A.N.: I'm so sorry for the time it took me to finish this chapter. I had a writers block plus my workload for university. I would have finished last week had we not visited London for a week. Me and my friend went completely nuts when we visited Warner Bros studios and did the Harry Potter tour. A dream come true. *^*
Anyways back to the issue at hand - I hope you enjoy this chapter
Chapter 19
Harry felt like he could fall asleep while walking. It was the consequence of being awake all night. He glowered at his father who was cheerfully awake and didn't seem to be tired at all. His father. The word still felt foreign even in his mind. He walked closely next to him. He could feel the warmth his father's body radiated. It calmed him like nothing had ever done in his life. They had walked in silence for a while now and yet it was not an uncomfortable silence. As they walked Harry studied his fathers profile. The hazel eyes would flicker towards him every so often as if to make sure that he was still there. He was the one that should feel insecure of his father disappearing should he take his eyes of him for even a second. Harry held up his hand to stifle another yawn.
"Tired?" His father asked with a small chuckle and ruffled through Harrys hair. He had given up complaining since it was obvious that he wouldn't stop and also because it reassured him that he was really there, that he was able to touch him. Harry nodded.
"We're almost there." James said as he gave Harrys shoulder a squeeze. He let go of Harrys shoulder and started walking in front of him. The slowly bustling village gradually started to disappear behind them as they made their way on the side walk towards the home his father had been raised in. The snow was glistering in the early morning sun and the cold had turned their cheeks a slightly red color. Harrys hands felt cold and he borrowed deeper into Sirius coat, which was a few sizes too big for him. One could only see the top of his head and his eyes. The rest went under in the grey coat. They left behind the few houses that had been standing at the street. Now the only thing on either side of it were snow covered fields and forest. The sidewalk was covered in snow and the only footprints were the ones he and his father left behind. Otherwise it looked untouched. But he soon noticed that it was not as untouched as he thought. It took him awhile to notice the paw prints in the snow. Sirius had obviously walked along the same path. His father came to a stop all of a sudden and Harry promptly walked into him. Instead if immediately stepping back like he would have usually done he leaned his head against his father's back. He could hear his father breathing. His breathing was calming and reassuring. It was like a lullaby and he could feel his eyes grow heavy. He could fall asleep like this.
"Harry, you can't sleep yet." He heard his father chuckle and he felt the vibration through his back. With great effort he lifted his head.
"I'm awake." He mumbled. His father turned around and raised one eyebrow skeptically.
"Really? From what I see you could as well be sleepwalking." He said with a teasing smile. "Can you manage to stay awake for five more minutes or do I need to carry you piggyback style?"
Harry felt so drowsy that he didn't understand half the sentence. The only thing he heard was gibberish and the word piggyback. So his answer was a sleepy "What?"
"All right, that's decided then!" He exclaimed and Harry could only look at him in sleepy confusion as he crouched down. "Get on!"
Harry only blinked in confusion. He turned his head around and said: "Get on so I can carry you!"
If Harry had been awake enough he might have protested but at the moment being carried sounded like the best thing in the world. Right now he just wanted to sleep. The emotional rollercoaster of the night had drained him of the rest of his energy.
His father hoisted him up in one smooth motion and carried his weight easily. Harry rested his head on his father's shoulder as he stifled another yawn. The motion of his father's steps lulled him to sleep as his warmth enveloped him. He felt safe. His last thought was that till now he had never been carried piggyback in all his life.
Harrys breath tickled James neck as his breathing evened out and he fell asleep. James chuckled slightly as he walked. He could nearly feel his sons heartbeat through his coat and couldn't suppress the grin that overtook his features. He had thought that he would never be able to do this. He had thought that he would never have been able to touch Harry again after he had died.
'A baby's loud wail ripped Lily from her sweet dreams. It seemed like Harry had woken up again. Her son did not often shed a tear but he could certainly scream when he wanted to. Which at the moment was a lot. It was the third time this night alone that he had woken them up. She rolled over grabbed her cushion and hid her head beneath it. She could still hear James chuckle next to her.
