A/N: Beta'd by americnxidiot (ff net) and Feisty Y. Beden (FFn and Ravelry).
Chastity Belts and Blackmail
Post-Edward-kissing-in-the-bathroom/mid-acting-like-a-complete-fucking-idiot-who-just-got-kissed-in-the-bathroom aka the rest of my school day is... interesting. I am a giggling, blushing, mildly panicking mess who is attempting to avoid Mike, Tyler, Eric, and Jess while simultaneously making a very concentrated effort to catch up with the mental imaginings of Edward, hence the giggling and blushing... and also the mild panicking, actually. The panicking is mostly due to a realization I had during math, namely this:
At some point, possibly in the near future, Edward may see me naked. He may touch me while I'm naked, which also means I may see him naked, and I may be expected to touch him while he's naked. The panic comes from the guaranteed fact that I'm going make a complete ass out of myself. Still, if I die of naiveté-based embarrassment at the age of seventeen, at least I'll have gotten to see Edward Cullen naked first.
I am, of course, getting ridiculously ahead of myself, but that's what I'm good at, so why fight it?
Anyway, I'm trying to avoid a lot of people, which is actually really hard to do in small school. Luckily the guys seem to be giving me some distance, presumably because they're expecting me to be making a decision right now. That's not a conversation I'm looking forward to. At least now I can tell them something like "Oh geez I'd really like to and all, but I've already got a date." Obviously this will necessitate fudging the timeline a little, so that the real, backpedalling-free Edward offer comes before theirs, but I'm really okay with that.
Of course Jess is another story. Since we were formerly in the habit of walking out of school together she knows exactly where I'm going to be at the end of the day, and this information enables her to corner me on my way from my locker to the parking lot. My last minute, panicky attempt at dodging her results in me stumbling into a classroom doorjamb and nearly taking out some guy with a fohawk.
"What the hell is with you today?" Jess asks after I've righted myself and rolled my eyes at the annoyed glare of Fohawk.
"What?" I ask, starting down the hallway again.
"You're acting weird, and not even the same kind of weird you were this morning. I mean I get that that whole ceremony of the roses ambush style has probably thrown you off a bit, but that still doesn't explain this morning."
"Why are you talking about roses?"
"It's from The Bachelor, when they have to choose the people they want to keep."
"Oh."
"So, what's going on with you today... aside from the lunchtime hallway sideshow?"
I briefly, very briefly, consider telling Jess what happened with Edward this morning, but considering how she reacted to those rumours I don't think that's a conversation I want to have in public. I've had enough traumatic hallway experiences for one day. Plus I really think I should tell Dad first. That way nobody else can tell him before me.
"Nothing," I say. "I'm fine. Everything's fine." My entire life doesn't seem to be changing at all.
"Fine? Fine is normal. Weird is not normal. I mean you're always kind of weird, but relatively speaking you're not being normal."
"I think weird might be the word of the day," I mutter.
"See, that right there? That's a weird thing to say."
"Is it?"
"Yeah. Now tell me what's going on."
"Nothing."
"Nothing? You're lying, and you're not very good at it. You completely blew me off twice this morning. So, either you were ignoring me, which makes me angry, or something's got you totally distracted, which makes me worried."
"I blew you off?"
"Twice," she reiterates.
"I'm sorry. I was distracted."
"But you did try to hide from me just now, didn't you?"
"I wouldn't say hide so much as... well yeah, kind of. Sorry. It's just that I have to tell you something, but I can't tell you right now, so I thought it'd just be easier to... hide." I've also been kind of worried that she'd figure out what's going on as soon as she got the chance to talk to me. Aren't girls supposed to be able to sense these kinds of things?
"Seems rude."
"It was rude. I'm sorry." I really am. I feel like a giant jerk now.
"Tell me what's going on."
"I can't. I will, but not now."
"When?"
"Tomorrow?" I reply hesitantly, pushing through the door to the parking lot.
"Why can't you tell me now?"
"I can't answer that without telling you what it is, so..."
