When I Lay Our Baby Down
Chapter 20: He's Gone
It was the nightmare that woke Elliot up but it was the cold that kept him awake. He turned to find that Olivia had stolen the comforter from his body. He smiled seeing her sleep almost sprawled eagle with the comforter covering her frame in its entirety. He took note of the smile on her sleeping face and slid his hand under the sheet to her body.
He pulled her body to him and whispered, "Olivia."
"Hmm?" she responded sleepily.
"Are you asleep?" He laughed knowing she was, but unable to resist asking such an obvious question.
"For a grade one detective your not too observant." She teased him then grew a little concerned as to why he was up in the middle of the night. "Are you okay?" she asked feeling his body shake.
"Don't be upset." He warned her.
"What's wrong?" She turned quickly to face him.
Elliot smiled knowing he'd pushed her panic button…on purpose, "I'm cold."
"Elliot Stabler!" she pushed at his chest smiling at his humor but seeing his stress.
"Olivia Stabler!" he mocked her as he grabbed her waist and pulled her flush against his body, "You're a cover hog." He smiled kissing her softly and feeling the sensation of her warm leg sliding against the coolness of his, effectively warming him while she embraced him. She spread the comforter out over his chilled body as he separated his lips from hers, she found herself shocked to see that his eyes misted over.
"What is it?" she asked searching his eyes and not understanding exactly why she sensed shame, or perhaps it was that familiar fear radiating from his body, "Why did you wake up Elliot?"
"I was cold." He whispered.
"Why else?" she pressed him knowing he was stalling.
Elliot exhaled holding her tighter, "I…I-"
"Nightmare?"
"We divorced." He whispered bluntly.
Olivia exhaled, "You know what I noticed?" she asked gently.
"Tell me." He tucked her hair behind her ear to see the pale light cascade over her face.
"When you and I make love…when we connect…I mean really connect, you have these nightmares." She kissed his lips softly, "Your scared…why?"
"I don't know." He furrowed his brows remembering what it felt like in the dream to know that they had separated.
"Yes you do, tell me…why are you waiting for everything to fall down around us? We're happy…aren't we?"
Elliot noticed the concern in her eyes and felt his stomach cringe knowing he had caused her to doubt the happiness she wanted all her life and finally had. He moved closer to her and kissed her passionately inhaling as he felt her naked breast against his chest, he needed to let her know that he desired her, wanted her at every waking moment of his existence. He parted his lips from hers hearing her whimper as he left the warmth of her mouth, "You make me the happiest person…I'm so blessed to have you in my life."
"Then why are you scared we're not gonna make it?" she asked him feeling the heat of her tears rise just thinking about not being with him.
"These nightmares," he shook his head, "They…they don't stop and I don't know why I'm having them, but I always feel like something is wrong."
"Can I tell you a secret?" she kissed the corner of his mouth.
"Tell me."
"I've felt like something was wrong for a long time…but even with all the stuff we've been through," she traced his lips gently, "I've never doubted that we would make it."
"I don't know why I have you." He managed to croak, "I don't deserve you."
Olivia shifted her body and straddled his with her knees on either side of him. She smiled seeing him close his eyes as their pelvises engaged one another. She leaned her body letting her breast mesh with his chest as she whispered to him, "You deserve me." She kissed his cheek softly and lowered her lips to the opposite ear, "I deserve you." She told him making her way to his lips and kissing him gently, "We deserve our son."
Elliot knew she was right, and while he didn't doubt their marriage he had the most intense feeling something was looming in the darkness. He was surprised to see the shift in their relationship. Only a year ago he was the strength for both of them. Now, it seemed, he had to draw from her to make it through. He exhaled "Liv, I'm sor-"
"Shhh." She kissed his mouth softly and whispered, "No more Elliot. I'm gonna tell you one last time, then never again…I'll never leave you."