"It's your turn" She said in an muffled voice. She felt James press a kiss to her bare shoulder before the mattress dipped and he left the bed. She heard him step out of the bedroom and into the nursery. She could hear him softly humming to Harry. She smiled into the cushion that was still held over her head. Without really thinking about it she got out of bed. The need to stay close to the two of them had once again taken her. She wrapped the blanket around her as she softly tiptoed in the direction of the nursery. He bare feet felt cold on the wooden floor and the blanket made a quiet sound as its edges were dragged across the floor. A small silver of warm golden light shone through the crack of the door. Her fingers whispered over the teddy bear sign Remus had given them for Harry before she gently opened the door. The light blinded her till her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. What she saw brought a smile to her face. She leaned against the doorframe watching the two people she loved most in the world.
James was gently rocking a giggling Harry trying to get their awake baby back to sleep. He was walking up and down whispering soothing nothings in Harrys ear, who was not in the mood to sleep at all. Instead his chubby little fingers made a grab for James glasses. He made an amused sound and James barely managed to save his glasses from the little hands.
"Ah, Ah Harry you don't want to become a glasses thief like Sirius!" James admonished with a laugh. Harry made a gurgling sound and clapped. It was one of the first things he did clapping his hands together like that.
"Now why don't you try and go back to sleep?" James asked as he gave Harry a small kiss on the nose.
Lily smiled as James started quietly humming while he softly rocked Harry. He was softly humming the first verse of a lullaby Lily loved.
"The lions heart of loyalty
will see the same in peasants and royalty
The snakes venomous poison
may hear the survivors orison
The ravens black wings
may bestow wisdom upon kings
The badgers chains of trust
will forever be without rust"
Remus had found the old lullaby in the library and had taught it to the other marauders. During the Hogwarts days they had used it as a code. Every marauder had gotten a part of the lullaby. James had taught her the words and their meaning one evening in front of the fire back in seventh year. She had listened enraptured as he had recited the words in a soft voice. It was one of the first moments she had seen something other than the troublemaker in James. It was one of her precious memories.
Not for the first time she realized that he hadn't changed much from the boy he had been. He may have grown into an adult and he may have become more mature and serious (She did not mean Sirius! Luckily he had not turned into another Sirius. One was more than enough, thank you very much!) but his core was still the same mischievous one. And as much as she complained about it secretly or not so secretly she loved it. The time when she hated his guts seemed so distant now and so false. After all she loved him. She loved his serious side. She loved his crooked little grin. She loved his laugh, his mischievous side, his smirk, the way his voice sounded when he whispered sweet nothingness into her ear. She loved the way he loved his brothers and her. She loved his loyalty, his stupid bravery, his antics and all the little quirks that came with the package that made up James Potter. She had thought that she couldn't love him more but she was wrong. As she watched him with Harry in her arms she loved him more than ever. She loved them both so much her heart ached. She couldn't lose them, not to anything or anyone.
James turned towards her in that moment. Harry was slowly calming down. His little precious face resting on his father's shoulder. A fond smile wormed itself onto her face. Even now James eyes lightened up when he saw her.
"Look who got out of bed!" James said as he went over to her side. He gave her a quick peck on the lips and Harry reached out one sleepy hand towards her. Gently she took his hand in hers. His small hand seemed even tinier as it lay in hers. It made her heart swell with love.
"Love you, Harry" Lily said with a soft smile before she kissed her son on the cheek. When she looked up she came face to face with a pouting James.
"What about me?!" He whined. Silent laughter was sparkling in his hazel eyes. Lily raised her hand without conscious thought and softly stroked his cheek.
"I love you" She said those words in earnest without a hint of laughter. She saw as the teasing light disappeared from his eyes and they became as serious as hers. She could see the love in his eyes as he softly smiled. He answered in an almost awed voice: "I know." '
Harry woke up groggily and disoriented. He had no clue as to where he was and without his glasses everything looked blurry. He was feeling around for his glasses but he couldn't find them. He could only feel blankets. He was startled when he came into contact with something furry. Something big and black was laying next to him. Something furry, big and black. Sirius, his sleepy mind provided after a moment. Sirius in his Animagus form. Slowly he sat up.