Jess sighs and gives me an annoyed look.
"Give me a hint."
"No."
"You're making me nervous."
"This is why I didn't want to talk about it."
"Is it about me?" Jess asks.
"Not directly."
"But it has to do with me?"
"It may affect you," I hedge.
"Tell me what it is," she demands.
"No."
"Bella," she moans, smacking my arm in frustration.
"Ow."
"Well... I don't care. Everybody's being weird today. The guys weren't even talking to each other over lunch, so me and Angela made awkward small talk while they glared at each other. I should've picked better friends. I mean Angela was clearly solid choice, but Mike and Eric? What the fuck was I thinking? This is the problem with small towns. You choose your friends when you're five and then you're stuck with them. I should've known Eric was a bad choice when he threw a hissy fit at my Barney-themed birthday party. I really thought Mike had potential though. Where did it all go wrong? I mean when we were little..."
I'm fairly certain Jess is still talking, but once I look up and see Edward waiting by the car, watching me, I don't seem to be able to listen very well anymore. He smiles, and then I smile, and then I stumble and nearly take a header in the middle of the parking lot. Fuck me. With a shriek, I grab onto Jess's arm and end up slamming my weight against her side. Although she gets jolted, she does manage to keep us upright, something I definitely wouldn't have been able to do.
"Did you just body check me?"
"No! Well, sort of... accidentally." After a few moments of her staring at me suspiciously I clarify, "I tripped."
We both look down. Of course there's nothing there. She looks up at me questioningly, and I shrug.
"It's a talent."
"Well now that you've inflicted your talent on me, maybe you could make it up to me by telling me what the hell's going on."
"Still no."
I start walking again, being very careful to avoid looking at Edward, because apparently I'm capable of tripping over... I don't know, moments or something. I'm not sure this whole feelings thing is good idea. I think my brain is starting to turn into goo.
I hear Jess huff behind me and a few beats later her quick footsteps to catch up to me.
"You suck," she mutters.
"I'm going to tell you eventually," I say with a sigh.
"Now would be better."
"Now is not an option."
"Which is why you suck."
"Nice."
I can tell we're getting close to Edward, because Jess gets quiet and a little awkward, like she's overly aware of... well everything. I'm a little nervous myself. This is the first time I've seen him since lunch, since declarations and kissing. What the hell am I supposed to say? Hey, how was your afternoon? I don't really remember mine, because I was busy thinking obsessively about you. Math was probably boring though. It always is. Did I take notes during math? If this is a sign of things to come I'm fucked. Royally.
"Hey, Edward." Jess's voice still does that hitch thing a little when she says his name. Should I care about that? My friend's voice hitching when she says my boyfriend's... boyfriend-type person's name seems like the kind of thing I should care about. Or maybe I should only care if it was his voice doing that. This is all very confusing.
"Hey," Edward says in response. He's still a bit hesitant, but seems more comfortable than he was.
I look up to find him smiling at me. Actually I think he might be laughing.
"You better not be laughing at me."
"I wouldn't dream of it. Although if I was, it would probably be because of all the strange little faces you've been making, which would obviously not be my fault."
His smile grows as my face flushes.
With a scowl I mutter, "My face is not strange."
"That's not exactly what I said. Hello to you too by the way."
"Oh... hi."
"Hi," he answers quietly. God, I want to kiss him, or even just touch his hand. It's right there.
"Okay, well... I'm gonna go," Jess says awkwardly. My head whips around to look at her. I give her a sheepish smile.
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, we'll talk." With a small wave she turns and leaves.
Does she know? Maybe girls really can sense these kinds of things. I mean I can't, but that's not really saying a lot.
"You're making faces again."
"Stop making fun of my face."
"I'm not. I like your face, even when it's being strange."
"My face is not strange. Everybody keeps telling how abnormal I am. I'm going to get a complex."
He smiles. Reaching up to brush his fingers against my cheek, he briefly touches the corner of my mouth with his thumb. Now I really want to kiss him, or possibly giggle like an idiot. So very unfair.
