AN: I have been trying to update for over a week! Thank you to The Singing Duck and AuntMo for giving me a heads-up on how to bypass the error message. Finally I can update! Though I must warn, it may be a few weeks until I can update again - I'm going on a big vacation and then moving back to the USA after two years away.
Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Reading your reactions to this story means the world to me, it really does. You're amazing. Also, we've passed 200 reviews! Ahhh!
Almost at the end now, and revelations abound...
Chapter 19: In Which God Is In The Kitchen, Eating Pie
Sam was a pretty good liar. He convinced Bobby that he had received a distress call from a hunter three towns over. Bobby immediately started loading up his car, and when Dean saw the action that was about to go down, he insisted on going. Sam even argued a little bit, for good measure, but in the end Dean put his foot down. It almost creeped Eli out, how good Sam was at manipulating people.
Plus, it gave her a legitimate excuse to say goodbye to some of the most important people in her life.
"Just…take care of yourself, okay?" she said to Bobby, wrapping him in a hug and breathing in his familiar scent of gunpowder and axle grease—a strangely comforting smell. She couldn't keep tears from welling in her eyes.
"What's with the water-works?" Bobby asked when she finally pulled away; he looked awkward and discomfited. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hands and shrugged weakly.
"It's just…you've always been there for me. You're like a father to me—more than my own father is now. You've saved me more times than I could count. You gave me a place in the world. And you didn't have to do any of that…but you did. And I guess I just realized that I never…I never thanked you properly. So thank you. I…" She took a deep breath and tried to smile bravely. "I love you Bobby, I really do."
"Aw hell," Bobby muttered, pulling his ball cap lower over his eyes and flushing a little. "I uh…love you too, kid." He paused, then cleared his throat. "Right, I'm gonna go…load the truck." He turned and stumped away.
"Jeez, Eli, it's just one hunt," Dean said, coming up behind her. He was surprised when she turned and threw her arms around him, burying her face in the worn leather of his jacket.
"Yeah, but it's the end of the world. A hunt is never just a hunt. So I decided, just in case I don't get another chance, to tell you guys." She pulled back and surprised Dean by lifting herself up and planting a kiss on his lips, despite the fact that Castiel was lurking by the house, watching the whole exchange through narrowed eyes.
"Woah, Blondie, what…" he sputtered, looking so genuinely shocked that she laughed.
"Love you, Dean," she said with clear affection in her voice. "Even with your loud music and your pervy ways and the creepily erotic interest you show in your car. I love you. And…that's all I came to say."
She turned on her heel and darted around the side of the house, leaving a confused Dean rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.
"Girl gets weirder every day, I swear," he muttered, but smiled despite himself, then moved to help Bobby pack up the car.
In the salvage yard, Eli sank down onto an old tire and took a long, tired breath. It was done. Now there was nowhere to go but forward.
At that exact moment, another conversation was taking place.
"I finally figured it out," Gabriel said, closing the kitchen door behind him. Lucy glanced up from her spot at the table, sleep still hanging heavy in her eyes, her brow wrinkled in confusion.
"Figured what out?"
Gabriel smirked, but there was something bitter and wounded in it. "What you are."
She blew a strand of dark hair away from her face. "What are you talking about, Gabriel?"
"You know, I always knew something was off with you," he said blithely, sitting down across from her. "Angels can't create people. Only God can do that. And I'm sure as hell not God. So how, how did I create you? That was the problem I couldn't solve."
Lucy was watching him with a strangely scrutinizing look on her face. She had gone very still. "And? How did you create me?"
He laughed and drummed his fingers on the table. "I didn't. That's what's so beautifully simple about this whole charade. Oh, I give you credit: you had me fooled. But not forever. All I had to do was remember…" He tapped his temple and winked at her. "Only one who can create people is God. Nice one, Dad. Very subtle."
"You're not making any sense," she said flatly. He sighed, a long exhalation of breath.
"Please, stop with the innocent face. Lucy was never real, and we both know it. Your cover is blown. What, you wanted an easy way to watch us all flail around, trying to stop Apocalypse Two: Electric Boogaloo? Come on, Dad, really. You could have stopped all of this with a wave of your pretty hand. So why didn't you?"
"You're wrong," Lucy said. She sat up straight, her whole posture different, light shining around her dark hair like a halo, her voice somehow smoother and richer and more real than ever before. The blue of her eyes was almost blinding. "Lucy was real, Gabriel. In her own way. Everything she felt, all of the fear and confusion and love and joy—that was real. Even her hatred of you. And boy, did she hate your guts."
"A dominant personality," Gabriel scoffed. "With you peering out from behind a creation's eyes. So you created that girl and then scared her shitless and ripped up her life for no reason. Good one."
