To be truthfully honest I've only ever wanted one thing in life - happiness, but it's never that simple you see. Everyone wants to be happy but everyone feels happiness in different ways. Some people are fucked and get happy by putting others down, other people find happiness by hurting things but then there's some people who find happiness by peace and love in this world, and those are the kind of people you want in your life and the person you should be. The truth is, it takes a lot to be happy because you can't be happy if fucked up things keep happening to you and you can't be happy if you're miserable. Maybe life wouldn't be so miserable if it were easier. Do you know what I mean? I mean, how much easier would it be if you could just pick something, anything you want in life and then be happy? How much easier would be if you had people in your life that care about you and would never even think about hurting you? Why is it always the people you think would never betray you, betray you? I'm not saying I'm not grateful, I am. I know I have friends who care about me. It's just, where were they when I needed them the most? I'm not saying it's anyone's fault but my own but, it would've helped if I had someone to steer me in the right direction but that's the thing. The only person who'll ever steer you in the right direction is yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone is telling you, friends, family, girlfriend or boyfriend because it's up to you to do what you want to do. People only have an impact on you, nothing else. You can never count on someone else for your happiness either. The truth is, no matter how much I love Alison, I know I can't depend on her for my happiness, for she could leave me one day, for nothing really ever lasts does it? The thing is, things are always breaking or being replaced. Let's say I have the brand new iPhone, I love it, it's great and takes beautiful pictures, it's everything to me but then I drop it and it shatters. Then I go back to the store and replace it, till something new comes along or till I break this one. Let's say I have a new pair of kicks, but six months later they get all dirty and there's holes in them. Let's say I brought my first car, it's fucking shit, needs a dozen repairs. I started watching a new TV show last week, but then I finished all the seasons and it's done. I went on a walk the other day and ended up back here. An hour ago it was 1pm, now it's 2pm. It's sunny today but it was raining yesterday. My friend used to have long hair but she cut it and now it's short. The fire stopped, the song ended, the day finished, the memories are gone, feelings faded, glass breaks, and nothing lasts. It's 2pm and I think I'm having withdrawals. I can't stop sweating. "Emily?" The teacher calls out.
"Yeah" I say.
"What's your answer?" She asks.
I stare at her and the kids in the classroom, I have no idea what we're talking about. All I know is that I'm in math class, not English right now. And it's a Friday.
"I don't know" I mumble. She looks disappointed in me but asks the next kid, he answers with pride in his voice, only to be corrected a little bit by the teacher. I wipe the sweat from my face and take a drink of water. I close my eyes for a second and see a familiar face.
"Hey, can I copy question seven?" Ricky grins.
I open my eyes and bolt up immediately. The teacher stops teaching and everyone looks at me. "Can I go to the washroom?" I ask quickly.
She nods her head and I leave the class in a hurry. I splash water on my face and then drink some. I look in the mirror and watch the pelts of water drip off my face into the sink. Who am I? It's nearly two ten, I have fifty more minutes left. I go back to class and work on finishing up the questions. I fucking hate math questions. I see the word "nothing" and I look up from the sheet of paper. Nothing lasts forever. Unless you make it last forever. The problem is, people give up too easily. Take care of what you have and it will last forever. I mean, I suppose your first car won't last forever, or the shoes you've outgrown along with all your clothes, and yeah maybe you need to upgrade your electronics every once in awhile but you can make things last and people can stay if they want to stay. I'm not trying to be bitter or negative, I'm just a realistic. The way I see the world, is for the way it truly is. A lot of shit happens, a lot of people leave you, and you end up feeling more sad than happy, but at the end of the day you have to decide what's better for yourself. Do you really want to continue being friends with people who make you feel alone? Do you really want people in your life who treat you like shit? Do you really want something good to happen? Make things happen, make good friends, have patience and never give up. I don't care how sad you are or how sad I am, because we both know that life really is worth living.
"Finish up the rest of the questions then call it a day" Mrs. Banks says out loud.
I finish all the questions right at three then leave. I fucking hate being in that building during summer. Alison's waiting for me right out the building like she usually does. She's wearing the same smile she does everyday and her beautiful golden hair is blowing lightly in the wind.
"Hi gorgeous" I say embracing her in a hug.
Everyday I go to Alison's from school I always go take a shower because it's so hot and sticky in that building. The air condition in there sucks, maybe one day Alison will hop me in the shower with me. I shudder at the thought of that happen and she touches my shoulder.
"What's up?" She asks.
"I love you" I tell her.
She lets out a smile on her face, making me smile.
"And, I love the way you drive" I say getting into her parents car.
"Yeah? Well wait till I get a Lamborghini" she plays.
"Hey maybe I should buy one with all the money I have!" I shout.
"No Emily" Alison says slamming her foot on the accelerator.
I would have never taken Alison as to being a fast driver, but hey, you're always surprised as to finding out new things.
"Save your money for other things, like-"
"A lot of pizza and dildos" I finish.