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Elliot woke the next morning to feel his body somewhat exhausted from their previous encounter, lack of sleep, stress and anything else he could list. He reached behind his body to touch Olivia and found only empty space. Looking at the clock he was surprised that he'd actually slept past ten, but knowing this would be the last day of their time together he wanted to spend as much of it with his wife as possible. He rolled quickly out of bed forcing himself into a cold shower to wake him and then shivering as he dressed himself in a T-shirt and cargo shorts.
Elliot smiled at the note on the kitchen counter, "Sleepy Head: Coffee is ready, I'm outside. Love you more than you know, 'L'. "
Elliot poured a cup for her and then one for himself and walked outside expecting to see Olivia lounging around in a chair but surprised to see her working out with an intensity that only she could possess. He watched quietly from the doorframe knowing that one of the sexiest things he'd seen was Olivia perfecting a martial arts form. Her focus, determination, and something as raw as her sweat caused him to raise his brows, always surprised at the way her body moved. The accuracy of her technique was mind bending and he certainly didn't forget about her ability to do the splits.
At the end of her work out she placed her ankles together and bent straight down to her toes stretching so her body didn't cramp form an abrupt stop. Elliot smiled at the perfection of her body and stood right behind her pulling her gently up by the black fabric belt that held her canvas pants on her waist, "Looks like you lost weight." He whispered giving a little tug to the pants that threatened to fall if the belt weren't there.
"I toned up a bit since I bought these." She smiled feeling him embrace her body and handed her a warm cup of coffee. She accepted it gratefully and turned to face him, "Did you enjoy the show?" She asked taking a sip of the coffee to hide her devious smile.
"No matter how many times I see you do it…I always love it." He chuckled pulling her to him by the belt. "You could probably really kick the crap out of me huh?"
"I thought we already established that…twice?" she laughed as he pretended to have his ego crushed. "You slept along time…feel better?" she asked him running her hands through her hair and frowning at the sweat that had come off on her hand.
"Yeah, I feel good." He released her as they headed back into the cabin.
"Well, I'm glad." She smiled setting her coffee on the counter; "I scoped out a trail this morning…you up for it?"
"Absolutely!" he grinned, "You think you can keep up with me?"
"Oh Elliot," she smiled compassionately and caressed his cheek, "I can keep up with an old man any day of the week."
"Old man!" he was shocked but smiled at her playfulness as he closed the gap between them, pinning her to the counter and rubbing himself into her, "I felt pretty young last night." He whispered causing the hair on the back of her neck to stand on end.
She blushed, "Yeah ya were."
"You're only a year younger than me you know." He smiled seeing her body flush at his contact with her.
"Yeah, don't ever remind me of that again." She laughed into his shoulder, "You like to watch me don't you?"
"Have you seen yourself doing the splits?" He asked her as he waggled his brows, "Very enticing."
"Is that all you think about?" she said shakily as she felt the pressure build within her body as he rubbed slightly faster, slightly harder.
"Nope, sometimes I think about us making love in an interrogation room," he kissed her neck tasting the combination of their previous encounter, her perfume and sweat. "Cragen's desk has come to mind a couple of times…the kitchen…the deck," he slowly tried to untie her belt but she stopped him citing something about it being disrespectful if it touched the ground. He wasn't entirely sure what that meant but decided her midriff and breasts could be just as fun. He grazed her softly, "Pretty much were ever we are." He grinned feeling her body tense, as her breathing grew more erratic.
"Elliot, I'm gonna loose it."
"Congratulations." He teased her and pressed against her one last time feeling her take in a sharp breath as he ran his thumbs over her nipples. He kissed her softly as he rubbed deeper against her body feeling her clutch as his chest and whimper against him as her orgasm washed over her. Her whimpers increased as he caressed her chin with his lips and tongue still rubbing and then gently slowing as her whimpers quieted and he kissed her gently on the mouth finally stopping her glorious agony.
"Little unexpected." She panted kissing him softly, "Now I really have to shower…want to join me?"
"I already took one."
Olivia pouted, "Without me?"
