Biting the Hand that Feeds You
A Harry Potter fic by Andrew Joshua Talon
Disclaimer: This is a non profit fan based parody. Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and Time Warner. Please support the official release.
Written with Scriviner...
Snape felt a cold numbness in his chest as he watched Potter be devoured. The shock just filled him, overriding any other emotion, any other thought. Save for one.
Lily... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...
He felt Voldemort's gaze on him, and tried to stay focused. Tried not to give into the rage he felt inside.
"... Huh," Voldemort commented, almost confused. "... That easy?" He shook his head. "All this time... All I had to do was... Was this?"
Yaxley cleared his throat, having been silently elected to ask the Dark Lord any pertinent questions (and take any fallout). "My Lord?"
Voldemort hummed. He shook his head, and chuckled softly. "No, no... He yet lives. But as far as I can tell, he has no wand. No means of escape... Yes. Yes, I think this will do nicely." He chuckled again, his laugh slowly growing into a cackle. "AHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Alfred cringed a bit, and then slowly looked over at the Dark Lord as he cackled. "Er... My Lord, what if he... I dunno... Manages to escape?" He was still viewing this as a game. Frankly, Snape suspected that was safest for the Squib lest he lose his mind.
"If he does, then we kill him," Voldemort said with a shrug. "That said... I must admit, the feeing of triumph is very heartening. Very heartening indeed." He grinned broadly. "Yessss... Now! Surround the Talos and destroy it!"
The metal giant began to retreat under the onslaught of so many Inferi. Above it, Snape saw three figures on brooms. Two pulling one along. His frown deepened. Yes, he could not blame Potter's friends. He felt like he had to do something too.
And yet, as always... He was trapped.
Hermione hadn't stopped screaming as she felt something slam hard into her and all but rip her off her broom.
"Wha- who-" She sputtered, gathering another breath for a scream, but she realized it was Ron on Harry's Firebolt zooming straight away from the gigantic Bellatrix. She was still on her broom, but he had an arm around her waist pulling her along. Luna flew near them while below, Neville's Talos was getting hammered and swarmed by the horde of giant inferni.
"We can't leave Harry!" Hermione screamed at Ron.
"We're going to get killed if we just start attacking it!" Ron screamed back, his mind sharpened by fear and adrenaline and his brush with death... and by Harry's death. "We can't hit Bella as hard as Harry can. We haven't got the Sword of Gryffindor! If it's just the three of us buzzing around that giant crazy woman, we are going to die like Harry did!"
Luna paced them, "We need to go!"
"No, she didn't kill him!" Hermione shouted at them both. "She didn't chew! She swallowed! Swallowed him whole! He was still in one piece! People have survived being swallowed whole! He's still alive and inside her! We need to get him out!"
"Not without a plan we won't. We just need a minute." Ron said through gritted teeth, tears unshed in his eyes. Maybe Bellatrix killed him, maybe she didn't. If Hermione needed to believe that to keep going, then so be it. Maybe he could hold on to that himself, but he'd been right there. He's SEEN Harry go into Bellatrix. Hermione hadn't been anywhere near enough. He didn't think there was any way he could have survived.
"We need to hit her with a plan if we want to have any chance at all!" He glanced down, "And we're going to Need Neville and his Talos in one piece to do it! We need to go help him!"
"I- I-" Hermione glanced back at the gigantic Bella who still seemed to be caught in paroxysms of cackling laughter.
Luna, eyes bright and her demeanor seemingly calm reached across the distance between their brooms and took Hermione's hand. "If he can be saved, we will save him. If he's dead, we will avenge him. Dying uselessly doesn't do either of those."
"Yes." Hermione said finally. Ron let her go and she was able to fly on her own once more.
"Now we need to go help the-" Ron began to say, but they noticed that there were even more flashes of light from down below.
The giants slowly began pulling away from the Talos, but it there was a great deal of obvious damage. Half the chestplate had been ripped off, revealing great masses of shifting brass strutwork underneath. One arm hung limp and barely connected to its half-unarmored shoulder and there were dents all over the unbroken arm. Fred and George continued to circle the faltering bronze giant.
"Reinforcements?" Ron asked, trying to squint down to get a better look.
"The rest of the DA showed up!" Hermione crowed.
"No," Luna pointed out. "Those are Aurors!"
Hermione growled, "Good. We can use them."
Out of the mess, an older man with salt and pepper hair on what looked like one of Fred and George's racing brooms spiraled up.
The man seemed to be shocked at them for a moment, "You… all of you are just kids!"
"And you are very late," Hermione shot back coldly. "Where have you been?! This attack has been going on for nearly an hour now!"
"I thought the Auror Corps was still on strike?" Luna asked.
"Hold on, miss! The Auror Corps isn't here! I'm here as part of the Prince Company's security force. My name's Waylock Smith." He shook his head and added ruefully, "Should've realized it was kids. Practically the only ones willing to do anything."
"What's the Prince Company?" Ron asked.