"I'm fairly certain I've never called you abnormal - quirky maybe, but that's not the same thing at all."
"Quirky's fine, as long as it's not... you know..." I reach up and move his hand away from my face. "Your hands are cold." And distracting, very distracting.
"We should get in the car." I agree with a nod and walk over to the passenger side. He follows, which is confusing until he opens the door and holds out his hand to help me in. For a fleeting moment, one of his hands slip under the hem of my jacket and shirt, grazing the bare skin of my lower back. My breath hitches, and my face gets warm. I'm definitely going to make an ass of myself when nudity becomes involved.
After I'm settled in the car he goes around to the other side and gets in beside me. On the way to my house I watch my folded fingers while he taps his against the steering wheel. Neither of us say anything. It's not nearly as bad as the drive to school, but there's definitely some awkwardness in the air.
"So..." Edward starts and then pauses for a few moments. "Should we have a plan or something?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you're going to talk to the Chief tonight, and then what happens?"
"Umm..."
"Do you think he's going to say no?"
"My mom won't let him," I reply with a laugh.
"Really?"
"Yeah, but I'm thinking she's probably going to demand a picture in return."
"A picture of what?"
"You."
"Oh, yeah."
"She really wants a picture of you. Hopefully I'll be able to pacify her with that and avoid having to hand over your number."
"Why exactly does she want a picture of me?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know? One day out of the blue she just asked for a picture of a person she's never met?"
"Well, she knows about the crash thing... and maybe a bit about the play thing, so I guess she wants to know what you look like. She's a very visual person." He looks over at me, and it's pretty clear he knows I'm leaving something out. "I may have been cornered into saying you're cute," I grumble quietly.
"So you think I'm cute?" he asks teasingly.
I groan. "Why do I tell you things?"
Edward smirks and opens his mouth to say something else, but I cut him off.
"Drop it."
"Now why would I do that?"
"I'll sic my father on you."
He laughs and says, "I don't think you would."
"Oh, I would. Don't push me, Edward."
"First you threaten to kill me over coffee..."
"Just maim."
"...And now you're threatening to have me killed because you think I'm cute?"
"I'm threatening to have you killed to avoid you being obnoxious now that you know I think you're cute. You really need to work on getting your facts straight."
"I'm thinking I should write one of those If I die under suspicious circumstances... type of letters, and then hide it somewhere safe, just in case."
"I don't think you're supposed to tell me that."
"Of course I am. Now you know that if you kill me you'll get caught. I just have to make sure you don't know where it is."
"Keep in mind my father is the chief of police. You may want to consider that if you're going to start throwing around accusations."
"I wouldn't be throwing around anything. I'd be dead."
"Well then you'd really be screwed."
Edward laughs and asks, "Why are we talking about this?"
"You started it."
"You always blame me. I don't have conversations like this with other people."
"Well then I don't know why you do it with me."
"I don't do anything. It's all you. You are the sole source of our bizarre conversation topics." He gives me a so there kind of look, and I scowl at him. I'm not the one who sneaks up on people on gym bleachers or in hospital rooms. If anybody in this car is bizarre it's... "I quite like that about you," he adds with a small smile.
"Don't try to distract me with your flattery."
"Oh come on, that was smooth."
"You're going to end up in the tropics if you're not careful."
"Oh, yeah? I wouldn't mind spending some time down south," he replies playfully with an exaggerated eyebrow arch.
"Shut up, I'm trying to threaten you."
"I'm sorry. Am I not reacting in a suitably intimidated fashion?"
"Seriously, just shut up."
He laughs, clearly very pleased with himself. I shake my head and turn away to look out the window.
After a few moments his fingers starts tapping on the steering wheel, and I can see him shifting restlessly in his seat.
"So..." he starts hesitantly, and then lets it trail off with a sigh.
"So?"
"So, now that we've established that your father isn't going to lock you away in the tallest tower... we have established that, haven't we?"
"I'm not ruling out the possibility of a chastity belt, but I think incarceration is very unlikely."
