Cosy and clean from my bath I ran a thickly toothed brush through my short hair. I feared closing my eyes even to blink, even my eyelashes had started to ache, my eyeballs stung and watered. I put up a strong resistance as my lids began to droop. It was inevitable.
And in the split second I took to blink Michael and Tara's burning faces flashed in my mind. They did not cry out like Cestus had or the man in the street. I assumed it was because Michael had his hand over her lips or, perhaps, it had really been the right thing. Yet, I could not understand how. Was there no release in The Undying realms? No final satisfaction, no peace? I marvelled at the horror and sorrow that was to be my was continuously being cut short, I realized. I was aging-every second, I was growing older.
While Dorian was, quite literally, timeless. He was three years older than I and I had more than he did, minus the castle and, the beauty and, the strength and speed. He couldn't have what God had given humanity with such thoughtlessness. How sad that must be, how unfair.I could not help but be awed by the affairs of this afternoon. Everyone had seemed so impassive about the death and fire and rage that coursed throughout the room. Easy, it was, to see the fury in Dorian when he faced his father.
Octavianus raised a curious brow at his son, Dorian's fingers had flexed and, his jaw had made a terrible pop! Despite the longing for a gruesome vengeance, which had swirled in his eyes, Dorian grunted a sharp exhale and snarled: "You tricked me." Octavianus had tilted his head, his eyes closing briefly as he entered a room of silent thought. The room had become very still in that instant, with an…unspoken violence.
I had wondered what Dorian was thinking, although, by his incredibly exposed expression, I was sure he was thinking very thoroughly through his plots of retaliation. Or, in a word, murder.
Lucy had burst out into wicked laughter, Hristea's white eyes wide with shock, though a low snicker rumbled in the back of his throat. Emilia and Viola had become very composed, overly composed, standing with their hands entwined, almost I blinked a second time I envisioned the fear-struck expression of Tara as her body and child erupted in flames. Even then, she looked gorgeous, she looked at peace.
"Stop it." Dorian growled, roughly taking hold of my wrist. My eyes found him quickly, his expression one of outrage, his eyes locking on the wooden brush in my hand. "I was just-" He interrupted with an angered hiss, "You have been brushing in the same area for the past twenty minutes." His grip tightened and I winced, my fingers loosening on the soft wooden handle. Chewing the inside of my lip I tugged against his grasp.
"It's irritating me." Dorian snapped, his fingers slipping from my arm in a harsh jerk. The brush clattering nosily to the floor as he stomped away.
He was one to talk.
Dorian had done nothing but stare at the hearth for the past three hours. The stamina he had sometimes stunned me, never had I seen someone think so hard in my life. Give it another five seconds and I was positive his head was going to implode.
I wondered if Dorian was going to try something tonight. Something he would later regret if he succeeded, which I was sure, he wouldn't. The rage on his face was frightening; he would kill his father for this eventually. I had not wanted to bother him with questions; I had not wanted to revive the topic he had gone so far to bury.
But the nosy edge in my gut was anything but ignorable. How would I word this? "Dorian." I began, waiting for him to look over his shoulder, or turn around, or grunt. He stood, his hands on the shimmering table, glowering at a reflection he did not have. As if he thought if he stared hard enough into the mirror he would appear, or perhaps, the mirror would combust.
His back was facing me, his hair in his eyes as he glared. "Please look at me." I insisted gently, listening as he growled. Gradually, a green eye peeked over his shoulder, through the sheath of brown hair. "Is it because your senses are…dulling?" I murmured, unsure if that had come out correctly, or if he was going to bite my head off.
"Yes." He said, looking away again. I sighed, had I been planning that entire time, to get a simple 'yes' and nothing more? How troublesome he was. Crossing the floor, my night gown muttering quietly as it slid over my skin. I coiled my arms around his shoulders as best I could with my little arms. Dorian's breath was bitter and gusty as he exhaled."I had not been able to read his thoughts as clearly as before." Dorian growled, "I knew something was improper and still I acted against them." "How were you to know?" I murmured, burying my face between his shoulder blades.
