Getting close to the end...one chapter and an epilogue after this. Hope a few of you still care...if you do...let me know!
Chapter Fourteen: "Remiss"
Caroline had never been to the small clearing that she stumbled into the next morning. She seemed to have happened upon it by accident on her way back to the old survivors' beach camp, and all that appeared to be there was a crumbled old stone bench near a tree. Before she could get any closer, voices stopped her in her tracks.
"What…what do you mean, we all go to hell?"
"Dude, she's the one that said it. I can't tell you what it means."
"Is she gone?"
"Yeah, she's gone."
Caroline peered through the leafy braches that concealed her, moving one aside to see one of the 815 survivors, Hugo, standing in the clearing with Richard. At the sight of him, apparently alive and well, Caroline felt her heart swell, almost to the point of pain. Tears welled up in her eyes and she wiped them aside quickly, a smile spreading over her face. From where she stood, she could only see the back of his head, but she had never known how happy just laying eyes on someone could make her. She was about to move forward into the clearing when their continuing discussion made her stop in her tracks.
"Are you okay, man?" Hugo asked, reaching out a tentative hand to lay on Richard's shoulder. Caroline moved through the trees silently to get a look at Richard's face. What she saw was startling – not only was Richard bruised and dirty and more disheveled than she had ever seen him, he looked as if he'd been crying.
"Other than the fact that I just used you as a medium to communicate with my dead wife, I'm fine," Richard replied, using his wrinkled shirtsleeve to wipe his face.
Caroline's full heart deflated slightly, and her stomach twisted uncomfortably as she frowned in confusion – had Richard just said something about a dead wife?
"Did she say anything else? Anything at all?" Richard demanded suddenly, and Hugo shrugged.
"All she said before she…well, disappeared…was, uh…'Caroline is alive'. Whatever that means."
At the mention of her name, Caroline's frown deepened. Richard, however, stood up straight, his eyes wide.
"What? She said what?"
"Caroline's alive," Hugo repeated. "Who's Caroline?"
Taking her cue, despite her slight shock, Caroline stepped out of the trees and into the clearing, prompting both men to look over at her in surprise.
"I'm Caroline," she announced. Hugo cocked his head.
"Oh, hey. I remember you. Girl from the underwater hatch thingy."
Before she could reply, Richard had her in his arms. In spite of her confusion at what she'd just overheard, Caroline couldn't help but feel tremendously relieved. Letting her bag slide off of her shoulder, she wrapped her arms around him and felt that he truly was alive, solid and real.
"Caroline," Richard breathed, pulling back to look at her. He took her face into his hands, as if making sure she was really there as well. "I thought you were dead."
"I thought you were dead," she admitted, laughing a little as the tears started to roll down her cheeks again. "All I saw was that…that thing carry you off into the jungle, and…"
Richard interrupted her with a kiss pressed to her dry lips. "I know. It's okay. I'm okay," he assured her. "Are you okay?"
"I'm…I'm fine," Caroline replied. "Kinda hungry. But I'm alive."
Richard touched the bruise on her face delicately. "Caroline. It's so good to see you."
"You, too." Caroline looked over Richard's shoulder to where Hugo stood, trying to look away politely. "Hello again, Hugo."
Hugo waved awkwardly. Richard pressed one more kiss to the top of Caroline's head before releasing her and bending down to pick up her bag.
"So, you guys are like…together?" Hugo asked, and Richard smiled at Caroline. He looked tired, and relieved.
"We are now," he said. Hugo nodded and looked around.
"Cool. So…what now?"
Richard shook his head. "Now...we go back to the beach camp."
"But Ilana like…thinks you know what's supposed to happen next," Hugo pointed out. "Do you?"
"Ilana's with you?" Caroline asked, and Hugo nodded. "Who else?"
"Um, Sun, Ben, Lapidus, Jack, Miles, and…us." He shrugged. "I guess that's everyone that made it out alive from the Temple. Or didn't go with Locke."
Caroline looked at Richard. "So it's true? Everyone at the Temple is dead?"
Richard nodded. "I went there myself. I assumed you would be there, and when I couldn't find you…" He trailed off, and Caroline wiped a hand over her perspiring forehead.
"I was on Hydra Island."
Both Hugo and Richard frowned.
"Why?" Richard questioned.
"To meet with Charles Widmore."
"Whoa, that dude's here?" Hugo asked. "Again? Is he gonna like, try to blow us up?"
