"Bel, if you don't get out of bed soon, I'm going to leave you here."
Bel groaned as he curled up tighter beneath the blankets. He shook his head, unable to find the motivation to get up and go to Squalo's home with Mammon; he just wanted to lay here forever and never have to get up again.
"Bel." The girl sighed before she climbed onto Bel's side of the bed, sitting with him. She ran her hand through blond locks, saying, "If you get up and have a shower, you'll feel much better. I'll make you another ice cream cone for breakfast."
The blond groaned again as his frown grew; he just wanted to be left alone, and he hated when Mammon pestered for him to get out of bed; it was a hard thing to accomplish, and sometimes he felt as if Mammon was underestimating just how difficult getting out of bed was for him.
Mammon sighed, knowing that Bel wasn't going to budge any time soon.
Leaning down, she placed her lips against Bel's temple, her fingers caressing his pale cheek. "I'm going to go see Fran. Do you want me to bring you back sushi for lunch?"
"I don't care..." Bel wanted to lift his head and rest it on Mammon's thigh, but he just couldn't find the strength to do even that; he just stared blankly at the wall behind Mammon, trying his hardest not to cry.
The girl knew that Bel just wanted comfort before she left, so she helped Bel lift his head from the pillow and rest it on her leg, knowing only too well it was for him to so much as twitch his fingers in these kinds of states; he had no willpower for anything, consumed by the darkness he had lived in for twenty-six years. "Will you at least try and get out of bed while I'm gone? It's okay if you don't want to have a shower or get dressed."
Bel nodded; no matter how bad he was feeling, he only ever wanted to please his girlfriend. "I'll try, Mammy..."
"Good. Have you had your medicine?" Mammon knew he hadn't, as he hadn't gotten out of bed all morning, but she asked anyway; was it so bad that she wanted to hear yes for once instead of having to coax the young man into taking it like she had to every morning?
"No..." Bel whined as Mammon pushed him away and got off the bed. He knew she was only going to get a glass of water and his medication from downstairs, but he hated being away from her when he was feeling so bad; without Mammon, it felt as if he was falling apart, and it scared him.
Bel bit his lip as the silence overwhelmed him, wishing with all his being could be strong like Mammon; Mammon never let anything bring her down, and she was always happy and motivated in life.
Unlike Bel, who spent most mornings rolling himself off the bed, unable to find the strength to get out any other way.
The man sighed as he let his eyes slip closed, fighting back his trauma as he waited impatiently for Mammon to return.
"Bel?"
Bel blinked as his girlfriend came back into the room, a glass of water and a handful of pills in her possession. He tried his hardest to at least push his upper body into the air, but his arms just didn't want to cooperate; they instead lay uselessly by his side, and he wasn't sure they were going to move on his own terms today. He sighed again as he let himself slump back down, wishing he wasn't so weak and pathetic.
Mammon, who completely understood, placed the items onto the bedside drawer as she reached out, helping Bel sit up against the headboard. She gave him the glass of water and went to put the first pill into the younger one's mouth, only to sigh and stop as Bel dropped the glass onto the mattress.
"Sorry..." Bel looked away as he felt Mammon's gaze on him; he hadn't meant to spill anything, but he just hadn't been able to keep holding his arm up. It was an accident, so why did it feel as if the girl absolutely hated him right now? Sniffing back tears, Bel was afraid of hearing her reply.
"It's okay, Bel. I'll just get more water."
Bel nodded, wishing he didn't frustrate Mammon all the time; he knew he was difficult to handle, and his deepest fear was that he may one day push Mammon away; he wouldn't be able to live without her, and he didn't want to have to try.
The very idea of losing her to his illness brought Bel to the tears he had been fighting against desperately.
~~XX~~
If there was one thing Squalo knew, it was that the only times Bel wasn't with Mammon was when he was feeling so down, he was in a state so bad, he couldn't so much as move, much less get out of bed.
