Chapter 20 – The Mountain

"Were you just in there vomiting?" Alice asked me concerned, as I came out of the bathroom. It had been a long night of restlessness, and crying, and intense heartache. Seeing Edward, only to say goodbye, was excruciating. I cried myself to sleep a few times that night, and woke up that morning feeling like I was falling apart all over again. It wasn't even just an emotional feeling, I physically felt terrible.

"I must have eaten something bad at the party last night," I said dismissively.

Alice narrowed her eyes at me, but otherwise gave me some Tums and let it go. However when the morning vomiting episodes lasted through the week, Alice was done letting it go.

"Here," she said, plopping a small brown paper bag onto the table in front of me as I was picking at a toasted waffle.

"What's this?" I asked warily.

"You're about to find out," she replied, and she was right. The moment I looked at the contents of the bag, I looked up at her confused. "Oh, you can't tell me you haven't suspected this too," she added gently.

"Suspected what? That you have a thing for buying people awkward gag gifts?" I questioned while pulling out the pregnancy test.

"Bella, you have been feeling unwell, and mopey as shit for weeks. Now you're having morning sickness. What do you think, Sunshine?"

"No, no, no. I'm just in a funk. I've been better, haven't I?" I asked, honestly thinking that I was getting better. If it wasn't for seeing Edward again, I would have been on cloud nine from my National Geographic career opportunity. A couple days after the big party, I was offered an official position with the magazine. It was truly a dream come true.

"You have been doing better with your outlook, but you haven't been better physically," she argued. "In fact, I think you're getting worse. You can't possibly still think you're body is in an adjustment period from all the stress of being stranded. Three months, Bella. Well, it's been more than three months now. Three months and a week."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, maybe I need to see my doctor again, but a pregnancy test? Come on, Alice. You know I'm on the Depo-shot. We go together to get them."

"Uh… yeah, we went together to get them before your crash. I've been going alone ever since. When was the last time you got one?"

"Uh… not since that last one I got with you."

"Well, that was over six months ago now," she said shockingly. "I'd say you're not protected anymore. You really need to take the test."

"Has it really been six months since my last shot?" I asked myself as I considered it. "No, it has to have only been five months ago," I concluded. "I've been back for three months, and I was on the mountain for two. We got the shot right before I left for Alaska, which means I would have been protected the entire time I was gone, and I certainly haven't had sex since I've been back. See? Not pregnant," I said, feeling relieved.

"Yeah… except there's one little problem with your timing… We got that last shot almost a month before you left on your trip to Alaska. That would make it expired a good two weeks before you were rescued. How much sex did you have in that cabin anyway? Because if it was within two weeks of your departure, you could very well be pregnant…. Three freaking months pregnant, Bella."

My mouth fell agape. I was utterly shocked by Alice's words, and in complete denial.

"No, I remember getting that shot as I was preparing for my trip to Alaska. It had to have been only a week before I left…right?"

Alice shook her head, and then pulled out her phone. "I mark my calendar every time I get a shot. See? That was the last one I got before your trip, and that was the last one we got together. Almost exactly a month before you left. Dude, your body was so excited to be fucking Doctor McDreamy that you freaking released an egg."

I scrunched my face at her.

"I'm sorry, that wasn't a good joke. But Bella, you better get in to the doctor. You could be heading into your second trimester here…. Unless, that is, you have been getting your period regularly. When was your last one?"

I tried to think, but the surreal daze I found myself in was hard to navigate through.

"I got one when we first made it to the cabin… It was really light, and thankfully I had enough pads with me in my backpack… And then…." I shook my head, still in denial. "The doctors did blood tests while in was in the hospital. There, if I was pregnant, surely they would have told me."

"Not if you were barely pregnant at the time. You seriously haven't gotten a period since you've been back, and you never once thought anything of it?"