"No. But we should probably get going. I'll explain on the way."
Caroline followed Richard and Hugo back in the direction of the beach camp, telling them everything that had happened to her in the past 24 hours. Richard held her hand the entire time, and when she got to the part about seeing Jacob in the jungle, he stopped walking.
"You saw Jacob," he said slowly. "Before he was dead?" At her nod, Richard shook his head. "I don't understand. Why didn't he tell you what was going to happen? We could have done something."
"No. We couldn't have." Caroline put her hand on Richard's arm and started him moving through the jungle again. "That wasn't part of his plan."
She outlined the details of her second meeting with Jacob at the beach, as well as her talk with Charles. In a moment of discretion, she left out her duty to protect Desmond and go to the Arrow. How could she explain those instructions to Richard and Hugo when she couldn't even really explain them to herself?
When she was done, Hugo stayed silent, looking impassive. Richard stepped out in front of both of them and waved his hands, his eyes wild.
"This is it, then," he announced, looking back and forth between Caroline and Hugo. "This solidifies what we're supposed to do."
Caroline felt herself frowning. "What do you mean?"
"We need to stop the Man in Black from leaving the island." He took a step closer to them, stopping them in their tracks. "We have to blow up that plane."
Caroline sighed. "Richard, Charles is—"
But he wasn't listening. He'd started walking again, nearing the beach camp even faster than before. Caroline looked at Hugo, who still looked conflicted. "What the hell was that?"
Hugo heaved a sigh. "Ilana said Jacob told her that Richard would know what to do…you know, now. Well, he didn't so he ran off into the jungle." Hugo paused. "Did you know about Isabella?"
Caroline chest felt tight. "Who is Isabella?"
Hugo's eyes widened and his pace quickened a bit. "Maybe you should just talk to Richard about that."
With a quick hand on his elbow, Caroline slowed Hugo back to his previous pace. "I heard you guys talking in the clearing. Tell me, Hugo."
Looking uncomfortable, Hugo told Caroline what had happened the previous night, and in the clearing before she had arrived. With each word he spoke, Caroline grew more and more uncomfortable. It made sense, of course, that Richard had been married in 1867 – it was a hell of a long time ago, and he was a grown man. But why hadn't he told her? He'd claimed to tell her everything about his arrival on the island on the Black Rock, but he'd never told her why he was on the ship as a slave.
Caroline was surprised that she didn't feel anger or jealousy. All in all, she felt rather calm. More than anything, she found herself feeling remorse for Richard. He'd lost so many people so close to him, and all the time he remained the same, frozen in time, in sadness.
"So then she said that we have to stop the Man in Black from leaving, or we all go to hell," Hugo finished, seemingly blasé about his entire interaction with a woman who had been long buried. "Oh, and she told me you were still alive. I guess because she knew Richard still thought you were dead." He shrugged. "That's probably a good sign, right? Because if she wasn't down with you being, like, her replacement, she could have just let him keep on believing you were dead. Though I guess you would have shown up anyway, but maybe she could have worked something out to kill you. I don't know if dead people can really go that far, though. Who knows?"
Caroline more or less ignored Hugo's rambling. "How much further to your old camp?"
"I don't know, we're pretty close. Ten minutes? Why?"
Caroline started back in the direction they'd been heading. "I'm going to need to speak with Richard."
Richard had reached the camp ahead of them, and was speaking animatedly to the beach survivors. Caroline recognized Ben, Sun, Ilana, and Lapidus, and she had to admit to herself that it was relieving to see some familiar faces.
"We have to destroy it," Richard was insisting as she and Hugo joined the group. He could only mean the plane, and before Caroline could open her mouth to intervene, one of the men she didn't recognize interrupted her.
"Who the hell are you?" he demanded. He was Asian, had some interesting facial hair, and Caroline was sure that he wasn't an 815 survivor. She was about to reflect his question back at him with just as much attitude, when she was interrupted again.
"Caroline!" It was Sun who stepped forward to grasp her hands in welcome. Unfortunately, every other word out of her mouth was in Korean.
"Why isn't she speaking English?" Richard asked, motioning towards Sun, who continued to speak urgently to Caroline. Another man shrugged. Caroline had never seen him before, but she knew without a doubt that he was Jack Shephard, a spinal surgeon from LA who had traveled to Australia to retrieve the body of his dead father. Her recollection of Ben's files were almost uncanny sometimes.
