-Chapter 20
Serena watched as Malcolm walked away from her. She couldn't get the shocked look off her face as she struggled to find the words to say to Malcolm as he slipped down the hall, out the door and down the stairs. Serena could feel the tears coming down her face. She leaned against the wall and put her head in her hands. Things could not have been getting any worse for her. Although, she couldn't blame Malcolm for getting mad, this was entirely her fault. How could she have let things get this far?
Darien was standing there watching Serena as she slumped to the floor, her head in her hands. His anger and humiliation at what he had just said to her were still strong as he watched her. But slowly, something was eating away at him; he hated how Serena was curled up on the floor crying. As much as he didn't want to, he found himself aching to touch her, to hold her, to try and make her feel better. He just didn't know how.
Mustering up his courage, Darien walked over to Serena, sat on the floor next to her and slowly put his arms around her, taking her small body up against his own. Darien sat there with her, rubbing her back as she continued to cry. Having her in his arms made him feel good again; of course the circumstances were not the best, but having her close to his body made him feel whole again. He gently kissed the top of her head, keeping her against his chest.
Serena felt the arms wrap around her and for a few moments she felt safe. She liked the pressure that his body put on hers; it was a good feeling. She stayed in his arms for a long while, just letting everything out and feeling sorry for herself. Finally, Serena pulled herself together, wiping her eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths. It wasn't until then that she realized what was going on. She pulled herself away from Darien's body and quickly stood up.
"Darien, you need to leave." Serena said, stepping away from him. Darien, looking a bit startled at her abrupt motions, looked at her and stood up and took a step towards her, closing the gap between them. Lost for words, Serena let him approach her. Darien cupped her face in his hands and looked her in the eyes. He brought his lips to hers and he couldn't express how right it felt for him to be there with her again. He felt her responding to his lips and one hand drifted back down to her waist and pulled her body against his. Serena's body was responding, but she quickly collected her thoughts and pushed him away from her.
"Darien, stop! We can't do this! Its just not… its not right." Serena said taking more steps away from him. Darien took another step forward, but Serena held her hand up to him.
"Serena…" he said, looking her in the eyes. But once he gazed into her blue eyes, he could see the hurt that was in her eyes. It crushed him to see her so upset.
"Darien, I can't do this anymore. Not with you, not with Malcolm not with anybody!" Serena said, looking at him.
"Serena… please, just listen to me." Darien said, hoping she would listen to him, although he had nothing prepared, nor did he know what he would say. He just knew he couldn't let her walk away from him. He hadn't known a feeling like this in all his life.
"Please Darien; I just can't continue doing this back and forth thing with you! It's gotten to be too hard." Serena said, and with that she turned away from him and walked into her apartment. Before she closed the door, she took one last look at the dark man and shrugged.
"I'll see you at work." And with that she shut the door. Serena let out a sigh as she turned her back to the door and leaned against it. Again, she slumped to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing them against her chest. Serena couldn't take any more of this, she wanted to be done.
On the other side of the door, Darien remained standing there. He too sat down against the wall, and stared at the door in front of him. This was a situation that he had never been in. he was uncertain of how to convince her that she was supposed to be with him. He could feel it in his heart that she belonged with him. Darien stayed sitting in the hallway for two hours, trying to come up with some sort of gesture that would make Serena understand how he felt about her. Finally, something came to mind.
Darien got up from his spot and left the hallway, went down the stairs, out of the building and straight to his car. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of this solution earlier! He sped off down the road, knowing that there was only one thing he could do. Darien drove back to his house, eager to find the documents he had prepared long ago but had never gotten around to filling out or completing. In his study, he finally found the divorce papers hidden in a folder on one of his bookshelves.
He looked at the papers and took a deep breath then taking a pen and quickly signing at all the places indicated. Looking down at his final signature, he smiled. His marriage to Lita was the only thing that was holding him back from being with Serena; Malcolm seemed to be out of the picture once he had found out the situation between her and Darien. Grabbing his cell phone, Darien called Lita's number as he headed out to his car. On the last ring she picked up the phone.
