Too tired to think, but couldn't sleep, so wrote another chapter.

Hope you enjoy!

"You helped him."

The words caused her to slow her steps and look up from the letter in her hand. Lyna sat perched on the steps leading up to her mansion, her feet bare, and her weapons missing. Her gaze was curious, though her words had been a statement and not a question, and her head tilted slightly as Hawke came up beside her and dropped onto the stairs herself. After a moment Hawke offered a nod that Lyna returned.

"Of course you did." There was no censure in the words, though they still managed to make Hawke shift uncomfortably. The women sat in silence for several moments before Hawke finally spoke. "I couldn't turn down a friend."

"You could, but it is not in you to do so." Lyna flicked her a smile, and reached down to scratch at her foot. "You are a good person Hawke, but your guilt will get you in trouble one day. I hope you are ready for the consequences."

"I just... don't want to let him down again." She didn't know where the words came from, but she felt relief in saying them. Being able to say them, and having someone she could say them to. As much as she trusted the others they were too close to her, too close to him.

Lyna turned her gaze to the square, and the people milling around in the fading light. "Sometimes you have to let others down. You have to do the thing that hurts the most."

She thought of laughing. She should probably be ashamed that the small, and decidedly younger woman was sitting there giving her advice. Instead she found it funny. "Tell me something, Lyna, did you come out of your mother fully grown?"

Lyna did laugh, her eyes returning to Hawke. "Most people probably think so."

They shared a smile before Hawke rolled a shrug. "You need to understand. It's my fault he went off the edge. I... hurt him. I can't do that to him again."

"But at what cost?"

She didn't have an answer for that, and turned to watch the man who made the rounds to light the lamps each evening.

"You know. I let Zevran leave once. Alistair had put my name forward to be the commander in Fereldan, and the higher ups approved it. I was asked to take the position, and I felt like I should. It was my duty to the order, and to Alistair who had put in the work for it." Lyna's gaze had gone far off, her toes tapping a faltered rhythm on the stone. " Zevran was... decidedly against the idea. He had been wanting to go back to Antiva. Fight the crows. We were suppose to go together...

"We had a huge fight. He didn't understand why I couldn't say no, thought I was choosing Alistair over him. Thought... who knows what else." She sighed, and propped her chin on her fist. "It hurt. I was so angry at him for leaving, angry at the Wardens for asking it of me, angry at them both for making me choose. It broke my heart when he left. I honestly didn't know what I was supposed to do without him. He had become... everything."

"You made the choice to not go with him."

Lyna nodded, her eyes still distant. "Yes, and it's still there between us. It's a wound that healed with a scar, but it was still the right thing to do. If I had it to choose again I would do the same."

"Why?"

"Because making him happy wasn't as important as killing the Architect."

Hawke studied her a moment, the set features and shadowed eyes, and wondered how many sacrifices she had made. "Do you ever think about what you would be doing right now, you know, if the blight had never happened? Or if you had never found that mirror?"

A smile, small and slightly sad. "I don't have to wonder. I would be joined with Tamlen. A brood of children. The both of us content to hunt and protect the clan. I would live a long life, and be able to rest in my old age. I would have been happy. It was all I wanted before everything changed." She turned to look at Hawke, her smile clearing. "But I have Zev, and friends, and all the things I have gotten to do, even with a shorter life. I am happy with that too."

They fell silent, watching as people drifted home under the dim glow of lamplight. When she spoke again, Lyna voice was soft. "He is doing something very, very stupid, Marian. The question is, will you be able to do what needs to be done when he does."

Hawke settled her arms on her knees, and contemplated her feet. "I don't know. I mean, could you?" Before Lyna could respond she barreled on. "I know it's probably different for you. You are friends, but you hadn't seen each other for years, there is a gap."

"We had sex."

Hawke's mind went blank. She knew she blinked several times as she tried to handle the images that flooded her mind.

"Excuse me?"

Lyna had the gall to laugh, darkly humored in the face of a serious conversation. "We had sex. Several times."

She was sure her head was going to explode at any point now. "You... and Anders... slept together."

"Yes. He was pretty good at it if I recall. Of course, it's not like I have a hugegroup to compare him to."

"Why?" It seemed like the only question that made any sense.

Lyna shrugged a shoulder, a half smile in place as she looked over at Hawke. "I was young, and alone, and angry at being left that way by Zevran. And back then... Anders was very much like Zev. Flirty, confident, sarcastic. It was never anything serious. We were both just looking for something... easy."

Hawke scrubbed at her eyes, her brain still trying to right itself. "Does Zevran know?"

Another laugh. "Of course. That's a silly question, and before you ask, no he doesn't care. He wasn't very monogamous himself during that time."

Hawke merely rubbed at her eyes again as Lyna patted her back in sympathy. "The point is, I was trying to show that I do care about Anders, and he is important to me, but that wouldn't stop me. Besides, he isn't Anders anymore... not really."

Hawke nodded, and risked a glance over to the small elf, unable to focus on returning to the more serious matter. "You know I will never again be able to unsee what I see in my mind. I think I need to scrub my brain."

Lyna's smile widened and she leaned over to bump her shoulder against Hawke's. "Well, if nothing else, I lightened the mood."

She let out a groan, and buried her face in her hands, Lyna's laughter bright around her. They fell silent again and sat that way until Fenris appeared at the top of the stairs near the mansion. Hawke glanced up at Lyna's greeting, and sent Fenris a pleading look. "Please tell me you have news for me that doesn't involve any of our companions naked together."

At his blank look, Lyna hopped up and shouted an amused goodbye before disappearing into the darkness.

Fenris helped Hawke to her feet, and raised a brow as they started into the mansion. "Do I want to know what that was about?"

"Not unless you like thinking of Anders and Lyna naked and sweaty together." At the look on his face she finally saw the humor in it. smiling, she pulled him through the door.