Hopefully I can get a lot of stuff out in this chapter…at least get the proverbial ball rolling. I've been scratching my head as to how to get Olivia to get a move on and just tell Brady and Mack. I had it all planned out, but as always plans fall through. So I'm gonna try a different route and pray it sounds right…

I own absolutely nothing…if I did, I would have paid SVU writers out of my own pocket. Oh well…

Chapter 20

After dropping off Alex and Brady at the centre and promising to be back within a couple of hours, Olivia rushed home to get a much-needed shower and some clothing to leave at Brady's. She had started to tidy up her apartment when she came across the box filed with files. Sighing, she picked up one of the files and just stared at it. How do I tell them?

As if on cue, the phone rang. Reluctantly, she dropped the file back into the box and went to the phone.

"Christ." She murmured as she saw the ID. Picking up the phone she did without the formalities.

"What?"

"Well, hi to you to partner."

"Elliot, I don't have time. What do you want?" Olivia started to pack the box of files and placed it by the front door. That way she could just pick them up on her way out.

"Where are you? Where's your lady friend?" Olivia straightened herself up, closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Why are you doing this now?

"Who's asking? A friend or the jack ass?"

"Whoa…hold on damn second Liv. First, I'm asking as a friend. Second, it's none of my business I know that. But I'm your partner. You could've given me a clue. Instead I had to hear it from Munch!"

"John has a damn big mouth! Now what do you want?" She was going to kill Munch for this. She also had no time to play this game with her former partner.

Sighing, Elliot did his best to keep his temper in check. He had to talk to Liv about what Munch had told him. Later. Right now, he had serious news for his friend.

"Liv…are they with you?" His tone was dead serious.

"What do they have to do with anything?"

"Maybe you should come down to the precinct…I think you need to hear this in person…."

"I'm on it. See you in about 10 minuets." With that, she hung up. She grabbed the duffle bag that was already packed and grabbed the box of files and rushed out of her apartment. Whatever it is, it better be good…

This is not good…pacing the small office Liv was wound up tight. She was pissed…no she was beyond livid. And she was afraid.

"How the hell can you loose her?!" She stood in front of Elliot with her hands on her hips.

"Olivia, we are doing everything in our power to find her. Fin and Lake were all over her then she just disappeared. We have both plain cloths and uniforms on this. There is no way she's gonna slip by us again."

"And yet you managed to loose her just fine the first time around!" Liv spat out. Cragen who was sitting quietly letting Olivia vent out her frustrations was now getting to his feet.

"Olivia!" Barked Cragen. Liv stopped her angry outburst.

"Sorry sir. I'm just…" shaking, she slowly fell into the chair behind her.

"Look…we found a possible connection between the first killing and Mackenzie. We've gotten word from Queens and Brooklyn SVU about similar rapes and murders."

"Oh my god." She said quietly. She didn't think she could take much more. She covered her face in her hands.

"Olivia, they're all connected by one thing..." Cragen waited for Liv to look at him. He didn't want to put her through anymore then she could handle but he didn't see he had much of a choice.

"Foster families. Liv, anyone with any sort of connection to Mackenzie is a target. That means you…and your friend and anyone else."

"Where are they Liv?" Elliot gently asked again.

Closing her eyes she ran a hand through her hair.

"I dropped off Brady and Alex at the centre about an hour and a half ago. Mack is still in the hospital."

"Alright, I'm sending Fin and Lake to the hospital. Can you swing by the centre and get the two of them out of there?"

Nodding, Liv sat there feeling all the blood drain her body. What the hell is going on?

"You have a place where you can all stay in the mean time?" Again, Liv nodded and rattled off Brady's address.

Olivia got up and made her way through the station. Fin caught sight of her and quickly caught up to her in the hallway.

"Hey Liv. You alright?"

Shaking her head she kept walking. Fin caught up with her once more.

"Liv…you know we'd never let anything happen to the kid."

"Yeah…I know…thanks."

"If you need anything…"

Nodding Olivia replied quietly, "I know."

Watching as his friend walked away, Fin only hoped that it would turn out all right for her. It had to.

As Olivia drove to the centre, she had no other choice but to tell Brady. Her life depended on it. Only Olivia didn't know if she had waited to long to tell both Brady and Mack. But either way, the end result would leave someone broken.

Waiting for Olivia, Alex paced up and down the floor. Just like Olivia and Mack did when there was just too much energy in them to sit still. Brady laughed at this. Mack and Olivia were so much a like it was almost scary. Come to think of it, they do seem to look a lot a like…Brady thought. Brady shook her head to clear her head. It is very strange though…

"Honey, why don't you slow down a bit? I'm getting dizzy watching you." Alex giggled.