"I knew you'd be calling me sooner or later." Lita said softly on the other line. Darien knew he had to speak to her the way she wanted in order for her to sign the papers.
"Where are you Lita, I have a favor to ask you." He said, turning the car on and reversing out of his long driveway.
"I'm with Amy right now, at her house. You should come and see us." She said.
"I'm on my way right now." Darien said, then hung up the phone. There used to be a time where he would go to see Lita and Amy solely for physical purposes, but tonight was something different. He drove the thirty minutes out to the apartment that his hopefully soon-to-be ex-wife and her girlfriend shared. He parked his car, and ran up the steps and let himself into their apartment.
"Lita?" he called, walking through the entrance and towards the living room. Darien could hear noises coming from the room and as he got closer, he knew what was going on. He stopped short of the living room and pulled himself together, deciding not to continue but to bring Lita to him instead.
"Lita, I need to speak with you, now." Darien called. He heard a soft moan, and then within seconds, Lita emerged from the room, wrapping a sheet around her bare body.
"Aww, did you not want to join us?" she asked, walking up to him and kissing his lips. Darien pulled away from her and shook his head.
"No thanks, I need you to sign these forms for me." Darien replied, handing her the divorce papers. Lita looked at him, then took the papers and examined them.
"What the hell is this?" she asked, looking back up at him.
"Lita, its time. What is the point of carrying on like this? You've got your own life, and I have mine." Darien said, handing her the pen he carried with him. She looked up at him and shook her head.
"I can't believe this. Why now? What happened? Who is she?" Lita asked, staring at Darien with her big green eyes.
"That's none of your concern. Just sign the papers, please." He said as nicely as he could.
"How dare you! It is of my concern! You're MY husband, aren't you? Shouldn't I know who my husband is leaving me for?" Lita's eyes flashed with anger. There used to be a time where Darien found her intensity alluring, as if she could match him. But now, he only felt annoyed at her stubbornness.
"You left me for another woman, how is this any different?" he asked, glaring down at the woman in front of him. Lita watched him for a few seconds, then took the papers out of his hand, leaned them against the wall and reluctantly signed them. After a couple moments, she finished and handed them over to him.
"Now get the fuck out of my apartment."
Darien nodded, turned away and walked towards the door. Before he reached the door, Lita caught his arm, pulled him around and pressed her now naked body against him as she placed her lips on his. She took the papers out of his hand, threw them to the floor and placed them on her body as she continued to kiss him. Darien couldn't help but be pulled in to her alluring taste and the way she moved her body against his. But as quickly as his weakness came, it left just as fast. Darien pulled away from her and pulled his hands off her body. He bent down and picked up the divorce papers and looked at Lita. He brushed the hair out of her face, placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and walked away.
"Goodbye Lita, I wish you the best." He said, before closing the door behind him. He leaned against the door and felt a sudden weight lift off his shoulders. For the most part, he felt relieved to have finally gotten the papers signed, but he couldn't help but feel a slight twinge of nostalgia for the woman he had just kissed. She was a part of his past and a part of him, and he knew he'd always care for her. But the way he felt about Serena was something he had never felt before, not even for Lita.
Darien took a deep breath and walked back to his car. He checked his blackberry to see what time it was, and the clock read 1:30 am as he climbed into his black Mercedes. He sat there debating on whether or not he should call Serena. He wanted to hear her voice, to hear her laugh. Darien continued to sit in his car and decided it was probably best to wait to speak to Serena in the morning when she came into the office. Reluctantly, he put his phone down and pulled out of Lita and Amy's driveway and headed towards home.
Serena was still sitting on her couch, trying to collect herself. She had made such a mess of things with Malcolm. Why couldn't she have just come clean to him long ago? Serena lay on her couch; her eyes were tired and red from the tears she had shed. A couple of minutes later Serena got up to go to her bedroom, when she heard a knock at the door. She stopped in her tracks and looked at her door. She couldn't deal with anymore surprises or more guys coming over and getting angry with her. Serena didn't think she would answer the door, she didn't want to see who was behind it. She didn't want to hear Darien try to console her, or Malcolm being angry at him.