She lets out a laugh, and I laugh too. "What do you need dildos for?" Alison asks.
"You're right, I really don't need them" I say with confidence.
She lets out another laugh and I blush.
"Don't worry Alison, I'm going to save my money for college" I say the word college in a mocking tone and she lets go of the steering wheel to hit me.
"Ow!" I yelp.
"I'm the strong one now" she teases.
I look at her like she's gone crazy and then stare out the window. I wonder if she really is stronger than me now, she probably is. Ace is probably stronger than me! I should start working out, show her who's boss, carry her around everywhere. That's what I'll get into, going for runs again and I'll buy some weights. I'll be buff in no time again, I just have to stop eating pizza.
"For now you are" I finish.
The school isn't that far away from where Ali lives, our old school was about five minutes away and this one is ten when we drive. I get out of the car right when we get to the driveway and run to the other side and open the door for Alison.
"My lady" I say as the door opens. "Oh you little cheese ball" Alison giggles.
Her parents fly out of the door with big smiles on their face. It's nice to see adults smiling. Her mother is in such a cute red dress.
"Oh Ali!" Her mom cheers. "Your father and I are going out today"
"What? Shouldn't you both be at work?" Ali asks.
"We came home early sweetie" her dad says.
"Where are you going?" Alison asks.
"We're going out for dinner, a walk, then we're going to go see a movie. Don't wait up" her mom says.
"I want to come!" Alison's complains.
"It's a date" her father says.
"Oh well have fun then" Alison says with a sudden smile on her face.
We watch them leave and wave when they leave the driveway.
"Now we have to provide our own dinner" Alison grumbles.
"I'll make us something" I tell her.
"Just go put on a movie and cuddle up in a blanket, I'll be there soon"
I hear her call for Jason's name two times and he never answers, figuring he's not home.
I decide on making grilled cheese with bacon and tomato and throwing on salad at the side of the plat. I also pop a bag of popcorn then join Ali in the living room, fifthteen minutes later.
"Thanks baby" she says giving me a peck on the cheek.
After we finish all the food, Alison gets sick of the movie and turns it off. We walk up the stairs and go into her room, she shuts her door and my stomach feels queasy. We're alone.
"Hey, we can finally listen to music at the volume we want to" Ali says.
She grabs her laptop from her bed and puts it on her dresser. She puts on a song and turns up the volume as loud as it can go. All I can think about is having sex with her. I look straight at her and she giggles. She pulls something out of her dresser, a lighter.
"Why do you have a lighter?" I ask.
"Because I have candles, I like candles" she says.
I walk towards her and hug her from behind as she lights an apple scented candle. She grabs both my hands as I kiss the back of her neck. She spins around and kisses me on the lips.
"I fucking love you" she says, pushing me down on her bed.
I gulp and by the time I pull myself a little bit up by my elbows, she's on top of me, kissing me. My heart is beating so fast, I feel like we're about to have sex and I don't know if I can handle it.
"Oh my god" I breathe.
"I know" she says.
I push myself up to her pillows and she does the same. She puts her hand on my face while she kisses me and the other on my waist. I pull her closer to me and she ends up getting on top of me again. We kiss for a long time, and the minute it gets more intense I pull away and she gets up to stand against the bed, she sits on my lap and puts my hands underneath her shirt. The second she stops kissing me I lift up her shirt slowly and breathe in. I bite my lip, hard.
"I like your pink bra" I say quietly.
"Take it off" she says.
She leans her head to the left and my right leg has a complete spaz. It won't stop twitching, I can't do this. I feel her lift up my shirt and then she throws it on the ground.
"I like your black bra" she says grinning.
I put my hands on Ali's back, I start kissing her and she puts her tongue in my mouth, it makes me work faster and I unhook Ali's bra then grab her boobs in my hand. She stops kissing me and let's out a breath, I kiss her neck, her collarbone, then I start kissing her boobs, while my other hand is still grabbing the one. She unhooked my bra and I let the straps fall off of my arms. I can hear her moaning a little and as soon as I start sucking she gets off my lap and I grab her by her jeans and undo the button and zip down the zipper. I pull down her pants and then she steps out of them. She's wearing pink underwear too. She puts her hands on her underwear and pulls down. I close my eyes for a second and bite down on my lip even harder. Oh my god, this is it, we're going to have sex. I don't know what to do right now, I'm not trying to look below her waist but like I can't help it and I just want to feel her and taste her. I look up at her and she grabs my hand, yanking me off the bed. She quickly pulls down the shorts I was wearing and starts kissing me as she pulls down my underwear, letting it fall down my legs. I move my feet and let Ali get in the bed as I go on top of her. We go under the covers and start kissing again, I'm on top of her and I trace my fingers down her body.
"Alison" I say, letting my lips fall off hers.
"Emily" she says.
