Chapter 20, Write Your Story.

When he left off walking from Kai, he had no particular destination in mind. He thought that it would be best if he simply let his legs carry him, while his mind focused on the happy things that mattered to him. The problem was, he found as he let his legs carry him, that thoughts of Bonnie wouldn't leave his mind. He ran away from Kai, and all the things that Kai was trying to fill in his mind, but he didn't leave his own mental conflicts about Bonnie behind.

Nonetheless, his legs did carry him as he allowed them to, and they surprisingly brought him here, to Alaric's house, where he finds himself staring at the closed front door, without knowing what to do. Does he feel like he needs a friend to talk to? Is that why his subconscious carried him here, to seek out Alaric and try to organise his mind? Does he somehow feel that restless, that he wants some company to make him feel a little restless?

Damn it!

This is starting to frustrate him, that he just wants to kick the door down! Damn it, he only wanted answers from Kai! He only wanted to know what's really going on with Bonnie, and what Kai did to her, so that he could find a way to help her through it, but instead... He didn't want to... He just didn't want to find himself here, like this.

Damn it!

As he thought that, he didn't make it a must for him to watch and be attentive to where he was going, which is why he's surprised that he's apparently here at Alaric's house. The first thing that comes to mind, being here, is a small conversation that he had with his brother some days ago, about how Elena for the time being lives with Jo and Alaric, and maybe that's why he's here. Stefan explained it to him about them being Elena's support, and that being convenient for her –Alaric to take her to school in the mornings, and then Jo to bring her back from the hospitals in the evenings. Suddenly and abruptly cutting into his thoughts, though, before he can press his body into the door, it's violently pulled back, and there stands his girlfriend, beautiful and confused, in front of him.

'Elena…' longingly leaves his mouth.

It's as though his happiness just faded out of his head, to be replaced by an aching desperation, because heaven can ask him, and he would definitely confess how desperate he feels right now. He's seeing her right now, but hell, he needs her...

'Damon,' she gasps.

Does she have to act so afraid of him? It breaks his heart. Does she have to look at him as if she would rather not be seeing his face at all? It makes him want to hurt himself.

'Elena,' he tries to caress her name, 'please, I just need to talk to you.'

He wants more than just to talk to her. He wants to hold her, and kiss her, and make love with her. He wants the world with her in the centre of if. That's what he really wants, because he's feeling vulnerable right now. There's Bon- Coming from Kai messed him up, and he just needs to be in a situation that he can control and enjoy. Her eyes, her big beautiful eyes. Her innocent looking face. Her cheeks. Her lips. Her chin. Her everything. He wants her everything to dissolve him into nothing, to make him forget for a while. She looks absolutely perfect to him. Standing there, looking at him with that expression on her face, even though it's not in favour of him, she looks extremely perfect.

'Damon, I...'

'Can we just talk?' he asks.

For the love of blood, this is the actual first time that he's laying his eyes on her, ever since he found out that she got her memories back. He would've rushed to see her when he found out about her memories from Kai, if Bonnie hadn't fainted into his arms, and gave him another threatening scare. Because of Bonnie, he didn't get to see her, until now.

'Fine,' she curtly replies.

She then squeezes through the small space between the door and frame, to step out of the house, and then pull the door closed behind her. He appreciates that she's at least willing to do this for him. If he can't have her in her wholeness for now, he hopes to at least listen to the sound of her voice while they speak.

'Look, Damon,' she evenly starts, keeping her back against the door, 'before you say anything, I just need you to know that I do have my memories back.'

Well, that he knows, he thinks. If that's what was making her look nervous, then it's nothing to him. He already knows that she has her memories back. Except, what triggers him, is why she's standing here with him, like he is the enemy trying to destroy her, and not the man who loves her.

'And Elena?' he questions. 'What's keeping you from me?'

That part he doesn't get, it's so hard for him to comprehend, because were he in her shoes, he would've come running back to her the second that his memories returned. It's hard for him to try and think of a reason for her not coming after him, and that hurts.

'Tell me?' he continues. 'What did I do? Was it something I said? Why don't you want me?'