The knock came more furiously, as Serena continued to stand there and debate whether or not to open the door. But the knocks continued to come, and so Serena reluctantly walked to the door and peeked through the peep hole. She took a deep breath as the blonde haired man stood outside of her door.
"Serena! Serena, I need you to please open the door… Please." Malcolm said, standing behind the door. "Really, I just need to talk to you." He said, knocking on the door again. Serena turned away from the door and leaned against it. She put her face in her hands and shook her head, she couldn't deal with all of this.
"Serena, I know you're there… please just open the door… I just want to talk to you. Serena I NEED to talk to you…" he said through the door. Serena took a deep sigh; she wasn't ready to face Malcolm yet.
"Serena, I just want you to know that I really want to talk about this… I'm sorry I overreacted earlier this evening, but it got me crazy knowing you were with somebody else… Serena? Please answer me…" Serena looked back through the peep hole and saw Malcolm there, pacing back and forth. She couldn't continue doing this to him, so she turned to the door and opened it. Malcolm turned to her and froze for a second.
"Can I come in?" Malcolm asked as he looked into her eyes. Serena looked back at him, and saw the urgency in his eyes. Reluctantly, she let her guard down and opened the door wide enough for him to come through and into her apartment.
"Malcolm, please let me say something first." Serena said, closing the door behind her. But Malcolm cut her off.
"No, please just let me say what I need to say, then I'll listen to what you need to tell me." He said, almost begging her. Serena couldn't deny him his request, and walked him over to the couch and sat down. Malcolm sat next to her and took her hands.
"Serena, I'm sorry for leaving so quickly. I shouldn't have just left. It was just too much for me to handle, hearing about this from Darien and then him asking if he was the father of your baby. I didn't know how to react. I just want us to be able to talk about this and move through this. I think we have something special, and we need to hold onto that." Serena looked into Malcolm's eyes and began to tear up; she couldn't believe she would have to break this wonderful man's heart. She took a deep breath and pulled her hands out of his.
"Malcolm, please don't blame yourself for this. What happened was my fault and I really need to be honest with you." Serena said. Malcolm pulled away from her and continued to look at her; Serena knew he was expecting the worst, and she hated herself knowing that she was going to give it to him.
"With Darien, it wasn't just once or a couple of times. When we were in the Bahamas, I stayed with him almost every night, I had feelings for him. I still have feelings for him. And I'm sorry for what I did, I didn't mean for anything to happen with me and Darien, things just escalated. I know I should have told you earlier, and I wanted to, but I had no idea what to say to you or how to say it. I never meant for this to happen and I don't deserve a guy as amazing as you are." She said, looking into his eyes. Malcolm took a deep breath and looked away from her.
"So the mornings when I called you, and talked to you and told you I missed you and you said you missed me too, you were with him? In bed with him?" he asked, getting a little angry.
"I'm sorry Malcolm, I really am!" Serena said. She felt that there was nothing else she could say to him. Malcolm got up from the couch and started walking away.
"Malcolm, please come back!" she said, hoping to salvage something, although she knew she didn't deserve it. Malcolm turned back to her.
"Come back for what? So you can tell me how you two probably laughed at me when I called you? I feel like an idiot Serena! Here I was in New York wishing that I could be with you, when you're off fucking your boss, falling in love with him for all I know! Have you been with him since you got back to New York?" he asked, his green eyes shining with anger. Serena opened her mouth to respond, but couldn't.
"I'll take that as a yes." He said, turning away from her and continuing to walk out of her apartment.
"Malcolm, I am truly sorry for what I did to you. I hope that you find somebody that deserves you." Serena said, as she watched Malcolm walk towards the door out. Malcolm turned to face her.