"Prince's Perfect Potato Crisps. Our boss is a Wizard who has a factory in this town," Smith explained. "We've evacuated the civilians to it and we've got it as well defended as we can get. We need some sort of plan to deal with…" He gestured vaguely at Bella, "That. And your friend in the Talos got banged up pretty badly. I've got one of my men helping escort him and his Talos back to our safe zone around the factory."
"Is Neville alright?" Luna and Ron both asked. It was bad enough that they'd lost Harry.
"Maybe a concussion. A lot of bruises. Our healers will get a look at him. Maybe you folks too." Smith explained.
"We're fine. We need to save Harry from Bellatrix's stomach." Hermione insisted.
Smith blinked, his face turning ashen, "Harry? Harry Potter? That was him with that got eaten?"
Ron nodded sadly, he seemed to turn in on himself for a moment then spoke firmly, "How many people have you got?"
"I've got over twenty combat ready veteran aurors," Smith replied, still looking shaken. "But this… I mean they took out Harry Potter. This is all a bit over my pay grade. I need you to talk to my boss."
"We don't have time for this!" Hermione growled.
"We're going to need their help Hermione," Ron said sharply at her.
Luna gripped her broom a little tighter, and despite the circumstances was enjoying that steely tone of command in her husband's voice.
"I understand the need for haste," Smith replied, pulling a potato from his pocket and holding it out to them. "Touch this potato portkey. Once he hears what happened, I'm sure you'll find Mr. Malfoy will be more than happy to help you take down Bellatrix LeStrange."
Ron stared at the older man just as he felt the hook in navel sensation of the Portkey take hold. "... did you just say Malfoy?"
His giant aunt had vanished in the chaos of the fighting, which was pretty extraordinary given her size. Draco hoped it meant she was leaving... But the booming insane laughter didn't make that likely.
"Well, she's laughing," Draco mumbled. "That's not good."
"I think we're well in the territory of bad, very very bad," Ginny replied, gripping his hand. Draco had gotten used to it after the chill of the Dementors, and he was loathe to release her. Just to keep himself from collapsing thanks to Dementor exposure, of course. What would it look like to his employees if their boss just fell to his knees thanks to a few Dementors?
Let them assume what they wanted about himself and Ginny... Er, Weasley.
"The Talos is approaching, Mister Malfoy!" Shouted one of his aurors. It wasn't Smith, he knew this, but he couldn't place the man's name. Draco nodded.
"Redirect it to the next street over, we don't need it blocking up traffic!" He ordered. He looked up at the great bronze construct, and grimaced. One arm was hanging limp, the armor was twisted and smashed, and the entire thing was squeaking and groaning like a badly oiled machine. "Longbottom... All right?" He asked. The Auror (damn, what was his name? This would bug him forever!) grimaced.
"He took a bad hit. We've got him back in the factory to be looked over. It seems you can get it to move if you hold the reins but uh..." He shook his head. "That's about all we've gotten it to do."
The machine came to a creaking, shuddering stop in the middle of the next street, and several plates fell off into piles around the machine's huge feet. Draco worked his jaw.
"And fall apart?" He asked snidely. "I'd prefer to have that thing in working order! Longbottom too!"
"We're working on it, we're working on it," the Auror said, as he ran back to the improvised barricade. Draco sighed and rubbed his forehead. Ginny gave him a comforting squeeze.
"He'll be all right," Ginny said, though he could tell her cheer was forced. "He's tough. He gets knocked around so much and comes out of it just fine, every time..."
"You can go see to him, if you want," Draco replied almost snidely. "Check on your ex."
"And let you fall over?" Ginny shook her head. "What kind of business partner would I be? Letting you make us look bad... Well, worse."
Draco very slowly nodded. "Thank you."
Ginny smiled, and squeezed tighter. "Besides," she said softly, "you're not the only one who needs some reassurance..."
Before Draco could answer that, the Portkey popped and Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley and the Lovegood girl appeared just above them. They hovered down on their broomsticks, coming to a landing. A potato dropped from Weasley's limp hand as he stared in disbelief.
"Malfoy?!" Weasley asked in disbelief. Draco sneered.
"Weasley? Thought you were attached to Potter at the hip..." Draco looked at the faces of his three school rivals, and saw the angry, broken looks that appeared the moment he mentioned the name. "Where is he?"
Granger's cheeks were stained with tears. Weasley looked furious, and helpless. Lovegood wordlessly walked over to Ginny, who had suddenly gone pale. The blonde hugged Ginny tightly, and rested her chin on her shoulder.
"We will save him, or avenge him," Luna said softly. "I promise."
Draco felt like the wind was knocked out of him. The thought of Potter dead had... Well, he'd thought about it but to actually... Hear it...
""Bellatrix and the other forces are heading here," Hermione said tonelessly. "They... They'll be after the Talos."
"Wait," Draco started. "You mean... YOU'RE LEADING THEM HERE?!"
Oh goddamnit Potter! He just knew it was his fault, he just KNEW IT!
Archibald Roberts drew his wand in old, practiced patterns. The muggles watched the glowing tip of his wand, their heads bobbing in time to the movements.
Finally Roberts murmured the last few syllables of the spell and a bright blue and yellow fish popped into view, following the weaving and twisting patterns that the wand had left in the air.
