Author's Notes: Here it is! The chapter I've been almost harassed about, I finally put it up! And Kaekokat, sorry about almost killing you in anticipation.

Hot Shot's Childhood

Chapter 20

Breath Life Back To Me

When Hot Shot came back to reality again he was already expecting the immenent wave of pain to strike. When it never came Hot Shot dared to blink his optics open.

The first thing he noticed was that he was in the school nurse's office and the second thing he noticed was that his helmet was off.

"Wah!" Hot Shot shouted out, jumping up from the bed. But a sudden wave of dizziness caused him to lose his balance and collapsed right into someone's arms. Drowzily Hot Shot brought his optics up to golden ones.

"Gold?" Hot Shot questioned weakly. At the affirming nod he asked: "Where's my helmet?"

"It's on the side table", Gold said, pointing to the right. "Right there."

"Could you get it for me?" Hot Shot asked. "I...feel odd without it."

Gold did not question the comment, simply helped Hot Shot to sit on the bunk as he walked to the other side of the room. He then returned with Hot Shot's yellow helmet.

Hot Shot ran a nervous hand through his short artificial hair. Neither Sparky nor ComCom knew he had any. Well, no one but the nurses at the orphanage had known. Until then, that was. Now Gold also knew.

"Why do you try to hide your hair?" Gold asked as he handed the helmet to Hot Shot. He took a few silver strands between his fingers and twirled them a bit before continuing: "It's in a really good shape."

"Because hair is girly", Hot Shot replied, whishing that Gold would let go of the strands so that he could hide them again.

"I have hair."

Hot Shot blinked once. And then twice.

"What?"

"I said that I have hair aswell."

"Really?"

"Really."

Hot Shot went quiet for a long while, considering this. He could actually imagine Gold's hair now that he thought about it.

"Deep metallic blue", the yellow bot said confidently. Gold was silent for a moment before speaking quietly: "How did you know?"

Hot Shot only shrugged before replying: "Just a hunch, actually."

"Hot Shot..." Gold's voice had a strange urgent undertone as he spoke. "Did you have a dream while you were unconcious?"

Hot Shot nodded after a moment of thought.

"Yeah", he replied. "It was about my father...But it felt familiar somehow, like a forgotten memory that I remembered again."

Optimus nodded, saying: "Alright then. You suddenly screamed really loud. I thought you were having a nightmare."

"No", Hot Shot said as he shook his head. "The dream was really pleasant. I think I woke up after that, but only for a short moment. I remember screaming from the pain."

"You aren't in pain anymore, are you?" Gold asked worriedly. "You don't look like you're hurting."

"I'm fine", Hot Shot assured the larger transformer. "I'm perfectly fine now."

"Have you ever had this happen to you before?" Gold asked and Hot Shot could not help but laugh as he replied: "I thought the nurse was supposed to ask all those questions?"

"Have you?" The firm and demanding tone Gold used held such authority Hot Shot felt all of his humor disappear immediately.

"No", he replied meekly. "I've never fainted from sudden waves of pain before. Nor have I ever had these kinds of pains before."

"I hope you aren't lying", Gold said softly. "If this becomes repeative it's sign of something being very wrong."

'I already know what caused it', Hot Shot thought, wanting to tell Gold just that. But he did not want to let Gold know about Cold Gaze. He had just started to make progress on finding out who the other personality was. He did not want to be dragged to some kind of a shrink where he would be agreed to be insane and then locked away inside a cold institute.

"Optimus!" The sudden shout brought both transformers' attention to the door. A white autobot had appeared there. He had a red helmet and a golden face plate. A pair of wings sprouted from his back and his golden optics reminded Hot Shot of Gold's ones, only these were a lot more playful.

"There you are, Optimus!" the flier exclaimed as he made his way to Gold. "Why did you sneak off like that? That's my trademark!"

"Optimus?" Hot Shot questioned from Gold. "Your name is Optimus?"

The newcomer seemed to notice Hot Shot just then. He looked at Hot Shot with surprise clear in his optics and Hot Shot thought he saw recognition aswell.

"What is it, Jetfire?" Optimus? spoke sternly. "I'm a bit busy here."

"Optimus?" Hot Shot questioned again.

"There's huge mess at the office", Jetfire said. "Embassador Glunier arrived three cycles early and he's demanding to meet you right away."

"Optimus?" Hot Shot choked out.

"He can wait", Optimus said. "I expect him to follow protocol as much as everyone else. Tell him to come back in three cycles."

"That's going to be easier said than done", Jetfire huffed. "The guy's two times my size."

"I'm sure you can handle it", Optimus said, a smile in his voice. Hot Shot whimpered, finally bringing both pairs of golden optics to himself.

"Could you leave us now, Jetfire?" Optimus asked. It was not an order. It was a request. Hot Shot noticed this immediately. He also realized that Jetfire did not put up a fight as he walked out of the room.

"Optimus...Prime?" Hot Shot managed to pipe out, noticing that his voice had disappeared somewhere durin the conversation between the two autobots.

"Yes", Optimus admitted. He reached out and gently wrapped Hot Shot into his arms. "Optimus Prime, the supreme commander of the autobot army. I hope you aren't too disappointed." At that Optimus leaned back to look into Hot Shot's bright blue optics that were shimmering with tears that threatened to fall.

Hot Shot was truly frightened. The way he had acted, and in the company of the supreme commander no less. He was so embarrased and ashamed.

"Hot Shot?" The careful call of his name brought Hot Shot back to the present moment. He locked gazes with Optimus.