I shrugged. "The doctor did say my system would be out of whack for a while and I should expect late or missed periods. I only had light ones since I started getting those shots anyway, and some women don't get their periods at all on them, so I just figured… This can not be happening," I said feeling as if I was sinking once again. I didn't even think I could get any lower than I already had been, I guess I was just proven wrong.

"Okay, before you get all upset, go in there and take the test," Alice said encouragingly. "We could be way off here."

I nodded, and then numbly took the box into the bathroom. I followed the directions, but before I even had a chance to set the test down to wait the three minutes, a big bright plus sign showed up in the little window.

"Oh my god," I cried as I sunk down to my knees. Alice rushed in, and just held me as I sobbed right there on the bathroom floor.

It was a devastating, terrifying blow. I had just started thinking my life was back on track, and now I was left feeling lost and broken again.

"What am I going to do now?" I asked after finally calming down.

"You're going to make a doctor's appointment, and then you're going to consider you next step. If you don't want to have it…"

"I can't get an abortion," I cut her off. "I'm probably too far along for that anyway."

"Well, then you're going to pull yourself together, and handle this like the strong independent woman you are."

"I don't feel like a strong woman at all," I disagreed. "I'm a mess, Alice. Just look at my life right now, I don't even have a home of my own. I'm invading your small studio, and…"

"Well, it's a good thing you made a small fortune on your Nat Geo cover and you have a real job with them now," she reminded me. "We can get a three bedroom apartment together. We can afford it now."

"Alice," I huffed. "I can't do that to you. You love this apartment."

"I do… But I love you more."

I shook my head. "I'm not going to let you move with me." I took a deep breath. "I'm just… going to have to figure it out on my own."

"Well, not on your own. You do have a very rich baby daddy," she pointed out.

I laughed once humorlessly. "A very married baby daddy, who probably never even told his wife that we were together on that mountain. God, I'm like… disgusted with myself right now. Not only did I sleep with a married man, but now I have to tell him that I'm pregnant, and probably mess up his marriage in the process. I feel like I should have a scarlet A tattooed on my forehead."

"Well, that's a good thing, right? Of course I don't mean your dramatics about the scarlet A, but I mean, you love him, and maybe he would consider leaving her for you. You guys can be a family," she said with gentle enthusiasm.

I shook my head no, and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I don't want to be anyone's consolation prize, or to be his default relationship. He chose her. He loves her." I shook my head again. "Even if he left her for me out of guilt, how would I ever be happy knowing he really loves someone else?"

"No, I hear you," Alice said understandingly. "So, you'll share custody, or if he doesn't want it, he will pay child support. Either way, you will have some help with it."

"But if Kate doesn't know we were ever together, this is going to be a major blow to their marriage."

"That's his problem, Bella, not yours," Alice replied strongly. "He should have been honest with his wife if he loves her so much. Or maybe he was honest, for all you know. Maybe she knows what happened between you, but she forgave him the way Garrett did. Regardless of any of that, it's not your concern. Your concern is taking care of yourself and your baby, and that includes telling its father."

I sighed, and then nodded. "I know I have to tell him, I'm just... it's going to be so hard. Seeing him at the party last week was hard enough, now I need to share a child with him. If Kate forgives him for this, then she is going to be raising this baby with me. The three of us are going to raise a baby jointly. I just…"

"You will do whatever you have to do," Alice said doubtlessly. "I will help you with whatever you need."

I nodded, and then she hugged me while I continued to cry. I cried for most of the day, and when the sun came up the following day, I decided it was time to suck it up. I couldn't wallow in my misery for a moment longer. It was time to grow the hell up.

After seeing my doctor that afternoon, and confirming that I was, indeed, three and a half months pregnant, I found the strength I needed to talk to Edward.

"I don't have his number," I said, realizing I wasn't sure how to contact him.

"Hmm, that is an issue. What about contacting the hospital where he works?" Alice suggested. "That's where I sent his invitation for the Nat Geo party. Obviously he got it since he showed up."

"How did you even find out where he works?" I questioned. "There are so many hospitals in this city."