"How was I suppose to know that was going to happen?" he laughed.
"Oh you knew…you set me up." She laughed, "I'll be right back and we can go."
Elliot grinned, "I'm waiting."
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"Do you think they're having fun?" Paul asked Casey as they washed the dinner plates. "Oh yeah." She laughed and dried her hands on a towel to pick up a fussing Isaac from the playpen. When she returned she continued, "If I know Olivia being the jock she probably has that poor man on some hiking trail from hell, and he's probably ready to pass out."
Paul laughed placing the last plate in the strainer and drying his hands, "I don't know…Elliot looks like he's in pretty good shape." He offered his hands as she passed Isaac to him.
"He's all muscle…she's all endurance…you do the math." She smiled.
"Maybe that's why they work well together, she interrogates the suspects to death and when it doesn't work he just beats them." He laughed.
"Ironically-" Casey started to tell him that was usually how it went when she saw his brows furrow and his nose squish up. "What?"
Paul adjusted Isaac in his arms and waved his hand across his nose like a fan, "Oh man! Some one call the white house and tell them we found the WMD's."
"What?" She shook her head not following him until she got her own whiff, "Ugggh, Isaac…that's harsh kid." She held out her hands declining to hold him as Paul tried to pass him back to her, "No way, I'm not changing that!" she shook her head, "That's flat out biological warfare." She laughed holding her nose and walking away for Paul to do the dirty deed.
"Ruthless Casey." He called out to her.
She disappeared into the hall calling back to him with a smile, "Sue me."
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"Elliot, there is no way you can be out of breath we have two more miles!" she said watching him bend over to catch his breath.
"Trust…me Liv," he panted, "I'm…out of…. breath."
Olivia teased him, "Well, okay I don't want to give an old man a heart attack, we can rest."
"We really have to talk about this old man you keep referring to…you cheating' on me with a senior citizen?" He asked still trying to catch his breath but smiling.
Olivia threw her head back in free laughter, "No…definitely not…although I may be married to one." She smiled wrapping her arm around his shoulders and kissing his cheek.
"Geez, a couple of gray hairs and I'm wearing a colostomy bag." He snickered.
"Okay," Olivia sounded a little more serious but her face let him know she was still set on teasing him, "I happen to think your gray hairs are sexy…but the colostomy bag has got to go."
"Oh that's it!" he smiled reaching for her as she just eluded him in a full run, "You better hope I don't catch you."
Olivia sprinted faster knowing he would catch her with his much longer legs in a manner of a few seconds. He was surprised to see her stop in the middle of the trail suddenly and it wasn't until he was right on top of her that he noticed she wasn't giving up out of her own willingness but she was starring nervously in front of her frozen with fear.
"What is it Ol-"
"SHHH!" she hissed reaching for him while she stared down at what she only recognized as a snake.
Elliot froze, "Okay, so that's not good."
"Pure genius." She replied in a sarcastic whisper and she thought it odd that in spite of their situation they still desired to have fun with one another.
"Think its poisoness?" he whispered watching it flick its tongue out in their direction.
"Elliot, this is New York…I didn't even know we had snakes." She said a little more nervous than before.
Elliot sensed her fear, although he may have confused it at first for his own as the snake hissed, "You know, if that snake bites me, I'm going to be highly pissed off."
"Elliot," she whispered taking a small step backwards, "If that snake bites you…you'll be in the hospital yelling at me to get you out."
"Liv," he whispered putting his hand on her shoulder and slowly pushing her back again.
"Wha-"
"RUN!" he pushed her harder and spun quickly to run as the snake provided one last hiss before striking quickly into the atmosphere.
Olivia and Elliot sprinted as if chasing a perp then finally slowed, laughing hysterically as they stopped to catch their breath, "That was so dangerous." Elliot smiled.
"That was funny." She grinned mocking him in her best Elliot voice, "If that snake bites me I'm going to be so pissed off." She laughed again before feeling him grab her waist and spin her around taking her gently to the ground, kissing her softly. She smiled looking at him, "I can't believe you just took me down in the dirt."