"Did he take his medicine?" Squalo was sitting out in the living room with Rasiel, a movie playing on the huge TV that neither of them were paying attention to anymore. Xanxus was upstairs in his office, and Fran was apparently refusing to come out of his room, leaving Mammon to talk peacefully with her friends.
"Eventually." Mammon hated telling Squalo bad news, but she knew he had a right to know; he had been the ones who had taken the twins in, after all. "He dropped the water when I tried to help him, and then his body tried to reject them. He kept gagging on them and coughing them back up, and was feeling nauseas after he eventually got them all down."
"Sometimes he needs them in yoghurt," Rasiel pointed out, wanting only the best for his brother; maybe Bel was extremely distant from him, having never been able to get over their childhood and teenager years together, but Rasiel still loved him more than anything and had forgiven him for all the hurt Bel had put him through. "Chocolate yoghurt is his favourite. Just put them in the tub and give it to him. You don't have to tell him because he already knows they're his pills."
"I'll try that next time." Mammon moved to sit on the couch beside Rasiel, checking her phone in case Bel tried to call her; she needed to be on the ball in case anything happened and he tried to get hold of her because he had done something to himself again. "Is Fran doing alright today?"
"He ate breakfast with us, but I don't think he slept at all last night." Squalo turned his head to look out into the hallway as he heard someone descending the stairs, only to find Xanxus presumably after food. "He most definitely doesn't want to be touched, but he was okay with Rasiel before."
Mammon turned to look at the older twin with a questioning manner, surprised to hear that the boy had allowed someone he hadn't met before near him; could this be good news? Or was Fran so traumatised, he was too scared to distance himself if someone came near him? "What were you doing with him?"
"I was fixing Belphegor's laptop for him so that he could use it." Rasiel ran his hand through his blond locks, his obscured eyes darting to the side; he was slightly uncomfortable with being put on the spot like this, instead preferring to listen instead of speak. "We thought it might be a good idea to give him some freedom. I cleaned off all of Belphegor's... eh... private videos so he didn't find them."
Mammon sniggered at the comment, while Squalo laughed; Rasiel's shyness had always been amusing in this situations. "Keeping them for yourself, Siel?" The silver-haired man smiled playfully at his charge, meaning no harm; there was nothing wrong with a bit of teasing, after all.
Rasiel frowned as he shook his head, looking very uncomfortable with the subject. "You guys know I don't... need that..."
Squalo knew better than to take his teasing too far; Rasiel was sensitive, and it didn't take much to make him remember things he couldn't forget. Instead of replying, he put his hand on his charge's shoulder, knowing no words needed to be exchanged between them; the blond understood that Squalo was there for him.
"If ever you do start doing that, just ask Bel to lend you some of his videos." Mammon laughed lightly at her own joke, remembering the stash of porn her boyfriend had accumulated over the years and kept hidden in the mess beneath his side of the bed. "He has quite the collection."
"Shithead didn't seem to watch it very much." Squalo shrugged, knowing that despite all the adult material he had had in his possession, ninety per cent of it had gone unwatched. "Guess I can see why…"
"Bitch, your brat's wailing. Go shut him the fuck up."
Three sets of eyes turned to see Xanxus standing in the doorway, a packaged steak in his hand. He threw it towards the couch, managing to hit his target which was Squalo's head.
"Make that for me while you're at it."
Squalo growled as he threw the steak onto the coffee table, rubbing at his now-sore head. "Fuck you, Xanxus! You're such an asshole!"
Rasiel had been quick to divert his attention back to the TV; while he knew that Xanxus and Squalo never fought seriously and loved each other more than they would ever let on, it still made him uncomfortable to be so close to them while they yelled – well, Squalo yelled, and Xanxus egged him on with taunts.