"Here, Harry." Somebody said and held out his glasses. Harry gave a sigh of relief as the world slipped back into focus. He was looking at a smiling professor Lupin. Moony, his mind provided. It would take him a while to think of him as somebody other than Professor Lupin. They were in what seemed like a sitting room. A load of blankets and cushions had been spread out on the floor. It seemed to have been his bed. Remus was sitting on the couch causally sipping tea as if it was the most normal thing in the world to have an escaped prisoner laying at his feet in dog form. It didn't take Harry long to realize why he wasn't surprised in the least. He had known. His father had hinted at him knowing when they had been at the graveyard. His father. His eyes looked around the room fanatically searching for his father's figure.
"If you're looking for James he is in the kitchen making us some lunch." Professor Lupin said with a small smile. Harrys shoulders sagged in relief just as his stomach growled. He flushed as P-Remus chuckled. "The food should be ready pretty soon, we should probably get down there." Remus said as he got up and put the cup aside. Harry did the same.
"Oy, get up Padfoot!" He said loudly but the big black dog only continued to sleep. Remus gave as sigh and muttered: "I had forgotten what a pain in the neck it had always been to wake him."
"Aguamenti!" he said and a great spurt of water came out of his wand hitting Padfoot straight in the face. He woke up with a yelp and promptly turned back into his human form.
"Moooony!" He growled as he glared at Remus who to Harrys surprise smirked.
"Good afternoon, Padfoot" He exclaimed with a boyish grin that lightened up his tired looking face.
"Payback!" Sirius proclaimed as he grabbed the two next best pillows and threw them at Remus. It hit him square in the face. He glared at Sirius and to Harrys surprise grabbed a pillow. He would have hit Sirius with it had he not dodged.
"Missed me!" Sirius howled with a gleeful cackle. "Have you eyes gone bad after all the years Moony?!" Remus glowered at him and picked up two more feather filled pillows. This time Sirius jumped behind Harry and used him as a shield but it was already too late to stop Remus from throwing them. It hit Harry in the head. The throw was strong enough and the pillows old enough so that they ripped. The white feathers were stuck in Harrys raven hair. He blew the feather away that was hanging on his nose and sent a halfhearted glare into Remus direction. Sirius winked at him and Harry grabbed the next best pillow.
When James came into the sitting room with lunch he was greeted by the sight of two adults and a young teenager having a pillow fight. White feathers were flying through the air and laughter filled the room.
"Oy, don't have all the fun without me!" James pouted as he put the tray with food on the small living room table. since they had not heard his arrival he had startled the three of them. Feathers were stuck in their hear and they were out of breath with huge grins on their faces. Remus and Sirius looked like they had shed years of sadness and James couldn't help the relieved grin that overtook his face. Harry looked at him with something akin to wonder. Yet it was Sirius whose face changed as his eyes landed on the food.
"Food!" He bellowed before he rushed over, nearly knocking James over and started stuffing loads of food into his mouth. Remus pulled a grimace at Sirius currently non existing table manners. Oh he could have table manners if it was needed but mostly he just didn't care.
"Harry, come it something before the black hole has gobbled down everything!" James said with a laugh before he hit Sirius over the head trying to signal him to leave some food for them. He got a load of gibberish words through Sirius full mouth as answer. As much as he was used to Sirius strange ways now even he wrinkled his nose. Harry came over slightly hesitantly but the grumbling of his stomach made him bolder. He took a seat on the ground next to him and took some food from the tray. The three marauders talked easily, teasing each other and trading stories of the good old days. Yet Harry was silent but he did not seem bored or disinterested instead he was listening with rapt attention. He was soaking in their voices and his eyes barely left James at all. He didn't even complain when James ordered him to eat all of his vegetables whereas any other child would have complained loudly. James glanced sideways and true Harrys emerald eyes were on him. It looked like he was committing every inch of him to memory. It pained him to see that lingering look of disbelief in Harrys eyes. He threw his arm around Harrys shoulder ignoring the yelp of surprise. He pressed Harry close to his side. He could feel his son exhale a sigh. They continued talking animatedly but now Harry had stopped checking if he was still there every few seconds.