"Just wanted you to know I might be old but I can still sweep you off your feet." He chuckled and then helped her back to her feet.
"Race you back?" she offered.
"Um…no." he shook his head unwilling to let her damage his ego any more for the day.
"No? Why? You think I'll win you?" she asked playfully knowing full well she could last in endurance but not in the final sprint.
"We'll, I have to be honest with you," he exhaled, "you're pretty fast for an old lady."
"Old!" her eyes widened.
"Yeah," He grinned kissing her cheek and whispering in her ear, "I see your gray hairs too."
Olivia's hands instantly went to her hair, "Where!" She demanded to know.
Elliot took her hands away from her hair and kissed her mouth, "Maybe I think you look sexy with them."
"And maybe you're full of shi-"
Elliot kissed her, not allowing her to void his comment. He slid his tongue into her mouth tasting the Listerine that she used before they left then slowly pulled away. "Let's finish the trail and head back, we need to pack and go home." He smiled seeing her still with her eyes closed. He found it amusing each time she did that…each time she savored him.
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"What time are they due back?" Paul asked looking up form his book as Casey fed Isaac.
"In about three hours, they should be on the road right now." She smiled seeing Isaac had finally crashed. She laid him on the opposite smaller couch and propped a pillow up to ensure he wouldn't roll off. Casey returned laying her head in Paul's lap forcing him to raise his book. When he did so, see mumbled its title out loud, "The Metamorphosis of Chemistry," She smiled, "Sounds painful."
"It's fascinating."
"You're a nerd."
"You're a lawyer."
"Ouch!" She laughed, "Pulling out the big guns are we?" she teased him taking his book and closing it careful to mark his spot before resting it on her thigh. "I like our marriage." She said softly out of the blue.
Paul look at her a little caught off guard by her sudden statement but knew it was positive that she'd said it. "You know what Case?" he responded covering her stomach with his hand, "I like it too."
Casey reached up and pulled him down to her lips kissing him gently then suddenly feeling the kiss increase deeper, more passionately it was charged by all of the things still unsaid between the two, by all of the things felt but never stated. As he slid his hand along the naked flesh of her abdomen under her shirt, she smiled and pushed him away gently, "I'm gonna put Isaac in his crib…we have a couple of hours." She smiled as he kissed her again.
"You know what?" Paul took his book and placed it on the coffee table, "I will, I have to go to the restroom anyway." He smiled taking the tiny body in his arms and disappearing as the doorbell rang.
"I'll get it." Casey kissed him chastely on the cheek, "Did you order dinner or something?" she asked him looking at her watch wondering who would be there so late in the evening.
"No…maybe it's a neighbor?" Paul offered before disappearing into the nursery.
Casey shrugged her shoulder, and walked to the door, "Who is it?" she asked looking through the peephole to see what she made out to be a badge.
"Police open up!" Came a muffled voice.
"Oh, funny Stabler!" she laughed opening the door to see a figure that wasn't Elliot, or Olivia…or a cop.
She tried quickly to close the door but the figure dressed in black with a ski mask stepped in shoving the butt of a baseball bat into her abdomen causing her to moan as she dropped to the floor. With out so much as a word the figure walked past her then stopped when it heard Casey struggling to her feet.
She tried to yell but without the air in her lungs only a gruff whisper came, "Paul!" she struggled and then purposefully knocked over the flower vase by the door to create some sort of noise.
"Casey? You okay?" She heard Paul's voice from the hallway but before she could say anything the figure kicked her in her stomach causing her to bend over in pain as she felt the baseball bat come across her back in the most brutal pain she'd ever felt. She dropped immediately to the ground moaning in pain before the figures boot collided with the side of her head knocking her out.