Bonnie wants him around, all the time, but the girl of his dreams doesn't seem to want him. Does she have any idea how that makes him feel, that the girl he loves, couldn't be bothered to want him enough to be with him? Does she know?

'You didn't do anything,' Elena tells him, sounding as uncomfortable as she appears. 'It's not you, Damon, it's-'

'Let me guess,' he dryly cuts in, finishing with, 'it's me. We've been there Elena, we've done that.'

Out of the blue, for a moment, he finds himself thinking that he would like it so much for it to be incredibly easy to turn his back on her and walk away, to make her feel even a little of what waiting for her feels like, but then his eyes recognise that it's Elena, and she's right here with him. He can't just walk away from her.

'Just…' Elena sighs, closing her eyes as though the action requires that much effort. 'Damon,' she tries to reason, 'it's not that I don't love you, because I do. I feel my love for you every day-'

Cutting her off once again, he steps into her and scoops her into his arms and away from the support of the door. 'Then why aren't you with me? Why am I still waiting for you to want me?'

Gosh, she just admitted that she loves him, that she feels her love for him every day, so what's stopping her from being with him?

'When you died,' she gently explains, 'I just died with you, Damon. It felt like nothing I could explain, and I'm so terrified of going through that again.'

'Are you serious right now, Elena?' he feels the muscles of his face contort. 'Is that even a real reason? You're terrified of losing me again?'

She has to be joking. That isn't even enough of a reason for him. If he were in her shoes, he would take the opportunity to be with her to the fullest, especially since he'd been without her all that time.

'That's my reason,' she says flatly. 'It may seem light to you, but there it is. I became a monster because of you. I'm studying to be a doctor, and at the first sign of my boyfriend's death, I'm taking drugs and hurting people? What kind of doctor does that? I'm supposed to be a moral figure, telling kids not to do drugs and then help them get better. What happens if I let you in and you die again?'

He hears her dilemma, but is she really that afraid, that she is willing to repress her love for him? Does she really think that by doing that, her love for him will go away and then she'll have a breezy life?

'Come on, baby,' he attempts. 'Please don't do this to us. We love each other. You can't breathe without me, remember?'

For emphasis, he starts to rubs himself against her, making his nose sniff her neck. 'I've missed you so much, baby,' he seductively purrs. 'I miss the feel of your skin, and the taste of so much of you. I miss your smile, and your voice over the phone. Tell me that you don't miss me too, Elena.'

'I do,' she says breathlessly, 'but-'

She abruptly cuts off, because right when she was going to continue her protest, he bit down hard, right into the neck in her vein. It's a move that he learned during their time together, and yes, it never loses its affect.

'Damon,' she groans out his name, making her hands clutch him tightly.

He takes only a small sip of her blood, because he needs to make it clear what he wants from her. He's got her right where she needs to be, and knowing that she won't refuse him anything like this, he needs to get her back to him.

'Let me love you, Elena,' he offers, his lips still lightly pressed on her neck. 'Let yourself love me back.'

For an answer, she carefully wraps her arms around his neck, giving him the go ahead to whisk her away with love. And he would've done it, if he didn't spy Jo walking from one end to the other. All the Elena distraction that he has been indulging himself in, suddenly leaves him, because with seeing Jo, comes the memory of Kai. With the memory of Kai, comes the reminder of Bonnie, who he left behind at his home. Bonnie who he has to... Unintentionally, he pushes Elena out of Elena's arms, stepping to the side to have a better view of Jo, and she of him, when he calls for her.

'Jo, I need to talk to you.'

Although his call for her does make Jo stop, she gives him a strange look. He can only imagine that she's looking at him that way, because they are not exactly friends for him to want to talk to her, at this time of the night. He can't blame her for that, but he does need her to talk to him.

'Please,' he begs her, hoping that will be enough to get through to her.

26Chapters

'What did Kai tell you?' he wants to know as soon as she is out through the door.

He had taken a few steps away from the door to accommodate her coming out of the house, but once she pulled the door closed behind her, he moved to stand directly in front of her. He would greet her first, in a normal circumstance, but this is urgent.