"Do they even make chastity belts anymore?"
"I've heard Everlast produces some great ones."
"Well you know what this means, don't you?" he asks. I shake my head. "We should have sex... today."
"Really?" I ask with a laugh.
"I know, it's fast. I don't want this either, but logic must prevail. Something as simple as a misplaced key or an unrelentingly overprotective father, and you're dying a virgin in iron underwear. Do you really want that? Because I don't want that for you. Sacrifices have to be made, and I'm willing to make that sacrifice."
"Did you have a point when you started this conversation?"
"What? Oh yeah. I was going to say that since we know, or at least we're reasonably sure that the Chief isn't going to forbid you from seeing me, maybe we should make some kind of plan."
"What kind of plan?" I ask as he pulls into my driveway.
"The you-going-on-a-date-with-me-Saturday kind of plan."
"Planning is good."
"So...?"
"So... you haven't actually asked," I reply primly.
"Alright, Bella would you like to go on a date with me on Saturday?"
"Assuming no unscheduled plans, like a last minute chastity belt fitting, pop up, I would love to."
He smiles at me, big and bright. Once again I really want to kiss him, but now I actually can. I hoist myself up from my seat and turn towards him. My intention was to carefully lean closer, but being me I lose my balance and end up somewhat lunging at Edward. I do prevent myself from actually crashing into him by bracing myself on his door with my outstretched hand, so it's not like there are casualties or anything.
Edward's expression seems torn between terror and laughter. I can't seem to think beyond I nearly assaulted Edward. That mixed with adrenaline and shock makes me laugh, hard. For whatever reason laughter makes my arm weak, and I nearly end up very gracelessly flopping down onto his lap. Luckily he seems to have collected himself a bit and he manages to grip my waist before I fall. I lean my forehead against his, scrunching my eyes closed. This could be going better.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm trying to kiss you."
"I think that's supposed to involve more lips. Also, less attempted head butting." I can hear the smile in his voice.
"I fell."
"I noticed."
His head shifts slightly. His lips brush against the spot where my bottom lip meets my chin and then again where the corner of my mouth meets my cheek.
"I am supposed to be kissing you," I complain.
"I'm just demonstrating." I want to say something clever like... well I don't know. That's the problem. I don't have anything to say, clever or otherwise. My heart is pounding, the nausea is returning, and my arm is starting to shake a little from holding me up. Also somewhere buried under all the Edward-related things speeding through my overheating brain there's the thought that if we were in Steve right now there wouldn't be a gearshift digging into my leg. I should go visit Steve.
Just fucking kiss him already! So I do. He's already moving, presumably planning another "demonstration," but I move too, and our lips meet. His hands flex on my hips, pulling me forward slightly. Why did we only start doing this today? That seems like a very silly oversight.
It's not long before my arm really starts to strain and I have to pull away and drop back into my seat. It's quiet for a moment, before Edward asks, "Do you think they fit them?"
"What?"
"Chastity belts."
"Oh. I would think they'd have to. I don't think it's a one-size-fits-all kind of situation." He makes a thoughtful noise in response. I narrow my eyes at him. "Stop imagining me in iron underwear."
"I'd like to see you try to stop me. Offer's still open by the way, and I'd give it some serious thought if I were you. Decisions need to be made before it's too late."
"You're totally just assuming I'm a virgin."
"What? No, I'm not. I was just... you said chastity belt, and a chastity belt is useless if you don't have any, uh, chastity. I was just going with it."
"Mm hm."
"Do you have chastity?" he asks hesitantly.
I laugh. "This is a hell of a conversation to have pre-first date."
"Well you don't have to tell me. I mean you could, if you wanted to. Do you want to?"
I take a deep breath, trying to hold in the nervous laughter, as I answer, "I'm chock-full of it."
I need to get out of this car. I need to get inside, go up to my room, and try to put my brain back into some semblance of order. Today has been one thing after another fucking with my brain. I need a restart button so I can assimilate all the new updates I've gotten today. Maybe that's what sleep is for. Maybe I could take a nap and wake up with everything adjusted.
