The Lost Princess

Part Nineteen: A Great Divide

Serena: How exactly are you planning to negotiate a non-bittersweet ending?

Starlily11: I'm working on it…

When Serena finally managed to escape the storm of questions and force herself to leave Seiya's arms, she decided that she ought to find her mother and aunt and explain things. Ilene alternated between hugging the blonde to within an inch of her life and whacking her over the head for scaring her so badly. Serena spent the next several hours attempting (and failing miserably) to calm her down. Fortunately, before she sustained permanent brain damage, Arriane showed up and helped her explain things, and Sammy and Adel both breathed sighs of relief. They weren't crazy. Sammy even gave his sister a huge hug and was nice to her for a full five minutes before her went back to his usual bratty little brother mode. Serena simply smiled. It was good to be home.

The blonde sat down on her bed, looking around her room. It was so familiar, yet so strange. It was delightful to be back in the land of the living, but it also felt weird. She was still getting used to being able to smell and taste again, to feel things on her skin. It was a delicious feeling, and for the first time, she understood why it was impossible to describe accurately how something felt. There were no words for it. The same was true for the sense of smell and taste. They had all become so foreign to her that food felt heavy in her stomach, and she couldn't make herself eat more than a few bites or drink more than a few sips. It felt like it might actually fall through her if she wasn't careful. Her mother had been concerned, but Arriane had informed her that it was normal, considering the state Serena had been in for over a year. That would go away in a few days, she'd said.

Serena lay down and closed her eyes, thinking. She would have to tell Seiya and the others about Michael and Raphael…about who she was eventually. But how could she do it so soon after she'd returned? It would hurt Seiya so much, and it would certainly grieve everyone else. But she owed it to them. She wasn't doing them any favors by keeping them in the dark. But it would be so difficult, and several hearts would be broken, including hers. Maybe she could tell them after they defeated the enemy? No…that wasn't fair to them. Or she could stay? No… Michael had specifically said that once she defeated Chaos and Lucifer, she would be leaving. Raphael was looking forward to seeing his sister again and knowing that she would finally be able to stop fighting. He would be heartbroken, and although Michael would probably let her go, he would be, too. She couldn't bear to hurt her brothers, but pain burned her heart like fire at the thought of leaving Seiya again.

'Maybe it would be better if I just left after the battle. I mean, a relationship between an archangel and a human is asking for trouble, and it would end badly. Seiya could get hurt, and whatever children we had would be misfits and might be hunted down by the Powers. There's a truce between them and Kat, but they never said anything about not hunting other Nephilim, and that's what our children would be. Furthermore, I would end up becoming a Fallen,' Serena thought. She had to be rational about this. But then, her emotions started talking. 'I promised Seiya I wouldn't try to protect him anymore! I promised! I need to tell him, and maybe he can find a way to make it work. I love Raphael and Michael…they're my brothers, but I also love Seiya. Paradise would be meaningless without him. I should just talk to Michael and Raphael, tell them how I feel about Seiya. Surely they want me to be happy. Besides, if I just left, Seiya would wait for me, and he'd be hurting…' Tears filled the girl's eyes, and spilled out from under her closed eyelids. The hot tears sent warm tingles all through her body, as did anything she could physically touch.

A knock sounded on the door. "Serena? Sweetie? Can I come in?" It was her mom.

The blonde wiped her tears away and suppressed the others, sat up, then answered, "Sure. The door's unlocked."

Ilene came in. "Are you all right, honey? I know you've been through a lot, and everything probably feels awfully strange. And I guess I didn't really help earlier."

"It's okay, Mom. I'm all right."

"Are you sure? I just have a feeling that something's bothering you."

"I just need to re-acclimate. I'll be fine." Serena flashed a smile. 'There you go again, Serena. You're practically becoming a compulsive liar.'

"If you want to talk, let me know. You're not alone anymore."

"I know, Mom. I'm actually feeling a little tired."