'Kai?' she asks as if she's puzzled by the use of the name. 'What did he tell you?'

'That he sent you to get us in 1994,' he answers, setting up to ask her what she knows about 1994 and Bonnie's lost memories.

'He didn't send me there,' Jo shakes her head. 'He told me that he stole Bonnie's magic to escape from there. That was all. I did the rest on my own, because I felt a little responsible, I guess.'

Hearing that, Damon stares at her with renewed interest. How does she feel responsible, when she didn't even know about them going there in the first place? Unless she had been talking to Grams, and they set the whole thing up, just so Bonnie could lose her memories of him, to get him out of her life permanently... That wouldn't be a far-fetched explanation, he realises, so he decides to ask Jo about it.

'Did you do something?'

'Not to you and Bonnie,' she starts to explain, 'but I was part of the group that sent and trapped Kai there. I'm a doctor, Damon. I want to help people, not help hurt them. I'm not directly responsible for hurting Bonnie and you, but what my family did to Kai is part of why I did what I could, to rescue you two.'

This doctor mentality that they have going on between her and Elena, it needs to stop. He doesn't necessarily not care about it, but he really just doesn't care about it. He understands that it's a great motivation to help others, but...

'Since I'm getting married to Alaric, I couldn't ignore Alaric wanting his best man to be here either. Elena also wanted her best friend back, so I kind of had no choice.'

She finishes her explanation with a soft laugh, and strangely, maybe because they have no history together, or maybe because she has a connection to Kai, her laugh makes him feel like he can be a little vulnerable with her.

'I know I should thank you for getting us out of there, Jo...'

'You miss it,' she states like she knows him that well.

That's not really it, he thinks. He can't ever miss the reality of being stuck. What it is, is that he misses what it was like over there. He misses how it was like over there. How it was just him and Bonnie, being stress free and developing a friendship before admiration and affection started to seep in somewhere between the solid layer of friendship.

That's what he misses.

He misses not living up to a reputation that everyone holds him to. He misses being himself, truly himself; soft to emotions and open to having a genuine undisguised relationship with another person. He misses spending time with her. He misses the freedom of just being, without worrying. He misses the boring daily routine that they'd fallen into.

But he can't really tell Jo that. Not without coming off as ungrateful, so he only looks at her, allowing her to believe what she will about him.

'Look,' Jo says when he doesn't speak, 'I don't know you much, but Alaric says that you love Elena with everything. Is that still true?'

Still? He almost lets out a laugh at that. What in the hell is that supposed to mean? And forget that, he has no intention of talking about Elena with her! He wants their topic to be Bonnie, nothing else.

'I actually want to talk to you about Bonnie, not Elena,' he tells her shortly, to which Jo nods as though she understands him, and is urging him to go ahead with what he wants to say.

'When Kai knocked me out, he stole her magic, because I could protect her from him,' he tells her, feeling anger at the memory. 'By the time I came to, she was almost dead by the time I came to, and I had to give her my blood to save her. But when she-'

Interrupting him, Jo's face takes on a curious expression as she asks, 'What do you mean almost dead?'

'She almost didn't have a heartbeat,' he calmly explains, even though she should know what he means. 'I gave her my blood...'

Only for the sake of getting the full analysis, and all the answers from her, he narrates how he had to work on Bonnie's head to get the blood down her throat, followed by everything that he did, up until she finally woke up but couldn't remember him. He thought that would be a good place to stop, but then he remembers that the reason he's looking for answers in the first place, is because Bonnie is lying unconscious at his house, and he doesn't know what happened in the forest to trigger that, or how he can pull her from where she is.

'You gave her your blood in the forest too?' Jo wants to know.

A small contemplated nod comes from him, mostly because Jo made it sound like he did something wrong by giving Bonnie his blood a second time.

'Damon...' she says his name in such a dramatic way, before she finishes with, 'I think she's grafted in you.'

She thinks?

'Grafted?' his eyebrow raises.

'It's an ancient technique,' Jo tells him, 'and rare, but it's when um... It's when a witch saves another witch from death with their blood.'

