The pain subsided fairly quickly for Nes, though it would take quite a bit longer for the massive bruising on her neck to fade. During that time Bra'tac finally made it to the SGC to see Teal'c. While Dr. McKenzie was hopeful now that he had helped the jaffa see the truth, Nes knew it would never be that simple and Bra'tac could tell just by looking in his eyes that he was still brainwashed and loyal to Apophis.

When Teal'c tried to escape, he was shot with a zat'nik'tel and Bra'tac removed his symbiote, claiming that the only way to save Teal'c was to bring him to the point of death during what he called the Rite of M'al Sharran. He would force him to remember his life and choose if he would be free or or a slave. Dr. Frasier had major objections, but in the end was overruled by General Hammond. They had to try everything they could to get the real Teal'c back.

Nes did her best to avoid Master Bra'tac. He'd been Teal'c's mentor and also a former First Prime of Apophis and at one hundred-thirty something years old he was still a strong and capable warrior. Nes simply wasn't sure what he would think of her and that made him a threat in her mind. Of course, her avoiding him didn't mean he would avoid her and while making his way to a room for some rest while Teal'c struggled, the two encountered each other.

Bra'tac took her in with a keen eye and she remained still while he made his observations.

"You must be Nesert, the former host of Sekhmet."

"I am. And you must be Master Bra'tac." She bowed her head slightly. "I have heard very good things about you from several sources."

"And I have heard...interesting things about you." His eyes narrowed watching her reactions.

"Interesting...just another way of saying maybe some good with quite a lot of bad."

"At times." He paused for a moment taking her in. "You seem to be one without a true core."

A slight spasm went through Nesert's jaw, trying to hold back the flash of eyes that usually went along with a flare in her temper. The jaffa certainly knew how to cut right to the heart of things.

"That offends you," he said matter-of-factly.

"Yes, I suppose it does."

"Because it is not true or because it is?"

He really did not pull any punches and Nes' defensive nature would not be pushed back anymore. Her voice took on a distinct edge. "Because my true core, as you put it, has been warped and mangled by the goa'uld and it has not been an easy task to straighten it again."

"Rak'nor tells me that you sacrificed yourself to save your ships filled with jaffa and slaves." He leaned on his staff weapon towards her. "Is that true?"

"Yes. It was the only way."

"Then I suspect your core is much closer to being straightened, as you put it, than you realize."

Nes' shoulders and head went back a bit in surprise. That was not the response she had expected and it was rare these days for that to happen. She usually could read exactly what other people were going to say and do.

"And now I must rest, Nesert. Teal'c will need my help later and I am wearied from my journey." He nodded and walked away, leaving Nes still standing in silence and going over his words.

She doubted he was right, but still, she hoped he was right.

Fortunately, Bra'tac was right about Teal'c and after a long night of remembering his life and the choices he'd made, he was freed from the brainwashing inflicted upon him. His symbiote was returned to him and he began to recover physically from the rite.

Nes stayed away. Part of her was jealous of the jaffa's single night of conflict to regain his mind, but she also knew he would likely feel immense guilt when he saw his handprints still mottled on her neck. Since both the selfish and selfless parts of her were in agreement, she kept to herself for the next few days.

But now, with her bruises faded and her body restored, it was her turn to be the focus of concern and scrutiny. The timeline she'd given to Dr. Frasier was coming to a close and she needed to demonstrate her ability to withstand a need that in reality wasn't as pressing as she was going to have it appear. The deception pricked at her conscience, or what was left of it, but she had little faith in the techniques they wanted to try and wanted to maintain control of the situation as much as possible.

Dr. Frasier gave her a variety of medications to try, one at a time, to see how they affected the withdrawal she would experience and she was closely guarded by more than one airman now. Nes made her own notes of how they affected her and which might actually be helpful when the real time came. In the end, she decided the diazepam was her best option. It calmed her body in a similar manner to Sekhmet and she wondered a bit if the goa'uld had actually been releasing some kind of chemical into her body as needed.

A big concern for Dr. Frasier was keeping Nes from forming an addiction to the drug, but Nes was hopeful she'd be able to calm her body on her own the majority of the time. For the purpose of this test, she displayed some increased agitation and didn't hesitate to head to the infirmary for a dose for a few days. She tapered herself off for another few days before declaring that she felt she was past the worst of it. Dr. Frasier was especially pleased with the success and gave her a small bottle to keep on hand.

She was trusted.

Well, she was trusted by some.

Major Carter caught up with her later in the day to let her know how her discussion with General Hammond had gone regarding Princeton.

"The general agrees that it would be beneficial to the program to advance some of your human knowledge so he's going to see what he can do, but he does expect quite a lot of resistance, Nes. Your reputation as The Butcher won't be easy for many to get past."