"JAMES CHARLUS POTTER!" A voice thundered and James scrambled to get on his feet. Remus and Sirius shared a terrified glance. Harry looked startled and confused.
"Lily..." James breathed. He had actually expected Lily to appear sooner than this. He had expected her to appear only an hour after he had put Harry beneath the warm blankets to sleep. Now she materialized in front of him. Her emerald eyes were flashing in anger and her red mane looked wild. She looked just as beautiful as she had back during their Hogwarts years. Sirius would call him whipped again.
"DON'T YOU LILY ME!" Lily nearly snarled as she focused her glare on him. If glares could kill he would have never reached the age of twelve. Well it was his luck that they couldn't kill. Harry was staring at his mother with open awe, disbelief and maybe even a little fear. After all no one was not afraid when her temper showed. He opened his mouth to say something but was rudely interrupted by his wife.
"WHERE IN MERLINS NAME WERE YOU?! YOUR SON IS MISSING AND SO WERE YOU AND SIRIUS! TELL ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO CURSE YOU TO THE MOON!" Lily bellowed and James caught something in her voice that made his defenses softened immediately. She was angry because she had been scared and worried.
"Lils, calm down. Breath." James said as he hesitantly touched Lily's shoulders. "I am fine, Sirius is just peachy ..." Sirius waved from his position on the floor with food stuffed in his mouth. "And Harry is fine as well." He gestured with his head towards Harry, who was still sitting stiffly on the floor. He looked uncertain and seemed like he had no idea what he should do.
"Hey, mum" Harrys said a little uncertainly and James shot him an encouraging smile. You could clearly see the transformation that took place on Lily's face. The anger drained out of her eyes and tears started to gather. Harry shot James a slightly panicked look. James just send him a small smile and took a step back removing himself from the scene playing out in front of him. Remus and Sirius joined him. Right now, this moment was solely Lily and Harrys.
"Harry..." The name left Lily's lips in breathless hush. The single word was filled with love.
Harry was afraid to blink. Afraid that she would disappear. It was his mum. It really was his mum who was floating in front of him, whose green eyes were looking at him with love. Even though as a ghost she was transparent her wavy hair was still red and her eyes the same emerald green as his own. The emeralds seemed to be drowning in a sea of unshed tears yet she was smiling a warm smile. It managed to raise a smile from Harry without a second thought. Slowly she took a step forward and as if in trance Harry stood up. Her silvery form shimmered in the fire light. His eyes never left her face. His mother. He had seen her before but it hadn't felt quiet real till this moment. It was the same feeling he had gotten when his father had hugged him. The feeling that this was reality and not just another dream of a lonely boy. In front of him stood the woman who had brought him to this world and who had sacrificed herself so that he could stay in this world. She was now standing directly in front of him. Slowly she moved both her hands till they were resting on his cheeks. He couldn't actually feel the touch of her ghostly hands but the air on his cheeks felt warmer than the rest. He closed his eyes a moment. Relishing the fact that he could feel even this much. He had never felt even a trace of a mother's love in the last twelve years. He soaked the feeling of being loved, of having a mother like sponge. He felt like somebody who had been lost in the desert without water and had finally found an oasis and not a Fata Morgana produced by his thirsting heart. The smile he sent his mother was quivering. In a soft almost trembling voice he whispered: "mum".
The single word was what broke the dam. His mothers tears spilled over and were rolling down her cheeks. Her lucent arms came around him and when he tried to touch her his hand just went through her.
"I'm so sorry, baby! So sorry!" She said between her tears. "I'm so sorry for not being there! I'm so sorry for being unable to protect you! I'm so sorry that you had to stay with my sister! So sorry, sweetie!"