"But that's how Mack and Livie do it."

"I know sweetie. But I get dizzy when Mack and Livie do it too."

Sighing in defeat, Alex slowed down. Smiling, she reached out and swept Alex in a hug, which made him squeal in delight. She felt good. She finally found someone that she could see herself settling down with. Of course it's a bonus that Liv is hot as hell. Laughing at where her thoughts were taking her, Brady settled back down on the chair and let Alex go on pacing.

Hearing the door to the centre open, Brady was back on her feet with a smile planted on her face. She came out of the art room with arms wide open. Her smile faded as she saw the look on Olivia's face. She rushed over to Liv and wrapped her arms around her.

"Baby…what's wrong?" Brady reached up and lovingly placed a hand on Liv's cheek. Olivia winced as if she had been slapped. Feeling hurt, Brady lowered her hand and stepped away from her.

"Olivia?" she asked softly.

"Where's Alex?" Liv asked just as quietly.

"He's just getting a few more things. Olivia…what is it?"

"LIVIE!!!" Alex came running out of the playroom with a backpack filled with toys. Olivia caught him easily enough. She painted on a big smile that would fool any 4 year old but it didn't fool Brady.

"Hey bud…you smell good."

"You too Livie! Can we go now?" Nodding Olivia turned and headed for the door with Brady close behind.

"Olivia…" Brady said warningly.

"There's been a change of plans." Liv said hoping to distract Brady.

Eyeing Olivia suspiciously, Brady fell into step with Liv as they headed for Olivia's car.

"Where we going Livie?"

"We are going to Brady's place…" Liv stole a glance at Brady. She was upset. Well, can you blame her?

"Is that so?" Brady's voice was no longer the friendly. Nope…she's way past upset…She stood in front of the passenger side door and crossed her arms. Alex began to get restless in Liv's arms. Obviously he sensed something was not right between the two women. Complying with the boy, Liv put him down.

"But you said we were going to see Mack." Alex said. He was looking up at Liv with innocent eyes.

"Well, that would be pointless since Mack is coming home." She watched as Alex registered the information. Eyes big as saucers, Alex jumped up and down.

"Really?! Oh boy!!"

Olivia made the mistake of looking at Brady. Looking away quickly, Olivia helped Alex into the car and helped him with his seatbelt. Shutting the door Olivia turned and came face to face with Brady.

"What's going on Liv?" Grabbing Olivia's arm when she turned to pass her, she turned Olivia around.

"What the hell has gotten into you?" Brady demanded.

"Please not here…" Liv pleaded.

"Then where?" Brady wasn't going to let this go. She had to know what caused such a drastic change in Olivia. Sighing Olivia prayed that it would turn out alright in the end.

"I'll explain when we get…home." Olivia stumbled on the last word. She wasn't sure if she was going to be welcomed back after this. Leaning down, Olivia opened the passenger door for her. Brady climbed in but slammed the door shut almost taking Olivia's fingers with her. Olivia stood there for a moment and placed her hands on top of her car. Please, God…help me get through this. She moved to the other side and climbed in. She looked at Brady one last time then started the car.

Slamming the door shut behind her, Brady moved passed Liv and went to her room and slammed the door. Alex and Olivia stood watching. Alex clutched his teddy bear and looked up at LIv.

"What's a matter?"

"Don't you worry about a thing kid. Why don't you unpack your things so you can have some time with Mack when she gets here?" Alex eyed Liv for a moment. He obviously understood that he was being ushered out of the way. Shaking his little head, he picked up his backpack and went to his room and shut the door.

Closing her eyes Liv took a deep breath. Who else wants to get pissed at me? Picking up the box she brought in with her, Liv made her way to Brady's room. She lightly tapped on the door and went in.

Brady had been pacing when Liv came in but stopped and crossed her arms and glared at Olivia.

"Well?"

Placing the box on the bed Olivia slowly made her way to Brady only stopping when she was just a few inches away. She didn't dare touch her. Instead, Liv looked down at her feet and tried to find the words that would explain everything. She felt herself teetering on the edge of that black hole she had been trying hard to ignore for so long. Tears were forming behind Liv's eyes. She shut them tight to prevent them from falling.

"Have you ever done anything in your entire life that made you hate yourself? I mean, seriously despise every part of your very being?" Olivia sounded so broken that Brady felt slightly guilty for her outburst. Brady just stared at the figure in front of her. She didn't recognize this Olivia and it frightened her. The Olivia she knew was always the strong one. The one that could hold you and keep out the monsters.