"I merely finished what you started," she said mildly. "And there was a reason."
"What reason?" Gabriel snarled. "You know what is going down, better than anyone. And you've done nothing!"
"It is not my responsibly to clean up the messes of others," Lucy said primly. Gabriel had to clench his hands to keep from doing something rash.
"Yes it damn well is!" he shouted. She merely raised her eyebrows at him.
"And to think, you were once a dutiful son. It is nice to see you standing up for something, Gabriel. It's been a long time coming."
"And yet you didn't see fit to resurrect me," he said in a sulky voice. She smiled.
"Who's to say I didn't? Who's to say where the idea came from, in the span of an instant, for a girl to resurrect someone she barely knew?"
Gabriel was speechless.
Lucy sighed, then took a bite of the pie that hadn't been there a moment before. "Do you want some?" she asked blandly. He merely gaped at her. "Okay. It's good, though."
Finally he shut his mouth. "Look, I don't…I know I don't have a right to ask anything of you," he said sheepishly. "But help us. Please."
Lucy cocked her head for a moment, as if thinking, and then shook it. "No."
"Why not?" Gabriel asked, his voice rising again. Lucy stayed perfectly calm, eating her pie with neat, precise bites.
"This is not my battle to fight."
"Then whose is it?"
She gave him a secret half-smile. "You know."
Gabriel groaned. "So what, this is another test. Haven't we done this already? Using the apocalypse to test people is a bit of overcompensation, don't'cha think?"
"Lucifer rising was their test," she said. "This problem is for Castiel and Elijah to solve. And they can do it. Have faith."
"In what?" he snarled. She met his gaze.
"In them."
There was a pause. Gabriel drummed his fingers on the table, agitated. "You do know that she's about to run off and do something stupid, don't you?" he asked roughly. Lucy nodded.
"Of course. I've known it for a long time."
"Well?" he asked. She raised an eyebrow at him, popping a piece of flaky crust into her mouth.
"Well, what?"
"Is it the right thing to do? Are they going to pass the test?"
"Silly," she chided him. "Nobody passes or fails. This isn't ninth grade English. This is about purity of spirit. Free will. Love conquering all. Right and wrong. Sacrifices." She dabbed her immaculate mouth with a napkin. "Elijah is willing to sacrifice everything, change the very thread and fabric of reality, to ensure the safety of those she loves, even if it means giving up everything she has. That sounds like all the right ingredients to me. Then again, she is running off and is not trusting or faithful enough to believe that there is a way out of this without her self-sacrifice. Perhaps she's right. Perhaps she's not."
"Just give me an answer," he yelled, slamming his hand down on the table. "How is it going to end? How is it supposed to end?"
"Gabriel, please," Lucy said, placing one delicate hand over his. "My child, you are older than the hills and valleys of this beautiful planet. You should know by now that nothing ever ends."
Suddenly, inexplicably, Gabriel felt like he was going to cry. He wanted nothing more than to have her wrap her arms around him and stroke his hair, like a lost child finally finding his mother. Instead he merely let her hold his hand across the table, stroking it with soft, light fingers, her eyes infinitely knowing and sad.
"Am I going to die?" he asked quietly. He knew, like she had told him herself, how everything was going to happen. "When everything changes. She won't have been around to bring me back. Will I be dead?"
"Don't think of it as death," Lucy said, with a small, unfathomable smile. "Think of it as transitioning. To bigger and better things."
Gabriel felt some of the fear in his chest slip away at the sound of her voice. "What's that supposed to mean?"
She quirked an eyebrow at him, then let go of his hand and continued eating her pie like nothing had happened. "Dude, I work in mysterious ways."
He let out a long, low breath. "Look, I know I don't have the right to ask you for…anything. I know that. I've been a bad son, done some…bad things. Selfish things. But…"
"Of course you may ask," Lucy said simply. Gabriel felt his heart stutter.
"Will you…aw, hell. Will you let them be happy? She's—they've—been through so much. Too much. They're…really made for each other, and they deserve…" He ran his hand through his hair, barely able to believe what he was saying. "It doesn't matter, if I'm dead or not. Just let her be happy. That's all I'm asking."
Lucy smiled at him, a pure smile that was like the sun breaking from behind the clouds. "Why Gabriel, that was positively selfless. I'm proud of you."
Again Gabriel felt that tremor inside, that desire to burst into tears, like crying would purge all of the old gunk and hatred and anger out of his system. "So that means…"
"Nothing is set in stone, especially not alternate realities," Lucy said with a sigh. "I'm personally rooting for Castiel and Elijah. But who knows how their new story will play out. I certainly don't. It's nice, every once in a while, not knowing. It makes everything less boring. But if they find each other again – which is likely, soul mates often do—then I promise you that their journey is done. The loophole will be closed—should Eli somehow find herself a grace, no one will ever be able to rip it from her again. The fires of Heaven are officially shut down—no more collar. That was a bad idea, anyway. About time I got rid of it."