Nes sighed. "It hasn't died down yet?"

Sam raised her eyebrows. "I guess you really haven't seen all the coverage, have you?"

"Well, I haven't really been on Earth much."

"Tessa James is still quite the sensation. Probably will be for a very long time."

"Right."

"Hammond will fight for you. We'll just have to wait and see." Sam patted her shoulder gently. "I'll let you know when I hear something."

With the beginning of the summer classes starting soon, Nes started getting nervous that Princeton wouldn't be approved. If she was still stuck on base a month from now, things could get very difficult for her.

Her guard knocked on her door not too long after, though, and informed her that General Hammond had called her to his office. When she arrived, Sam was already seated and both she and the general looked up when a very nervous looking Nes came in.

General Hammond gave her a large smile. "Congratulations on your acceptance to Princeton, Nes."

"Really?" She shoved down the disgust at her life being dictated by others yet again and kept up the facade of a grateful child.

He laughed at her giddy expression. "Yes. It's all been approved. Major, why don't you take Nesert out to the Academy to meet Cadet Hailey. See how they get on."

"Yes, sir." Sam seemed less than thrilled with the assignment and Nes could easily guess why. The cadet was a strong personality with authority issues. Nes was maybe a tiny bit similar. But Hailey knew about the Stargate and the thought of getting to be with someone who would know the truth of what she was had its appeal.

General Hammond turned serious. "And Nesert, you understand that if you go, you will still be closely watched." He held up a hand as she began to object. "I expect you to behave appropriately. There are those who still do not trust you, but it will also be for your protection. You are an important asset to this program and Earth." He waited for her to nod before addressing Sam again. "Major, a word before you go."

Nes knew she was being dismissed and left, closing the door behind her.

Her guard followed her back to her room where she changed her clothes and waited for Sam to come get her, finding herself to be nervous about meeting this cadet. What could she possibly have in common with the girl? And would Hailey even give her a chance with her face still splashed everywhere as The Butcher?

Sam noticed her fidgeting hands as they drove to the academy on the north side of town. "Ya know, Cadet Hailey is hardly a normal girl either. You two may find you have more in common than you realize."

"I doubt that, but I'll try to maintain at least a little bit of your optimism."

They arrived and parked, but Sam didn't get out of the car. Instead she turned her body in the driver's seat and took a deep breath. "Nes, there's something you should know before we head inside."

Nes was immediately on guard, worried what Sam would say next.

"Your brother is here."

"I'm sorry. What?" Nes was confused. Brother?

"Your brother...Nathan."

"Nathan...Tessa's brother." The realization that she thought of her family so little sucked all the air out of her. She had trained herself so carefully to never think of them when Sekhmet had controlled her, it was just a habit she had maintained without much thought. She had separated herself from them so entirely that it was only passing memories or wonderings now and even those she promptly brushed aside.

"Nes?" Sam touched her arm. "You okay?"

"I don't know." And she didn't. She had no idea how she should respond.

"He's just finishing up his freshman year."

"How's he doing?" That seemed a good question to ask.

"General Hammond says he's struggling."

Nes looked down at her lap. "Because of him or because of me?"

Sam ran her fingers through her short hair. "I think the other cadets give him a hard time for being your brother."

"The Butcher's brother." Poor Nathan. She had hoped that the story of the brain tumor would help, but it was likely too little too late. "Can I see him?" She wasn't even sure she wanted to, though. And would he want to see her? Likely not.

"Hammond says if he makes it through his second year and you make it through Princeton, then they'll consider it."

"Another year?"

"They need to make sure you can both be trusted, Nes."

"To hell with that." Her eyes flashed, a reflex she really needed to work on controlling better.

"I suspected you might say that."

Nes jerked her head up.

"Ya know…the academy is a pretty big place. Easy to get lost."

Nes gave her a sly smile. "Yes, I suppose so. Very easy."

"Ready to go in?" She opened her door and climbed out, walking to the front of the car and waiting for Nes to join her.

"Yep. Only, do you mind if I find the ladies' room first? Such a long drive over."

Sam gave her a small smile. "No problem. Meet us outside the library." She grabbed Nes by the arm gently. "And don't share anything that could get anyone court-martialed, okay?"

"Of course not." She pulled out a pair of glasses and pulled her hair up quickly, before changing her mannerisms slightly.

Sam watched her carefully. "Seriously, Nes, that's creepy."

She gave her a Sekhmet smirk before resuming the facade. As she walked away, she chuckled to herself that Sam seemed to have every confidence that Nes would have no trouble locating her brother.

Tessa's brother.