"Get some rest, sweetie. I love you." Ilene gently kissed her daughter's forehead.

"I love you, too, Mom."

The blonde lay back down again, and the tears returned. She let them flow, feeling utterly helpless. This was the ultimate no-win situation. Whatever path she chose, she could hurt Seiya. If she stayed, she risked endangering him and would hurt her brothers, and if she went, her brothers would be happy, but Seiya would have his heart broken by her again. She'd already done that more than someone as good as him deserved. She would have to tell him, but it would be so hard…oh, so hard…he'd already put up with more of her baggage than anyone had any right to expect of him. And why? Because he loved her. But she still had to tell him. She'd promised not to try and carry her baggage by herself again.

"But what will I tell him?" she whispered. She was thankful Luna was with Artemis and not able to see her like this. The purple cat had nearly had a conniption after hearing about the Silver Crystal. If she saw her charge crying like a baby and worrying herself like this, she'd have all of her friends on her, asking questions and probing, and they would be bad enough anyway what with the stunts she'd pulled. At least she knew that if she just told Seiya, the worst that could happen was that Kakyuu would find out and possibly vaporize her. And that would possibly start a war…

'Stop, Serena. Just stop. Cut the drama and try to be rational. Get some sleep. Things will make more sense tomorrow.'

The blonde drifted into any uneasy sleep, her dreams troubled and filled with turmoil.

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Serena woke up the next morning at dawn. The sun was just rising, and the clouds were a soft pink streaked with gold and orange. The sun was a shining disk in the sky, its light still faint, but she knew it would soon light up the sky, and gently rouse people all across town from their dreams. With a soft smile on her face, she remembered the first sunrise. The Creator had just made the sun and created light. It had been so beautiful…it still was. But, really, no repeat experiences could top a first experience. Raphael had actually been rendered speechless. Michael had been breathless with awe and wonder. That light had been so bright and warm…people said that her light was such, but they were wrong. If they had seen the first sunrise as she had, they would know what the brightest light truly felt like. It was the first light, the one that had spawned all other lights.

The blonde could not sleep anymore, and so she waited for everyone else to wake up. It appeared that Luna had spent the night with Artemis…Serena smiled. She was glad they were so happy. Once the rest of the household was awake, Serena managed to eat a somewhat normal sized breakfast, even though it made her feel slightly queasy, and then went back upstairs to get dressed, with the intention of going to find Katherine once she'd left. She'd decided that she wasn't going to tell Seiya until she could honestly say that she'd found a solution. Of course, if he asked her directly if anything was going on, she would tell him. But if he didn't, she would say nothing. Besides, maybe Katherine would have some ideas.

It seemed that Katherine had practically read her mind, because the Nephilim climbed in through the window as Serena was trying to pick out a shirt.

"Whoa…that is one heck of a tattoo there, Serena. When'd you get that?"

"What do you mean?" Serena craned her neck and tried to look, but couldn't see anything.

"It's on your back; here…" Katherine turned her this way and that, and once in the right position, Serena saw what Katherine was talking about. It certainly wasn't like any tattoo she'd ever seen before; it lay between her shoulder blades, a complex thing of beauty, spread vertically and reaching almost to the small of her back. With a start, she realized that it was in the language of Enoch, the same as the etchings upon her sword. It was a word; Gabriel. 'Of course,' Serena thought. 'Each angel bears their name, and is marked.' In answer to Katherine's question, she replied, "I never got a tattoo. It just appeared."

"It looks like it's in some weird ancient language. I can't read it."

"It says Gabriel. It's in the language of Enoch."

Katherine froze. "But that would mean…if you can read it…"

"I didn't really tell everyone the whole story. When I was trying to escape from Lucifer, Michael and Raphael saved me. Michael told me that I was Gabriel, the Preliator, God's left hand."

"Holy shit…"

"I know. But it makes sense…I briefly fought Lucifer and a sword that burned with white fire appeared in my hand."