The muggles heads continued to follow the fish's motions. They were sitting or sprawling inside the expanded interior spaces of one of the dormitory sheds. They'd had to push the space expansion spells quite a bit to get all the muggles from the town inside. It wouldn't last past a day or so, but he hoped that would be long enough.
The teams that had been sent out into the town had brought back probably over a thousand now homeless muggles into the dormitory. At least here they would be out of the way and not asking any bothersome questions. Of that number, nearly half were injured in one way or another. After a bit of healer's spellwork, most were well enough to be kept with the rest watching the Confundus Fish, but there were at least several dozen more in serious enough condition that they had to be kept in stunned sleep on the beds that had been in the dorm that were now shoved roughly towards the back wall. They had no proper supplies of any sort, but there were a lot of available potions ingredients that were being pressed into service for rough and ready healing potions.
He nodded with satisfaction and turned to the charming little blonde girl in the black suit and her older and extremely attractive sister in the black dress. The older girl was still badly shaken by the earlier Dementors and was sitting close to the muggles, her arms wrapped around her knees.
Roberts spoke to both of them, but mostly towards the younger girl. "That spell will hold them for about half an hour. I'll need you to come get me before it runs out. You'll see that it's happening because the fish will start turning black. Got it?"
Astoria Greengrass gave the man a brisk nod, holding her clipboard to her chest, "Yes, Auror Roberts."
"Not an Auror, right now, Miss Greengrass." He said with a smile and playfully ruffled the girl's hair which she endured with poor grace. "You should also get me if any of them start looking like they're not paying attention anymore. The kids especially."
"We'll use stunners on them?" Astoria asked brightly.
Roberts eyed the little girl worriedly, "Uh… no, just getting me should be fine."
"Yes, sir." She replied, clearly disappointed.
Roberts left, still harboring deep doubts as to the wisdom of leaving the little girl and her near catatonic sister to watch the muggles, but on the other hand, everyone else who was available to lend a hand had already been pressed into service either making portkeys, hauling potatoes, tending the wounded or brewing potions. Those who'd had any construction experience at all had been pressed into reinforcing the warehouse in case of a direct assault by the giant inferi… The reinforcements would probably be good for one or two blows at most and keep the structure standing. Maybe… just maybe… long enough to evacuate everyone, but the odds didn't look good. He kept his own counsel on that. Captain Smith and Mister Malfoy seemed to have everything well in hand. All well above his pay grade.
Astoria followed Roberts out with her eyes, before sweeping her gaze towards Daphne. "Are you sure you're going to be alright?"
"It was… it was just too fresh. The… the thing… that Draco did to me…" Her eyes grew haunted. "Th-those- so fast." She clung tighter to her knees and whimpered into them.
Astoria sighed and patted her sister's shoulder, "Dear sister, you really need to toughen up."
"Oh, Astoria," Daphne murmured clinging to her sister's waist suddenly, "We only have one another to rely on."
She patted Daphne's hair. "That's not true. Draco and Mistress Ginny has been very good to us."
Daphne shuddered, "Draco Malfoy is insane. A cackling broken minded insane thing from… from… madness town. It's some sort of muggle madness that clings to him. Some strange demonic evil that will not let him go. This… this… Audi. Oh-Dee. Whatever you call the thing. He loves it like an obsession. He'd sacrifice us to it if only it would love him back." Daphne's eyes grew distant and haunted once more.
"You know, it's talk like this that's giving him an entirely unsavory reputation with the workers. Everyone assumes that just because everyone knows his father's a Deatheater and he's Harry Potter's rival in school that somehow makes him on par with Harry Potter's real enemy." Astoria replied primly, continuing to run her hands through her sister's hair trying to calm her down, "We both know he's nothing like You-Know-Who. Draco is not insane. He is kind and caring and working to improve the plight of the downtrodden common Wizard. He's only pretending to be a greedy, grasping self-absorbed tit, but beneath that facade, it's obvious that he cares."
Daphne stopped shivering long enough to look up at her sister who had an an innocent expression on her face and blinked. "I can never tell when you actually mean what you say or if you're being sarcastic."
"I am perfectly serious." Astoria pouted.
Daphne huffed, then giggled into her sister's waist. "The Draco Malfoy I know from school IS a self-absorbed big-mouthed tit."
"But that's not the Draco we see in the muggle world." Astoria said kindly. "That's Draco being a Malfoy. Here he's… I don't know. But things seem to just change for people when they're away from their family, you notice?"
"I… I suppose so." Daphne admitted.
"We came very close to having to do something… unpleasant," Astoria looked faintly disturbed. "If Draco hadn't come along."
"I know that," Daphne admitted with even more reluctance. Her cheeks coloring.
"And admit it. If we were going to have to end up… you know… I mean at least Draco would have been handsome." Astoria continued dreamily, "Not that he would touch us, of course. He's far too noble for that."
Daphne scoffed, "Too whipped by Weasley, you mean."
"Yes." Astoria purred, her eyes going half-lidded. "Especially if he's been a naughty boy. Probably she spanks him, I imagine. Firmly. Very firmly."
