Dear Debby,

I don't know what possessed me to write this, but this is solely for you.

A song-fic, dear me where have I gotten myself to.

Follow the path that you made through the holes in my chest

I found all your pretty things tied into knots where they rest.

Walking into the huge hall, it's a rather stifling feeling remembering the last one. Your words 'Plus-one-forever' are echoing in your head, a part of you doesn't want to do this but your brain knows it's something you desperately need. It's been too long, too long to still think of someone so wishfully, too long to hold on to a memory that grips your mind but most importantly - too long to hold out hope. This is your way of saying goodbye - given that the two of you never had the habit of a healthy one.

So it's Andy and Sam's wedding and they somehow still remembered you spite the fact you had been out of the country in San Francisco for the past three years. You couldn't have turned it down, not a chance to spend a carefree evening with the woman who's plagued your mind at the oddest moments - which made things all the more confusing for you. If you were just obsessed with her and constantly thinking of her - you could have brought yourself to quit your job and run back into her arms. But that wasn't quite the way Gail tormented you. It wasn't even in being confronted with items that so blatantly reminded you of her. No, she was this passing thought on a rainy car drive home, a flashing glimpse when you woke up in the morning on a random Sunday, a heartbeat on hearing news of a local officer getting injured on the job. She was that face you thought was looking at you through the crowds, that person you wanted to hear from when you were low, that person who came to mind at random when pulling on a coat. And it's puzzled you, confused you to no end and all your logical thought processes have lead you here. This has gone on for too long, perhaps - it was time to say goodbye and for once - truly mean it.

Majority of your thoughts are forgotten when you finally see her arriving alone, and it's time for a deep breath and an evening to reminisce and forget all over again.

I stayed up all night in the color soaked dreams you project

But you find me alone when the sun resonates in my head

"Well, Hello there!" you smile, and at the beginning of this evening - you hadn't anticipated it to be this hard to be yourself. You weren't one for emotions that choked you, but that's pretty much how it feels right now. Emotions weren't your strongpoint - but neither were they your failing – it's just - this is hard. Mentally resolving to never intentionally cross paths with someone you held so dear, it's as good as hammering a nail into your arm. She's surprised to see you, and at once the small talk begins. It's - weird? Is that what this is? - hearing Gail talk about her girlfriend who couldn't make it tonight because she busy with something you don't want to care about. You're nodding along, rambling in your usual fashion about work and life in San Francisco and about how single you are at the moment. Gail's smiling and nodding along as well, and to you astonishment hasn't sarcastically complained once about the whole mushy affair going on around the two of you.

There's almost sickly romantic songs being played with everyone holding someone near and dancing around. The two of you have fallen silent and with time slipping by - you don't want to waste another moment.

"Care for a dance?" you ask, not bothering at all for how it comes across.

"I don't think they're going to play Macarena here Hol." she jibes back with that smirk of hers and your heart is sinking - but you're adamant tonight. So you're holding your hand out to her, making it clear you're not going to take no for an answer.

So, you play your favorite card, one you knew very well Gail could never refuse.

Tilting your head to the left and raising an eyebrow, you're still standing there with your hand stretched out - but inside you're trembling, desperately longing for one last dance. And as always, the head tilt never failed.

"Ugh, fine - but no making out in the coatroom this time."

And I just want to see you around

I just want your back to my front all night long as it is

It's a slow song that's playing, one you're sure you've heard before but you don't want to know what song it is. You don't want this evening to come back and assault your memories again. So you're holding her close, resting your head on her shoulder with your hand on her waist and slowly moving to the song. You haven't a clue what she's thinking - nor do you care. This evening was about having your fill of Gail - so that you'll never need her again. So you're holding her as close as you can, your eyes closed and just reminiscing. Remembering those comfy mornings you woke up with your legs tangled with hers, passionate nights of naked skin on skin, playful evenings with easy arguments - just running your mind through all the memories the two of you shared as you're dancing with her. It makes your heart ache, ache with the fact that this dance was something the two of you never had, and there were so many memories you wanted to make with this woman, but here you are gearing up to bid her goodbye. You can feel her hands holding on to you as well, and it feels so good to be in her arms once again.

And I thought that I figured it out

I burnt all the videotapes that we watched as a kid

After loads of drinks, dances and a lot of deep conversations about love and relationships and everything conceivable - you can see the time to leave is now extremely close. You've got an early morning flight back - you made sure of it actually, in case the morning brought forth a wave of regret. You haven't told anything you'd regret - you hadn't even told her that you're leaving in 5 hours - you wanted this evening to be about the two of you alone, Gail and Holly, and nothing else - and oh why couldn't this last forever. It wasn't anything sexual - just this fuzzy feeling and the feeling of bliss you didn't know you had missed.

But - it's come to an end and it's time to say goodbye. The right way this time - not over arguments caused by idiot friends, not over bruised egos and not over hurried departures. Not this time.

So- here you are - biding her goodbye and a bear-hug and quick kiss to the cheek later - you rush into the cab and it drives away. You've clenched your eyes shut, willing yourself to not look back. Not again.

I stayed up all night in a daze where your body had been

and you'll find me alone in the morning with all of our sins

Gail had stayed back a little longer - waiting to get a ride back with Chris and it was quite a chilly night - so she stuffed her hands into her coat pockets, waiting impatiently for him to get ready to leave already. Holly had surprised her a little, it felt kind of like she was trying forget her and remember her at the same time - which was rather confusing. To her astonishment, she found something cloth in her pockets - something she was sure wasn't there before. She pulled it out to see the name PECK stitched onto it rather thick. It was Gail's vest tag, and by the looks of it - a rather old one.

Wasn't this the name tag I thought was lost three years ago?