"You're the archangel Gabriel and you didn't tell me?" Katherine's voice was a whisper, but it seemed to reverberate in Serena's mind.

"I was still trying to wrap my head around it. Believe me, I was just about to come find you and tell you."

Katherine appeared mollified. "You didn't tell anyone else, did you?"

"No. You're the first one."

"Wow…this is so strange…"

"I know…and I don't know what to do." Serena's eyes turned teary again, and she sniffed.

"You're an angel and you're crying about it? This is so cool! Ask Michael or Raphael or whoever to tell you how to use your powers and we can kick some major ass!"

"That's not all…" Serena let out a strangled sob.

Katherine sobered. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Michael said that once I defeated Chaos and Lucifer, I would be able to go back to Paradise, and stop fighting."

"I don't know why you're so upset…it's Paradise, for God's sake!"

"Think about it, Kat."

Katherine thought for a moment, and then she got it. "Oh…you mean you'd be leaving for good. As in I'd never see you again."

Sniffling, Serena nodded.

"Oh, ye gods…what do we do?"

"I don't know…Raphael and Michael really want me to come back, but I don't want to leave Seiya. But I can't stay, either. It would never work. The Powers still hunt Nephilim… you're safe because you saved the world and all, but what if Seiya and I ever did the dirty and had kids? I would end up becoming a Fallen, and the Powers would be after me and any kids I might have. Seiya would be in danger. But I promised him I wouldn't try to hide stuff anymore, and I know this will break his heart…"

"Damn…maybe we can ask Arriane if she can think of anything. I mean, surely God understands if one of His angels falls in love. Maybe there's a way to do it without breaking universal laws."

"But what about Seiya? I'm supposed to see him today, and he can read me like a book. I'll have to tell him, Kat, and I don't know if we'll make it through this." Serena burst into tears, but the sobs were quiet rather than being her usual ear-splitting wails.

Katherine pulled Serena into a hug. "I don't know what to tell you, Sere, but I think you'll just have to tell him. But we'll find a way. We've managed to change our destinies before, and we can do it again. Don't give up. You're no fun when you're all weepy, depressed, and despairing."

Serena managed a shaky laugh, and she smiled weakly. "Who's the optimistic one, again?"

"You are, usually. I think you're rubbing off on me, though. Now come on, cheer up, or I might start crying with you."

Serena let out another laugh, and wiped her tears away.

Katherine smiled. "That's better. Now, you need to get dressed and then we can pick Arriane's brain for answers before you have to talk to Seiya. Maybe we'll find a way to resolve this problem."

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"There is no way out." Arriane's voice was filled with compassion, but it did nothing to soothe Serena's pain.

"Are you sure?" Katherine asked pleadingly. "Are you positive about that? There's no way whatsoever; there's absolutely nothing we can do?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Angels are not meant to be human. The only reason Gabriel ever became earthbound was to protect the world until there came a time when Hell would be completely sealed."

"But I could never be completely happy, or even moderately happy, without the one I love!" Serena cried. "And that's Seiya!"

"I'm sorry, but there's no way; and even if there were, the price would most likely end up being too high."

"If I die, at least I'll die knowing I tried to make things work."

"And what if it cost Seiya his life?"

Serena was silent for a long time, and finally, she murmured, "I would never let that happen."

"Arriane, isn't there some way that Serena could just give up her angel powers or something? How many archangels does Heaven need, anyway?"

"Raphael and Michael are both angry with humanity; they do not act against mankind, but they do not intervene on their behalf, either. They feel that if humanity had simply done what they had been told in the first place, they would never have lost their sister. You see, because Eve ate the forbidden fruit, Lucifer grew stronger, and was able to wreak all manner of havoc, and create misery for all mankind. The Creator had to keep the balance, and so He asked which of his angels would go down to Earth and protect humanity until a certain time. Gabriel volunteered, even though she knew it could cause her great pain and suffering. And so, she became earthbound, and each time she suffered a fatal wound, she was reborn every eighteen years, and each time she died, Michael's and Raphael's hearts broke a little more. After so long, only Gabriel will ever be able to convince them to drop their grudge. Only Gabriel can convince them to intervene should it be necessary."

