Chapter Twenty

Sandy holds Kirsten a moment before she pulls away and turns to look at him. "Did you get Ryan settled? Is he all right?"

"He's...handling things. The way he always does. He's not talking much, but at the same time I feel like he's more open. If that makes any sense", Sandy shrugs. "I don't know if he's genuinely more accepting of the physical contact or if he's just needing the contact right now after what he's been through."

"Maybe a little of both?", Kirsten offers. "I think he's truly become more comfortable with the contact from us in general, since he's been in the house, and now...after being with...that man...", she frowns, "one day with that man and we may be back to square one. If we'd just moved him in the house right away..." Kirsten says as she shakes her head. "he'd be more secure. He'd know where he fits with us by now. Oh, Sandy, we lost so much time with him stuck out there in the pool house. What were we thinking?"

"We weren't", Sandy says with a sigh. "but we are now and if we have to start all over again then we will. We won't let him down this time, honey."

Upstairs, Ryan is looking at himself in the mirror. Sandy had helped him to his room and the climb up the stairs exhausted him, but he didn't want to sleep. Every time he did he was back in that house with his dad and he really really didn't want to go back there right now. Sandy had settled him on the bed and sat beside him, asking again how he was doing. Ryan knew he wanted to talk but he just can't talk to them about this. He can't talk about his real parents with his sort of parents. Maybe he should have stayed in the pool house. He sighs and studies the person looking back at him. He gently prods the bruising around his half opened eye. At least he can see out of it pretty good now. His eyes drift to the bruising on his neck then to the impressive mass of purples on his side and stomach. There are bruises on his arms from being yanked around by his dad and Joe. No wonder Sandy and Kirsten keep looking at him like he's going to break. He pulls himself away from the sink and finishes getting undressed. Maybe he'd feel better after a shower. He steps under the shower head and leans his head against the tile, letting the water wash over him, enveloping him in warmth, soothing his aching muscles.

Seth had talked to Summer, filling her in on every detail. He felt better having talked to her. He really wanted to see her but he told her that it might be a couple of days before he could. He wanted to stick close to home in case Ryan needed him and he didn't know if Ryan would be ready for company any time soon. Summer had understood and found it very sweet that Seth wanted to be there for his "brother". Seth left his room and walked across the hall to peek in on Ryan. He knocks lightly and gets no answer so he opens the door and looks in. Seeing the bed empty, he steps into the room further and then hears the shower start. Understandable. He was probably feeling pretty ripe. He plops down on Ryan's bed to wait for him to come out. Wow. This bed is really comfortable. He's suddenly aware of how tired he is. Worrying about your brother can be exhausting. Maybe he'll close his eyes. Just for a minute.

Ryan doesn't know how long he's been in the shower but the water is starting to turn cold so he shuts it off. He dries himself off and pulls on a pair of sweats and steps out of the bathroom to find Seth asleep on his bed. He smiles and shakes his head and is about to wake him but realizes that the past day must've been hard on him, too. So, he just carefully lays down on the other side of the bed. He'll just let Seth rest a bit. He thought the shower would wake him up but instead it just tired him more. Before he knows it, his eyes get heavy and fall shut, joining Seth in a much needed slumber.

Sandy and Kirsten returned some messages left on their answering machine after sorting through message after message from reporters and nosy Newpsies and then decide to go upstairs and check on the boys. They stop at Seth's room and see it empty so they move across the hall. They stop and listen for any conversation, not wanting to interrupt in case Ryan is opening up to Seth or vice versa. Hearing nothing but silence they crack the door open and peer inside to see the boys sleeping side by side. Smiles form on each of their faces as they step quietly into the room. Kirsten grabs a throw blanket from a chair near the door and moves to the bed to cover them. The smile disappears as she gets a full look at Ryan's battered upper body. Sandy's smile now gone as well as he steps up beside her. Kirsten walks around the bed and lays the blanket across both boys, careful not to wake them. She gives Ryan a kiss on the forehead as Sandy gently brushes Seth's hair from his brow and does the same. They watch them sleep for a moment, making sure their actions haven't awakened them and exit the room, shutting the door quietly behind them.

They barely make it back downstairs and into the kitchen before Kirsten can't hold it in any longer. The tears start to fall as she says, "My God, Sandy. How could anyone do that to their own child? I don't understand it."

Sandy pulls her close and closes his eyes, unable to offer any words of comfort. He can't make sense of it himself. The thought of Ryan living with that man as a young boy turns his stomach. He has no false illusions that Dawn would have tried to protect him. Oh, maybe she did at first but considering the kind of men she has apparently always allowed into her life, and the way she seemed to consistently choose them over her sons, tells him that she'd long buried any maternal feelings, if she ever really had them, under a haze of booze or drugs. No wonder Ryan thinks he has to deal with things on his own. He's never had anyone there to turn to before. Maybe Trey, but Trey chose a wrong path to go down and nearly dragged Ryan down it with him, and something went down on Thanksgiving. Something not good. Ryan hasn't mentioned Trey since and he hadn't confided anything about his visit. At least not to him or Kirsten and if he told Seth, he kept it to himself. Marissa had gone with him, so she knew what happened and Sandy figured that as long as Ryan had someone he felt he could talk to about it then he'd leave it alone. Great job of parenting there, Sandy. He shakes his head. Marissa. He thought she'd be good for Ryan at first but she's turned out to be bad news. Dragging him into mess after mess. He was glad they'd broken it off. Marissa was definitely not what Ryan needed in his life. He'd had enough drama. His line of thought is broken as there's a knock at the kitchen door. He opens his eyes to see Caleb. His eyebrows raise as he starts to wave him in then remembering that they now kept that door locked. So he pulls back from Kirsten and tells her Caleb is here. She wipes her eyes and turns as Sandy walks to the door and opens it. "What can we do for you, Cal?"