I felt the tension within him as he groaned, his frustration infecting me as I sighed. "You do not understand Analeigh, it was a test. They all know I am not in my strongest state at the moment. And instead of doing what I knew was morally correct; I allowed my arrogance to influence me." Dorian trembled, his hands clamping down on the edge of the table.
"Had you not interfered I would have shown them how blind I truly am." Clutching his shirt in my fists I held him closer. "Dorian, it's alright. Let me be your eyes for right now, it's my turn." I smiled into his back, Dorian lifting his hand from the table to cover mine."I love you." He said quietly, squeezing my hands. "I know." I grinned, nuzzling my face into the silkiness of his shirt.
&&&
"Hey Red, did you know that a serious knee injury on an athlete requires, like, 18 months to fully regain confidence and manoeuvrability at top speed?" Gavril asked, his feet propped up on the chair beside me, his elbows on the silver round table as he attempted to touch his tongue to his nose. I rolled my eyes, lapping at my ice-cream as I went over what had to be my entire math text book in foot-notes. "Just don't blow your knee when you play soccer then I guess." I shrugged, my lips pulling at a lump of chocolate-chips.
My tongue tingled as I sucked a chunk of cookie dough out of the round ball that was vanilla ice-cream. Gavril had made things normal again; he didn't kiss me after school or hold my hand when we walked to the ice-cream chalet. It was as if we were still friends but…we weren' didn't kiss each other like we had on Friday. However, we weren't beyond that either. I loved Dorian, someone-something-Gavril would never, ever be able to compare to. So what were we? I didn't know. I didn't think there were words for this, an explanation or label for this.
We were the unknown the strange, nameless unidentified flying object in this situation.
I'd never liked Gavril, not even as a girly crush-I'd actually missed him completely and wanted Kellen instead. He was my best friend. His favourite colour was hot pink, his favourite number was 12 and, he had the biggest crush on Victoria Bennett for five years, before he fell in love with Rhona Cohen was a strange, nameless, unidentified flying object to me and that was it! "Hello in there." Gavril snapped his fingers in my face, smirking when I yelped.
"Where'd you go?" He asked, leaning back in his chair to continue his struggle with his nose and tongue. "I'm going to fail math." I announced, listening as he laughed. "It isn't that hard, if I can pull off a B so can you." "I'm not a super genius like you Gavril, remember? There's no way I can bring my mark to a B before exams." I sighed, wincing as my mouth began to burn from the bitter cold.
Gavril broke out in a loud chortle, "You make the weirdest faces you know that." He smiled wider when I glared. "Don't worry about exams, I'll tutor you." No! That sounded like pens would be involved! "No, Dor-James already said he'd tutor me." I said without thinking, hoping that maybe he hadn't caught my abrupt alteration.A frown gave a light jerk on his mouth before he shrugged, "Yeah, James could probably teach every grade eleven class the whole curriculum anyway." I guess he did catch me.
"Can you please tell me what I'm doing wrong Analeigh?" Gavril snapped, "What he's doing that I'm not, would you like me to bite you?" I felt my cheeks flare, my attention setting immediately on my ice-cream cone and my math notes. So much for normality. "Y-your right, I can pull off a B, I mean I'll just ask for a bit of e-extra work maybe." I tried to change the subject, but by the determined glisten in his pretty green-brown eyes I didn't think he was going to let me run very far.
"What do you want Analeigh, should I stand on my head or slay a dragon, what?" Of course, stubborn Gavril persisted. I shook my head sharply, hurting my neck in the process. "I-I, um, well I'm doing good in English, maybe that'll keep my grade up enough, do you think that'd work?" I stuttered mentally begging him to stop, my lips quivering as I panicked."I think this is bullshit." Gavril barked, drawing eyes to our table, I smiled at the onlookers innocently, drawing my hood up. "I'm jumping through hoops for you Analeigh, what more do you want?"