"She was hit on the head when she was running away from Locke," Jack said, and Richard looked startled. He started to question Sun insistently, about what Locke had said to her, where he was, where he had gone. This only frustrated Sun more, as she continued to spew Korean at Richard angrily.
"Richard, that's enough," Caroline ordered firmly, a hand on Richard's arm. Sun marched away furiously, still muttering Korean. "It's probably temporary conduction aphasia. If you say she hit her head," she noted, nodding in Jack's direction. He cocked his head.
"Sorry, who are you?"
"I'm Caroline."
"She's an Other," Ben interjected sarcastically. "Or so you might say."
"Where've you been?" Lapidus asked Caroline. "We looked for you at the Temple, but…"
Caroline started to tell him she'd never gone to the Temple, but Richard waved his hands anxiously again.
"This isn't important. We know where the plane is, and we know we need to get there and destroy it. I know where we can get dynamite, and I say we go there immediately."
"Not that ship again," Hugo muttered. Richard ignored him.
"I can go alone. I'll make the trip in a few hours, and then we can leave for Hydra Island."
"Richard," Caroline shouted, her hunger, exhaustion, and frustration finally getting the best of her. "Would you just stop and listen to me?" She'd never seen Richard this way, so tense, so frantic, and she didn't like it. Not one bit.
Everyone stared at her expectantly. "Widmore already has the plane rigged with explosives."
"Widmore's back?" the Asian man asked, looking concerned. "That's not good."
"I don't trust Charles any further than I can throw him," Richard said firmly. "The plane needs to be destroyed, now, with or without his help."
"Can we wait just a minute?" Jack stood up. "We're not going anywhere without Sun, and she's clearly not convinced just yet. So I recommend we just take a step back until we iron some more details out."
Caroline silently agreed with this plan, and allowed her bag to slip off of her shoulder. She hoped they had something else to eat besides mangos around the camp; she was beginning to lose her taste for them after the last couple of days.
"Fine. You want to wait around until Locke comes back again? Be my guest." Richard stormed off in a huff, and Caroline wondered if she should go after him. Instead, Ilana stepped forward.
"I'll talk to him," she announced. "I think he's right, but everyone needs to be on board for this to work." She looked pointedly at Jack. "Sun trusts you. Talk to her."
Caroline watched Ilana walk away, sinking down to sit on a log next to Ben.
"You look like you've had quite the adventure," Ben remarked dryly. Caroline smirked, surprised to find that she'd actually missed Ben. What was the world coming to?
Later that evening, Richard and Ilana were still discussing the dynamite plan. Lapidus had started a fire, and they had a small supply of fish to cook for dinner. Caroline offered to do the dirty job of gutting and cleaning them, feeling ravenous at the thought of getting to eat one. She sat crosslegged near the fire with the fish, preparing them in somewhat of a daze.
Someone sat down next to her, and she looked up to see Jack.
"Need some help?" he asked, brandishing a knife of his own. Caroline handed him a fish and watched him struggle a bit with the scales. It was clear he wasn't proficient at the task, but she admired his determination if nothing else.
"Are you laughing at me?" he asked suddenly, noticing her smile. Caroline shrugged, tossing aside the bones of the fish in her hand.
"Not at all. It's a practiced art." Jack watched her carefully filet the fish in her hand. "I've been working at it for awhile."
"How long have you been here?"
Caroline glanced out at the darkening ocean as she answered. "I've always been here. I was born on the island."
"What do you know about Richard?" Jack questioned. "Is he…ah, stable?"
Caroline didn't really blame him for questioning Richard's common sense. Not now, anyway. She would have doubted it herself, if he hadn't been who he was.
"I've known Richard my entire life, and he's always been the most stable person in it." Jack looked doubtful, and Caroline smiled. "He's been through a lot in these past few days, Jack. The entire foundation of his faith has been shaken. Any one of us would go a little crazy."
Jack still didn't look convinced, but he didn't say any more. "So, you're medically trained." It was a statement, and Caroline looked at him quizzically. "You knew about Sun's aphasia. Even the correct terminology."
"Oh." Caroline picked up another fish, feeling slightly embarrassed. Her experience in the medical bay at the Dharma barracks felt lifetimes away. "Yeah. My mom was a nurse in the Dharma Initiative, and I kind of followed in her footsteps after the purge." She realized after she'd spoken that Jack probably didn't know what purge she was referring to, but he didn't question her.
"Did you know Juliet?"