"I just thought I'd check and see how Seth and the boy are doing", he says as he brushes past Sandy.

"'The boy' has a name, Caleb", Sandy says.

Caleb ignores him and turns his attention to Kirsten. "Kiki?", he prompts, noting the clear signs that she'd been crying. "Are you all right?"

Kirsten nods, "I'm fine dad. Just worried about Ryan. And Seth. Boys their age shouldn't have to be dealing with this kind of thing...and Ryan. He's so...battered. I..." she stops as she feels her eyes welling up again. She shakes her head. She needs to pull herself together.

"The boy...", Caleb starts. He stops at Sandy's glare and corrects himself, "Ryan...did seem a bit worse for wear. He seems to be holding up well, though."

"It's too soon to tell how well he's holding up, dad", Kirsten sighs as she pours herself a cup of coffee and offers Caleb and Sandy one. They all take a cup and sit at the kitchen table.

"She's right. While I have no doubt that Ryan could handle just about anything that's thrown at him, this is too much", Sandy states, echoing Seth's earlier comment. "I think this is too much for all of us. I think we need to call in a professional."

Kirsten looks at him with a furrowed brow. "Do you really think Ryan will go for that, Sandy?"

"It doesn't matter", Caleb interrupts. "You're the parents. Sometimes you have to do things your kids don't like, for their own good."

Sandy and Kirsten look at him, both with eyebrows raised and then exchange a glance with each other. He's right.

"You're right, dad. We can't keep following his lead. He's just a boy. We left too much to him when he first moved in. He seemed to adapt to the change in surroundings so quickly that I just left him to take care of himself unless he got into trouble and even then I left it to Sandy to deal with. We weren't wrong when we said we were in over our heads. Why didn't we see the truth in those words and follow through, Sandy?"

Sandy rubs his eyes. "Like you said, he seemed to adjust so quickly but looking back he was just doing what he's learned to do to survive. He molds himself to a situation. A volatile father. Dawn's volatile boyfriends. Going from Chino to Newport in the blink of an eye. Trying to be whoever the surroundings dictated him to be."

"How much of himself has he been allowing us to see?", Kirsten continues Sandy's train of thought. "How hard have we really tried to get to know him?", she finishes as they both fall silent.

Caleb flicks his eyes from one to the other before speaking. "Don't beat yourself up, Kiki. You've done a lot for the boy. It's clear that he's better off living here but you bit off more than you could chew when you took him in...now, wait, Sanford. Hear me out. You didn't think it through. You thought you could just bring him into your home and give him a better life and his past wouldn't matter. Clearly, it does and you were both foolish to think that there wouldn't be some serious baggage that came along with him. You know now. So get on with it", he says with a wave of his hand.

Kirsten and Sandy sit there stunned at the lecture, hearing the truth in the words. Sandy clears his throat and says, "Right. Well...". He's cut off by the ringing of the telephone. He jumps up to grab it, not wanting to wake the boys.

"Hello?...Agent Cook. No. No, it's not a bad time. Is there a problem? Oh. Right. No, that's fine. Yes, I do want to meet with you...Next week?...actually, I think the sooner we do this the better...No. Tomorrow morning isn't too soon...9:00? Yes, that would be fine. I don't think we should do it here. I don't want to risk Ryan overhearing. Could you meet me at my office?...Yes, the address is on my card. All right then. I'll see you in the morning. Thank you, Agent Cook". He hangs up and turns to Kirsten to explain. "He's finished his preliminary report and wanted to go over it with me. At the hospital he offered to fill me in on the series of events as he's been able to piece them together but I wanted to get back to Ryan right away. I don't think I should put it off. For whatever reason, Ryan didn't feel able to talk about what happened in front of me. If he doesn't feel he can share that with us then I think we need to get a clear picture of what happened for ourselves."

Kirsten stands up and moves toward him. "I want to be there, Sandy. You're right. The more we know, the more we'll be able to help him. I want to see his social services file, too, Sandy. I want to know it all", Kirsten declares.

"I don't know, honey. One of us should stay here. I don't want to leave the boys alone so soon", Sandy says.

"I could come over in the morning", Caleb offers. "I was going to work from home anyway. I can do it from over here just as easily."

Sandy looks at him closely for a moment. "All right. That will work. Ryan's probably not going to be up and around much, anyway. Ok. We'll both go and when we're done we can make some calls and choose someone for him to talk to professionally. Him and Seth, both. I don't want to minimize how hard this whole ordeal has hit him as well.

Kirsten offers a wan smile, "hell, Sandy, this whole ordeal has hit us all hard. Maybe we should all see them. Whoever we find could help us understand what Ryan might be going through and help us know the right way to deal with it."

Caleb stands and says, "Well, it appears that you have things under control. I'll be here in the morning."

Kirsten steps up to him and gives him a hug. "Thanks, dad", she softly says. Happy that he's finally opening his eyes to Ryan, even referring to him as one of their kids earlier. She wonders if he even realized he'd done it.

"Cal", Sandy says with a nod, which Caleb answers in kind as he exits onto the patio and heads home.

Sandy pulls Kirsten into another hug, feeling more confident that he'll be able to make good on his promise to Ryan that they'll pull him through this.