The figure leaned against the wall lying in wait for his next victim. Paul walked cautiously down the hall not exactly knowing why but knowing the house was entirely too quiet for some one having just came to the door. Just as Paul came to the corner where he saw Casey's bare foot lying motionless on the ground he heard a creak in the floorboard as the figure jumped out in front of him. He took an immediate step back hitting the wall as the bat swung inched from his face.
Taking advantage of the situation Paul chambered his fist swinging first with the left then the right connecting with both. The figure stumbled back falling to the ground.
"Casey!" Paul yelled as he kneeled next to her seeing the blood coming from the side of her head. As he attempted to lift her head he saw the figure coming at him again bat raised high ready to strike. He moved quickly darting out of the way striking to the figures solar plexus as he moved.
Isaac! He thought to himself and took another look at Casey who still hadn't moved. Paul turned to leave but collapsed feeling the bat collide painfully against the side of his knee dropping him instantly to the floor as he cried out in agony. Paul watched as the figure moved through the house stopping at the nursery and then walking slowly inside.
Paul used the wall to stand painfully to his feet as the figure walked toward him with a baseball bat in one hand, a diaper bag over his shoulder…and a crying Isaac in his other hand. Paul looked frantically for anything he could use as a weapon and found nothing.
"Put him down!" Paul barked angrily and was surprised to see the figure walk toward him, bat in front of his body, and gently place Isaac in the car seat. Paul knew he was in trouble when the figure slowly stood back up and then suddenly pounced thrusting the bat into Paul's abdomen sending him backwards into the living room before he finally stumbled on his own feet hitting his head on the coffee table.
The dark figure moved taking advantage of the situation and stomping on Paul's abdomen causing him to gasp and cough for air. Paul reached for the only available thing on the coffee table and used the book he'd been reading as his only defense. He swung up hard hitting the figure's chin, then swung again side-to-side before kicking with his good leg sending the figure back.
Ignoring the pain that felt like someone had shot his kneecap clean off of his body Paul stood and effectively bum rushed the figure across the living room and into the kitchen. As they hit the ground a flurry of punches were thrown from both side as Paul moved with determination at the figures ribs hitting with any available strength he had. Paul felt the blood that practically poured from his head as it moved down stinging his eyes. It took one violent kick with the figures heel into Paul's knee to send him rolling away clutching his knee in pain. "Leave!" he half commanded and half begged. The figure moved again and Paul shoved his foot into its crotch effectively dropping the person to their knees.
Paul drug his body through the house unaware that he was leaving a trail of his own blood along the way. He moved frantically as a soldier would in war dragging his belly along the ground and gaining ground with his forearms. "Isaac!" he called out to the baby who ear's curdling screams spurred Paul on faster…until he felt the heat in his back, the stabbing pain of having a peace of serrated metal thrust into his back and then pulled out and thrust in again. When he felt it pull out he rolled punching once as hard as he could sending the figure away long enough for Paul to get his hand's on Isaac. He pushed himself against the wall struggling for breath as he took Isaac into his arms watching the figure advance knife in hand.
Paul, feeling darkness closing in around him held as tightly as he could to the infant and gasped for breath as he spoke, "You'll…have to…kill me."
With that one sentence interpreted as a challenge, the dark figure moved grabbing Paul by the hair with one hand and plunging the knife into his chest and slamming his head into the wall. The figure took Isaac out of Paul's limp embrace, placed him into the car seat before returning to the kitchen taking a manila folder Olivia had left out in case an emergency with Isaac occurred. As abruptly as the figure arrived he left.
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Paul came to painfully slow. He looked down to see the source of his pain was a knife sticking straight out of his chest. While he knew he shouldn't move, he also knew that he was sitting in his own blood and time was of the essence. He crawled in immense pain to the phone that Casey has casually dropped on the recliner earlier that day. Reaching up for it took almost all of his strength. Paul managed to turn the phone one and push the number nine then the number one before he blacked out.
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"The phone is still busy." Olivia furrowed her brows looking at Elliot, "What the heck are those two doing?" she smiled.
