Disclaimer: No I don't own Twilight.
Outtake2: Jasper's Pov
From Chapter 5 Talks with Rosalie and Alice.
I can't believe I attacked him.
I paced the room nervously.
I can't believe I had just ruined everything.
The door opened and I tensed backing towards the wall a little, I expected Carlisle coming to punish me for attacking Edward, and order me to leave.
My mouth dropped open in shock as Rosalie walked in, looking completely at ease as she glided over to the bed, gracefully sitting on the edge.
"You shouldn't take any notice of Edward he can be such an idiot sometimes."
I blinked several times trying to work out whether this was real or the inevitable had finally happened and I had lost my mind.
"Carlisle's not upset with you." she spoke again, examining her nails, not looking at me "He understands Edward pushed you too far and it wasn't really your fault."
"But I attacked him." I finally found my voice.
Rosalie shrugged "Not really, you didn't even manage to take a bite out of him." she sounded a little disappointed.
I frowned in confusion, this wasn't right shouldn't she be mad at me?
"Don't get me wrong, I love Edward in my own way, he is my brother, but he could do with being knocked down a peg or two."
I didn't really know what to say to that, I had no solid memories of what it was like to have a brother, other than Peter but bonds built up during war are different.
"In honesty we're all impressed you haven't snapped at him before now." Rosalie continued.
I nodded accepting that, I was dangerous I couldn't blame them for assuming the worst.
Observing her sitting calmly on the edge of the bed I took in her emotional atmosphere, she felt different. Usually Rosalie was a raging ball of anger, distrust and sometimes, strangely around Alice, jealousy.
Now here she was talking to me calmly like we'd known each other years, there was still mistrust but she seemed more open to getting passed that.
Standing she turned to leave, pausing at the door she turned to look at me, taking in my puzzled expression at her sudden departure.
"Alice is back." she said in way of explanation before disappearing through the door.
I barley registered her leave.
Alice was back.
She was going to be so disappointed.
Maybe now she'd see Edward had a point, I wasn't safe to be around.
I hadn't been angry at that, but he had insinuated I'd hurt Alice, a defensive growl rose, I would never hurt Alice.
You have done idiot, you attacked Edward.
Guilt and despair overwhelmed me dragging me to the ground.
Worry, fear, love.
Her emotions washed over me.
Love.
Her never ending love.
I held on to that, pulling it into me as I instinctively calmed her fear, hating her feeling that way.
"I'm so sorry." I mumbled as I heard the door open and she stepped into the room, her scent swirling around me.
I couldn't look at her.
"Jasper."
My heart swelled at the sound of her voice, there was nothing like it in the world.
But it was wrong, she sounded upset, because of me.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." There was nothing else I could say, nothing I could do to make this alright.
I knew how important these people were to Alice, I was trying so hard to make this work for her, to make her happy. Ignoring my every instinct to take out Edward whenever he got between me and my mate, but in the end it hadn't mattered. I couldn't change what I was.
"I'm so sorry." I repeated again.
"Shh, I know, it's ok. Everything is going to be ok I promise."
She was reassuring me?
"I've ruined everything, I should have just stayed out of his way, but when Emmett asked me to join them I was just trying to…"
I was rambling desperate to explain.
"Jasper, stop. Please." she cut me off "I told you it's fine, nobody blames you."
I heard her unspoken meaning.
I don't blame you.
"Trust me." she whispered.
"Always." I answered simply and honestly.
If Alice said it would be ok, it would be ok.
But that didn't change what I'd done.
Her feather light touch on my shoulder made me finally look up into her enchanting golden eyes, the same eyes I had fallen in love with the second they'd looked at me.
She smiled softly and let her love flow over me.
I sighed heavily.
"I wish you didn't." I said quietly in response to the feeling "It would make things so much easier."
She hissed at me angrily, I knew that would upset her but it was the truth, if Alice didn't love me I couldn't hurt her, and that was all I really wanted.
"You promised me." she growled reminding me of over a year earlier when I had indeed made her the most important promise, to never leave her, whether I believed it was for the best or not.
"I know, and I will stand by it. I'm too selfish not to." I added softly.
Alice would be better off without me, I knew that, she was far too good for me. But I wanted, no needed to be near her, to be with her because she made me feel better, happy.
She moved closer kneeling next to me, her arms circling my neck, I closed my eyes in contentment.
"Your not selfish."
I shook my head slightly, her arms tightened and she lay her head on my shoulder.
"I wish you would see what I see." she said sadly.
That made me chuckle humourlessly.
"And I wish you could see the monster I am."
It was true everyone saw it, everyone except Alice.
She pulled back, her beautiful eyes hardening.
"You are not a monster."
I smiled sadly at her loyalty, this was a battle I would never win, partly because I didn't want to.
"Jasper, you found the strength to walk away from that life. That means something."
Yes that I'm a coward who didn't want my own worthless existence to end despite the fact all I do is ruin other peoples lives.
"You can't change your past, but don't let it destroy your future."
I looked into her eyes again getting lost in their depth.
Love, devotion, pride flowed from Alice as she stared back.
One of her tiny hands moved to brush my hair back and my arms finally wrapped around her.
No I would never win the battle to get Alice to see me clearly, but if losing meant I got to keep her in my arms why should I care?
Taking one of my hands Alice placed it palm down on her chest, over the spot her still heart should beat.
"Yours." she promised.