Harry shook his head fanatically. "NO, You have nothing to be sorry for!"
She leaned forward and gave him a kiss on the forehead. It felt like a gentle breeze. She smiled through her tears.
"I love you, Baby! I love you so much!" Her eyes were misty but the love reflected in them was unmistakable. Now he was the one who was crying. He had never thought that he would hear those words from her again.
"Shhhh" His mother rubbed soothing circles on his back but he could only feel a breeze and nothing more. He couldn't feel her touch but she was there and for now that was more than he had thought possible. "It's all right! We're here, honey. We love you! Everything's going to be fine. I'm here! I love you" He words were like a warm blanket that wrapped around his heart. Enveloping in a warmth he had long forgotten, healing the invisible wounds his parents death had left and making him feel truly happy. A soft smile was gracing his lips as he was hugged by his mother even though her touch felt like nothing more than a soft wind stroking his skin. That barely felt touch gave him more peace than ever before in his life.
James heart squeezed painfully as he watched them. He had to look away and he saw that Remus and Sirius were also wearing the same sad and painful expression. Without any verbal communication they left the room to give mother and son some privacy for their long awaited reunion. Softly James closed the door behind them. Remus automatically went to the kitchen to make some tea and the other marauders followed him silently. He poured the tea and handed them the cups, which had been made without magic by James mum back when she had been pregnant with James. To James they were a precious memory of his mother and it made his heart ache all the more for Harry. James watched the warm liquid swirl in his cup as he sat down at the kitchen table. There was an oppressing silence hanging over them. He glanced at Sirius and gave a silent nod. Sirius got up abandoning his cup on the kitchen table. The click of the door lock could be heard and additionally he whispered a spell under his breath.
"So now no one should be able to hear us from outside." Sirius said with a grin, which seemed false as he let himself fall into the chair.
"Did you find out anything?" James asked immediately as his gaze wandered to Remus.
"About which one of our issues?" Remus sighed.
"Both!" Sirius said. Both of them were now watching Remus.
"All right, there are no news from the rat but we have an advantage with Harry knowing. Since now we have access to the map again." Remus said with a weak smile.
"The other issue is moving forward but slowly. The books from Grimmauld and Potter manor have helped a great deal. The problem is that the information is inconclusive. We need at least one more book to know the ritual. " Remus made an annoyed sound before he continued. "The problem is finding that last book. I don't know where it could possibly be! It is not here in Hogwarts! It is highly unlikely one of the major families has it! Gringotts could be a possibility! Maybe it is even in the hands of the ministry of magic! There are too many damn possibilities and not enough direct clues and answers! I don't know where that one freaking book is! " Remus mused up his hair in frustration.
"Remus calm down" James said soothingly even though he was just as frustrated as him.
"How can I?! You asked for my help and I can't even find the complete list of ingredients for the ritual! You always, always help us but you rarely ask us for help! And the one time you do I am unable to!" Remus made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. "In addition it is for Lily and Harry! How can I not find this stupid book?!" Remus banged his cup on the table which made Sirius and James jump slightly. They watched him warily for a moment and when there was no other outburst they relaxed.
"Have you calmed down?" Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes" He said after he took a deep breath. Carefully James laid his hand on his shoulder. Remus gave him a weak smile.
"It's all right, Moony. Even if you don't manage to find a way to fulfill my selfish wish it is all right." James said with a soft smile. Sirius snorted.
"It is not selfish after all it is for Harry and Lily not for yourself" Sirius pointed out with a small smile.
"It is selfish." James disagreed with a frown. "I feel guilty and it is a way to absolve me of some of that guilt. "
"Guilt for being brought back with flesh and bones unlike Lily? Guilt for not giving Harry a mother?" Remus asked sensibly. James winced slightly and nodded.