'I'm not a witch,' he shuns the ignorance.

Jo does something resembling eye-rolling, she replies with, 'But your being a vampire is the result of magic. In a way, you qualify as a passive witch, because of your magical properties. Your healing blood, for example.'

'Okay, okay,' he hurriedly accepts, blindly stepping closer to her. 'I get that part. Just tell me everything about this grafting.'

'Do you want me to start from where the technique came from?'

'No,' Damon pulls a face. Why would he care about that? 'Just tell me what it means for me and Bonnie.'

Really, that's all he's interested to know. He couldn't care less if a scorpion and tiger had a meeting, and then came up with the brilliant conclusion of this grafting thing, but he does want to know what it means for his and Bonnie's functioning. He's been on the Earth long enough to know that when techniques are ancient and have names that aren't used in everyday language, they mean business for the people involved. He knows that it's impossible, but he'd hate to think that he's somehow sired Bonnie to him.

'Is it like a sire bond?' he blurts out without meaning to.

'Well, to put it plainly, Damon, you are now solely responsible for Bonnie's existence.'

He'd been fearing being her sire, and having her in this uncomfortable place, but her existence? Just from the way Jo said it, he knows that it couldn't be a joke, but still, he needs to confirm it.

'Tell me you're joking,' he quietly whispers.

He knows what grafting is, at least in a scientific sense, and because he does, he just wants to hear the words, that he's really not responsible for something as precious as that girl's life. He can't be that. The idea of it, is starting to make his heart itch from the inside, and his body feel sticky with heat, which is impossible for a vampire like him, under normal circumstances.

'This isn't a joke,' she says with quiet urgency. 'You literally took Bonnie from death's hand. She was just crossing over from life to death, and while death had her, he hadn't carried her away yet. You took her before death could take her, and became her only connection to life. That's how she became yours to care for. That isn't something to joke about, and no offence Damon, but you and I are not that close, that I would joke with you like that.'

He tries to take in a breath, as he processes the words that come out of his mouth, 'She's mine?'

The idea of... Bonnie? Bonnie Bennett? His?

Bonnie is his to care for? That's what he gets for saving her? But why him? Why does he have to be the one with that responsibility? Since they've been back, he's hurt her more times that he has done in the past, and now suddenly, he's responsible for her? He kissed her on her birthday, and she kissed him in the forest, and that he still has to deal with. He made her cry. Gosh, he made her cry. He pushed her aside for Elena... And, and this is too much to know... Everything in his body is telling him to run right now, to get as far away from Jo as possible and not be forced to listen to the truth, but...

It's Bonnie, damn it.

It's his freaking Bonnie.

And the thought of her, does something to his heart... She needs him. He is what she has, and now, it's his job to make sure that she lives the best of her life?

'Bonnie's mine?' he asks again, this time looking straight into her eyes.

'Don't get carried away, Damon. It's not necessarily that she's suddenly become the most important person to you, and you completely forget your love for Elena, it's just that you're now her main feeding root. Apart from writing your own story, you'll also indirectly be writing hers. But if she was ever to feel like she doesn't need you anymore, even in the tiniest way, and she breaks off you, she dies.'

All of a sudden, he wants to strangle Jo. Does she even realise the magnitude of what she just said? It scares him to think that Bonnie could be dependent on him like that. What's worse, is that he's afraid that once she gets her memories back, she won't need him anymore. She won't need him for anything, and that scares him to death.

'Jo,' he warns, 'don't mess with my head!'

'I have no reason to,' she calmly replies. 'You can go to Bonnie, and wait for her wake up, and she'll tell you the same exact same thing that I told you.'

He still wants to strangle the woman, so very much, but he finds that Bonnie is the one who he needs to be with. The thought that she is now his, and he left his brother at her bedside, stirs an evil feeling of possession in him. He doesn't know what it is, where it comes from, and what it wants from him, all he knows is that Stefan cannot be the first one who Bonnie opens her eyes to. No, not his perfect brother.

Chapter 21, X Marks The Spot.