Edward = closer to boyfriend then friend.
Mike, Eric and Tyler = people who need to be avoided until I figure out what I'm going to do about that giant mess. Maybe I could get them a newer shiny toy, like a blow up doll, and then they could fight over that.
Jess = TBA
Tomorrow is going to be interesting.
"I'm going to go now. I'll see you tomorrow," I say.
"Alright."
"Okay."
I get out of the car, and Edward follows suit, silently walking me to the house. We're at the door before he says anything.
"You're not going to ask me?"
"What?"
"I asked you. Are you going to ask me?"
"Could you be more specific?"
He gives me a look like he knows I'm being intentionally difficult, but why should I make it easy? He did call my face strange. "Well, let's think. What have I asked you?"
"Umm... do you think they need to be fitted?"
"Bella..."
"Edward."
"Do you really not want to know? There could be giant condom-less orgies lurking in my past, and you might never know."
"You don't even talk to women... women you're not in some way related to, anyway."
"I talk to you."
"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember that."
"I could've had sex," he says defensively.
"Do you have a sister I don't know about?"
"Ha fucking ha." He rolls his eyes and smirks at me. "Always so fucking funny," he mumbles before briefly pressing his lips to mine.
"I thought you liked that about me?" I call after him as he walks down the front stairs.
"Yeah, that and your strange face," he replies with laughter in his voice.
"My face is not strange!" He doesn't visibly react, but it seems to startle the neighbour walking out her front door across the street. I give her a half-hearted wave, before I turn my attention back to Edward. "Jackass."
He laughs.
00000
Napping does not work out. It turns out I'm not tired at four in the afternoon, which sucks because it means I have to work shit out on a conscious level, or watch TV. I choose TV.
Halfway through an episode of some eighties sitcom with a tinny laugh track a forceful and persistent knocking starts on the front door. As I get up and slowly make my way towards the door I run over the possibilities of who it could be. It's too early for it to be Dad, unless he somehow found out about Edward, and in his haste to get home and ship me off to an all-girls boarding school he forgot his key. That would be bad. It could be Mike, or Eric, or Tyler, or all three. That would be worse in any possible variation. It could be Edward. That would be good. Why didn't I invite him in? He's way more entertaining than crappy afternoon TV - clearly a flaw in the planning there.
Fortunately it's not Dad, Mike, Eric, or Tyler. Unfortunately it's not Edward either.
"Jess?" Her hand is still up, poised to knock yet again on the now-open door while she looks at me in wide-eyed surprise.
"Um... hi?"
"Hi. What's going on?" She gives me a sheepish smile, before she squares her shoulders and walks past me into the house. "So, what's going on?" I repeat, as I shut the front door.
"You're being weird," she says forcefully.
"We've already had this conversation."
"But it's going to end differently this time."
"Really?"
"Yes, because I'm going to explain how I realize that you've probably got a good reason, or at least what you consider to be a good reason not to tell me that thing that you're not telling me, but for the sake of my sanity I need to know. I will tell you how this is going to drive me insane, because my mind is a super dramatic place, and putting these half-formed ideas about vague bad things in there and letting them stew in their vague badness is really not a good idea. You have no idea what this is doing to me. For like twenty minutes I was convinced you were dying, and you better not be, because that is not the kind of thing you don't tell people, Bella. And then after I've told you all that, you're going to tell me what the fuck is going on."
"Am I?"
"Bella!" I flinch in surprise at her sudden volume increase, and put my hands up in a calming gesture.
"I'm not dying."
"And...?"
I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. "Okay, well at lunch..."
"This started before lunch," she impatiently interrupts.
"What?"
"You were weird before lunch. Start before lunch."
"Fine. This morning..."
"Better."
"... Edward came over early to pick me up for school, and we were talking in the kitchen."
"About what?"
"Not important. Anyway he stole my coffee, and we were joking around, and then he offered to buy me dinner, jokingly... but kind of not, and then..."
"No, wait. I've changed my mind. I don't want to know this."