Daphne stared at Astoria, "You have a crush on Draco?"
That seemed to snap the younger girl out of her fugue and she waved dismissively, "What? No, don't be absurd, Daphne. I would never come between him and Mistress Ginny. That would be madness."
"Yes," Daphne murmured, "I daresay she'd spank you."
This seemed to perk Astoria up, "Do you think she would?"
"... I think all this time in the muggle world is affecting your sanity as badly as Malfoy's." Daphne replied finally.
"I am not mad." Astoria pouted cutely once more. "I simply see that it is plainly obvious that Mistress Ginny and Draco are clearly meant for one another."
"And you wouldn't dream of coming between them." Daphne added in a deadpan.
"I dare say I would cut anyone that tried to." Astoria replied in an approximation of 'grim', which still ended up mostly in the area of adorable.
"You do realize that Parkinson and Longbottom are both here. Weasley dated Longbottom and Pansy… well… you know how she and Draco were."
Astoria looked out the open door trying to catch a glimpse of the potential interference. "Do you think I should…"
Daphne cinched her arms tighter around Astoria's waist. "I think everyone's a little too busy worrying about the giant inferi attacking than to engage in romantic hijinks, dear sister."
"That's what you think."
Pansy sighed as she stretched. She'd been put to work tending to the Muggles, as she knew no healing spells and her combat abilities were... Well, she allowed herself a bit of frank realization: They were nothing. Her blood, her lineage-None of it mattered a bit in light of what she'd seen.
Granger was able to take out a giant with a dagger and three words. Potter... Potter was incredible. Hell, she bet the rest of Potter's friends were true warriors. Longbottom could pilot a Talos. The Weasleys threw themselves into danger without a care. And that Lovegood girl... She'd been the only one of the Ministry Six to emerge without an injury.
So no, she wouldn't be doing any dramatic fighting. She'd be staying back and doing what she could to stay out of the way...
"Ah... H-Hello?" She looked down. A Muggle girl walked up to her, dressed in her pajamas and carrying a stuffed pony. She looked up at her with a scared expression. Pansy stared back, worrying her jaw. Whatever it was that the Aurors were using to keep the muggles befuddled and staying in one spot so they would be out of the way, didn't work too well on children. Which was ironic if one thought about it.
"Ah... Hello, little... One," she said. She kneeled down. "Something I can do for you?"
"You were with that boy... The one who saved us?" She asked. Pansy's mind flashed an image to her. Of a little girl who stared at them from a garden across the street from Number Twelve, Privet Drive. And also a girl who had watched them from a car, screaming as a giant Inferi reached for them. Pansy smiled and nodded.
"That's right."
"Is... Is he a superhero?" She asked. Her eyes widened. "Are you all superheroes?"
Pansy smirked. "Let's just said we're all very super, all right?"
"Are you going to stop those things?" She asked again, wide eyed. Pansy beamed.
"Listen... That boy? He's survived worse things. He's faced the Dark Lord about five times, and every time he's beaten him. This? This is..." She thought of a Muggle expression, "no biggie!"
"Really?" The little girl asked with a bright smile. Pansy nodded, and rested her hands on her shoulders.
"I promise. Really," she said. She looked up as Hermione entered. "There, see? Remember her? Harry's with her, and I bet they've defeated all the monsters." She rose up and smiled broadly at Hermione. "Isn't that right, Granger?"
Hermione was silent. Pansy saw tear stains on her cheeks, and a haunted look in her eyes. Hermione's lip trembled. Pansy kept smiling, but the tension around her eyes increased.
"Isn't... Isn't that right... Granger?" Pansy asked again. Hermione eyed the girl, looking so hopeful... And she swallowed.
"Ah... Y-Yeah... That's right. That's right!" Hermione said with a firm nod. "He's alive... He'll be fine..."
Pansy leaned in close. She lowered her voice. "What happened?" She whispered.
Hermione took a deep breath. "Bellatrix... Swallowed him."
Pansy gaped. "What?!"
"She... She's become a giant golem. She swallowed Harry whole," Hermione said softly. "I think we can save him. We need a plan but..."
"A plan? What plan do we need aside from cut her open?" Hissed Pansy. Hermione held her hands up.
"She's surrounded by giants and Dementors! They're coming this way! Now, if You-Know-Who plays to type, he's not just going to let Harry die. He wants to do it himself! So he's probably alive! We just need to-"
"Yes. Plan. You go plan," Pansy said, her voice very neutral. She felt numb, disconnected... And yet, all she had in her mind were irrational ideas. "Where's the Hat?"
"Right here," Hermione said in a soft, tight voice. She held the Sorting Hat out to Pansy. The Slytherin girl took it, and looked down at the weather worn face. The Hat frowned.
"I'm sorry about Potter," the Hat said. "Granger's got the right idea though. He wouldn't kill him so quickly-"
"That's great," Pansy said. She put the Hat on her head, and smiled at the little girl again. "We're going to get Harry, don't you worry."
"Pansy, we're going to need some help on this-" Hermione said, but Pansy held up a hand.
