For I Have Sinned
Chapter Twenty
This chapter will consist of several short vignettes that take place over the course of several weeks or months.
Claire had loved spending time with her father, but she was still so glad to be home again. The familiar smell, familiar spaces, and there were few things better than the idea of sleeping in your own bed. Claire would manage her bags up to the apartment while Yun unlocked the door. Her lover had offered to take the suitcase for her, but she wasn't about to let her.
"Now that I'm home, you can take it easy." She said as she moved around Yun to carry her stuff to the bedroom.
"I didn't bring you back to be my nurse, darlin'. I get around just fine." Yun gently shrugged out of her blazer and hung it by the door.
"I don't mind." she replied once she came back into the room. "You would've done the same for me."
"That's beside the point."
"But it's my point." She almost smiled as she stepped closer. "Need some help?" and Claire gestured to the rest of her.
"Um...yeah." Yun blushed a little in the end, unable to find a suitable reason to say no. She would follow Claire through the apartment without complaint. Claire led her to the bedroom and gave her a gentle push to sit on the edge of the mattress.
"Do you want your usual lounge clothes?" She asked, looking over her shoulder as she faced the chest of drawers.
"Actually, I was thinkin' of catching a shower if it's all the same to you. You can definitely help me with that."
"I bet." a little snicker. Claire collected the clothing she knew Yun preferred and tucked them under her arm to close the drawers. She returned to the bed after that, setting the folded articles down before she knelt to start unbuttoning Yun's shirt.
"Is this really necessary?" one dusky brow rose.
"Maybe, maybe not." the grin widened. "How bad is it, by the way?"
"Oh this," she gestured to the sling, "broken collarbone, no biggy. Got two to five more weeks with it."
"What else?"
"Some bruising, a bump on my head, and a jacked-up nose. Other than that, I'm peachy."
Claire nodded, pushing the edges of the button-up down her shoulders. She visibly cringed at the big purple blemish where she figured the break was and imagined it would hurt just to look at it for too long. With great care she managed both of Yun's arms through the shirt, pausing whenever Yun winced. She had to wonder how the detective managed dressing herself with an injury like that.
"As long as nothin' is pulling on it, it doesn't hurt." Yun said through a tight jaw, her left hand firmly curled against her neck to suspend her arm after taking off the sling. She then hunched, letting her elbow rest on her thigh. This put her much closer to Claire, close enough for her to steal a kiss. She couldn't help but smile at the surprised look on her lover's face at the gesture. "Wanna help me outta my pants next?"
"You can do that one handed."
"But it's more fun with both of yours." she waggled her eyebrows before leaning in to try a snatch a second on. A hand on her chest stopped her.
"Yun, it's not that I don't want to." Claire took a breath, struggling to meet Yun's eyes for a moment.
"I know I'm a little puny, but what's a little tongue gonna hurt?"
"I need you to be serious." Claire pushed a little harder against her chest.
Yun read her features and realized that she wasn't kidding. She immediately dropped the bemused and playful smirk on her face and looked Claire in the eyes. "Okay."
"I still love you, but I still have some repairs to make."
"I said I forgave ya, didn't I?"
"And I accept that. But I still have to forgive myself, okay? I still feel like I need to earn that trust back. Until then...it would just complicate things. You know?"
Yun thought about it, studying Claire's face as the consideration weighed in her mind. She didn't like it, she even disagreed to a point. But that didn't make Claire any less right.
"Okay." Yun nodded eventually. "When I'm done, I think you might want to sit me down and explain all this new stuff to me. I don't think I fully get it yet."
"That's okay. Just be patient with me." and then, perhaps as a token of good faith, Claire unzipped Yun's fly before standing up. Yun just watched her walk away, out of the room and towards kitchen, shaking her head and thinking tease. With visible care she eased herself out of her clothes and snatched a towel off the doorknob as she shuffled towards the bathroom.