At the mention of her friend's name, Caroline looked up, startled. She hadn't thought about Juliet in years, only to hope that she had gotten off the island that day. She'd never heard any other news, and Caroline found it was the safe assumption. "Juliet? Is she okay? Is she here?"
A tangible sadness passed over Jack's face. He set his half-mangled fish aside. Caroline tightened her grip over the knife in her hand, feeling sick to her stomach. "She uh…she didn't make it. She's dead."
Caroline didn't ask what it was that Juliet didn't make it through. She rested her head in her hand and sighed. "So she never got off the island?"
"No."
She stared down at the sand for a long time. "I'm sorry to hear that," she murmured finally. Jack picked the last fish out of the bucket.
"You should probably do this one," he admitted. "I don't think gutting fish is my calling."
Caroline took the fish from him and blinked away tears as she sunk her knife into its belly. She'd lost more friends in the past few years than she'd ever thought possible, and she wasn't even sure if she would make it out of this alive. But life just kept moving on, and Caroline was not exempted from the process. How could she expect a reprieve from death?
In that moment, tears running silently down her cheeks and fish guts everywhere, Caroline vowed that, if nothing else, she was going to help get as many people out of here alive as she possibly could. She wouldn't lose anyone else to the island, even if it meant sacrificing herself.
Sun came back from her seclusion to join them for dinner, but stayed silent. Caroline learned that the Asian man was named Miles, and listened to accounts from him, Hugo, and Jack about the recent experiences they'd had in time travel on the island. She found herself doubtful at first, but she quickly remembered that more had become possible in the last few days than she ever would have believed in before.
More than anything, Caroline was relieved to be in the presence of people again. Despite the generally dire situation they faced, the group managed to maintain a relatively positive attitude, even through Ben and Miles' often acerbic contributions. At one point, Sun left the group to sit by herself at the shoreline, and Caroline felt her heart ache. She had promised Sun she would help her do whatever it took to get back to Jin, and she intended to make good on that vow.
Slowly, the group dispersed, retreating to their various sleeping locations around the beach. Caroline stayed at the fire, rolling grains of sand through her fingers and staring blankly at the flickering flames.
Someone wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, interrupting her reverie. It was Richard, finally without Ilana. He looked relatively calm compared to his earlier state, and his eyes were apologetic as he sat on the sand next to her.
"Are you doing okay?"
"I'm fine. How about you?"
Their conversation sounded awkward and stilted to Caroline's ears. It had never been difficult for her to communicate with Richard. What was going on?
Richard sighed. "I'm sorry, Caroline." He took her hand in his and held it carefully. "I…I just want to get you out of this safely."
Caroline stared at his profile in the dim firelight. "Why didn't you tell me about Isabella?"
He seemed startled, his hand reaching to his neck. Caroline noticed, for the first time, the gold cross on a chain that rested there. He'd never worn it before. "I don't…I don't know."
"I'm not angry," she pointed out. "You could have told me."
"I know," Richard said. "I guess I…I just wanted to keep her to myself. I didn't speak of her for so long. No one knew, except for Jacob."
"How did she die?"
Richard lowered his head and Caroline squeezed his hand reassuringly. "She was…she got sick. It happened so fast, there was nothing we could do. I tried to get medicine for her, but…we couldn't afford it. It happened…so quickly."
"You loved her," Caroline said softly. Richard nodded; his eyes were beginning to fill with tears and reflect the flames.
"I loved her very much. I would have done anything to save her." He looked at Caroline then, as if seeing her for the first time. "I thought I had lost you like I lost her. I was…I was supposed to keep you safe."
"Richard…" Caroline began. He held up his hand to stop her.
"I've lived for a very long time, Caroline. Longer than anyone should have to live. You know that. All this time, I've had her memory buried deep, afraid to bring it to the surface. I thought the work I'd done here could pardon me from my sins, but it can't. I've done things I'm not proud of, and it's all coming back to haunt me." He shook his head. "I can't save her, I can never be with her again. I know that."
"What are you saying?"
Richard sighed heavily. "I'm saying that…you need to get off this island safely. And I haven't figured out how to do that yet, but I promise that I'll make it happen. I know that saving you can't possibly atone for what I've done, but that's not the point." He leaned forward, taking both of her hands in his. "I love you, Caroline, and I will get you off this island. Even…even if it means I have to stay."
"Stop." Caroline pulled her hands out of his grip and clenched her fists. She felt overwhelmed, filled with sadness for his loss, with relief at being near him again, with indignation at his words.