"Okay," I agree hesitantly.
She walks past me towards the door, but stops before she reaches it. Her face is very determined and possibly resigned when she turns back around to face me.
"Tell me."
"Jess..."
"We're doing this!"
"We don't have to," I quietly mutter.
"Yes we do, because we're friends, and this is a thing that friends do. Let's do this."
"You're not going to like this."
"I know. Spit it out."
"He kissed me."
Her face scrunches up almost comically, before she incredulously asks, "He kissed you?"
"Yeah."
"Before or after the moron sideshow?"
"After. He followed me into the bathroom when I was running away from them."
"He followed you into the bathroom? The girls' bathroom?"
"It's not as creepy as it sounds."
"But it's still a little creepy."
"No, it's not creepy at all. It's sweet."
"Yeah, he's a real Darcy McWhat's-His-Face," she grumbles.
"What?"
"You know, that guy from that book, Pride and Prejudice. Isn't he supposed to be all romantic or something?"
"Oh." What?
"So, Darcy followed you into the bathroom, and what, kissed you in a toilet stall?" I briefly consider telling her that Darcy was actually his last name, but I prefer Darcy to Fitzwilliam, so I figure it's probably best to just leave it.
"No, it was in the... you know the big area with the sinks."
"Really? I'm surprised no one saw you. I'm pretty sure I would've heard if they had."
"Actually nobody came in."
"Oh. Were you in the orange bathroom? You must've been. Nobody uses that one anymore."
"Why?"
"They redid the ones by the office a few years ago, and they're way nicer. Plus the old toilets seem to overflow all the time, which is just beyond disgusting. Didn't I tell you all this before?"
"No. You also didn't tell me the Cullens were allergic to sunlight until I brought it up."
"Huh. I guess I just assumed you knew. Everybody knows."
I shrug.
"So, what does this mean?" she asks.
"He wants to take me out on Saturday."
"Aw, is Darcy taking you for a vending machine picnic at a truck stop?"
"You're really enjoying calling him that, aren't you?"
"It makes me feel better. I realize that's probably petty, but I really don't care."
"I have no problem with that."
"Well... good." She sighs and looks towards the door longingly, before she blurts out, "Is he a good kisser?"
"Uh..." How am I supposed to answer that? Should I answer at all? Maybe I should lie.
"No, I don't want to know." She pauses and sighs again, before she moans, "No, I do. Tell me."
"Jess..."
"No! Maybe some other time. I need time. Ignore me."
"Okay," I respond uneasily. She's going to give herself mental whiplash if she keeps this up.
"Unless he's not, then you can tell me. Don't tell me."
"Maybe you should go home?" I suggest hesitantly.
"I think that would be a good idea. I need to process."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah," she mumbles as she walks past me. She seems pretty stunned as she plods across the lawn towards her car. Considering the amount of time it takes her to get her door open I'm starting to think maybe she shouldn't be driving. I decide to offer to call someone to drive her home, but then nothing happens. She just sits in the driver's seat, staring blankly ahead.
After a few minutes I start to slowly make my way towards the car, tapping the window when I get there.
"Jess?"
"I'm fine," she replies without moving.
"Are you sure?"
"Yep, I just need some time."
"Alright, well... let me know if you need anything."
She nods slightly and continues to stare out the windshield.
I stand there awkwardly for a few more moments, before heading back into the house.
I'm not sure how long she stays out there, but she's gone when I peek out the window twenty minutes later. I think I put Jess into shock.
I vacillate between feeling guilty and justified for the rest of the afternoon until I hear the front door opening. Fuck.
"Hello?" Dad calls out from the front hall. Despite the sudden and overwhelming urge to make a run for my room, I get up and go out into the hallway. Just rip it off like a Band-Aid.
"Hey, Dad."
"Hey, Bells." He looks up to smile at me as he pulls off his shoes. "Good day at school?"
"It was... it was a hell of a day."
"Is that a yes or a no?"
"Kind of both, to varying degrees."