"Oh my god!"
Yun poked her head out at the exclamation. "Problem?"
"When was the last time you bought groceries?"
"Um...do I have to answer now? I kinda don't recall..." she caught Claire's look of disbelief as she ducked her head below the cabinets and shrank. "I haven't been home much. The case and all. You know how it is."
"While you're in the shower I'm going to the store."
"Or you could wait a tick, and we can go together." when it looked like Claire wasn't listening she added "It'll give you time to make a proper list of what we need."
"'Everything' sums it up pretty well. Even the coffee is gone."
"The horror. Gimme ten minutes and we'll go together."
"If you insist."
"I do." and then Yun disappeared behind a closed door.
(-)
Summer would eventually give way to Fall, and that meant the beginning of the new semester. Claire felt she was ready, so she went through the usual motions of getting classes arranged and a schedule lined up. It would turn out almost identical to her previous stint, which she found comforting. Everything was falling right back into place, only now she could sleep in a little later as her classes were in the afternoon and evening.
With the advent of senior year came a new workload as well as higher expectations. Senior projects would be due and theses would need to be written before graduation day in the Spring. Mechanics demanded a fully functional, road worthy four-wheeled vehicle, and the project was to be completed in assigned groups -one student for each wheel. Each group would be given the entire workshop to themselves for a full week to complete the assignment. Groups were assigned, then they each drew straws to see who got the workshop first. The other three groups would take the opportunity to study. Claire's group would be in the workshop in two weeks, plenty of time to get her act together.
Creative Writing would require a much more personal touch in the form of a report. Each senior would choose a poem and write a five-thousand word minimum paper on its perceived meaning as well as the poet's intent. The assignment was given the first day for the sole reason of giving students ample time to choose a poem and study it. The only stipulation was that no two students could do the same piece. So it would be easy to imagine the entire senior class being sequestered in the library for most of the period.
Claire wouldn't have any idea where to start in the beginning, but she didn't let it get her worked up. She just needed to give it time, no need to rush.
Even though she didn't have to, Claire went to Prof. Feywood's art class to return her books. The art teacher greeted her warmly, the little smile genuine as Claire shook her dainty hand.
"Not to be too personal, but you look so much better than when I saw you last. Did you get a lot of rest this summer?"
"Oh, um, yeah. Took a vacation on the beach."
"That sounds wonderful." she almost sounded jealous. "Any progress on your senior project?"
"Some." Claire nodded.
"Good, good. Was there something that you needed?"
"I was just wondering what we would be studying. I still feel a little rusty with my anatomy, so if I can get some class time with that, I'd like to."
"We'll be having several live models coming in throughout the school year starting next week. Would you like the schedule so you can continue to study at home?"
"Actually, no, I'd like to spend more time here if it's all right. The books were helpful, but I learn better when I watch someone doing it."
"Of course it's all right! That's fantastic. Then, as long as you don't mind being around naked people, you should have a great experience."
"Naked?" one rosy brow twitched upward.
Feywood giggled, having seen the reaction numerous times doing little to stifle her amusement. "It's nothing to blush over, really. But if you're uncomfortable with the idea, you could practice with your girlfriend. I liked the studies you did of her, so I would accept that."
"W-well, I can't do it right now. She was in a car accident so posing might not be possible for her."
"I'm sorry to hear that." and the concern seemed genuine, as any other emotion she shared with her. "Is she going to be all right?"
"She should be fine in a few weeks."
"That's a relief, I'd really like to meet her."
"Oh...well...would I be able to bring her to the gallery exposition?"
"Most certainly! At least I can't foresee any reason why you couldn't. Other students will likely be bringing parents as well as significant others, so it should be fine. Oh, I'm so excited! I really can't wait to see what you come up with."
"Thanks, professor. I really appreciate that. I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you then."
From there Claire would make her way to the theater. Not for a class, but for an apology she felt was long overdue.