"It's strange, because I thought you were that somebody, Serena." He said as he slammed the door shut after walking out of her apartment. Serena couldn't help but feel even worse. She walked over to the door, locked it and went to her bedroom. Serena curled up onto her bed and slowly shed a few tears. As she lay in her bed, she began to wonder how she'd ever cheer up after this. As much as she hated herself for it, all she could think of was curling up with Darien, that was the only thing she could think of that would make her feel any better. She hated herself for wanting to be with Darien so soon after Malcolm had left her, but she couldn't help herself.
Serena was getting desperate, she wanted to hear Darien's voice and hopefully to hear that he was thinking of her too. She picked up her BlackBerry and scrolled down to his name and just stared at it. Serna took a deep breath and pressed the green button to call him. Her heart was racing as she waited for him to answer his phone. The phone rang once, twice, three then four times before it went to voicemail. Serena's heart sunk as she hung up the phone. She groaned as she slumped back into her pillows and began to fall asleep.
Serena walked into the Shields Inc. building the next morning. She didn't know what to really expect this morning, but she had really wished she hadn't called Darien late the other night. Serena sighed and walked onto the floor and sat her things down on her desk and looked around to see if Andrew or Darien were already in. Seeing Darien's door cracked a bit, she made her way over to it, and knocked lightly before opening the door slowly.
"Darien?" she called, waiting to hear his voice. There he sat at his desk, looking over files and documents.
"Yes, Serena?" he asked, putting his documents down and looking into her blue eyes. She smiled gently, and leaned against his door.
"Good morning, is there anything I can help you with?" Serena asked. Darien watched her body language; she looked more relaxed, granted the last time he saw her she was curled up crying on the floor. He brushed that picture out of his head and looked at the stunning woman in front of him.
Darien analyzed Serena for a couple of seconds; there was something that was mysterious about her. He had woken up this morning and saw that she had called him late at night, and for what reason he didn't know, although he was very curious about it. He also wanted to tell her about what happened between him and Lita, but he didn't know how to tell her. Serena looked back at him, waiting for an answer.
"No, nothing." He said, watching her for a couple more seconds. Serena nodded and turned to leave when Darien stopped her. "Serena, wait…" he said. She turned around on the spot and looked at him.
"Yes?"
"I was wondering… would you be willing to go to dinner with me tonight?" he asked with a straight face. Serena was taken aback for a moment, but slowly pulled herself together.
"Oh… sure. Yea, that seems fine." She replied. Darien smiled and she took that as a dismissal from his office as well. Serena stepped outside and closed the door behind her. She had no idea what having dinner with Darien would mean, and whether this was something romantic or something else.
Serena walked to her desk and got started on the documents that were on her desk. The minutes crept by as she filed the paperwork, filled out memos and arranged meetings. After half an hour, she got so antsy about the dinner that she got up and went to Andrew's office. She knocked on the door and waited for Andrew to reply.
"Come in Serena." He said. She walked into his office and smiled at him. Andrew looked up and motioned for her to take a seat in front of his desk. Serena sat down and waited for him to say something, she knew that he would. After a couple of minutes, Andrew looked up from his papers and set them aside.
"So, how is your day going?" he asked with a knowing smile on his face. Serena rolled her eyes at him and proceeded to tell him about Darien.
"I was in Darien's office and he… he asked me to dinner tonight. I honestly have no idea why. We didn't end things on a good note when he left my apartment last night, and I don't know what's going on." Serena said, looking at him. "Andrew you must know something."
"Why do you assume that I know anything? He barely tells me anything to do with you or his feelings for you." he replied.
"I just don't know what he wants, or what to say to him. I was just so angry yesterday when he came over and then Malcolm showed up while he was there and got angry. It was just an awkward situation and I didn't handle it well." She explained. Andrew watched her facial expressions, he could tell that she was still concerned about Malcolm, but he knew that she wanted Darien.
"Serena listen, I know that things have been hard for you and you're worried about hurting people's feelings, but you have to put those things aside. If you want to go to dinner with Darien, then go. Having a meal with him will hopefully clear your thoughts. It might be good for you guys to talk." Andrew said, looking her in the eye. Serena nodded and took a deep breath.