"You do the planning. I'm going to be useful somewhere else." She headed off quickly, as Hermione's frown deepened. The little girl stared up at her, and Hermione flushed.
"What?" She asked. The girl sighed.
"I think she was lying about going somewhere to be useful," she said. Hermione raised an eyebrow.
"You're probably right," Hermione allowed.
You know, this plan of yours isn't really a plan. More of a goal, the Sorting Hat said to Pansy as the Slytherin witch strode quickly to the back exit. She scanned the area, and saw several Aurors sorting through unshrunken brooms.
A goal is a good place to start, Pansy said.
You don't know any magic that would let you get past those hordes, or through Bellatrix's stomach, the Hat observed.
Well gee, if only I had access to a magical artifact that would teach me a spell of sufficient power, Pansy replied wryly.
That's not really how that works, the Hat demurred.
No? Pansy thought back sharply. Harry got the sword. You just handed Granger a knife which I can only assume was in the same neighborhood in terms of power. Is it only Gryffindors who get helping hand outs from the hat? What happened to Inter-house unity?
It would have to have someone who listened be in the middle of a giant zombie attack, the Hat groused.
Spell. Now. Pansy ordered. The Sorting Hat sighed.
There is one… Think you can muster the power for it? It was invented by your head of house.
If he can do it, I can do it, Pansy said defiantly. She grimaced as information was forcibly downloaded to her mind, like liquid fire was being poured into her head. She saw wand movements with another person's hands, bodies falling apart in neatly sliced chunks…
That… That will do, Pansy thought, as she made her way to a broomstick.
A world without Harry Potter… How did that even happen? Ron had thought his best friend would survive any scrape they got into, any battle. It just didn't seem to register!
It was like he'd stepped into some kind of twisted fantasy world, where dark wizards were reborn and brought forth unholy armies of doom. That wasn't supposed to happen!
Well, the dark wizard part. That certainly happened. Dark wizards too, that was terrible. But all out invasions of towns?! His friends getting eaten?!
"Ronald?" Luna asked softly. Ron looked up with a frown. Luna tilted her head and looked at him quizzically, as everybody else around the meeting table stared. Draco glared death at him. Ron cleared his throat.
"Ah, right," Ron said quickly. "The planning meeting."
"Why exactly is he here? I thought your brains were all in Granger's head," Draco sneered.
Ron shot furiously to his feet, "I'm not entirely convinced you aren't somehow involved in all of this."
Smith, who was standing just to one side of Draco raised a hand, "We wouldn't even be here, helping you if it weren't for him. I'd think before hurling any accusations. You're the ones who seemed to show up with a convenient Talos. Trying to play hero?"
Luna sighed, raised her wand faster than anyone could react and unleashed a cannon blast of sound from it, forcing everyone at the table to cover their ears and flinch back.
Luna's voice was soft, but cutting. "Harry. Eaten. Giant Bella. On her way. Priorities?"
"Sorry." Ron mumbled, as he stuck a finger into his ear and wiggled it, trying to get his hearing back.
Draco shook his head to clear it and nodded, "I never thought I'd see the day Lovegood would be the voice of reason…" This earned him a sudden and sharp elbow from Ginny who was on his other side. He choked out, "But… she's got a point."
Neville, who was sitting on Ron's side, was sporting a bandage around his forehead and a prominent black eye nodded slowly, clearly worried that his head might fall off if he moved it too much. It felt like it would. "I checked on the Valeyard after I got away from your healers, Draco." He gestured towards it, "They're making progress with the repairs. It will probably last for a little bit, but I wouldn't feel comfortable piloting it for more than an hour or so before we give it a complete overhaul with people who are actually familiar with it."
Smith replied, "Our Transfiguration specialists and the fellows with mechanical training were wondering if you'd mind us adding a couple of enhancements to your Talos, Mr. Longbottom. You like using your fists, so maybe some spikes across the knuckles as a damage multiplier. They were also talking about adding a couple of platforms on the head and shoulders that we can have wizards to provide you some on-board fire support."
Neville nodded his expression hardening, "Whatever we need to keep going just a bit longer."
"The way things are going, it isn't going to last five minutes," Draco said flatly.
Ron snarled, "Let's see how well you do on your own."
"I don't have much confidence in our odds now that you lot have drawn all of the giants and Auntie Bella here." Draco glared at the redhead. "But I know better than to charge blindly at giants with nothing more than my wand."
Ginny coughed into her fist, "Bullshit."
"Shut up, Weasley." Draco glared at the unapologetically smirking Ginny.
"Don't tell my sister to shut up… wait, why are you even sitting next to Malfoy anywa-"
"It's business related!" Ginny said, more than a bit defensively.
Luna raised her wand once more and EVERYONE quieted down.
"Point is, they're coming to us," Ron said. "Which means we have some options. We have a defensible position, thanks to all the dead giants in front of the factory. We can hit them hard and stack them up, like funneling pawns into a valley between bishops and knights."
"This is no chess game, son." Smith said not unkindly.
"Analogy holds." Ron pointed out.