"I'm sorry", Optimus said quietly. "I really am. What I did was unforgivable and I hope I haven't crushed your ideal of me completely."

Hot Shot blinked. And then he stared. Quietly he croaked out: "You apologise?"

"Yes", Optimus said. "Even though I am Prime, it does not give me the right to lead you on like I did. I was just so tired of everyone gawking at me and expecting me to do everything. You were different. You were so independent and wanted to do everything yourself. Whenever I could do something for you I felt immensely happy."

Hot Shot carefully listened to each of Optimus' words, absorbing everything he could. And he understood just what Optimus meant and what he had been after.

"Optimus sir", Hot Shot started. That was when he saw incredible pain in Optimus' optics and immediately corrected himself: "Gold, can I ask you something?"

Optimus nodded his head, the pain in his optics gone for now.

"Do you have any family?"

Optimus' optics turned sad at the question and Hot Shot knew the answer. He gave the other bot a sad smile and said: "Neither do I. It was taken from me."

"I never really even had a chance at a family", Optimus said and Hot Shot noticed that the arms around him tightened their hold on him. A small broken laugh escaped from Optimus' mouth as he continued: "You figured it out pretty fast. I aren't usually this transparent, though. I haven't been able to get a good recharge in weeks."

"I understand", Hot Shot said quietly and leaned his head against Optimus' chestplate. He ran a hand down the surface of the helmet that was sitting on his lap. After a short while he pulled himself out of the embrace and Optimus did not resist.

Hot Shot placed his helmet back on his head, his mask and protection from the world. He then jumped off the bunk and locked optics with Optimus once more.

"I'm sorry", the smaller transformer said. When Optimus' optics widened questionably he continued: "I can't be the son you want." That said Hot Shot tore his gaze away from the older bot and ran out as fast as he could.

1.

"I wonder where Hot Shot is?" ComCom muttered Sparky as they walked out of chemistry class. "It's not like him to skip class."

"I'm sure he's fine", Sparky assured his smaller companion. "This is Hot Shot we're talking about. He's invincible."

ComCom smiled at Sparky brightly before saying: "I guess so. I just can't help but worry."

"About Cold Gaze?"

ComCom's and Sparky's optics locked, pink with orange. Slowly ComCom whispered: "Yes. He's been quiet for a long time. A too long time."

Sparky's steps faltered a bit but he kept on walking down the corridor. It was true that the one thing that could really heckle Hot Shot was Cold Gaze. Sparky and ComCom would both have wanted to help him more that anything but Hot Shot refused to talk about the problem and they did not want to force their friend to talk.

Carefully and gently Sparky laid a hand on ComCom's shoulder. Pink optics flashed in surprise and Sparky gave an awkward smile to them. Slowly a smile came to ComCom's lips.

'Thank you', the blue bot mouthed without noice. Sparky only nodded, feeling his cheeks burn ever so slightly.

2.

Hot Shot curled up in the dark corner, sobbing as quietly as possible. He did not want anyone to find him in the fathest corner of the Glimax Academy library. The least-used section almost never had lights on so it was the ideal place for the small bot's complete break down.

'You made the right choice', Cold Gaze mumbled softly. Hot Shot shook his head in protest.

"No I didn't", he whimpered. Just because Cold Gaze said it was alright he immediately knew that the truth was the opposite. He trusted Cold Gaze as far as he could throw him and since Cold Gaze was bodiless he could not be thrown.

"It's going to be alright", Cold Gaze continued ever so softly. "I'm going to make everything right again."

Hot Shot felt his oil run cold when he realized that Cold Gaze's voice was not as bodiless as it had been only moments ago. His whole body went stiff when he felt a cold breath brush against his cheek.

"Are you afraid of me, Hot Shot?" Cold Gaze asked ever so gently. "You shouldn't be. After all, I'm here for you alone." At that moment Hot Shot felt a pair of lips against his cheek when he received the ghost of a kiss there. Another cold breath followed, brushing Hot Shot's cheek and neck.

"Hot Shot..." Cold Gaze whispered in a begging tone. "Damah..." A pair of arms came around Hot Shot's vaist, pulling him against a body that Hot Shot swore was not there.

"You aren't real", Hot Shot whispered brokenly. "You aren't real, you aren't real..." Tears began streaming down Hot Shot's cheeks as he tried to find salvation in that one mantra. He knew it to be useless, however, when he felt the cold breath again. This time the sensation was straight at his face, over his lips.

"Please don't", Hot Shot begged. "Please don't do this..."

"Do what, damah?" Cold Gaze questioned, the power in his tone indicating that the other knew exactly who was in charge for the moment. Even without a body Cold Gaze was currently pulling the strings.

Hot Shot felt his spark almost implode when Cold Gaze nuzzled his chin. The fear was eating away at Hot Shot's clarity of mind whereas the gentle gesture disarmed him further. Why was Cold Gaze like this? Why was he so cold at one moment and so loving at another? And how did he manage to be both at the same time?

"Cold Gaze..." Hot Shot breathed, wrapping his arms around the invisible frame that he could still feel like it was a real one. "Older brother..."

To be continued...

Author's Notes: So here! Chapter 20 in many ways the chapter people have been waiting for! For one, Optimus was finally revealed and for two, Cold Gaze is back in business and more has been revealed of him.

Who thinks this story should get horror as a secondary genre? I mean, I was personally really creeped out when writing the last scene. But then again, drama might just be more suitable. I'd like to hear your opinions on this, please?