"I saw it on the news. They said he works for Seattle Mercy. Maybe you should just go there in person and ask to see him."

I nodded. "That could work."

…

The following day I worked up enough courage to drive across the city to his hospital. I was probably the most nervous than I have ever been before, but I simply didn't have any other choice. However when I asked the receptionist if I could speak to him, I was hit with a roadblock.

"I'm sorry, Doctor Cullen no longer works here," she said with a smile of indifference.

My stomach twisted. "Can you please tell me where he works now? Or is there a number I can reach him at?"

"I'm sorry, I can't give out that information."

"Okay, well can I possibly give you a message to send to him then?" I requested.

"I'm sorry, we don't do that."

"You don't forward his mail?" I asked incredulously. "I know he was getting mail here not that long ago."

"He was working here until not that long ago," she replied snootily.

I huffed in frustration. Clearly I was just wasting my time.

"Great… Now what?" I asked myself.

Luckily, Alice was on the case. She knew Garrett and Kate had become friends since they spent so much time looking for us after the crash, so she called him and asked for Kate's number. The problem with that was now I was going to have to call to ask the woman for her husband's number. It was definitely nerve-wracking.

"I can call her for you," Alice offered as I sat at the kitchen table with my phone in hand.

"No… I have to stop being a coward." I took a deep breath, and then dialed the number. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but when the call went straight to her voicemail, I decided to hang up. "I can't leave a message. I'll just call back later."

"In the meantime, we are going out tonight," Alice insisted.

"Your birthday isn't until next week," I said evenly.

"Well, we are celebrating now. We both could use a night out. You need a chance to get your mind off of everything."

I moaned. "I don't feel like going anywhere. What am I going to do anyway? Enjoy my virgin margarita while you drink?"

"It doesn't matter. We don't even have to go to a club. Let's just go to dinner and a movie. Come on. Your life is about to change big time. In just a few months you won't want to go to the movies at all anymore."

I sighed. "Fine. You're right. Let's go."

As much as I didn't want to go out, Alice was definitely right about my life changing. I really could use a break before all the stress that I was sure would ensue after I informed Edward of his impending fatherhood.

Of course, Alice was not into going to the local Applebee's. For being a bohemian chic kind of chick, she sure liked fine dining. So we got spiffy, and went to Alistair's Steakhouse. I felt an immediate discomfort as soon as we walked into the restaurant, but once again, I didn't listen to my instincts….

"Oh my god," Alice mumbled as we were shown to our table.

"What?" I asked concerned.

She was clearly looking at something behind me, so I glanced over my shoulder and my heart jumped into my throat. There, sitting a few tables back, were Kate and Edward, seemingly having a romantic date.

"I swear I didn't plan this," Alice said quickly. "Well, I do sometimes have a sixth sense about these kinds of things, but I didn't intentionally plan this," she said in a rush.

"I think we should leave. I don't want to disrupt their dinner," I said while chancing another glance at them.

"Bella, you need to talk to him. Just go over and ask to speak to him. Maybe just make plans to get lunch tomorrow or something."

My chest constricted, and then I nodded. "You're right... again."

Before I had a chance to lose my nerve, I got up from the table, and slowly made my way over to them. Edward's back was to me so I couldn't see his face, but the moment Kate's eyes spotted me, her entire face dropped in what looked like uncomfortable surprise.

"Bella," she said as I approached them.

"Hi, I'm sorry to…" I let my words trail off as I looked at Edward…except it wasn't Edward who was looking back at me. Edward wasn't even there at all.

"Garrett?" I asked, shocked and confused.

"Bella?" he replied, just as shocked and even slightly horrified. "Uh… I've been meaning to call you. Um… Kate and I…"

"Bella, can I speak to you privately for a few minutes?" Kate interrupted him. She turned to Garrett and mumbled some kind of plea, before taking my hand and leading me to the bar area. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"No… I'm here with Alice, I don't want to leave her that long… Why are you here with Garrett?" I asked, suddenly finding my courage and my voice. "I assumed he was Edward from behind, but clearly I was wrong."