Claire would find a sense of comfort when she walked into the theater and saw Kah on stage, squatting at its edge to speak with Mr. Gabbiani. She tried to keep her own noise to a minimum as she worked her way towards the front row, part of her hoping she would go unnoticed. Instead of following that instinct, instead she went directly to the professor.
"Excuse me, maestro."
"What, oh, Miss Farron, yes, what can I do for you?"
She didn't answer straight away as reciprocating a wave from Kah took short precedence. "I was just wondering where I might find Mrs. Gabbiani."
"She's in recital right now, so I would suggest against visiting. But if you don't mind waiting a while, she should be along."
"You don't mind?"
"Not at all, dear, please, have a seat."
Claire sat in the front row, a few seats down from the professor where she felt most comfortable. With her backpack in her lap she watched, wondering just what was going on as Kah and the maestro exchanged back and forth over several sheets of paper. Perhaps a minute passed before Kah nodded and took the pages with him, straightening to walk towards the back of the stage. Mr. Gabbiani stayed where he was, manipulating dials and gadgets on what appeared to be a soundboard. Kah would nod a second time before music, a mounting surge of strings and percussion, began spilling out of the speakers hidden in the rafters over the stage. Mr. Gabbiani began directing the rhythm with his hands and then stepped to the edge of the stage where Kah could see him.
Claire had never heard this kind of music before, and she most certainly had never heard anyone sing like Kah could. What she had heard on the radio consisted mostly of semi-organic popular tunes where the artists sounded almost...plain. She could imagine their speaking voices to be very similar to the way they sang. But this...this was something else entirely! His vocal chords were wide open and could drive a nail at forty paces. With his chest out and his chin tucked he almost shook the room with lyrics written in a foreign tongue that he could sustain without wavering for long stretches. Claire had no idea as to what the song was about, what the words were supposed to mean, but she could feel the energy in her very bones. How powerful!
Once it was over, she could feel that her pulse had jumped in the course of only a minute or two of music, it had never happened before. She couldn't describe exactly how she felt about it, but it was far from negative. No wonder people went crazy over music.
"So impressive."
Claire jumped a little to hear the voice beside her, to see someone in the seat to her immediate right. It was Mrs. Gabbiani. Claire swallowed and composed herself.
"I didn't mean to startle you." the professor tried not to laugh. "Nice to see you again, though."
"Thanks." Claire cleared her throat. "What was that?"
"Old Lindblum style opera, always a pleasure." she sighed with a hint of whimsy. "Mr. Mahri is one of the best tenors this school has ever seen, certainly the best we've had in the last decade."
"Kah's a good guy." Claire agreed. "How did he do that?"
"Well, typically it takes years of proper training just to sing that way, and years more to be able to project like he does, but he was somewhat of a natural. He was belting Pagliacci within a month of his first semester." Ceres shook her head, even now impressed. "Some people just have it in them, the rest of us mortals have to fight for it."
"I though Kah graduated this past Summer?" a sudden shift in subject
"I think he has to retest to pass his Common Language course. At least that's what I heard in the break room. Setzer is trying to convince him to stay for the Senior Review in the Spring."
"Oh."
"Did you need something?"
"Actually," Claire swallowed, "I wanted to apologize."
"Oh? What on earth for?"
"Last semester. I know you meant well, and I might have overreacted."
"No, no, dear, please; in that case I owe you an apology also. I shouldn't have pushed, it wasn't my place, and it was extremely rude of me to come to your home without your permission. I'm terribly sorry."
"I appreciate that, thanks. Still, I could've handled it better. I was in a bad place emotionally...but I've gotten it together so I'm just trying to fix things."
"Understandable to say the least, and thank you for making the effort. I don't suppose you might reconsider my offer, though, would you?"
"Not a chance."
"Fair enough." the dance instructor laughed a little.