"It feels wrong you know. Lily was the one, who sacrificed herself and saved Harry. She should be the one having a body, not me. " James frowned as his hands clenched around his cup. "I know that I should be happy that she is even here as a ghost. But it hurts to watch Harrys hands go through her. Even if she is able to hide it form Harry I can see the sadness in her eyes. Just as I can see Harrys. It hurts and I want it to stop." James drank a sip from his cup as the other two watched him silently. Sirius as well as Remus both knew that it was impossible to stop James from feeling this in their eyes misplaced guilt so they let it be for now. Even Lily and Harry might not be able to make him stop thinking this way.
"Even though we disagree with your guilt hording, which is actually my specialty, we will allow you to horde it for a little while longer!" Sirius stated and James snorted. Sirius ruffled through his hair making it even messier.
" I feel honored that you're allowing it!" James said with great flourish as he pushed his hand away.
"You should!" Sirius said with a grin. Remus smiled as well. The gloomy atmosphere had lessened which made breathing easier.
"All right, so explain the issue with the book." James said returning to the problem at hand.
"Fine" Remus muttered disheartened. "Well first of all it is only one book we need and the last record of its existence was from the twenties in London. It had been handed to one of the major families, the record of which was destroyed in a fire in 1950. The Hogwarts library doesn't have the book and most of the friendlier families don't have that book as well. I asked them expect the Slytherin families and the Smiths. The only highly possible places left are Diagon Alley, Knockturn Alley, Gringotts, Dumbledores office, the ministry of magic, the Smith family home and Malfoy manor. i excluded the smaller Slytherin families." Remus stated.
"Breaking into Gringotts is nearly impossible but the other things are manageable!" James said with a grin.
"I wouldn't miss the chance of breaking into the Malfoy manor!" Sirius exclaimed with a delighted laugh.
"Want to do everything separately or together?" James asked with a mischievous light in his eyes. Remus answered their grinning faces with a smile of his own.
"We can do everything separately, expect for Malfoy manor and maybe the Ministry of Magic", Remus said thoughtfully.
"Well first of all we need an idea of the outline of the locations .." James paused for a moment before continuing with a laugh "... expect for Dumbledore's office, that one we know like the back of our hand"
"Ah all the time Minnie send us there!" Sirius exclaimed with a theatrical sigh.
"I brought the maps for the other places with me" Remus said as he pulled the fading parchment from his ropes.
"As well prepared as ever!" James grinned as he took the maps from Remus and spread them across the table.
"In Diagon and Knockturn Alley we are supposed to focus on the bookstores, right? the publishers as well?" James asked as he studied the maps.
"Question!" Sirius exclaimed. "Does the Knockturn alley even have a bookstore?"
" We don't need to check the publishers. No it doesn't have a bookstore but it has other shops like Cobb and Web's and Borgin and Burkes which both could possibly have the book." Remus said but the idea of stepping into any of these stores made him cringe. Sirius pulled a grimace. He was also not looking forward to stepping foot into Knockturn Alley. He had some bad memories from when his parents had dragged him there. Some really bad memories. James noticed Sirius slightly pale face as he got lost in dark memories.
"For Malfoy manor we should plan something a little extra! We should put up some traps and maybe redecorate the whole place." James changed the topic on purpose and the word Malfoy did wonders.
"We could change the bathrooms into lakes and make the kitchen into a desert. Maybe even change the color of the whole manor into bright pink or something along those lines" Before James had even finished his first sentence Sirius whole face lightened up and even Remus looked interested.
"Ohhh brilliant idea prongs!" Sirius grinned his expression the same as it had been shortly before a big prank during their Hogwarts years. James grinned. They still had unfinished business with Lucius Malfoy for the whole Tom Riddle diary incident.
The three men huddled together over the maps and brought forth the most outrageous ideas. The residents of Malfoy manor had no idea what fate awaited them. The marauders were once again planning some mayhem unbeknownst to Lily and Harry. The two of them were spending some precious mother and son time huddled together in front of the fire talking and making up for lost time. At the same time a rat was still hiding beneath Hagrids hut or in the forbidden forest waiting for a chance, which may arrive sooner than expected or may never come.