"I'm not sure how to respond to that."
"I have to tell you something."
His expression goes from confusion to dread. "I once had a conversation with your mother that started like this. I believe this was the part where the pregnancy test came into play."
"What? Oh, no, no, no. There's no... I didn't pee on anything. This is just... no. No."
His body seems to slump in relief.
"I'm going on a date with Edward Cullen."
His posture stiffens, and his face turns a kind of blotchy white/red/green. Holy shit, he's going to burst a blood vessel. I should call Carlisle. Where the fuck is my cell phone? Should I call the hospital or try to reach him through Edward? Maybe I should just call 911.
"Dad?"
He stays very still for a moment and then mutters, "I need to call your mother," before he walks away into the kitchen. Okay.
From my position in the hallway, I can't hear what Mom's saying, for the most part, but there's a lot of hushed angriness on Dad's side of the conversation. I can't catch it all, but he's saying things like "you can't be serious," "this is ridiculous," and something that sounded an awful lot like "what the hell is wrong with you?"
Eventually it goes quiet in the kitchen, and a few moments later Dad comes back into the hallway.
"Your mother wants to speak to you." And then he walks into the living room.
With a sigh I head to the phone.
"Mom?"
"Bella!"
"Hi."
"I hear you have a date. When did this happen, and why the hell did I have to hear it from a secondary source?"
"Today, Edward asked me out today, and I was going to tell you myself, but Dad beat me to it."
"You told him first." It's definitely an accusation.
"His possible reaction had a lot more, um... presence, I guess, in my mind, so I was really focusing on that."
"My little girl's finally going on a date."
"Yep."
"Do you know what this means, Isabella?"
"You're going to make me sit through another sex talk?"
"No! You're getting me a picture. No arguments. I expect it to show up in my inbox by Wednesday at the latest."
"Mom," I whine.
"I am doing long-distance battle with every protective instinct Charlie has for the sake of your relationship. That's not easy, and it's certainly not free. As your mother I have the right to make superficial judgments about the boy you like, and force you to listen to them. How am I supposed to do that if I don't even know what he looks like?"
"Alright, I'll get you a picture, but under no circumstances are you to contact him without talking to me first. Do not call him."
"If he's going to be your boyfriend I'm going to have to talk to him."
"Yes, but you're going to talk to me about it first, and I will connect you, okay? No surprise attacks."
"I resent the word 'attack.'"
"Mom."
"Fine, I promise. As long as I get the picture on or before Wednesday night I'll leave the boy alone."
"Are you blackmailing me? I feel like you're blackmailing me."
"Call it what you want."
"I'm going to go with blackmail."
"If you wish. I have to go, but I'll talk to you soon, alright?"
"Okay. Bye, Mom."
"Bye."
Now I really do have to get her a picture.
The phone rings a few minutes later, while I'm getting stuff ready for dinner. It's Mrs. Millner again, and she wants to talk to Dad.
"Dad?" I call hesitantly, sticking my head into the living room.
"Yeah."
"Mrs. Millner's on the phone for you."
He grimaces and says, "Uh, tell her I'm busy."
"Who is she?"
"She lives across the street."
He follows me into the kitchen and stands awkwardly by the counter while I get her off the phone.
"You're avoiding her?" I ask once I hang up.
"She's a bit of a busybody. Usually I try to be polite, but I'm really not in the mood. What did your mother say?"
"She wants a picture of him."
Dad rolls his eyes and scoffs. "Our daughter's dating a juvenile delinquent, and she wants a picture. That mother of yours is a real pain in my ass."
"I think she has that effect on everybody from time to time."
He grunts before saying, "I'm not going to forbid you, because I've been told that's the worst thing I could do, but I'm not happy about this."
"I know."
"How about he comes over for dinner or something before this... date?"
"I think that would be a good idea." Maybe, possibly.
"Okay, then." As he's walking past me out of the kitchen he pauses and plants a kiss on my forehead before he continues on out of the room.
A/N: Addresses for this story's Twilighted and Ravelry threads are on my profile page.