"So Serena has to give up the one she loves most just because she's the only one who can get her sulky brothers to help save the world?"

"If you want to put it that way, then yes."

"Unbelievable…un-fucking-believable…I guess I'll just have to kick their asses, then. I'll deal with the Powers too, if necessary."

"Kat, no!"

"They're being petty and vindictive…they need to get over themselves and realize that they're making you miserable!"

"But you could be killed! And I couldn't stand that!"

"But what about you? You'll be miserable…"

Serena forced a brave smile. "I'll just need to suck it up and try not to let it hurt me too much. I love Seiya, but if the world gets destroyed, I'll lose him anyway. I'd rather see him alive and happy with someone else than dead and mine just because I didn't want to give him up."

"Sere…"

"It's okay, Kat. I'll be okay. They say time heals all wounds, and I'll be around for who knows how long. It's better this way."

Serena stood and walked out. Katherine glared at Arriane, and followed. The door slammed behind her, and Arriane began to flip through ancient volumes, trying to find a way to resolve this dreadful conflict.

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Seiya watched Serena closely. Something was bothering her, and every so often, she would look at him, start to say something, and then stop, either from reluctance to continue or uncertainty as to what to say. Her hands shook slightly, and her eyes held a depth of sorrow that he'd never seen before, along with resignation. What was wrong? He could see that she wanted to tell him, but something was stopping her. They were alone, safely hidden by trees and away from eavesdroppers. He took her hand and told her gently, "Go ahead and tell me what's wrong, Odango. Don't worry about how it comes out. We'll figure this out."

His concern only grew when her eyes filled with tears. The blonde seemed to be trying to control herself, judging from her shaky attempts to breathe deeply. "What is it? Are you hurt?"

Serena nodded, unable to speak.

"Where?"

Serena breathed shakily for a few moments, and then whispered, "My heart."

"Why does your heart hurt?"

"Because it's breaking," the words came out as sobs.

Seiya wrapped his arms around her. "Why? You're not stuck somewhere between life and death, you're surrounded by people who love you; why does your heart hurt?"

Serena sniffed, and then did a strange thing. She gently disengaged herself from his embrace. "I learned something about myself while I was getting the two pieces of the Silver Crystal to reunite." Then, she turned her back, pulled down the straps of her top, and the garment slid down to reveal a strange sort of symbol that stretched down to the small of her back almost on top of her spine.

Seiya lightly touched it. "What is it?"

"Does the word 'Enoch' mean anything to you?"

'What's she getting at?' Seiya wondered. "Um, no, Odango."

"The mark on my back is in a language only known to archangels. There are three; Michael, the Healer, Raphael, the Harper, and Gabriel, the Preliator. This mark, if you know the language, reads Gabriel. It is in the language of Enoch."

Oh…oh…what she was saying hit Seiya like a slap in the face. "But if you know what it says…then that means…you're the archangel Gabriel?"

Serena nodded solemnly.

"I'm still not sure I understand, Odango. I mean, it's certainly weird, but it's not exactly the end of the world. So you have more power than one would expect and you're a little older than we thought. That's nothing to get this upset over."

"Michael spoke to me. He said that once I defeated Chaos and Lucifer, I was going to return to Paradise."

Seiya looked at the tears in his blonde angel's eyes, and he suddenly realized what she meant. "You mean I'll never see you again."

"I swear, I tried to find a way out. But there isn't."

"Think rationally, Odango. Just because you happen to move to another place doesn't mean you can't ever see me again."

"Don't you get it, Seiya? Angels aren't supposed to be with humans. If I stayed, I would become a Fallen, and any children we had would be Nephilim. Katherine's only allowed to live because the Powers figure that she's good because she saved the world. But they still hate the Fallen, and I wouldn't be given any consideration."

