, scrunching his eyes.

"That was a bit underhanded, Matsumoto-fukutaichou," Hitsugaya said, though he wasn't sure how he felt about it.

Matsumoto grinned, then hit the accelerator. She picked up the pendant again. "I like to call it savoir faire."

-

35. MORNING
Matsumoto stood over the sink in the bathroom. She pulled faces in the mirror. Sad. Mischevious. Surprised. Sultry.

"Have you seen my socks?"

She was startled, and turned away from her reflection with a whip of her head.

He was gone.

Nothing registered for a moment. And then...

"Wait!" she called after him. She pulled the door open and hollered down the hall. "How much of that did you see?"

-

36. CHECK UP & CHECK OUT
"How'd you get that scar?" she asked him one day in the fourth division hospital.

"Stop looking at my body," he replied, irate at having to lie still during this inspection with barely any clothes on.

"Just asking," she sung. She was so glad they let her stay for this.

"Arm up," said Kou, Hitsugaya's nurse for the day. He was very knowledgeable and strong enough to control the less co-operative patients (which Hitsugaya was... to an extent). Unfortunately, Kou was also male, which meant he was susceptible to the charms of Matsumoto.

"Thank you for letting me stay, Kouyuu," purred Matsumoto, right on cue.

"N-no problem, Matsumoto-fukutaichou," said Kou, his eyes darting from Matsumoto's smile to Hitsugaya's bicep.

"Why are you here, again?" Hitsugaya asked.

"Other arm," said Kou.

Hitsugaya lifted his other arm.

"Moral support," replied Matsumoto, without seeming to think. She added, "You have a nice stomach there."

Hitsugaya narrowed his eyes. "... Thanks."

Kou smiled a little.

"And nice pecs."

"Stop," Hitsugaya warned.

"I'm giving you support!" she protested.

"Flip over," ordered Kou.

Hitsugaya turned so that he was lying on his back.

"Wow!" Matsumoto shot forward towards the examination table. "What happened there?"

Hitsugaya started to get up. "Stop staring-- oompf."

"Stay down, please, Hitsugaya-taichou," Kou said, pushing Hitsugaya down. He proceeded to bend Hitsugaya's knees and poke at his shoulders.

"And nice legs. They're nicer than mine," said Matsumoto, obviously still closely observing.

"Shut up, Matsumoto," said Hitsugaya through clenched teeth.

"Does this hurt?" asked Kou, pushing some point on Hitsugaya's back.

"No," responded Hitsugaya.

"And," Matsumoto said matter-of-factly, "a really nice butt."

"Matsumoto!" he exclaimed, feeling a surge of outrage. Greeeat. Now he was feeling really conscious of his butt.

"No, really," she continued thoughtfully, "it's small and tight, but in a guy way, not a girl way."

"Let me go, Kou, let me--"

"I'm sorry, Hitsugaya-taichou," said Kou, smiling. "I'm afraid I have to continue."

"As do I," said Matsumoto. She paused. Then- "Your shoulders are pretty sexy..."

Hitsugaya let out a suffering groan.