"Do you even know what 'analogy' means, Weasley?" Draco sneered. "You're having us stand in one place and let them keep hurling themselves at our admittedly good position, but if we just stand and take it they will surround us and they will slaughter us."
"If you think we're all as good as dead, Malfoy," Ron snarled at him, "Why don't you run, then? Shouldn't be too hard. You're good at it."
"In case you missed it, Weasley," Draco said in a cold, tight voice, "We have over a thousand muggles inside the warehouse. A lot of them injured. I can't even Apparate and I know for a fact we can't evacuate them in time. I don't know about you, Weasley, but I don't think I'm very comfortable with leaving them behind to die."
"You? You actually care about muggles?" Ron sniped.
"Well, they are loyal customers," Draco said with a shrug. "And You-Know-Who is trying to kill them. He is intent on harming my business… perhaps inadvertently trying to get Potter… but I don't like that. I like even less that he's getting what he wants after crossing Draco Malfoy. So I am keeping them from getting hurt because it opposes him. He'll learn to rue the day he tried to interfere with my business. I am staying. There is NOTHING that will make me leave now."
Draco stood up, his eyes shining with a courageous light that took Ron aback. Ginny flushed and smiled brightly up at him. Even Luna and Neville seemed impressed.
"Besides," interjected Smith, "he's put up anti-Apparation and Portkey wards around the area so we couldn't escape even if we wanted to."
Draco's eyes widened. "Wait, what?!"
"... you were actually committing to stay before you knew you couldn't leave?" Ron muttered in surprise.
"Well, yeah!" Draco said angrily. "But I thought we could at least escape if things went badly enough! I mean, if everybody's bloody dead not much point hanging around is there?! Can't make money if I'm DEAD!"
"That sounds more like Malfoy," Neville observed.
"I was worried for a moment," Luna added. Ron beamed at her, and she felt her stomach flutter happily.
"Oh screw you, Lovegood!" Draco spat.
"Weasley," Luna corrected primly. Draco blinked.
"Wait, what?"
"Weasley. They're married," Neville muttered, and Ron rubbed the shiner on his temple with a nervous grin. Draco gaped.
"I… WHAT?! Married?! To Weasley?!" Draco looked at Ron in horror, and then back at Luna. "I… Seriously cousin, you could do so much better!"
"Wait… you're related to Malfoy?!" Ron stared.
"Yes, he's my cousin on my mother's side," Luna said. "Meaning you are related to Draco now by marriage. Isn't that nice?"
"If we could focus please?" Malfoy said angrily. "We can discuss everyone's poor romantic choices after we survive."
"Right," Ron said quickly. "Smith, you and your Aurors get into the buildings flanking the main road here," he pointed at the map they'd produced from the local tourist board. Aside from the local textiles museum, the city hall and a collection of smiley faces it was bare. "We'll hit their knees and stack 'em up. As for Bellatrix, we'll have the Talos engage her from the flank. I'll be up on the shoulders, Luna will be making sure Neville doesn't pass out and Hermione will be-"
The door burst open, and the Auror Draco couldn't remember the name of slid in frantically, breathing hard.
"Sir! Everybody! Miss Parkinson and Miss Granger took off on brooms for the giants!"
"Pansy did WHAT?!" Draco sputtered furiously. He growled at Ron, "This is all Potter's fault. She would never have done anything so stupidly Gryfindor before she started hanging out with him."
"Why would they-?" Ron began to ask.
"Miss Parkinson took off first, but then Miss Granger chased after her!" The Auror explained hurriedly.
"Dammit. Change of plan. Brooms!" Draco sprang to his feet. "I'm going after them!"
Ron blinked in surprise and chased after Draco, "Wait, you're going to do what?"
"I can't let Pansy get hurt! Idiotically Gryffindor move or not, I still grew up with her." Draco replied as he ran out the room. "Her mother would never let my mother hear the end of it if I simply let her get hurt!"
"I thought we were done fighting like Gryffindors?" Ginny asked as she followed closely on his heels with a grin.
"Shut. Up. Weasley."
Smith called after them, "What are we-"
Ron called over his shoulder, "Get your people in place on the buildings anyway. Neville-"
Neville was already on his feet and swaying his way after them, Luna next to him helping hold him up. "I'm on it. The Valeyard was nearly ready anyway."
"If we can't get to them in time, we'll have to go in as a wedge," Ron continued talking, "If we're very, very lucky, we're going to cut through the giants and open the route to Bella for your people to bombard her fast enough that her healing isn't going to be able to keep up."
"And if we're not lucky?" Smith asked dryly. Ron grimaced.
"Ya want me to paint you a picture?!" Ron sighed and rubbed his face.
"The painting is going to involve a lot of reds," Luna said dryly.
Ron sighed as he ran out after Draco.
Harry, he thought, I'm betting you're in a better place than we are right now…
Harry groaned, and slowly opened his eyes. White fog greeted him as far as the eye could see. He reached up to adjust his glasses, and slowly stood up. He took in his blank surroundings and frowned.