Fortunately, it was just as simple as walking towards the dormitories and asking a group of cadets if they knew him. She knew they wouldn't see Tessa James when they looked at her so there was no risk in associating with him. As she suspected, his family fame had made him well known and the young men all laughed to each other.

"Yeah, he usually hangs over at Stillman. Thinks everyone will leave him alone there." He pointed over to the field and she could just make out a lone figure sitting on the bleachers.

She thanked them when she really wanted to torture them and started the walk over. As she drew closer, she could now see a young man in uniform surrounded by various books. He was so much older. He'd been just fourteen when she'd been taken as a host and she'd still been taller than him, but she could tell even from a distance that he would tower over her now.

"Nathan James?" She could feel her voice shake, though to him it likely still sounded steady.

He looked up and she again was struck with how much he'd aged. He wasn't a scrawny kid. He was a full grown man. How did that happen? And with another start she realized he was now the age she had been when her life had been stolen.

"Yeah?" He was looking at her, confused, and she wondered if he saw anything of his sister standing in front of him. Even if others couldn't see Tessa, he knew her face much better than the general public.

She just stared, suddenly having no idea what to say or do, so she gradually let Tessa appear and reached up to take off the glasses. She watched as his face began to show recognition, but it was clouded with shock and pain and anger.

"You're dead." His voice contained even more pain than most of her victims' had and she knew he had just as much reason to hate her. She'd destroyed his life, too.

"I know." Nes looked at him more closely. "You're so much taller."

"That's what happens in five years, Tessa." Her old name sounded so odd coming from him, familiar like he was simply mad at her for annoying him. "Did you really kill all those people?"

Of course that would be what her baby brother wanted to know first and foremost. Was his big sister a serial killer? Was she a monster?

"It's complicated."

"No, it's not. You either did or you didn't."

She crossed her arms and shifted her torso uncomfortably. "It's really just not that simple, Nathan."

"Did you really have a brain tumor?"

"I can't, Nathan…"

"Why are you here then?"

"I just...I don't know. I just found out you were here."

"So you thought you'd just drop in and what? Say hi?"

She didn't think hearing that disgust would cut her as much as it did, but she let him continue as he stood and walked down to her, yelling as he went.

"Do you have any idea what the last five years have been like for me? You disappeared, then you were suspected dead in Denver, then you show up in Boston shooting people, then you're The Butcher, then you have a brain tumor, and then you're dead? Do you know what this has done to Mom and Dad? To Janie and Kate? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Nathan, I-"

"How are you even here? Why aren't you in jail at the very least?" Nes opened her mouth to answer. "And so help me if you say it's complicated." Nes closed her mouth again. "Damnit, Tessa, just give me something."

"I didn't have a choice."

"That's bullshit. The police said you were all over the country partying and killing." His voice turned cold. "You should've stayed dead."

She maybe could have controlled it if she'd wanted, but a part of her knew this was the only explanation she could give. Her eyes flashed and her voice distorted. "I didn't have a choice."

Nathan took a few steps backward, his own eyes wide at the change in his sister. "What are you?"

Nes pressed her eyes shut and took a deep breath before resuming their conversation in her normal voice. "If you make it through next year, they'll consider giving you the necessary clearance for me to explain."

"Who will? The Air Force? What did you get yourself into?"

"Nothing." Sekhmet's smirk flitted across her face. "Something got into me." She chuckled a bit. He'd maybe find that funny later. "You can't tell anyone about this. Tessa's dead and she needs to stay that way."

"But Mom and Dad-"

"No, Nathan. No one can know."

Her brother looked at her with concern, his protective instincts resuming. "Are you okay?"

Nes reached up and rubbed the back of her neck. "Mostly. I'm still trying to sort it out."

"Will I see you again?"

She shook her head. "I have to go away for a while again. I'll be back next year."

"Do I get to ask where you're going?"

Nes smiled slightly. "No, but it shouldn't be dangerous. This time."

Suddenly Nathan reached a long arm towards her and pulled her into a big hug, resting his chin on the top of her head. "I missed you, sis."

She wished she could say the same, but she had worked too hard to ignore those thoughts that couldn't be attached to feelings. But now, right now, she let herself miss him, too. She missed her parents and her sisters. She missed her home and her bedroom. She missed Tessa.

This was too hard. She should have stayed dead.

Nes pulled away and saw that Nathan's shirt was a bit damp from a few stray tears she couldn't quite hold back.

"I have to go. I ditched my escort to come find you and she's not going to be happy with how long I got lost." She gave him another smile. "I'll do my best to get you clearance next year."

"I'm glad you're alive."

"Me, too. Most of the time." She made her face as serious as she could. "Remember, Nathan, not a word about this. To anyone."