"Y-yeah, good point, I-I'll probably need to at least get a 70 in math r-right?" I carried on as if he was answering me the way I wanted him to, as if he wasn't cursing at me and demanding me. Gavril snorted turning away from me and shaking his head. "Yes Analeigh, a 70's probably a better idea." I was so happy when he finally caved; I almost jumped up on the table and danced. "Are you angry with me?" I whispered, keeping my eyes on my ice-cream cone so I couldn't see his expressions. Gavril sighed, "No Analeigh, I love you remember?"
"I'm sorry." I peeped, trying to make my voice strong and clear when I knew it would just be a pitiful murmur. I yelped when he grabbed my wrist, my entire body freezing for an instant as my eyes bulged. Gavril leaned over the table, pulling my hand closer, I wanted to yank away, I wanted to scream. My ice-cream cone cracked as my fingers juddered violently. Gavril inclined himself toward me, around my ice-cream and stuck his tongue out.
I shivered as he licked away the trail of ice-cream that had been falling down my knuckles and wrist unnoticed. I felt my heart skip a beat; he was so warm, so soft and human. All the while his pretty eyes never left mine, though I was sure he could see the lack of composure that coated me, he didn't stop. And Gavril bit a way a curve of my ice-cream, his eyes squeezing shut while he swished the cold clump around in his mouth.
He leaned back into his chair, releasing me though my arm remained still and stretched across the length of the table. Why did he have to do these things? I found my conscience crying, when I'd finally brought my arm back to my side, staring at the gap in my ice-cream. I went back to looking at my notes, though I wasn't reading them. He was too busy making me so nervous I couldn't concentrate, My face burned as the blood ran to my cheeks, I could feel Gavril's eyes all over me.
"Are you angry with me?" He questioned after a minute of silence, my eyes parting with the page to flicker up to him and back. "I'm trying to be." I confessed and I was, but this was Gavril, I couldn't fight stay in a fight with him for more than an hour.
He snickered, "Mission accomplished."
I smiled involuntarily, shaking my head at him as I licked my ice-cream. "What are we doing Red?" He said, and when I looked agony riddled his face, my heart chipping away again. "What are we?"
"You're my fri-" I tried to say and he cut me off before I had the chance, "No Analeigh I'm not, don't lie to me." My eyes began to burn, the tears welling up with ease. "Do you not love me?" He asked, Gavril's eyes stabbing into me and wrenching at my heart. I wanted to scream, I wish I could just tear the stupid thing out, I didn't need any of this!"Yes." I nodded, it wasn't something I could deny, he would know I was lying before I even answered.
"Then why do you keep pushing me away?" He went on, my eyes dropping to my notes again. I don't need this! I don't want this! "Because." Was all I could say, or rather, choke. I was awful at trying not to cry, it was an attempt in vain, I had already lost the battle what was the point in going to the war? "That isn't a good enough reason Analeigh." Gavril said, "If we don't try how can you know?"
"I-I…" I tried to lie; I tried to say something-anything! "You know it'll work Red, I love you so much." I shook my head frantically think Analeigh! Think! Think! "I-I'm…" please God make this stop! I thought, hearing my ice-cream as it splat and crunch on the stone below. Gavril reached over the table with his too long arms to grip the my sweater. "I'm pregnant!" I cried, both Gavril and I gasping, my tongue knotted around itself hysterically."That wasn't what I meant!" I tried to say, but the moment I looked at his face I knew there would be no way words would be coming out of my mouth.
Gavril looked dead, his sun-kissed skin turning to a shallow yellow, his breathing inching up into petrified rasps, his pretty eyes bugging by the second. Gavril's lips trembled as if he was trying to say something. "Gavril I'm so sorry!" I breathed, my words having no voice, no strength, no life. His hands fell from my sleeves, and when I tried to grab him he wrenched away from me. He fell back into the chair, gawking blankly at me as if he was looking into the face of a ghost. He looked sick; he looked so pale, so inhuman.