"Richard, I've just spent the last miserable twenty four hours being without you, convinced that you were dead, and that we could never be together. I don't want to feel that again." She steeled her jaw against his undoubted argument. "I won't leave here without you. I'm not…I'm not leaving this island unless we're together."
Richard looked strained. "Caroline, you don't know that we can be together. You don't know that it's even possible for us."
"It is," she insisted. "It is possible because Jacob told me that it was."
"Jacob's dead," Richard replied, and the tone of his voice went straight through Caroline's heart.
"It doesn't matter," Caroline said. "He wouldn't lie."
Richard smiled, but it was a humorless, bitter expression. "I don't know about that, Caroline. He didn't seem to find it pertinent to share much truth with me."
Caroline threw up her hands in forfeit and stood, brushing the sand off her clothing. "Fine. I can't make you believe anything, Richard. Not if you don't want to believe it." She stalked away from the fire, feeling the warmth leave her body as she retreated. Richard didn't follow.
Caroline spent the night by herself, leaning up against a tree at the edge of camp. She fell asleep feeling conflicted and depressed, wishing with all that she had that Jacob would return and give her a better explanation for everything. She dreamt of swimming. When she woke up, her neck aching from the position she'd fallen asleep in, Caroline didn't feel any better.
Everyone else had gathered without her, and as she approached the group, she realized they were having the same conversation from yesterday all over again.
"It's the best plan," Ilana was saying, Richard at her side with his hands on his hips. He hadn't lost that frantic look about him, but at least he looked a little bit more sane. "If we leave for the ship now, we can be back and reach Hydra Island by nightfall."
"Something that you're conveniently leaving out," Miles interjected, "is the fact that we'll all be stranded here on an island, with a monster, after we blow up this plane. Does that really sound like a good idea to you?"
Ilana pursed her lips. "I'm just trying to do my job to protect the candidates."
Her mention of the candidates reminded Caroline of Desmond, and her duty to go to the Arrow hung even heavier on her shoulders. She looked across the group at Richard and felt her heart break a little bit. He had changed in the day they had been apart...there had been a fundamental shift in the confident, collected leader she had always known. Against her will, her eyes filled with tears, and she turned away from the group before anyone could see.
Caroline was staring out at the ocean when a hand landed on her shoulder. She turned to see Richard, his expression cautious. "We're going to the Black Rock, Caroline," he said softly. "Will you go with us?"
Caroline stared at him and shook her head slowly. "No, I won't, Richard."
His touch slipped down her arm to take her hand in his. "I'm doing this for us."
"Are you?" she asked. "Or are you doing it because you're scared?"
Richard blinked at her, his fingers dropping away from hers. "Of...of course I'm scared. Aren't you?"
For once, as old as she knew he was, Richard simply looked to Caroline like a lost, sad, terrified kid, and her heart broke just a little more.
"No." Caroline shook her head slowly, looking back out at the ocean. "I'm not scared, because I know Jacob has a plan. Or had a plan, whichever. I think he always knew this time would come, and he was ready."
Saying it out loud solidified Caroline's belief, and she knew it was time to go. Richard stood still, watching her as she picked up her bag and took a couple of mangoes for the trip.
"Will you be here when I get back?" he asked.
"No," Caroline said. "I have someplace I need to go."
Richard looked at her sadly. "Caroline, I don't want this to be goodbye."
"It's not," she said, forcing a smile. "You have to do what you have to do, and I have to do what I have to do." She took a couple steps closer to him, reaching for his hand again, and repeating his words to her from just a couple days before. "I love you, Richard. No matter what happens."
Richard nodded slowly. "I love you, too. I'll find you."
Caroline nodded back and let go of his hand. "Be careful."
The rest of the group was so preoccupied with preparations for who would stay at the beach and who would go to the Black Rock that they didn't even notice her departure. She was almost to the tree line when Ben caught up with her.
"Where are you going, Caroline?"
Caroline hesitated, considering just moving on as if she hadn't heard him. But there was a note in Ben's voice that worried her. She turned back to him with a sigh.
"The Arrow," she said simply. Ben looked as if he were about to question her, then stopped himself. He glanced back at the rest of the group, before turning to her.
"Can I come?"
Caroline thought this over. She could say no, travel by herself halfway across the island, possibly not even find what she was supposedly looking for, and maybe even get killed in the process. Or, she could take Ben. At least he was somebody to talk to.
"Sure." She re-shouldered her bag. "Are you ready now?"