(-)
Fall hadn't become too cool yet, so the sliding glass door to the balcony was slid back, allowing a mild breeze and sunshine to sweep through the living room of the apartment. Perfect conditions for a mid afternoon nap. The two of them had squashed together on the sofa to enjoy the weather coming in and catch a few winks, though Yun was still awake with a sleeping Claire tucked beneath her good arm and her head on Yun's chest. Her now not-so-bum arm was propped on the couch cushions, the corresponding fingers laced together with Claire's while the others curled rosy tresses around them.
Yun wasn't too tired, but it was nice to just hang out, do next to nothing with the woman she loved. It had been more than a month, nearly two since Claire came home, and while the beginning had been a little touch and go it was beginning to smooth out. She was still independent and sometimes aloof, but it was simply a part of her personality to be instead of using it as a safety net like before. She was letting Yun get closer in ways she hadn't realized, there was a new breed of trust growing between them. Little by little Claire was showing off the new her. Most of the time it was easy to accept, nine times out of ten Yun could just go with the flow and be happier for it. But nothing is perfect.
Yun still wanted so badly to baby her sometimes. At least that's how she was regarding it now. Give it a negative connotation to make her less likely to do it. She wanted to take care of her every need, protect her from every threat, do whatever it took to keep her safe and secure and happy. But doing just that wouldn't make Claire happy at all.
Thankfully Claire had all this down to a science, and she knew how to feed Yun's protective tendencies without letting her fall back into the habit.
Don't lead me. Just walk beside me. Don't keep me from falling, be there to help me get back up. If I need help, you will always be the first person to know. Trust me to handle it on my own.
Just a small excerpt from the hours long meeting the two of them had a couple of weeks ago. Yun needed all the new things laid out in plain English for her, and Claire obliged to do just that. She told Yun as best she could where she had been, what she had been through, and where she currently was as far as managing her issues were concerned. Just as plainly did she describe what she needed from Yun in order to maintain and continue to improve her situation. Their situation.
Yun often thought about all these new rules, if you could really call them that. She made a genuine effort to give Claire time to herself when she asked for it in spite of not wanting to let her out of her sight. She did her best not to jump to her feet every time Claire swore in frustration with school work. Yun forced patience on herself, biting her tongue until Claire came to her. Not the easiest thing she had ever done, to be sure.
Her deep thoughts were interrupted as Claire sleepily stretched beside her, fingers unlacing to reach out towards the open door. Cerulean eyes blinked and focused, settling on half lidded emeralds.
"Enjoy your nap?"
"Yeah." Claire gave a little smile. "You okay?"
Yun nodded. "Just thinkin'. How about you?"
"I had a dream."
"Oh yeah? What about, do you remember?"
"The gardens at Kain University. Do you think we could go there again? Maybe on one of our dates?"
"That's sounds real nice, sunshine. Real nice. Sure we could. But first date, I'm takin' you out for steak. No buts about it."
"I know, I'm still counting on that." a small laugh. "I found out that my parents and my grandparents were married there."
"No kiddin'? Ain't that somethin'?"
"You want to look through the albums? I brought them with me."
"Sure, baby, just gimme five more minutes to hold ya, okay?"
Claire just smiled a little wider and tucked a little closer.
(-)
This was it, the moment of truth. If this four-wheeled hunk of mismatched junk that loosely resembled a jeep could just roll out of the work shop, make a lap around the parking lot, and make it back, Claire and her group would pass the class. The member of their group that assembled and mounted the engine block volunteered to drive it, seeing as if he screwed up somehow, he would only have himself to blame.
Claire didn't show or share the anxiety of her fellow students. She was confident the work she was given had been done properly, to the letter. But there was a small buzz. She was excited to see it work.
The damn thing didn't start right away. Two attempts with the key and the engine just chugged. However this wasn't enough to make them worry. Newly assembled vehicles didn't always start on the first try. The twenty-something in the driver seat pumped the gas pedal several times, hoping to push the fuel sufficiently through the system before trying to start it again.
