Ok sorry for the long wait….Let's see what happened in the past month…..bit of a mental breakdown, moved twice….uh….i dunno anyways enjoy! ….and review
The next day was better I felt…..happy for the first time in a while.
Everybody always did say "things have to get worse before they get better" I realized I have to get over her, forget her break off all contact. So I stopped poking her on Facebook. I stopped subscribing to her statuses and I deleted her.
I'm done…according to Doc I can be out soon but I have a month. I'm already half over her….now I have a month to do the rest of the dirty work. I can do it. I can finish this.
I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I told Doc all of this he's proud of me says I'm free to go home day after tomorrow but I'm scared.
What if I never really get over her?
What if….
There's so many if's.
John and Jessica pick me up and after taking me home I'm alone in my room. I put all my effort into my missed homework dad and Scott seemed proud but I see John's nervous glances. I hear his concern when he asks if I'm ok.
So when all my work is done I'm left pacing thinking too much and I go to John. "I need a favour." He looks up from his morning paper and raises an eyebrow. "Can you take me to a book store?" I ask and he exchanges a look with Jessica before nodding. "Ok thanks I have a list."
"When do you want to go?" He asks me and I look to the clock.
1:24 PM
"Thirty minutes?" I ask and he nods. I go back into my room and print off the list of 27 books.
Most fictional books I never read but now have some interest in, most have nothing to do with love.
I went to my room and got dressed into jeans and a To Writ Love on Her Arms t-shirt.
"Come on Virgil!" I heard John yell and ran out to meet him book list at hand. He smiled and followed me to the car.
"So why the need for books all of a sudden?" I shrugged and he studied me for a minute before starting the car. "I'm watching you." He said and I laughed nervously as John started the car and took off into the sky.
I ended up getting around 30 books much to John's joy and disappointment.
Tales of the Madmen Underground by John Barnes
Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan
Because I am Furniture by Thalia Chaltas
The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
Lost by Jaqueline Davies
Solace of the Road by Siobhan Dowd
The Orange Houses by Paul Griffin
Hold Still by Nina LaCour
Punkzilla by Adam Rapp
Love You, hate You, Miss You by Elizabeth Scott
In the Path Of Falling Objects by Andrew Smith
Flygirl by Sherri L Smith
Broken Soup by Jenny Valentine
Breathless by Jessica Warman
Runaway by Wendelin Van Draanen
The Running Dream by Wendelin Van Draanen
Any and every book by Alex Flinn
The Darkest Powers Trilogy by Kelley Armstrong
The entire Mortal Instruments series
Go Ask Alice by Beatrice Sparks
Incarceron by Catherine Fisher
The Adoration of Jenna Fox by Mary E Pearson
Cut by Patricia McCormick
Divergent by Veronica Roth
Paranormalcy by Kerstin White
I stopped there and John and I made our way to checkout a cart full of books. The woman at the desk looked at us strangely before boxing all the books and smiled as we left. "Thanks John."
"You think you can read all of these within a month?" I nodded and he shrugged before we went to the car. "I think we'd better get you a bookshelf too." I shrugged and we went into the nearest Wal-Mart.
John and I went over to the furniture and we bought a black bookcase that could fit into the back of our car and that looked easy enough to put together.
Once we got home I went to work putting up the book shelf and putting away the books. I grabbed Demon's Lexicon and started reading.
Around midnight I finished the book and lay on my bed I felt horrible I just wanted to give up, grab the knife again. I crept silently through the house until I was outside by the pool and breathed in the cool night air.
I pulled my IPod from my pocket and put on my Danielle Free Playlist that I'd created the day before. I looked at my phone 5 days since she texted me. Nearly a week….before I wouldn't let myself go a week without texting her and now I'm going to go a month. 24 more days.
It's only March 24th spring break ends April 18th the day before Danielle's birthday. I can do this. I told myself it can't be so hard. After all this is what I did last March. I went out with this girl and never realized I was hung up on her until about three weeks later when I got over her.
I looked over at the mainland wishing I were there wishing I were with Danielle. I have to get her out of my mind!
I walked forwards down the path until I came to the edge of the island. I grabbed a rock and threw it as hard as I could. It hit the water a good five meters away and I screamed angrily.
Breathe in breathe out
Something more by Secondhand Serenade. Stupid song by another stupid artist. Another stupid artist who accomplished his dreams.
What dreams do I have?
I sighed and went on Facebook on my IPod
You said you cared….liar
I wrote as my status and wanted to throw my IPod into the ocean with the rock.
I started taking off my jeans and t-shirt and before I knew it I was in the freezing cold ocean. I swam until my lungs burned and swam back. I could swim to the mainland if I wanted to….
I sighed and went back onto the sand and lay down tears streaming down my cheeks. I just want her near me…..
I want to stop feeling this way. I feel so stuck…..so hopeless!
I miss her too much….