We look into each other's eyes, and then I watch her face change as I put my finger inside of her. She quickly pulls her head up and starts kissing me. She's so wet, and so am I. I put another finger in and start going faster. She stops kissing me and starts moaning, I kiss her neck. I can feel myself starting to sweat, but I try to go faster than I already am and now she's moaning really loud. I put another finger in and when I take them out ten minutes later, I know she came. I kiss her ear and whisper I love you before I start kissing all the down her body. She's still wet, I can feel it when I put my tongue on her. I start licking her and she grabs both my hands and squeezes them. I flick my tongue as fast as I can on her and then smear my tongue all over her.
"Oh my god, oh my god" she says pulling my head up.
I go back on top of her and try kissing her but she pushes my chest and I fall down on the bed. She gets on top of me and starts kissing me but then pulls away.
"You taste good baby sh" I say.
She puts her lips back on mine and kisses me for long seconds, it feels so good, and then I feel her inside me. I take my mouth off hers and take a long breath. It feels so good for her to be inside me. I put my hand on the back of her neck and push her head down on mine and kiss her at a fast pace, it only makes her finger me faster so I move my mouth away from hers and start moaning. I can't take it anymore, I pull her hand away and close my legs tightly.
"I'm not done" she says on top of me.
She brings her head down and kisses my neck gently, and gets lower with every kiss. She kisses my boob and I arch my body up, she looks up at me and let's out a giggle. I feel her place her hands on my hips and her tongue on my vagina. It makes me twitch and then when she goes faster she locks her fingers in mine.
"Oh my god baby" I moan.
I feel her flick her tongue across my clit and it makes me lose it so I pull up my body and grab her arms.
"I love you" I tell her.
"I love you too" she smiles.
She pulls the covers over us and we start kissing again, except this time it's slower kisses. Alison lays her head down on my chest and traces her fingers on my stomach, I rub her shoulders. We're already so close but I wish we were closer so I pull her more in and give her a hug.
"You know what we should do tomorrow?" Alison asks.
Have sex again? Except this time I'd fuck her. I feel like we just made love, and now I want to fuck her hard and give her hickeys and let her scratch my back and pull my hair. I bite my lip and feel myself get wet thinking about it.
"Um, I-" I stutter.
She doesn't say anything either. Maybe she's thinking the same thing I am.
I look down at her and she looks up at me. I put my lips on hers and she kisses me with such force it makes me want to fuck her right now.
"I want to fuck you" she says.
"I want to fuck you so bad" I tell her.
She sits up on me and I feel her vagina on my leg. I move my leg slowly, she looks at me and smirks. Her boobs are fucking great, I put both my hands on them and squeeze. She grabs my one hand and puts it underneath her. I lift up two of my fingers and let her sit on them. She moves her body up and down and I place my other hand on her hip when she starts going faster. Fuck, she's riding me and it's so fucking hot. She lets out loud moans and then I put in another finger. I put in four and then she goes into a complete orgasm. I keep calling her baby and letting her know how fucking hot she is. She lifts her body up and comes down on me, kissing my neck, except this time she starts sucking on my neck and biting it. I put my hand on her ass and squeeze her, then I massage her vagina, feeling how wet she is. She stops sucking on my neck and I bring my fingers to my mouth and suck on them.
"Oh my god" she says, putting her hands on my collarbone.
I feel her other hand down below and she puts fingers inside me and starts fucking me right away. She's doing it a lot faster and harder this time. I express how she's making me feel on her back and through my moans.
"Oh my god, I'm gonna cum" I say right before I do.
She feels it and goes down on me right away.
"Fuck, you taste good" she says.
I feel her do all sorts of things with her tongue and I shove her head in more. I grab the bed sheets and moan.
"Come here" I say.
She does, I flip her over and open my mouth as wide as I can on her neck and start sucking. She digs her fingernails in my back. After I'm done on her neck I move down to her boobs and start kissing them and licking her nipple. I open my mouth and suck on her boob till I can't anymore. She takes control again and gets on top of me, only she keeps getting on top of me and now my face is her seat rest. I put my tongue on her and lick her slowly to tease her, but then I go faster and I put my tongue inside her and lick around. She turns around, 69 is our real dinner. I start fingering her from this way and she starts screaming, I think I'm about to make her squirt, but then we hear her mom call out her name.
She quickly gets off of me and turns on her phone. It's 9:13. She runs to the front of her door and shuts off her lights then comes back in bed. We're both panting and sweating. She turned her back on me, and within a few minutes her mom opens the door and I shut my eyes.
"Goodnight honey" we hear her say.
As soon as she shuts the door Alison turns around and faces me. We kiss each other.
"Do you think she heard?" I ask.
"What? No" Alison says quickly.
"You were pretty loud" I remind her.
"It's okay, they didn't hear" she tells me.
"You're so sexy" I tell her.
"You are" she says kissing my nose.
She lays on me the way she did before we had sex again.
"I'm so tired" she says.
I let out a laugh and tell her I am too.