Chapter 20: Confessions for Pouso
I wonder if I'm the one who's in the wrong place at the wrong time, or if it is that adorable little yellow ghost. The being, far from scary, is unbelievably cute. "Hi there," I can't help it but to smile.
The little summon approaches me with curious eyes. He's wearing a cute purple hat with a yellow star decoration and a fuzzy yellow ball on top. In its short little arms it holds a rolled up paper. The summon creature squeaked and gave me the paper.
"For me?" I stretched out the sheet and saw plans for a torpedo. The inner workings of the torpedo were comparable to that of a drill.
There was a short note in messy handwriting in a corner of the plans. "I know you don't like crowds and prefer to work on smaller engines by yourself, -Bron." I should thank Master Bron later. I wonder if this is his guardian beast, or someone else's guardian beast who's been deemed the official delivery boy for everyone? I think I've seen him before.
"Thanks for the delivery, want some candy?" I offer the little cutie some bonbons which he accepts with a happy little squeal. "Are you Master Bron's guardian beast?" I feel silly asking, because the little guy doesn't look like Bron's type.
The yellow ghost shakes his head, the fuzzy yellow matching ball at the end of his purple hat bouncing from side to side with the movements.
"I should have known. Are you the guardian beast of a craft lord?" This time he nods, the end of his hat bouncing up and down with the movement. I giggle, "you're so cute." Cute beings are lucky, everyone instantly adores them. I feel jealous but try to push such strange thoughts away since it would be odd to say I'm jealous of a little yellow ghost.
So far I've learned that my new little friend likes chocolate and he's the guardian beast of a craft lord... I blush. "Are you Master Sakuro's guardian beast?" The little guy shakes his head. "Master Ureksa then?" He nods and blush some more, I don't even know why. "Oh that's right, I've seen you before," how could I forget? "It was over a year ago..."
Somehow, I feel like foolishly spilling out my heart to this summon creature. He speaks in squeals, which remind me of Zantek's beeps that Pratty can understand perfectly. But with Zantek I can at least understand some of it by the tome of the sounds and his expression.
So far I have only been able to interpret the yellow ghost's nods and shakes and nothing more. I should have known I would be better with machines than living beings, which is an ironic thing to think since he has the appearance of a ghost though he is alive.
"Will you listen to me for a moment?" He nods. "There's this man I like... Well actually there are two men I like. I'm still getting to know them though and I think my feelings are just a passing crush, or I try to make them that way. Sometimes I really want to get to know one of them. I guess the reason I can't choose is because neither likes me back so it would be a bit pointless to choose."
The little cutie gives me a confused look; I myself don't think I'm making a lot of sense. "I don't think either would like me back even if they knew, that's why it's pointless. But for some unknown reason I just felt like telling someone." I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish, if anything, but I feel pretty stupid and conclude that I have a big mouth.
Suddenly I realize that secretly I'm not only heartbroken over Sakuro, but I'm wishing that Ureksa would do something crazy for me like sink Wystern if I don't go out with him. I know it's extreme and it's not going to happen, but only when a man does something extreme for me will I be convinced that he cares for me, otherwise I'll always doubt, because I'm just not that special, I'm not special at all.
"You know, I'm not sad about it. I've always thought that people who cry because they're not loved are pathetic and that they should grow up and be mature enough to accept that they have nothing to offer. After all, I have standards too and would reject any man who doesn't fit into them, even if he tries really hard. That's never happened but I have the maturity to accept that I'm not super special and automatically liked."
I'm a contradiction. I have no confidence when it comes to winning a man's heart but plenty of confidence when it comes to being able to live without one. I don't want to be heartbroken but at the same time I know I can get over it. No one knows of this lack of confidence I hide. On the outside I'm confident, but that's just because the goals I set for myself are not that hard, so of course I'll be confident that I can achieve them.
"Hey little guy, I'm going to work on this." I'll work hard, I'll get better at making engines and I'll continue to make a living out off it. I'll eventually forget about those two men, because even if I have no confidence, I still have my pride, and I'm never going to beg for attention.
I've decided I need to be stronger and harden my heart. Dwelling on these thoughts about Sakuro and Ureksa won't do anyone any good. "Little guy... if I don't like those men enough to make an effort to make them like me back, does that mean it really is just a passing crush, or that I'm just smart enough not to waste my time?"
I don't understand the squeak I get as a response, but my goal has been lowered. I'm more confident now, because I've decided that I won't care about what Sakuro or Ureksa think of me. I'll just do my job, make a living, be a helper to the craft lords, be in PoW, and hopefully I'll stop being caught up on myself enough to realize that there are bigger things going on.
"Pouso," Master Ureksa arrives at upper Wystern and Pouso starts squeaking at him full speed. I can't help it but to feel I'm in the wrong place at the wrong time once again. That sneaky little tattle tell...
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I do not own Summon Night: A Swordcraft Story.