"And what about Remiel and Sariel?" Gabriel asked cautiously. "If you think that will stop them…"
Lucy's face darkened. "They are lucky, those two, that I have grown benevolent in my old age," she mused. "Once upon a time they would have been smited quite thoroughly. But no. I think a more…subtle punishment is in store for them in this new reality that Elijah is so intent on creating." The darkness passed from her face as quickly as it appeared. "They will harm no one anymore. Who knows; they might even be happy."
Gabriel didn't press the subject. "So…what's going to happen now?"
"So many questions, Gabriel," Lucy said gently. "Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. It's too late to stop it now. So don't interfere. This is their battle, their test. You've played your role, better than I would have given you credit for. Your job is done, Gabriel. Rest now."
She moved as if to vanish. Gabriel flew to her side of the table, kneeling before her with adoration. The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself; he was suddenly the awkward middle child again with a parent who left him, left him alone and unsure of his place in the world and so thoroughly abandoned. "Why did you leave?" he stuttered, and for the first time in a millennia, he found himself actually blinking back tears. "Why did you leave us? Why did you let all of this happen, the rebellions, the wars, the death? We needed you. I needed you. Did we mean nothing to you?"
True pain flickered in Lucy's eyes. "Mean nothing? Oh, my son, my beautiful child, you mean everything to me." She cupped his cheek in her hand and he closed his eyes, leaning into it. "I was always there with you, all of you, in spirit. You were never abandoned. I merely wanted to give you all a chance to decide your own destinies, find your own place in universe. To be good and holy by choice, and not merely because of orders. And I was going to come back—am going to come back. Because I love you so very much."
"Decide our own destinies?" Gabriel croaked, opening his eyes. "But…angels don't have free will."
"Silly boy," she chided. "Everyone has free well. You and Castiel are perfect proof of that. It's not my fault if the others haven't…caught up yet." She smiled at him tenderly. "I have always loved you, Gabriel. Never doubt this. In the universe, you are special, and you are loved."
Gabriel bent his head and cried, shoulders shaking, face scrunched up like a child. Lucy wrapped her arms around him and pulled him to her chest; her heart was a drumbeat, steady and smooth, like a mother, like home.
Once Bobby and Dean were safely on the road, Eli headed into the house. She squared her shoulders. Now or never.
Lucy and Gabriel were gone; she considered looking for them, but decided against it. Her heart couldn't take any more goodbyes.
Castiel followed her into the sitting room, watching as she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, her hands shaking ever so slightly, a tremor that she couldn't control. He went to her, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand. "What is the matter?"
She cracked an eye open. "Would you believe me if I said nothing?"
He moved his hand from her cheek to her hair, letting it run gently through the unruly mess of yellow, now well past her shoulders. He realized dimly that she had stopped putting it in unusual styles lately, preferring to just wear it down or pull it back from her face. There seemed a strange loss of innocence is this gesture, like she was growing up. He didn't like it. "No," he answered honestly. She nodded.
"That's my Cas."
He opened his mouth to say something else but she stopped him by kissing him, in full view of Sam, twining her arms around his neck and pulling their bodies together. He kissed her back, closing his eyes; she undid him, as she always did, especially when she tugged on his lower lip with her teeth and combed her fingers through his hair. He almost moaned, but was saved by Eli pulling back and whispering in his ear, very quietly: "I love you."
He looked at her with quizzical eyes, about to answer. Sam broke the moment.
"Hey Cas, check this out." He was standing at the desk, peering at a book. "I think I've found something."
Castiel reluctantly pulled himself away from Eli and turned, walking toward the younger Winchester. "What is it?"
Sam waited until the angel was nearly there. Then he flipped the lighter in his hand and tossed it onto the floor with a pained look on his face. "This."
The circle ignited, and Castiel was trapped.
Eli didn't wait for him to turn around and fix her with a look of pain and confusion and betrayal. She just turned on her heel and flew straight to England, appearing inside of the little bookshop.
Crowley and Aziraphale didn't even have the grace to look surprised when she marched into the kitchen. She didn't waste any time with small-talk either, just looked them in the eye and nodded, shaking down to her very bones.
"Okay. I'm ready."
Several miles down the road, Bobby let out a curse and slammed on the breaks.
"Jesus, Bobby, what is it?" Dean yelled, nearly crashing into the dashboard.
"No one says something like that for no reason, 'specially not Eli," Bobby growled, turning the car around with a screech and gunning the engine. "She's planning something, and she don't want us around for it. I don't know what it is, but it's gotta be something big. And that means it's something we gotta stop."