I looked up at the stars. "Star light star bright first star I see tonight, I wish I may I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight. Whoever's out there I need help….I want to find somebody, somebody other than Danielle, I want somebody to love." I said before closing my eyes my teeth chattering from the cold and got up walking back up to the house.
That's how my nights went for three weeks. On the thirty first day without any word from Danielle I stood on the beach skipping rocks and wishing on the stars again.
"I wish Danielle would love me. I need some help if she's the one send her back and if she's not let me get over her….give me a distraction." I sighed and went on Facebook again. I went into my privacy settings and unblocked Danielle.
I set my computer down on the sand and jumped into the water again. I'd started wearing swim trunks when I came here.
I went to my computer and froze seeing the friend invitation. Danielle added me….
I pressed add and went into the water my heart pounding.
I waded into the ocean and dunked my head in swimming out again and back trying to burn some of my new found energy.
I see a message on my screen and swim back and sit on my towel. I wiped my hands off before checking the message.
Danielle; Heyy how are you?
Virgil: Alright, hbu?
I asked and we both knew what alright means. It means I'm not alright I'm falling apart.
Danielle: You ok?
She asked and I sighed starring at my computer as I suddenly felt happy and energetic. I was doing just fine until you messaged me! I was getting over you!
Virgil: I'm just fine.
I said hoping she remembered the meaning of fine.
Freaked out
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional
FINE
Danielle: You sure?
Of course she wouldn't remember just like she didn't bother to message me for three goddamn weeks!
Virgil: ya….i dunno…sure I'm fine
I said before she logged off. Ya because a depressed Virgil is too much to handle. Stupid bitch.
I went back into the water and swam for a while then back to my towel. I noticed my cell phone going off and sighed looking at the text.
Danielle; Hey sorry my friend spilt a drink on my computer. So what were we talking about?
There is no way I'm telling her what we were actually talking about!
Virgil: I can't remember….
I sighed lying back on the towel I didn't want a reply I just wanted the world to LEAVE ME ALONE!
Danielle: Oh well ok…I'd better go I'm drinking with some friends.
I sighed wanting to throw my phone into the ocean before putting it in my pocket and running up to the house.
I ran in throwing my phone down before I saw Scott on the couch.
"Hey Virgil. Seen the clock lately?" I looked at him then the clock and winced.
2:38AM
"Oops." I said and Scott stood up coming over.
"Want to tell me what's going on?" He asked and I shrugged sitting down on the futon beside him.
"Come on Virgil." I looked at him and he sat beside me. "Come on Virge you look like you're about to cry."
"I'm me I never cry." I said and Scott looked at me.
"You realize it's ok to cry right Virgil?" I shrugged and Scott looked at me. "I think this is my fault I never let you guys know it was ok, I was always the strong big brother….maybe too strong."
"It's not your fault Scott." I saw a look of pain cross his face making it obvious he thought it was.
"So what's up?" He asked and I shrugged.
"Just texting Danielle."
"Ok and why does that make you upset? I also meant more of why did you just get in? And why are you soaked?" He asked and I looked down noticing I was still in swim trunks.
"Oh….well I just. I feel more horrible when I text her….I'm trying to get over her….And I've been at the beach swimming every night." Scott looked at me before nodding.
"Ah ok….I thought that was Gordon." I shrugged and Scott looked at me. "Believe it or not I know what you're going through Virge." I nodded of course he does but that doesn't help me!
"Come here kiddo. It won't last forever." He said before pulling me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and shivered realizing how cold I really was.
"Come on get some pyjamas on." I nodded and went to my dresser and grabbed a pair of boxers and a long sleeved shirt. I disappeared into my bathroom and came back out climbing into bed.
"You staying?" I asked Scott and he nodded lying down on the futon. I liked having him here I'd missed my brother lately I'd read nearly every book and by reading nobody bothered me.
When I wasn't reading books I was reading music and playing the grand piano. Of course most songs I played were Mayday parade or Between The Trees. "Well dad's oblivious to everything, apparently you being suicidal was a 'stage' and you're happy the music you play is just depressing."
"Well dad's a lunatic." I said slightly aggravated.
"Ya well my theory is you miss her and it's tearing you apart." I shrugged looking at my phone….ya it's tearing me apart. "Did she message you?" I nodded and Scott sighed.
"Three weeks huh?" I looked at him wondering how he knew. "I saw it on your calendar." He said and pointed to the wall. I nodded looking at my calendar looking at the familiar picture of Austin, Texas the city lights reflecting in the water. Below the picture were the little X's and on today's date it said three weeks….do you care?
"Ya….right on the 21st day….I can't say she has bad timing." I said a knot in my stomach.
"ya…well get some sleep we both need it." I nodded and rolled over facing the wall letting a few tears fall silently before exhaustion overcame me.
Scott drove me to school the following week making sure I had everything and would be ok.
I honestly didn't know….