"... This is the inside of Bellatrix Lestrange?" He muttered. "It's… Not what I expected." He rolled his eyes. "Bloody hell, I'm talking to myself now aren't I?" He sighed and began walking in a random direction. "What's with this fog? It's all over the place…"
After some steps, a train station came into view. A very familiar one. The train station he'd gone to every year since he'd turned eleven: Platform Nine and Three Quarters. He frowned and looked up and down the empty rail line.
"Is… Is the train coming? How'd I get here? Am I dreaming or what?"
"No, you're not dreaming Harry," said a familiar voice over the still air. Harry gaped and looked over at the platform. His eyes widened in disbelief at the heroic figure standing there. Disgustingly heroic even in death.
"Cedric?!" Harry gasped. The Hufflepuff Seeker smiled and waved.
"How's it hanging?" He asked. He stepped down from the platform with a jaunty grin. "You look kind of surprised to see me."
"Well, yeah," Harry said slowly, "you're dead." The Boy Who Lived came to a horrible realization. Or rather, the Boy Who Was Dead.
"And I'm dead too?!" Harry gasped.
"Well… Kind of, yeah," Cedric said with a shrug. Harry gaped in silence, staring at him.
"WHAT?! I'M DEAD?! AFTER EVERYTHING I'VE BEEN THROUGH I DIED BEING EATEN BY BELLATRIX LESTRANGE?!" Harry screamed.
"Well-" Cedric began, but was interrupted by Harry's continuing rant.
"I SURVIVED A FREAKING BASILISK! I SURVIVED VOLDEMORT LIKE SIX TIMES! AND I GET KILLED BY BEING EATEN BY THE SAME CRAZY BITCH WHO KILLED SIRIUS?!" Harry didn't have anything to throw and smash so he just stomped on the ground. "I GOT DIGESTED BY THAT CRAZY PSYCHO?!"
"Well, you did die inside a woman," Cedric said with a smile.
"I DON'T GET THAT!" Harry shouted. He then shuddered. "I DO GET IT! THAT'S DISGUSTING! AND WHY CAN'T SIRIUS MEET ME HERE?!"
"Oh, he's not dead," Cedric said with a smile. Harry slammed to a halt.
"WHAT?!"
"Yeah, he's not dead," Cedric said. "And you really need to calm down. All that yelling can't be good for the veins in your eyes-"
"You must have missed the part where I'm BLOODY FUCKING DEAD!" Harry roared. "DEAD DEAD DEAD!"
"I didn't say that," Cedric said, "you did."
"Well you are dead, and I'm in a bloody misty train platform, so WHAT SHOULD I CONCLUDE?!" Harry shrieked. Cedric shook his head.
"You know, you're really screaming a lot," he said. "You didn't act like this when I was alive. You were all stern, cold determination. Quiet defiance. I miss the quiet bit a lot, don't you?" Cedric sighed and sat down on the platform, looking up at Harry with a smile. Harry glared down at him furiously.
"Well I wasn't DEAD THEN, WAS I?" Harry demanded. Cedric smiled cheerfully.
"And you're not dead this time, either," he said. "So really, freaking out isn't going to help."
"Wait… Wha…? Sirius isn't dead and I'm not dead, either?!" Harry demanded. Cedric nodded.
"Yep."
"Well what is this then?!" Harry asked. Cedric scowled.
"There's the shouting again. Tone it down a little-"
"To hell with toning it down, give me some bloody answers!" Harry again shouted, though at a slightly lower volume. Cedric smiled.
"All right. You're not dead, you're just slightly dead. You're on the edge of life and death, and you chose this as the form of the afterlife. Well, the entry station to the afterlife."
"Why aren't you there then? I mean… You haven't been waiting here all this time for me, right?"
"No, I've also entertained myself watching you screw up with Cho," Cedric commented. Harry bristled.
"Wh-What did you-?!"
"Seriously Harry, after seeing how you were raised, no wonder you have no game with girls," he said with a shake of his head. "I'd give you some advice, but judging from the bulging vein on the side of your head you wouldn't appreciate it."
"NO. I WOULDN'T," Harry snarled.
"Okay then. So impatient," he sighed. "You really need to relax once in a while. You seem to be able to relax so much during the school year you know. Even with a Dark Lord after you every year."
Harry's rage froze in his veins, and he felt himself come down. He took a few deep breaths just to be sure, and thought it over.
"I… Well… That's a good point, I guess," Harry admitted. "Though to be fair, until last year he was dead… Kind of."
"True! But you still progress in your studies and date girls and all that rot," Cedric said. "I mean, did you fail any of your classes?"
"No," Harry said.
"You still snogged girls and stuff," Cedric pointed out. "Not very well I might add, but you still did."
"Hey! I led a secret resistance group and led an assault on the Ministry of Magic!" Harry said, back to angry. Cedric chuckled.
"Yes, and that I have no problem with! You've finally got your head on straight, even with all this crap. And those girls chasing after you are quite lovely."
"They're my friends… And I'm protecting them," Harry said. "And I kissed them after-LOOK! That's beside the point! Why am I here? Why are you here?!"
"Sorry, sorry, got off topic," Cedric admitted. He sighed. "But when time is utterly meaningless, you try to entertain yourself. Anyway, you're in Bellatrix's stomach."