"I've made some decisions that I didn't want to, but I never regretted them. Why?" Brady asked gently automatically switching to her psychologist mode. She sensed that any hostility on her part could crush whatever was left of Olivia Benson. And no matter how upset she was with her, she could do that.

Taking a breath, Liv slowly raised her hands and cupped Brady's beautiful face. As she looked into Brady's eyes, the tears began to fall. She leaned forward and rested her forehead against Brady's and closed her eyes. Liv felt Brady cover her hands with her own.

"Liv?" she said softly.

"I love you. No matter what happens, remember that." The words were torn from Liv.

"Always. I'll always remember." I hope so…thought Olivia.

Olivia reached into the box and pulled out the file that had changed her life only a month ago and handed it over to Brady. With an odd look, Brady accepted the file and opened it. Head bent, Liv rested her shoulder against the wall and waited.

"Oh my God…where did you get this?" Brady said quietly. Looking up at Liv, she stood in shock. The file fell from her hands and she asked once more, "Where did you get this?"

"It was from the case we were working on when I left." Olivia knew there was no way this was going to end well for her. With each passing second, that black hole was getting bigger and bigger ready to swallow her whole. She glanced up, pleading for Brady to understand.

Brady covered her face. Did she really read that right? Liv's DNA was an exact match to Mackenzie's. Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…could it be? Then something else dawned on her.

"What are you talking about? What case?" She watched as Olivia swallowed hard.

"A rape and murder of a 9 year old girl."

"WHAT?" Brady knew she defiantly heard wrong. There was no way Mackenzie had anything to do with a vile crime like that. "And you believe that?!" Brady was now turning away from Olivia. She couldn't look at her anymore. The woman she had fallen in love with wasn't the same woman standing in front of her. Liv quickly moved and grabbed Brady's arm and turned her around.

"No I don't! Look at me!" Liv had her arms around Brady but the shorter woman wouldn't look at her. Brady was twisting out of Olivia's grasp that Liv had no choice and pinned her against a wall and forced Brady to look at her. "Stop it! You're gonna hurt yourself sweetheart…" Olivia said gently. She could feel Brady striking her arms. "Sweetheart…please. You'll hurt yourself…" As if having no more strength to fight Liv, Brady gripped Olivia's forearms and sobbed.

"Honey…please look at me…I never once thought for a second Mackenzie had any part in this. Ever." Olivia was now crying harder as well. She didn't care. Her whole life was falling to pieces.

"There's something else you need to know…" Liv said, already dreading it. She hadn't planned for it to come to this. She never wanted it to come to this.

"What else can there be?" Still clinging to Liv, Brady knew she couldn't take much more.

Olivia was quiet. Giving Brady a squeeze, Liv let her go. The loss of warmth nearly brought Olivia to her knees.

"It's about Sarah…"

"Who?"

"Sarah. Mackenzie's mother," Olivia stepped back and hung her head. She knew that this last bit of information would certainly drive the last nail into her coffin.

Brady's face was expressionless. The mere mention of that woman's name made her blood run cold. To this day, she felt anger toward the woman that brutalized Mackenzie.

"What about her?" Brady's tone was laced with something that Olivia had never heard before. Just do it for Christ sake! There's no way you can salvage anything anymore. It's over now…

"She…uh…was let out early about a month ago." Liv heard Brady gasp but didn't look at her. "A couple of days ago, the police lost her…"

"LOST HER!? WHAT DO YOU MEAN LOST HER?! AND WHY IN HELL WASN'T MACKENZIE NOTIFIDE!!!" Brady now closed the distance between the two of them. The woman that made life a living nightmare for Mack was free. Brady was fuming. She grabbed Olivia's arms and screamed.

"WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL US? WHEN!"

Olivia's back was against a wall. She did the only thing she could.

"I DIDN'T FIND THIS OUT UNTIL A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!"

"WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL US!? MACK HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW!" Brady was sobbing uncontrollably. Her hands went to Liv's chest and she began to beat it all the while screaming why? Olivia just stood there and let her do it. She was crying as well. Olivia gradually wrapped her arms around Brady and both wept.

Olivia buried her face in the crook of Brady's neck and repeated over and over through her tears, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Brady broke free from Liv's embrace and wiped the tears from her face. She looked up at Olivia and saw the pain that she had been hiding.

"Why didn't you just tell us?" Brady asked quietly. She wasn't sure if she could trust Olivia ever again.