I got to the school my hands shaking violently, nervous of what everyone would think.
I stepped into my dorm room nervously and put my bag on my bed. "Virgil?" I heard a voice from the top bunk and stood on my mattress looking up seeing a very tired looking Jeff.
"Hey bud." I said and he smiled lightly. "How are you?" He shrugged and I jumped up so I was sitting beside him. "What's up?" I asked.
"Nothing's been the same without you Virgil. The silence you usually fill just hangs there and nobody says nothing." I put an arm on his shoulder unsure of what else to do.
"Come on I think we could both use some lunch." I said and Jeff nodded reluctantly as I jumped down. He climbed down slowly and I stood shocked at how skinny he looks. His elbows stuck out and he didn't look like himself. I lifted him and he felt like he was maybe one hundred maybe one hundred and ten pounds.
I set him down and we went to the cafeteria. "You're eating you need some meat on those bones if you want to do track next month." I said and he shrugged.
We went into the cafeteria and I swear whispers and eyes followed us. I shifted self-consciously as we sat at our table. Fang looked up smiling. "Virgil." He said and I smiled at him. "Welcome back." I nodded and looked at Max sitting beside Fang.
"I'm not as forgiving as Fang, Virgil you hurt everybody especially Jeff." I nodded looking at Jeff once more. He was mostly bone and suddenly I was angry with fang.
"Why didn't you guys check on him? Make sure he was eating?" Fang put a hand over Max's mouth and shrugged back to being Mr. Dead Silent….again. I knew he was just fuming and wanting to say something but too afraid to. Too afraid something might set me off. Now I was the aggravated one.
"What too afraid to open your mouth? I'm not gonna commit suicide just because of a few well deserved words." I said and his eyes narrowed before he shook his head.
"That's not what I'm afraid of Virge, I just don't have anything to say, you're right." He said and I couldn't help but smile. Virgil Grisson Tracy right? Well that's a first.
"Virgil." I heard too voices say at the same time and looked up seeing the clones Iggy and Gazzy. "We're so happy-" Iggy said
"You're back." Gazzy finished for him. I smiled at them and looked at Iggy.
"Where's Ella?" I asked him and he shrugged.
"She was in a depressed mood I couldn't handle it." He said and I looked at him raising my eyebrows.
"Not to mention he's been-" Gazzy started before Fang shot him a glare.
"Text me it, Gazzy." I said and he nodded whipping out his phone. Two seconds later I received the text.
Gazzy; Fang and Max broke up for a week and Iggy cheated on Ella with Max
My fists clenched and I nodded to him. "Well I'll be right back, somebody get Jeff some chow." I said and went out running to Ella's room. I knocked and not hearing anything tried the door.
I went in knocking. "Ella it's me, Virgil." I said and she looked up startled blade in her hand. I rushed forward plucking it out of her hands. Tears ran down her cheeks and I pulled her into my arms throwing the blade into the garbage across the room.
"What are you doing here?' She asked and I got butterflies in my stomach. NO! I thought I can't be getting feelings for my best friend's girlfriend!
"I got back today….Iggy said you were upset so I came here." I said and she hugged me harder.
"Can I have my blade?' She asked and I shook my head.
"No you'll hurt a lot of people. Me, Iggy, your parents, Jeff, Danielle. Our whole group you saw how messed up our group was when I left. Imagine if you were gone….forever. "
"Everyone would be better off." She said and I shook my head furiously pulling away and holding her at arm's reach.
"Nobody would be better off. If only things would be worse….especially since you convinced me I was worth it, you convinced me to keep on living." I said and she smiled a bit.
"I really want to kiss you." She says and I swear my face turns bright red. I wish she weren't Iggy's girl. "I know you want to kiss me too….but I can't hurt Iggy." She says and I nod wishing she hadn't thought of him.
"Ok." I say and she looks kind of sad. I wish she weren't dating Iggy.
"No knife ok?" I asked and she nodded before hugging me once more.
"Stay close….don't go…." She said and I hugged her wishing but I was terrified by one thought that barged into my head….
I still missed Danielle.
Ashley; Cut! That's a chapter
Virgil; Great so not only am I 'getting better' so to speak I like my best friend's girlfriend! Are you trying to kill me here!
Ashley; No not kill you, sir. Dobby only meant to maim or seriously injure.
Virgil; Not funny! Stupid Harry potter winning all the publicity.
John; Now, now Virgil it's ok. After all Harry saved uh….who's life did he save again?
Ashley; John are you having some memory loss? He saved your life.
John; Oh right…..
Virgil; So where have you been? It's been a month for God sakes!
Ashley; Well I could lock you in a closet for a month again if you don't watch your tone.
*Gordon walks in with George*
Virgil; ya you locked us in a closet with George….that thing has nasty farts
Gordon; It's ok George he doesn't mean it….I still love you.
John; Ay yi yi….I live in a mad house.