With a thick black cloud shooting out the tailpipe the engine roared as it rolled over. Two hard revs of the engine filled the workshop with incredible noise. Then, tentatively, the wheels started to roll towards the open garage door. Once it left concrete and hit the pavement of the parking lot, the driver pushed the accelerator as close to the floor as it could go. The rear tires left jet black skid marks as the car peeled across the asphalt. Everybody watched as it made a turn, nice and smooth around the other cars, and then another just as easily to start back towards the garage. It coasted with ease into the workshop and came to a complete stop after the screech of setting the parking break.
Mr. Highwind looked at the car, looked at the four of them, and just nodded. Claire would accept a high-five from the other students on her team, and even made a proud smile to herself.
(-)
Now sling free and less wobbly, Yun went about the apartment unhindered. She vacuumed, did the dishes, and wiped down all the public surfaces without pause and all in the comfort of her underwear while Claire was out getting groceries for dinner. Leon and Rinoa were coming for dinner and she wanted the place to be presentable.
Claire would come back shortly after Yun had finished the chores, one arm loaded with paper and plastic bags. She kicked the door shut and locked the deadbolt behind her before making her way into the kitchen. Not realizing a certain someone was close behind. She almost dropped everything when a pair of arms snaked around her waist.
Claire turned her head towards the pointed pressure of Yun's chin on her shoulder. "Where are your clothes?"
"On the bedroom floor where I left 'em." Yun grinned.
"So you cleaned the house in your underwear?" one brow lifted. "Not that I'm ungrateful,"
"Think nothin' of it."
For a moment the two were quiet as Claire began going through the bags and sorting their contents.
"Are you just going to perch there?" Claire asked without looking, but smirking a little.
"The thought crossed my mind."
"Could you not? I need to get in the fridge." there was a pint of ice cream in her hands.
"I'll carry ya."
Claire laughed, confused but amused. "I just need to turn around."
"Then turn around."
Claire wasn't thinking clearly as she did just that, thinking Yun would do the sensible thing and step aside. No, instead she loosened her hold around Claire's waist just enough and maintained her stance so her lover would come face to face with her instead of the appliance she had in mind.
"Can I get by, please?"
"Pay the toll first." Yun demanded, playful.
Claire rolled her eyes a little. "And the toll is..."
"One kiss."
"Just one?"
Yun nodded.
"All right." But one turned into two...three...five, Yun pushing closer and closer with each one, grip around her waist tightening. All the while Claire heard the voice in the back of her head whispering not yet. It just wasn't the time, so she resisted with a gentle press of the ice cream container to Yun's bare stomach. With a squealing oath the detective backed away, giving Claire leave to finish her task.
"That was mean." Yun grumbled.
"You should put on a shirt." Claire smirked.
"Just checkin' to see if you're still interested, that's all. No need to give me the shivers like that."
"I was just returning the favor." and the two of them exchanged knowing glances, which was enough to placate Yun and convince her to get dressed. "When are your friends coming?"
"In a couple hours," Yun replied from the bedroom. She reappeared seconds later.
"I thought you were going to put on a shirt?" Claire leered at the unbuttoned garment.
"I am wearing a shirt, you never said anything about buttoning it. And I'm wearing it just like this until they get here."
Claire only shook her head, conceding. Arguing about it would just start a needless pissing contest and that wasn't worth the effort. Besides, Yun was always a pleasure to look at, particularly in such casual attire as she was sporting now. Claire would shoulder the low simmer of temptation for now.
The Heartilly's, Angelo included, arrived shortly after seven. Yun was happy to show them in and visibly eager to introduce them to Claire. She greeted her guests with a healthy anxiety, standard procedure to meeting strangers. Though she seemed to handle it well, conceding at least to shake hands. With Angelo too. Claire marveled at the enormous, fluffy animal and found herself giving her most of the attention out of the three. And, thankfully, Rinoa was able to keep her rabid fangirl in check the entire evening. A least in regards to who Claire was. However Claire's cooking was free game.