"First off, I want you to know, nothing happened while you were missing. We just… became friends. We leaned on each other for emotional support. You know? We were both… devastated when they called off your search…. But we were both… hurting too bad for anything more to happen. It wasn't until very recently that we decided to take our friendship to the next level. You two already broke up, so… I just want you to know that he never cheated on you in any way. Gar is such a sweet, loyal, compassionate guy. I'm just so lucky that he…"

"You're married!" interrupted her, honestly not giving two shits about her questionable relationship with my ex.

Kate shook her head ever so subtly. "Bella… I didn't know you and Edward had any kind of romantic relationship going on," she said, taking me aback. "He was so upset when I first asked him for a divorce… and then his plane crashed, and I couldn't help but remember all the good time we had together. I saw how devastated Garrett was to lose you, and… I guess I missed that. Edward's parents came out to help with the search, and I just… love his parents so much. It made me realize that, I wasn't just divorcing him, I was divorcing his entire family, and all our friends, and I just… I hated myself for ever asking him for it. It was my fault he went to Alaska in the first place. So I found myself trying to make a deal with god. If Edward was found alive, I swore I would call it all off, and do whatever it took to make our marriage work."

"So what changed?" I asked, glancing back at a shameful looking Garrett behind me.

"Once you guys were found and brought to the hospital, Garrett was just so happy. I just wanted some of that happiness too. Looking back, I know now how wrong it was, but I texted Garrett that we were giving our marriage another shot before I even talked to Edward about anything. I just blindly assumed he still wanted to reconcile, and he would be happy, and we would end up okay. Maybe I was just trying to convince myself it was what I wanted because I made that promise to god, and because deep down, I was starting to have feelings for Garrett and it hurt how happy he was to have you back. I know how horrible that sounds. God, I hated myself for a long time for even thinking that way. I really did want to try to make it work with Edward, but…" She shook her head. "He didn't want any part of it. He told me no right away, but by then I had already told Garrett we were getting back together. I didn't know it would end up hurting you, or him, or anyone. I didn't realize. I didn't even know you and Edward had a thing until Garrett told me the other day."

I scrunched my eyes, still unsure what to think. "But… you and Edward came to my Nat Geo party together?"

She shook her head. "No, I went with one of my colleagues at the news station. They were covering the event, and I just really wanted to go and meet you, and… maybe see Garrett again. God, that sounds so bad. I swear, I wasn't going to try to steal him from you. I just," she shrugged, "really missed him."

"You walked up to me that night with Edward?" I reiterated, still confused, and still not caring about her feelings for Garrett.

"No, we ran into each other at the entrance of the banquet hall. We just walked to you guys at the same time. That was actually the first I saw Edward since he was discharged from the hospital. All our other communication had been through our lawyers."

"So… you're divorced?" I asked with a mix of excitement and heartache. Knowing some stupid misunderstanding had kept us apart for so long was devastating, but I was beyond eager to fix it. "I need his phone number. I have to talk to him."

"Oh… I don't even have his number. He got a new phone after coming back, and like I said, all our legal issues have gone through lawyers… Um… You know what, I do still have his parent's number. I can reach out and ask them for his new number."

"Can you? That would be amazing."

"Of course. So, are you really okay with me and Garrett?" she asked carefully.

I glanced back at Garrett one more time. "You guys look cute together. Can you please call the Cullen's right away?"

"Is everything okay?" she asked concerned.

"I just really need to speak to him as soon as possible," I replied impatiently.

"Okay, let me just step outside to call them real quick," she said before heading back to her table where Garrett was still sitting, and grabbing her purse. She walked past me to go outside, and Garrett joined me at the bar table.

"Bella, I just want you to know…"

I put up me hand to stop him. "Garrett, you don't owe me any kind of explanation. You have always been…nothing but a great guy, and I truly wish nothing but the best for you."