"Relax Liv…we got one more stop sign for crying outloud." He laughed.
"Elliot…we're almost three hours early…what if they're…busy?" She smiled as he stopped the vehicle at the intersection checked both ways into the darkness of the country and preceded to accelerate.
"I don't think they would be doing anything this close to the wire." He told her with a laugh as they turned into their driveway.
"You must have forgotten about us in the house office when I invited everyone over." She lifted her brow then furrowed them noticing Elliot's very nervous reaction.
"What?" she asked seriously following his eyes to their house. The lights were on, there was no movement, and the door was wide open.
"Do you have your gun?" Elliot asked reaching for his own thankful he refused to leave it behind.
Olivia opened the glove department pulling out hers and dialing her cell phone as they stepped out of the car in unison. She held off pushing the send button until they knew for sure it wasn't their paranoia getting the best of them. They moved silently almost stealthy up the porch leaning against the wall. Elliot ducked looking through the door before returning to Olivia as they both rushed in; guns raised.
"Casey!" Elliot yelled out pointing to her lifeless body allowing Olivia to tend to her as he went through the house to find Paul collapsed in a pool of blood in the living room.
Olivia pushed send and waited for what she thought was hours for dispatch, "This is detective Olivia Benson…" Elliot heard her recite her badge number and call for a bus.
"Make it two!" He yelled back still looking around the house with his weapon drawn. He moved through searching the office and master bedroom finding nothing. He walked smoothly to Isaac's nursery feeling like the soldier in his dreams as he gripped his gun pointing it down and peering into an empty crib.
"OLIVIA!" He screamed with a desperation that he had never done, as he holstered his weapon and pulled the comforter away revealing only mattress. Frustrated he moved opening the closet looking for his son.
Having never heard Elliot scream like she just had she bolted down the hall to see Elliot pulling anything and everything out of the closet. "What is it?" She asked lowering her weapon and engaging the safety knowing it was dangerous to tuck it into the back her pants but doing so anyway.
"Isaac…he's not here!" he said frantically moving past her and ripping through their room searching, hoping Paul and Casey had managed to hide him before they were attacked. He found nothing as he moved room-to-room Olivia checking and double-checking as frantically as he was until they both heard people behind them shouting.
"FREEZE POLICE!" Their hands went up instantly in unison.
"We're detectives." Olivia screeched realizing she was crying.
"Show me I.D" Said a voice coming from the door.
"It's in my wallet." Elliot said slowly lowering his hands and pulling out his wallet displaying a flat badge and photo I.D.
"Sorry." The cop said lowering his weapon, "Dispatch said B and E."
Elliot moved quickly, "Our son is missing!" he said moving to the hallway and grabbing a picture off of the wall. "He's seven months old," He told them as he switched into detective mode, "Name: Isaac Reagan Stabler, blond hair, blue eyes, birthmark behind right ear." He continued a detailed description as he saw the ambulance rushing off with Casey first and Paul shortly thereafter.
Olivia stood alone in their bedroom hearing her husband provide all the necessary information to save their son as she sat emotionless on the foot of the bed her emotions rising dangerously manifesting themselves in a scream of his name, "ELLIOT!" she cried out as hard as she could sobbing as he ran back to her.
He saw her crying in her own hands then realized he'd left her alone to process the fact that their son was gone. He embraced her as he sat feeling her chest rise and fall, as the fear of every parent just became their reality.
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"How are they?" Olivia asked in a lonely whisper to Cragen who had picked them up from their home opening up his to them while CSU went over it looking for any evidence they could find.
He cleared his voice offering her and Elliot a cup of coffee, "Hospital called just after you did…its bad Liv."
Olivia shook her head acknowledging his answer but unwilling to know the details, her world was spinning out of control and she didn't know if she could handle anything else.
"Alex is at the hospital with them…they're not alone Olivia." He assured her knowing she wouldn't want them to be.