"We'll make it work!" Seiya burst out. "We'll find a way!"

"The world's in danger, and it looks like all three archangels will be needed. I'm the only one who can convince Michael and Raphael to come and help! If I chose to stay, they wouldn't fight, and the world would end!" Serena's voice had risen, and Seiya realized that he'd raised his voice, too.

"Oh, so you're just going to give up?" Seiya's voice became harsh, but he was so mad he didn't care. "When did you start doing that? When did you decide that the world and everything else would come first? When did I become a distant second or third?"

"It doesn't matter, because the world would end, and we'd all be dead!" Serena snapped. "And if you would wake up and see that, you would understand how I'm feeling right now! I love you, but I can't let the world die because of that."

"All I'm hearing are excuses! You never consider the fact that I go through emotional hell because I'm so busy worrying about whether or not I'll wake up one morning and find that you've given up and checked out on me! You've never once considered asking for help! And I'm getting sick of it!"

Serena's eyes were streaming tears, but she didn't notice. "And you think I haven't suffered? I was up all night trying to find a way to fix this, and you're just making this harder! Do you think I want to leave? Do you think I haven't considered the situation from every possible angle? You're starting to sound like Darien! He called me a selfish bitch, too!"

"When did I ever say you were a selfish bitch? Don't put words in my mouth!"

"You implied it! You're so busy looking at one side of the story that you're not even listening to what I'm saying!"
"No, you're so busy blowing things out of proportion that you're incapable of being reasonable!"

"Excuse me? I'm being perfectly reasonable! I'm not the one who started this argument!"

"I can't even talk to you right now!"

"Fine! I'll just leave, then. It'll simplify things so much. Sorry I've made your life so complicated; but at least you know that as soon as we end this battle, I'm gone!"

"Fine! Go!"

Serena turned on her heel and stormed off one way, while Seiya went the other way. Seiya walked to his room and locked himself in, while Serena went even further into the wilderness and stayed there. Once they were away from one another, both could think more clearly.

'What was I thinking?' Seiya thought. 'I should have tried to comfort her, not make her feel worse. For crying out loud, she obviously felt that her hands were tied.' Yaten knocked on the door, asking if he was all right, and Seiya answered that he just wanted to be alone.

"What happened?" the silver-haired boy asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. Please…just leave me alone."

"All right. But we have to meet the others tonight and discuss strategies."

"I'll be there."

Meanwhile, Serena sank down against a tree and cried. She hadn't meant to say some of the things she'd said, but Seiya had never yelled at her before, except maybe from a long way away to get her attention. And that had always been affectionate, not hostile and angry like it had been today. Still, she knew she'd gone too far with that Darien remark. Seiya was nothing like Darien. She wished she could just invent a way to give up her angelic status. She would stab herself multiple times in the chest if that was how she could do it. Physical wounds could heal, but these emotional wounds would bleed forever.

"Hey, you okay?" Katherine had appeared. "What happened?"

"I told Seiya. We had a huge fight. He hates me now."

"What did he say?"

"He got mad, though I guess I understand why. I've hurt him so much, and he has every right to be sick of it."

"Didn't you explain that you didn't have any other choice?"

"I tried, but he didn't understand."

"Well, to hell with him, then. You don't need any more problems. You've got enough to deal with."

"I just wish it didn't hurt so much."

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Luna made sure to tell Serena about the meeting, and miraculously, she showed up on time. But there was some awkwardness. Serena had made up her mind to simply leave once the battle was over, and she therefore kept her distance from Seiya as much as she could. Seiya wanted to go to her and apologize, but she made certain that they were never alone together long enough for him to broach the topic. She smiled and was civil, even cordial, but it soon became clear that something had happened between the Starlight and the Moon Princess. However, when asked, both denied that anything was wrong. The meeting concluded, and Serena was out the door before any more questions could be asked.

'It's better this way,' Serena thought. 'I'm doing the right thing. Seiya doesn't want me around, and I completely understand. Besides, I don't belong here.'