"If you're going to cook that, I'll check on Fran." Mammon stood up from where she had been sitting, moving out of the living room. She smirked as she listened to Squalo rant to Rasiel about how much of a bastard Xanxus was, but she knew better than to think the two older adults took the other's actions seriously – their seemingly abusive relationship had long-since been built on a solid foundation of love and trust, and while neither male was very competent when it came to expressing such emotions, their aggressive displays were merely their shows of affection, something only the other would ever understand.
After climbing the stairs, Mammon moved to the end of the hall where Bel's old room was located. She knocked on the door, jiggling the handle to see that it was unlocked.
"Fran?" Mammon could hear the boy suddenly stop sniffling at her voice. "Fran, may I come in?"
"...Okay..." Fran sounded scared, but Mammon couldn't blame him; he had suffered for so long, it was expected that he would come out of this with just as many problems – if not more – as Bel.
Opening the door, Mammon poked her head into the room. Fran was curled up beneath the bed, his emerald eyes red from emotion. It didn't look as if he had touched anything in the room since he had been brought here; she had a very good memory, and the items Bel had left behind were still in exactly the same spot they had been in when they had moved out. Was it that Fran didn't want to touch anything because he was afraid of any repercussions of doing so?
Purely out of habit, Mammon went to shut the door behind her, only to stop when Fran whimpered and begged her to leave it open. She could tell that the damage done to Fran was much more extensive than she could see, the younger clearly hoping with all his might that if his door were open, it would deter the girl from doing anything to him.
"Do you like it here?" Mammon knelt down on the ground, leaving distance between her and Fran; if the boy wanted comfort, he would come out from under the bed and seek it.
The only thing Fran replied with was a soft whisper of, "Master's not here..."
"Of course he's not; Squalo would never let someone like that near his kids." Mammon shook her head, wishing she could be of more help. "Bel wanted to come over and see you as well, but he was finding it too hard to get out of bed. He was very upset himself when I left."
"..." Fran shivered as he looked away from Mammon. "...Most days... I just want to kill myself... but I just... can't even be bothered to... to lift a single finger..."
"Bel is very much like that; he doesn't enjoy life, and it's a real battle for him to get motivation. You're not alone in this, Fran."
"It feels as if I am..." Fran looked back up at Mammon, a fresh wave of tears falling from his eyes. "...Am I... going back to Master...?"
"No, Fran – never. I already spoke to Squalo; he's going to keep you here with him, and as soon as he can, he's going to move you in with Bel and I. Would you rather live with us?"
Fran nodded. "...I want to live with you now..."
"We can't do that just yet because Squalo can get in very big trouble. As soon as he can let you go with us, he will. We promise."
"Okay..." Fran nodded, looking away again. He still hadn't moved from under his bed, and Mammon couldn't help but think that the boy had probably been there all night, hiding from someone he feared would come back for him.
"I heard you met Siel." Mammon was trying her best to calm Fran down, trying to get him to understand that he was safe here with Squalo; if there was one person she trusted to care for the younger, it was the long-haired man. "He's very nice, isn't he?"
"...Yes..."
"Siel is just like you and Bel; he doesn't want to live either, but he keeps soldiering on. If you talk to him, he'll tell you about his own struggles and you'll see just how strong he is. He's very inspiring, and it would be good for you both to have someone to talk with."
"...I don't feel strong at all..." Fran mumbled. "...I'm really weak and pathetic..."
"Would you believe that the twins feel exactly the same way as you? They've been through so much, but even if they can't see it, they're still here and trying their hardest. That's all we can ask of ourselves, Fran. You've been going through that for so long – a lot of people would give up after the first time. It's okay to cry about the things you've been through, Fran, and it doesn't make you weak; sometimes we just need someone to help us stand on our feet."
"Is it okay to want to kill yourself, too...?"
"Fran, the truth is that what you've had done to you is horrific, and of course you're coming out of this with emotional and mental scars. I'd be worried if you didn't want to kill yourself, because I'm pretty sure that if I went through the same thing, I'd have tried it long ago. You're a good kid, Fran, and you never deserved anything you were put through. It was never your fault that this happened. Okay? You have a good family now who will look after you and keep you safe, and if you ever want to talk to Siel or Squalo about your experiences, they'll do their best to listen and try to help you."