"I wasn't sure at first. I just wanted to see who Mack was. Then I met you. I saw how you were with her…with the rest of the kids. Then I got to know the both of you a whole lot better and I finally felt like I was apart of something. I didn't want it to end. Then when I found out about…Sarah…I just wanted to protect you, Mack and Alex. Don't you know? I didn't want you to get hurt. Especially from me…"

"So you thought the best way to protect us was to keep it a secret? Olivia…she could have gotten to any of us. Hell…she could have been watching us all this time! Don't you see? By not telling us, you put us in danger…"

"I know! I know that now…I just want to fix this…please…let me fix this…" Olivia pleaded. Brady was tempted to just forgive and forget everything. She had been doing that since she was a child and in the end, it was her that paid the high price for it. She just couldn't do it this time. No matter how much she loves Olivia, she just couldn't do it.

Looking away, Brady shook her head. With fresh tears falling from her eyes, she sadly looked at the woman that will forever have her heart.

"I can't…I ca…"Brady broke off. She tried to wipe the tears that fell but it was no use. Shaking her head she tried once more. "I can't do it, Liv. I love you but I just can't trust you anymore. I trusted you…Mack trusted you…I'm sorry. I just can't."

Olivia knew that it was no use fighting it. It was finally finished. Everything that she had dreamed of was now gone because of her own decisions. She had only herself to blame. No one else. Nodding, Olivia hung her head and quietly picked up the files that had fallen and placed them in the box and left the room. Walking slowly through the condo, Olivia's mind replayed every moment that was spent together with Brady, Mack and Alex. She couldn't remember a time when she felt so free. Now her world was nothing more then a black haze.

Once she was at the front door she turned back to face Brady who was a few feet away. And with tears now falling from her eyes and with a bowed head, Liv quietly said her goodbye.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. I know I shouldn't ask you for it, but I hope that you could forgive me one day…" and with that, Olivia was gone.

Brady stood there watching the space that was filled with Olivia's scent a moment ago. She covered her mouth from sobbing. She leaned against the door and slid down to the floor and quietly cried.

Alex poked his head out from his room and saw Brady crying. He reached for his stuffed bear and went outside. He padded over to Brady and sat down quietly beside her. He handed Brady his bear and snuggled close to her and wrapped his tiny arms around her.

"It's ok…it'll be ok." Alex said softly. Brady held on tight to the boy and quietly wept.

Olivia was practically running out of the building. She wiped the tears from her eyes and walked passed her car. She wasn't sure where she was going, but all she knew was that she had to just go.

She had always been good at keeping people at a distance. But somehow, Brady just found away around that wall and settled deep in her heart as if she were made just for that spot. Now Olivia wasn't sure how to get rid of ache that was now washing over her. Rutting idiot…serves you right, Benson. You could've just told her from the get go.

Walking faster, Olivia kept on going…

Fin, Lake and Mack were only a few minutes away from the condo.

"What the hell…is that Liv?" Lake was peering out the front window.

"What!?" Where?" Mack was now frantically looking out the windows. They all saw her walking past them without looking back. Something's not right…

"Stop the car! Stop!!" Then reaching for the handle, Mack popped the door open and jumped out.

"Shit! HEY!!! GET BACK IN HERE!" Fin screamed. Lake was getting out as Fin hit the breaks. Lake caught up with Mack and grabbed a hold of her arm.

"Whoa! Easy!..." Lake said as he saw Mack raise a hand.

"Lemmie go! I gotta get to Liv!"

"No can do kid. We gotta take you home…now let's go…" Fin said as he caught up to the two of them.

"No. First you drag me out of the damn hospital. Then you shove me into a damn car. You don't even tell me what the hell is going on! So screw you! I have to see what happened to Olivia." She started to run in the direction of where Olivia was last seen.

Both detectives looked at each other. "We are in deep shit…"

"The kid will be ok. It's Liv I'm worried about. We'll stay out here and watch the entrance." Replied Fin.

"I still think we're gonna be in deep shit…"

"Yeah. I know…"

Weaving in and out of crowds, Mack did her best to keep up. Christ…where the hell is she? Just then, she saw her.

"LIV!! OLIVIA!" She finally caught up with her. Breathing heavily, Mack leaned against a fence and caught her breath.

"Mack! What the hell!" Olivia helped her to a bench.

"Well…if you…just…slowed down…a bit…" Mack said between breaths.

"Sorry. I had a lot on my mind."

"Obviously. What were you thinking?"

Looking over at Mackenzie, she saw the worry etched in her face. She saw herself mirrored in her sister's face.

"I have something I should have told you when I met you…"

"Uh-oh…sounds serious."

"It is…how would you feel if I told you that I was your sister?"

Mack sat in silence. She's my what? …