"I'm not even sure this is real and I don't need anyone thinking the crazy runs in the family." He laughed, but they both knew he wasn't joking. "Take care of yourself, Tessa."

"You, too." She took off down the field at a slight jog, trying to make up some of the time she'd spent breaking rules, though that did seem to be what she was best at. She paused before she reached the main campus, suddenly remembering the need for the glasses and mannerisms that made her invisible again.

She found Major Carter at the front of the library easily, looking far too concerned and standing next to a petite blonde girl who looked annoyed. She had a feeling that was simply Cadet Hailey's default expression and her nerves left Nathan behind to find their original purpose for this trip.

"Sorry, Sam. Like you said, easy to get lost here."

"Did you find what you were looking for at least?" She eyed her with interest.

"I did." She turned to the shorter of the two. "You must be Jennifer Hailey. I'm Nesert Saeda. Most people call me Nes." She gave her a friendly smile, but the cadet just looked her over suspiciously.

"Nes. Right. Most people just call me Hailey." Her lips pursed together in disgust.

"An occupational hazard of the military, I suppose. Right, Carter?" Her smile began to take on an edge with the young cadet.

"So I'm supposed to keep an eye on you at Princeton?"

Nes narrowed her eyes, but kept her smile in place. "I doubt I'll require your supervision."

"Yeah, I'm not sure how I feel about this whole thing. How do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?"

"Because I like people to be awake and screaming when I kill them." She chuckled. "I mean, honestly, what would be the fun in killing someone in their sleep?"

Hailey seemed to know she was trying to scare her and while her eyes did get a bit bigger, she kept her face otherwise unchanged.

Sam groaned slightly. "Oh yeah, this is going to go great."

The cadet got bolder. "And you think you can keep up with me in the program?"

Nes saw Sam draw in a breath and watch the tall woman carefully as Sekhmet's smirk spread onto her face. She leaned just a bit closer to the girl and flashed her eyes which sent Hailey stumbling backwards. Nes laughed loud and hard at her reaction. "I think I'll do alright."

"Nes!" Major Carter was in full force now and didn't try to hide how mad she was at her behavior. "Listen, can you two get along for the next year or not?"

Both knowing they'd been reprimanded, they nodded sheepishly. "Good," she continued. "Hailey, you're dismissed. Nes, you're with me," and she stormed off back toward the parking lot.

Nes trailed behind the major at her own pace, a small act of defiance which she knew was intensely childish, but she wasn't looking forward to the scolding that would occur in the privacy of the car. Too soon she was sitting in the passenger seat and awaiting the commentary on her behavior, but Sam just sat in silence and pulled out of the parking spot.

Eventually she took a deep breath at a stoplight. "Nes, you can't do that."

"She already knows."

"That's not the point."

"Yes, it is, Sam. I'm not going to hide what I am from people who already know. It's hard enough to hide it from everyone else." She crossed her arms. "Besides, you and I both know Cadet Hailey needs an attitude adjustment."

"That's not your job, though."

"I'm not going to let some five foot nothing brat speak to me that way, Sam."

"Fine, but you two better figure out how you can get through the year together."

"We only have to survive, not become best friends. It'll be fine."

Sam's phone rang and Nes could tell from the side she could hear that they were needed back at the base.

"My dad just arrived through the Stargate."

"Were you expecting him?" Nes got a sinking feeling in her stomach that it was more Selmak and less Jacob that had come to visit.

"No, but I rarely do."

When they arrived at the base they went straight down to the briefing room to see Jacob. After greeting his daughter, he turned to Nes and she could already see the question forming in his eyes.

"Tessa. I'm sorry. Nesert. I'm guessing you already know what I'm going to ask you to do."

She did and she wouldn't. "I'm not going to be Sekhmet again, Jacob."

"There's a power vacuum now with Apophis dead. There will be war which is good. The infighting will help eliminate their various powers, but if we could have a fleet to serve our own purposes, it could make a great deal of difference in the galaxy."

The Tok'ra had her life all planned out for her again.

"And will you help me regain my soul at the end?" Jacob at least looked slightly ashamed of what he was asking of her. "Of course, there won't ever be an end. There will always be another goa'uld to rise up when we take one out. And I'll eventually die in these efforts anyway, right?"

Jacob bowed his head momentarily and Selmak resumed the conversation. "You must understand how important your assistance could be. We all must make sacrifices."

"You're asking me to sacrifice who I am. Or at least who I'm trying to be."

"This is war. Sometimes we have to do things we would prefer not to."

Nes shifted into her own distorted voice. "I am not your host, Selmak, and I will not have my body controlled by the Goa'uld or the Tok'ra anymore." With that insult she walked out of the room.

She would not lose herself to Sekhmet again.

Nothing was worth that.

No one was worth that.