"Please say something!" I begged, feeling as though I was speaking to us both, why wasn't I telling him I was lying, that none of it was true. "Gavril please." I plead, he wasn't looking at me anymore, he was looking clean through me and at nothing at all."Get away from me." My eyes nearly came out of their sockets, my hand going to my cheek as if he'd hit me. "Get out of here Analeigh." My throat thickened to the point of pain; pushing my chair back I stretched myself over the table to bring my face to his.
He turned away from me, his face vacant and hard. My mouth brushed his cheek and he broke. "I said go!" He snarled, my body tensing on impact, my tears spilling over as I pushed away from the table and out through the doors. I tried not crying on the way home, I tried not choking and not sobbing. I could not see and still I ran, anxiously scrubbing my eyes as I went. My feet throbbed, my lungs burned and my eyes stung so much it hurt to blink. Before I knew it, strong warm hands were clutching my shoulders. "Analeigh! What's wrong what's happened?" It wasn't who I wanted, it wasn't who I needed. At the moment, I didn't really care, my arms flinging themselves around my brother's waist as I cried.
James pushed me back, sitting me down in one of the stiff, uncomfortable kitchen chairs. I felt one of the course napkins as he wiped my face down. I heard the chair scrape back and creak as my hulking brother plopped down beside me.
"What's wrong?" There was a pause before he growled, "Did he hurt you?" Shaking my head my hair lashed over my cheeks, "N-no I-I hurt him." I said over my expanding tongue, James chuckling. "I don't see nothin' wrong with that." "I mean Ga-Gavril. We got in a fight todaaayyy!" I yowled, James grimacing while I buried my face into my palms, my skin slippery from all the tears I had shed.
"Some days I wish you were a boy you know that? Boys don't have these problems." James sighed. His big arm wrapped around my shoulders, his face in my muss of hair as he kissed my head. "This is Gavril, the one who played rugby with a sprained ankle and two broken fingers? He'll get over it just like he got over them, it's impossible for you guys to be apart for more than five minutes, you know that."Ugh! He was making things so much worse! "No-Not this time. I really did it this time." I shook my head, my eyes aching as I ground the heels of my hands into them.
"Calm down honey, it'll work out, don't worry." James' voice was sweet and sincere as it always was when I was upset, when I had a boo-boo, when I had to get needles. "Nothing you could do would hurt anyone that much Analeigh." James laughed, his attempt to lighten the mood our kitchen had been clouded by. "What did you do?" I couldn't say this, I would not say this. Think Analeigh lie, lie, lie! "He-he's got a crush on me…" I murmured, my voice trailing away, I couldn't lie to James. He knew me too well. Instead of scolding me however, he burst out laughing. What the hell was funny about this?
"Analeigh! Is that all?" He said through chortles, his face beginning to turn a crimson hue. "And you're just realizing this now?"I had been about to protest when my eyes lightened, what did he just say? Realizing this just now? "Wh-what?" I found myself stammering, my face distorting into one of confusion. James huge smile began to fade, his brown eyes large while his brows arched, creating funny little rolls to form on his forehead.
"Y-You're being serious aren't you?" James mumbled, before he started up rubbing his knuckles into his temples. "Well, how can you be blamed? You have been with that thing for this long after all." James said in his husky voice, shrugging a shoulder at me."Well kid, just let things play out. He'll always come back for ya', you know that." James winked, pulling me into a hug that had my lung screaming for help. What would I do without James? He ruffled my hair, dried my face with the sleeves of my sweater and looked, long and hard into my eyes.
James' face became so serious it looked as if he had just glimpsed God. Not that he brother's face hardened, his eyes seeming to darken with ominous shadow. James shook his head inclining himself toward me to press his big lips on my forehead. "Thanks for talking to me again Leigh-Leigh." He said quietly. I was unable to hide my growing smile at the nickname, something I had since I was old enough to start talking back to my brother. "Of course, I had to wait until you were having a crisis." He added jokingly.