After much begging and pleading from Yun, Claire decided to make the rolled beef pot roast and gravy meal that her lover had ranted and raved to her partner about. *She was all but demanding the recipe after the first bite, and the only thing that kept her quiet for a given amount of time was a full mouth. Once the meal was consumed and the dishes rinsed off to languish in the sink, they moved into the living room, pulling back the sliding glass door to let in the cool autumn evening. They chewed the fat and got better acquainted while Claire sat on the floor with Angelo. Yun loved watching the two interact, able to catch little glimpses of the stray she had brought home those now five years ago. In some way she found herself falling even harder in love with Claire.
When the proper time came they had ice cream and visited just a while longer before Yun saw the Heartilly's to the elevator.
"It was so great meeting her, Yun. I appreciate you having us over."
"Sure thing." Yun nodded to Rinoa as they walked down the corridor. "And thanks for keepin' a lid on it."
"It was worth it. She's nice and I didn't want to ruin the evening. Besides, you're pretty cool as a partner...that and I'd like to keep my scalp where it is."
"Oh ha-ha, so funny. How much longer until you come back to work?"
"Doctor said I need physical therapy for about a month, then I'm clear for full duty again."
"You'll hold her to that, won't you, space cadet?"
"Sure, detective." Leon hung his head with a laugh. "You have a good night, and thanks for dinner."
"I'll be sure to pass the gratitude along. You folks drive safe."
Back in the apartment, Yun would find Claire in the kitchen, the solitary light over the stove casting her show across the tiles. She eased over, propping herself on the fridge, watching her a moment.
"I like them." Claire said, sensing Yun's presence as well as her likely question.
"They're all right." Yun nodded, smiling. "I was thinking of inviting them to the wed-," she caught herself, her heart leaping into her throat when Claire turned.
"The what?"
"When you graduate. I was thinking of inviting them. I mean, it would be nice to have a little get-together to celebrate. Don't you think?" she prayed that cover-up was good enough.
"Oh, um...well...let me think about it."
"Okay, it's really up to you anyhow. Here, let me help with that."
(-)
Claire came home from school around six, her backpack heavy with books and the other contents of her locker. She stepped into the kitchen to start a pot of water for tea before going back to the bedroom. As she dumped her books in the corner of the room she had sequestered for studying, her phone buzzed in her back pocket.
"Hello?"
"Hey, sunshine, just get home?"
"Actually, yeah. Just walked in the door. Is everything all right?"
"Oh yeah, just fine. Just wonderin' if I could take you out tonight?"
Claire almost giggled after a moment. "What did you have in mind?" she asked, playing along.
"I was thinkin' a cozy corner of my favorite steakhouse, a porterhouse, and you. What do you say?"
"Tonight? I don't know, I have school tomorrow..."
"I'll be sure to have ya home at a decent hour, love. Scouts honor."
"You were never in the scouts."
"That's beside the point. So you wanna?"
"Okay, sure. What time?"
"I'll be by at around seven, though no big rush, I want to change clothes before we go out. Give you a proper chance to wow me with somethin' saucy for out night on the town."
"Wow, you have a lot of faith in me, don't you?"
"More and more every day, baby. I'll see you tonight."
"Okay. I love you."
"Love you too."
Author's Note: Okay, next chapter will pick up where this left off. And, I've figured it out, next chapter will be followed by the epilogue. I'm sure you guys don't want to hear it, but the journey is almost at it's end. I still don't know if I'll be doing fanfics again -certainly not any time soon- but I'm not going to quit writing. Who knows, maybe you guys will see my name on shelves in a few years. That's my hope anyway. Hope you've had the fun I've had. And if you have questions, be sure to toss them my way. The epilogue will have the last bit of info for that.