Fran nodded. He wasn't sure what else to say, but Mammon's words were comforting to him.
"Bel wants to go swimming and see a movie soon." Mammon hoped she was doing the right thing by changing the subject. "We're going to do that as soon as he's feeling up to it. Would you like to come with us?"
"...Okay..." Fran had no intention of getting into a pool with them; he didn't want anyone to see his bruised and scarred body, but he did like the idea of at least sitting on the sidelines, watching. Maybe one of them had an iPod he could borrow so he could listen to music, too?
Mammon nodded to herself as she stood up. "I have to get back home and check on Bel. If you need us, Squalo and Siel have our numbers."
Part of Fran didn't want Mammon to leave, but the other, more frightened part of him was glad that he could be alone again; he had learnt to fear people, and he wasn't sure if that would ever change.
"Bye..." Fran whispered, curling into a tighter ball.
Mammon waved to him as she left, walking back downstairs to talk to Squalo, who was now standing in the kitchen cooking the steak Xanxus had wanted.
"Will you be sending Fran back to school?" Mammon moved to the fridge and opened it, taking the carton of chocolate milk sitting in the door. Waving it in Squalo's vision so that he could see what she had, she said, "I'm taking this for Bel; we're out of it."
Squalo nodded, knowing he could always buy more for Rasiel later. "The shithead's going to go back when he's ready. I've still got to put my details into the school's system, so I'll take him back in a few days with me while I do it and see if he's ready or not."
"Whatever you do, don't send him for a full day." Mammon checked her watch, seeing that it was close to twelve. "I can pick him up at lunchtimes and he can stay with us so you're not leaving work all the time. I'll bring him back when you've finished work."
"Will that be a hassle?" Squalo turned the stove off, handling the steak with care as he put it onto a plate.
"No. And it saves him catching a bus just to go back to an empty home; Bel couldn't stand that when he was still at school."
"Point taken. Look, Mammon, I'm happy for you to make all the arrangements regarding him; he'll be staying with you in the end anyway. He just needs a chance to settle in before we start making life-changing decisions and moving him around too much – it will only make it harder for him to fall into routine and get used to us."
Mammon nodded. "I've got to go check on Bel. I'll talk to you soon."
"Alright." Squalo had finished preparing the steak exactly the way Xanxus liked it. He nodded to the girl as she left the kitchen with the carton of chocolate milk in tow, taking the steak out once he heard the front door close.
Squalo knew that Mammon cared – she cared a lot – but would she be able to handle caring for two damaged males?
Shaking his head, the man knew that if it ever did come to that, his door would always be open to take Bel or Fran or even both back into his home.
~~XX~~
Stepping into her own home, Mammon frowned as it quickly became apparent that Bel was still upstairs somewhere; had he gotten out of bed at all, or…?
"Bel?" Ascending the stairs, Mammon made a beeline straight for her bedroom; she couldn't hear the shower running, so he must still be in bed. Pushing the door open half a minute later, she found that she was correct in her assumption upon seeing her boyfriend's golden locks sticking out from beneath the blankets as he slept.
"Bel…" In no hurry to disturb her lover's rest, she took her time approaching the mattress. When she was close enough, she sat on the edge and lowered the comforter, finding thin fingers curled tightly in the hem as he slept with a peaceful expression on his face; had he finally managed to shed his stress for the day?
Running the back of her fingers against a pale cheek, Mammon smiled. She didn't have the heart to wake him, so getting up from the bed again, she left the room quietly, making her way to the kitchen to put the chocolate milk into the fridge; Bel had lost a lot of sleep last night, so it wouldn't be fair for her to wake him when he was trying to catch up on what he had missed.
If Bel were to beat his bout of depression, he would need all the strength he could get.