James watched me as I skid back in my chair and hurried up to my room, a big smile splashed on his lips. As I left I heard him muttering to himself, but all I could make out was: "She didn't know?" I locked myself in my room for what it was that remained of the evening. My eyes fixed on my math text book and the three pages of homework I was required to finish for tomorrow.
Even in the shower, I could not hose Gavril from my mind, no matter how many lather, rinses and, repeats I centered my thoughts on. All I could see behind my lids was his shattered, petrified expression from this afternoon. I wonder if he is thinking about me too… I shook my head, now brushing my teeth, the mint taste burning my tongue as blue suds and white foam formed on my hair stuck to my forehead and neck, dripping down my back and face. I shivered every time, even when I was watching one of the droplets prepare to advance I still jumped up.
It didn't make any sense, why would I say that? Of all things, why: 'I'm pregnant?' It wasn't of any of Gavril concern in the first place, Why was it so hard for him to understand that? Why couldn't we just be friends, we were friends before, so why not now? What had been done to change this? Perhaps James had a point. Gavril and I had never been able to stay in a fight before. M-maybe I just had to wait for him; I could do that couldn't I? I could be patient. I sighed at my math books, at the papers sprawled across my bed, and the contents of my backpack spilt on the old panels. It was then, I noticed the time.
1:42….in the morning!B-but I wasn't even tired, I didn't feel tired in the least bit. Maybe something was wrong with me. This wasn't natural. As I finished checking over my math homework, and was collecting the interesting collage of notes and pencils off the floor, I started watching the time. Minute after minute, I felt finicky, like I needed to do something, like I had too much energy to be sitting quite so still. Yes, there was indeed, something very wrong with me.
2:15, I still wasn't even considering sleep, let alone an innocent doze here and there. I went to the large, dusty armour, listening as the floorboards screeched under my weight. A Green t-shirt and a pair of damaged jean kipris was what I intended to wear to school tomorrow. If I got up for school considering I should be waking in less than four hours to go. Not a chance, if I went to sleep now there wasn't any way in hell I would be waking up at six. Mom was going to kill me if she found me in bed when I was supposed to be at school.I confided in my science, doodling throughout the many pages of my notebook. Until a very familiar face had been drawn. With a reluctant grunt I tore the page from my book, ripping Lilliana to shreds, which would be scattered on my bed forever.
3:30, my hands tucked under my head, my eyes on the stain glass next to me. I listened with a new fascination to the pitter-pattering of the rain outside, and the heavy claps of lightning and roaring thunder. I cracked the window slightly, feeling a cold breeze hurry inside to gush over my skin with sticky hands. The wind shrieked and howled outside, blowing up into my room through my tasted of worms and dampness outside, of dust and dirt. I enjoyed the smell very much, inhaling the sweet outdoor world in greedy mouthfuls, my eyes finally closing as I sucked in lungful after lungful. I released each breath slowly, tasting the rain on my tongue and the thunder on my lips.
I pushed the window a little wider, listening as the aged glass snapped and cried in protest. It was wide enough now, that I could stick my hand out, though I wrenched my arm back in with a gasp moments hand was drenched in bitter water, my fingers trembling from the freezing winds. It was as if my hand had been set on fire, and I tucked it immediately between my thighs for warmth.
The voices of night were shrill and violent, the clouds above thundering balefully while, the lightning forked and flashed all around me. I felt the dampness on my face and lifted my hand to my cheek, startled at how cold my hand was. Never had I been more interested in a night storm such as this, never had it seemed so captivating to me, so new. As the night progressed, the storm fought on, the great battle of the sky it was. And I continued to listen, to touch the alarming cold outside my window and to taste the rain and dust and night on my mouth. I would not sleep tonight.
~hey guys, I think I fixed it. I'm still really trying everything to make this better, so if you see different fonts I'm really sorry for the confusion. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I know it must have been really hard on you all. I love you anyways though, thanks again. -Selene~