"She has a stomach?"
"Yes, she does," Cedric said. "The golem was made to contain victims and kill them with acid."
"So I'm burning to death in acid?" Harry asked. Cedric nodded.
"Yep. Well, you will be if you don't get yourself out of this mess."
The mist surrounding the platform vanished, replaced with a bright red, undulating cavern. It stank of death and decay, and beneath Harry was a pool of bubbling acid. Harry grimaced, suddenly in great pain. He saw his left arm hanging uselessly from his side, as he braced himself against a cleft in the bottom of her esophagus.
"Eeugh… I take that back, the inside of this bird is awful," Cedric commented. Harry glared at the Hufflepuff Seeker, who was floating in front of him.
"Well?! You said you were going to help me, weren't you?!"
"I did?" Cedric asked. "I thought you did? Well, I'll help you anyway Harry."
This earned him another heated glare.
"Technically my very presence here is meant as an aid to you simply by virtue of my being here."
"You haven't really been of much help thus far." Harry huffed impatiently.
"Harry, look. You're currently on a classic heroic journey. You, yourself are following the standard steps in the heroic journey and were way past due for your time in the 'Belly of the Whale'. Usually the stages aren't so literal, but what can you do?"
"What stages?" Harry asked, confusion finally breaking past his frustration and anger.
"Stages of the monomyth? Campbell? Don't you read the… oh, right. You have Granger for that," Cedric said with a smirk.
"Hey!"
"Actually, technically, I shouldn't know about it, since those books were never printed in the Wizarding world, but then if I didn't know it, you wouldn't know that you know this already."
"... I have no idea what you're talking about," Harry said in frustration.
"Well, you got eaten."
Harry snorted.
"We covered that."
"Bella's about to kill your friends."
"Can you help me get out of here then?!" Harry asked, frustration kept in check by the thinnest thread of restraint.
"Technically… no."
Harry's eyebrow twitched. He kept himself from falling into the acid only by the full strength of his remaining good limbs.
"WHAT GOOD ARE YOU THEN?!"
"I'm supposed to encourage you to get out on your own."
"I mean, if I hadn't shown up to confuse and bedazzle you and prod you the way a dead man should, you'd probably be wallowing in your misery while Bella's stomach acids eat you." Cedric paused thoughtfully, "And I just provided you with a critical clue about your godfather."
"He's alive?"
"You're not going to find out if you stay in here and get digested," Cedric pointed out helpfully. "Oh and the rest of your friends getting killed is definitely going to put a damper on things too, you know?"
"... I'm starting to think I may possibly be hallucinating this."
"You have been pushing your brain a lot. All that Legilimancy and Occlumency, shaping your magic," Cedric shook his head with a sigh. "I mean, you've probably expanded your magical core tremendously in just a few days!"
"Magic core?" Harry asked.
"It's a thing now," Cedric said. "I'm dead, trust me. If you can't trust a dead man who can you trust, am I right?"
"Okay…?" Harry said, a bit dubiously.
"Point is, your powers have expanded and you've learned how to shape your magic to accomplish incredible things," Cedric explained. "More than just wand waving and muttering incantations."
"That's what the Hat said," Harry breathed, as the stink of the acid filled his nostrils. "Ugh…!"
"Point is, you're only limited by what you can do with a spell based on how much will and power you put into it," Cedric said. "A normal Stupefy magnified by a powerful wizard will take down multiple opponents. A simple Floating Charm can let you lift mountains. An Expelliarmus can defeat a Dark Lord!"
"It can?" Harry asked. Cedric shook his head.
"Well, probably not the last one, that's just kind of ridiculous," the dead man admitted. " But suffice it to say, in effect, you're pushing your view of the world upon the rest of reality. Meaning that inherently, your view of how reality is, is essentially askew from everyone else's perception of reality."
"Doesn't that make me… I don't know… crazy?"
"You ever notice how the strongest wizards ALL seem just a teeny bit eccentric?" Asked Cedric, cocking an eyebrow.
"... oh," Harry said quietly. Not just out of embarrassment. His throat was burning from the acid fumes.
"But the point is, you have everything you need to get yourself out of this situation," Cedric said. "I'm just giving you a little push to figure it out."
Harry frowned. "Okay…?"
"Oh, and you need your wand, too," Cedric said. Harry tried to get his wand out of his pocket. Cedric cleared his throat. Harry looked up at Cedric. Cedric slowly looked down significantly. Harry followed his gaze down. He saw his wand and the Sword of Gryffindor, both at the bottom of the pit of boiling acid.
"OH COME ON!" Harry shouted.
"You come on. This isn't the first time you've had your wand out of your hand that you needed it to come to you is it?"
"Well… No, but what do I do?"
Cedric just grinned. "You know, one very brilliant part of being dead? You can see a lot of movies. So I can tell you with utter sincerity, knowing it will help: Use the Force, Harry."
Harry stared at Cedric for a long, silent moment. Cedric stared back.
"You complete wanker," Harry stated.
Almost done with the Attack on Titan References. Hopefully this is different enough you'll comment on more than just that.