"But… I told you I would always be waiting for you, and here I am, on a date with another woman."

"Garrett, we were never going to get back together anyway," I told him as gently as possible. "I'm glad you have moved on. Really. As long as you're happy, I'm happy for you."

"I am happy. Kate is…well, I mean, it's really only our second date, but she is incredible." He sighed, and then looked back at me. "You and I would have had a good life together, you know."

I smiled and nodded. "The people we used to be would have. The people we are now just don't belong together."

He smiled in return. "I can see that now."

"Garrett, not that it matters at this point, but were you having feelings for Kate before I was rescued? You just looked sad when you were telling me they were getting back together."

He considered my question, and then reluctantly nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't even realize how much she meant to me then, but I suppose I was feeling it. Nothing happened between us until recently though. I hope you really know that."

"I do, and I appreciate that. Even though I can't actually say the same. Edward and I ..."

"I know," he cut me off. "But Kate didn't know, so I guess they never really talked much after he was rescued. I just assumed she knew and I mentioned it in passing. Funny enough, she wasn't hurt by it. I suppose they were separated, but in a way, I wasn't hurt by it either. I guess that's just more proof that we don't belong together anymore."

I nodded in agreement.

"So I just spoke to Esme," Kate said as she returned to us. "Here is his number and address. She did say he is working a lot in the hospital he transferred to, so he rarely answers his phone."

Kate hesitantly handed me the piece of paper with Edward's information on it. I reflexively looked down, and my stomach dropped.

"210 Elk Drive, Healy, Alaska!" I shouted while reading Edward's address out loud. "He moved to Alaska?"

"Yeah, I heard about that before," Kate said sympathetically. "I know he has extended family in the Denali area, but I never thought he would actually move there. But his phone number is on there too if you need to reach him urgently."

I bit the inside of my cheek as I considered my next move. "Thank you, Kate," I said sincerely. I said goodbye to the both of them, and rejoined Alice at our table.

"Well?" she asked impatiently.

"He moved to Alaska," I said absently as I was still lost in deep thought.

She laughed, but quickly fell serious. "You're not joking, are you?"

I shook my head no. "Alice, I need to go out there."

"You hardly made the plane trip home after being rescued from Alaska, and you want to go back?" she asked incredulously. "You have to fly over those snow peaks again. You realize that, don't you?"

"It was hard getting back on a plane after crashing, but it doesn't matter. I have to go see Edward. I can't tell him everything over the phone. I need to go see him."

"You're not going to come back are you?" Alice assumed quietly.

I looked at her, and then shook my head no. "Alice, I still loved him even when I thought he didn't love me anymore and was married to someone else. Well he's not married, and I'm pregnant with his baby. I love him more than anything in the world, so why would I not go to him? And once I'm there, if he wants me to stay, why would I ever leave?"

"What about Nat Geo?" she questioned.

"I can work for them from anywhere. It's not like it's a desk job. I'll just base myself out of Alaska. God, I never thought I'd ever go back there."

"Do you think you can be happy there in the long run? I mean, won't it bring back all those horrible memories of being lost in the wilderness?"

I considered it, and then I shook my head. "Honestly, I don't care where I am… as long as he's there. I need to go. I need to go now," I said, feeling the first real hope and excitement I could remember since before that bear came to the cabin and ripped us apart.

Edward never abandoned me. He never meant to break my heart. I could only assume he kept his distance because he thought it was what I wanted. It was one huge misunderstanding, and I needed to rectify it immediately.

Somehow I managed to finish the dinner with Alice, and we discussed every aspect of what it would take for me to make such a monumental move. Going back to Alaska wasn't going to be easy, but I would do anything for Edward. I risked my life for him, and I would do it all again. There was no way in hell I was going to let a stupid mountain stand between us – metaphorically or literally. I would find my way back to him, just like I promised in the cabin the last time I saw him there. We would be together again. We would become a family. I didn't have a doubt.

...