She tried to speak but found herself hiding in Elliot's embrace as she sobbed uncontrollably for her son as Elliot rocked her gently allowing his own tears to fall. Cragen stood, "I know you won't want too, but you two need a shower…take my bed and try to sleep…I've got everyone on this…we're gonna find him." He assured them wondering if they actually would.
Elliot managed to lead her into the bathroom and undress her between her need to be held and her need to cry out a pain that he had never seen her capable of doing. Stepping into the shower, he tried reassuring her, comforting her, anything to make her pain stop but finding nothing that could sooth the gaping wound that stung her heart.
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Captain Donald Cragen sat on his couch pouring over faxed information on possible leads from Munch and Fin. He didn't have the heart to leave Elliot and Olivia and he knew they would want to know immediately what was happening so he made his home his work space barking orders over cell phones and signing directives over the fax machine. He exhaled hearing the cries of both Elliot and Olivia coming from his bedroom.
He had just finished pressing the fax button to send a directive to Munch when his cell phone rang. He looked at the caller I.D. noting it was Fin and answered the phone, "Cragen." He answered then heard the news from the other side, "You're sure it 's him?" he asked softly in an effort to alarm Olivia or Elliot, "No, I'll tell them…bye."
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Olivia wiped her tears and then her hands on a white T Shirt Cragen had given her to wear while he washed their blood stained clothes. "Come in." she said in a weak voice unwilling to let go of Elliot.
Cragen entered the room looking at both of them not knowing exactly what to say, "Fin just called me."
Olivia raised herself from Elliot's chest, "What did he say?"
"Cap, did they find him?" Elliot felt a glimmer of hope.
"There was a wreck…about a mile from your house." He swallowed hard.
"Isaac?" was all Olivia could say as she searched Cragen's face for answers.
"Olivia…the impact," he felt his own tears form as Elliot slipped his arms around Olivia knowing that what was coming next would be devastating. "The car caught on fire…they managed to salvage what appears to be Isaac's diaper bag…and medical information." He exhaled wiping his own tear knowing their next question would be the hardest to answer.
Elliot managed to ask what Olivia couldn't bring herself to, "Did they find Isaac?"
"There's no easy way to say it…" Cragen shook his head telling them their son was dead without saying a word. Elliot cried into his wife's hair as she clung fiercely to him then suddenly withdrew switching to detective Benson trying desperately to disassociate herself from the situation. "We have to go," he mumbled looking around for clothing unconcerned that she stood in front of Cragen in a shirt in panties. "They'll need someone to identify him." She said grabbing a pair of slacks that were Cragen's and attempting to put them on in her confusion until Cragen placed his arm on her shoulder, "The body…Isaac," he couldn't bring himself to break her heart. He embraced her, "I'm sorry Olivia…the fire was so bad…."
He felt her knees buckle as she feel out of his arms only to be caught by Elliot who sunk to the floor with her crying in the arms of one another. As Cragen turned to leave he had to catch his own emotion in his throat as he heard Elliot sing her into calmness, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…"
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Elliot stared blankly at the Pastor who was speaking, unable to identify a word he was saying but occasionally recognizing his son's name, a familiar story told by a friend how his son brought them laughter. He felt Olivia's hand cover his softly as he wrapped his arms around he shoulders and brought her as close to him as possible as she cried silent tears, too exhausted for anything else to come out.
She stared at the tiny silver casket that she knew held her son as the rain began to fall adding more gray to their already darkening world. She shuddered against Elliot's body as they cried against one another seeing the pastor motion to two other people to begin lowering the casket into the now muddy hole.
She had to restrain herself from lunging at the man who toppled the first mound of dirt onto her son. She cried harder knowing her would be cold, knowing she couldn't touch him, hold him or feed him ever again.
Elliot watched as friends and colleagues tossed yellow daisy's into the hole, he saw Cragen toss his and he traced it with his eyes as it fell into the dark nothing that would soon become him… that would haunt her… and had the propensity to destroy their marriage.
THE END
Look for the third piece to this series, "Divided We Fall."