"This is just hard. I don't think I'll be making any decisions about who I date anytime soon. I've messed up too much." She finished.
Andrew watched as Serena got her things together, arranging her files that he had given her to take care of. It was obvious that Serena had nobody to turn to that knew them both well. It was hard to see her in such a state, she looked almost defeated; as if there were no more hope for her. Andrew just wanted her to be able to forgive herself for what happened, and that she could be with Darien. He watched her walk out of his office as she smiled at him.
"If things don't go well, you can always call me and Mina. We're both here for you." he said with a smile. Serena's face brightened up and nodded.
"Thanks Andrew, I really appreciate it." She said as she closed the door behind her. Serena went to her desk and finished getting the papers together and working on schedules and other documents. When it came time to leave, Darien emerged from his office and waited patiently for Serena to finish doing her work. Once she was done, Darien helped her collect her things.
"Are you ready to go?" Darien asked, helping her get her purse together. Serena smiled at him, and it made his heart stop. He couldn't go without her, this dinner had to go well and he needed her to be with him.
"Yea, I'm ready. Where are we going?" she asked as they headed to the elevator. Darien waited for her to step in before him and then followed her.
"It's just this small Italian restaurant downtown, my favorite place to go in the city." He said, looking her in the eyes. Serena couldn't keep his gaze so she looked down at her hands. They reached the lobby and walked out together, not saying a word. Darien wanted more than anything to reach out and grab her hand and feel her skin against his. He had never felt like this before, never wanted to make somebody else happy just so he too could be happy. They walked out of the building and Darien turned to her.
"If you like, I can drive us there." He said, hoping she would come with him. Serena looked apprehensive as she looked up at him. "I promise I'll just drive us there and back." He said, recognizing her uneasiness.
"Alright, that's fine." Serena said, smiling politely at him. Darien could tell she was nervous about what was going on between the two of them. All he wanted to do was take her hand and reassure her that everything would be fine, but he didn't know if it would be. They reached his car and he opened the passenger door for her and she climbed in, smiling at him the way she used to.
"Thank you." she said, as she climbed into his car. Darien grinned at her then shut the door before going around to the driver's seat. The drive to the restaurant brought Darien back to the time when they were in the Bahamas; they were at ease and laughed the entire way there. Serena was her bubbly self again and he was being drawn to her energy. As they pulled up to the restaurant, Darien let the valet take his car.
Serena was lost in the moment; she linked arms with Darien as he came around to her side of the car. They walked into the restaurant arm in arm, appearing to be a happy couple. The host seated them in a small booth that was a little secluded. Darien continued to be a gentleman and pulled her seat out for her. Serena smiled at Darien as he sat across from her. She looked into his eyes, and smiled.
"So what is all this? Why did we come to dinner?" she asked, curious as to why he was doing all of this. He looked at her and took her hands in his. Darien had made up his mind; he wanted to tell her how he felt.
"I just want to tell you that things have changed, I need you to know that I understand why you were upset, and I wanted to make it right." He said, looking her in the eyes. Serena was confused, she didn't know what Darien was talking about, and she didn't know if she wanted to hear it. Serena tried to take her hands out of his, but she couldn't; she had missed the feeling of his hands on her so she couldn't remove herself from him.
"Darien… what are you talking about?" she asked, not understanding him. Darien gazed into her eyes and smiled at her.
"I have feelings for you, very strong feelings Serena. I've never felt like this about anybody before. I can't imagine not seeing you smile everyday, or kissing you… I heard what you said the other day, and I have made plenty of mistakes, but I'm trying to make them right." Darien said, caressing her hands as he held them.
"I want you to know that I've done it… I divorced Lita last night." He said smiling brightly. Darien watched Serena's face and was confused by her reaction. He had expected her to be happy and smiling at him, excited that they had no more obstacles to overcome. Instead, her eyes were tearing up and she slowly removed her hands from his. Darien's smile slowly slid off his face, and he became unreadable. Serena shook her head at him.
"You did what?"