Sorry for taking so long! It's been a while since the last update, but I had a lot on my mind! I've been working almost 55 hours last week and helped friends moving on my day off, so I was rather busy and hardly got to write the story. On top of that my laptop broke down and I had to retrieve most of the data (and buy a new one) before I was able to continue writing. This chapter hasn't been too much fun to write as there are still a few paragraphs I don't like and I spent more time writing the dialogue for the very last chapter of this story instead. I hope you still enjoy reading. Interested to know are you Slexie or Maddison?
Patsy: Yeah, Derek acted like an ass and there's still a little more tension between Mer and Derek. As far as April goes: she did like she was told.
Bhavyam1998: Thank you for your feedback.
Chrissy: Big drama ahead. Very big drama.
Dora: Yeah, Derek has been McAss in the last chapter.
Sara: Hope you are enjoying this chapter!
Ellen: Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Susan: I hope you are going to enjoy this chapter. Quite a lot of MerDer interaction and lot's on Lexie, Mark and Addison (I'm not quite sold on how these three are going to end up).
Crissy: Hope you are getting off the cliff now!
Melanie: Sorry for taking so long. You surely must be delighted to have met Patrick.
Charlene: Sorry for taking so long to update. You are right about the drama.
Chloe: Thank you for taking the time to review!
Darlene: Thanks! I totally agree, it's weird to see Mer on her own on the show. It's been really painful to watch.
Linda: Thanks for the review!
Chapter 20
Surgeons can't be lazy. The risks are too great. The second we stop pushing ourselves, something terrible happens. Something we never see coming.
„Silvia Scususo, 28, suffered third degree burns while trying to escape a house fire. She's bradycardic." The paramedic shouted. Lexie stood in front of the gurney and froze. The woman grabbed her Shirt and pulled her a little closer to herself and whispered. „I'm pregnant, please make sure my baby is fine."
Lexie nodded and screamed to one of her interns „Page Teddy Altman, Addison Montgomery and Mark Sloan." Another intern tried to help her to get the woman into one of the separate trauma rooms. „I'll make sure you get the best care possible." Lexie said with a smile.
„Can you call my husband for me?" the black haired woman asked Lexie „He's overseas. His name is Anthony"
„Where is he?" Lexie wondered. „My sister and her husband are in Bahrain at the minute"
„In Iraq. He didn't want to come back for another 7 weeks, the baby is due in 8 weeks." She said before shivering „Hell, can you get m a blanket I'm freezing."
„I'm afraid those are your neurons! But it's a good sign! It really is. Don't worry. I'm going to sedate you to make the pain manageable" Lexie said.
„What do we got, Grey?" Addison Montgomery entered the room and looked at the sedated patient.
„Burn victim, 32 weeks pregnant. I thought you had to check if the baby was okay." Lexie summarized and another person entered the room. Addison and Lexie both looked at the surgeon who had just entered the room.
„Oh hey, I didn't know you were…" Mark said with a little hesitation.
„Dr. Sloan, I need you to examine her burns." Lexie said. „She needs help. She's all alone and she needs someone"
„What are you doing here, Addison?" Mark wondered.
„… reminding you that you can't live without me." Addison said slightly annoyed. So far she had done her best trying to avoid him, but now she had to deal with him. He looked annoyed and she knew he was going to yell at her so she added „Relax, I'm doing my job. Grey paged me. She's pregnant. I'm just making sure the baby is okay."
Mark swallowed and tried hard to focus on his work. He walked out of the room and told Lexie „I have to get her into the OR immediately. I don't like how her skin is looking like right now, I have to make a few cuts to ensure that the skin transplants are going to work. You can scrub in if you want to."
At the same time Meredith and Jackson were rounding on patients with Derek. While everyone on the outside might have considered Meredith and Derek to be one of the happiest couples they ever met, the tension between them was more than noticeable in professional situations even though both of them tried their best to act as normal as possible in front of the patients. „What's up? Ms. Radigan, you're still having these headaches and ringing in the ears?" Derek asked when he walked into the room of a woman in her mid 50s who was waiting there with one of her friends
„All day long. It's driving me crazy." She admitted. Derek opened her chart and pulled out her latest scan while Meredith and Jackson observed.
„It's caused by a buildup of fluid in your skull. So what we will do is insert a shunt, and that will relieve the pressure on your brain." Derek explained and showed what he was going to do.
"What do you mean, "we"? You're doing the actual tube part in the brain, right, - N - not them?" the friend asked.
"Excuse her. She's a school teacher. She talks to everyone like they're hiding gum behind their back." The patient joked and everyone smiled,
„that's all right." Derek said „She can ask questions. Dr. Grey and Dr. Avery are residents. They're very talented. One of them will be performing the procedure, and I will be observing and stepping in if something happens- which it wont."
"A trainee cutting into Ellie's brain? No." the friend insisted
„I know it sounds like a leap, but these doctors study and assist for years. At some point, we have to let them operate. That's how we make new surgeons." Derek said, but the friend was concerned and insisted. "Let them learn on someone else."
"Who, someone who's too scared to interrogate the doctors?" the patient tried to calm her friend down "They have to learn on someone. Might as well be an old lady."
"You're my old lady." the friend said with a smile on her face. "This should be my call."
„I won't let them move a muscle without my direction and approval." Derek assured both of them.
"You're a teacher, Joanne. Let the kids learn." The patient insisted and looked at her friend who smiled and looked at the two young surgeons. "She's my life. She has been my life for 40 years."
They walked out of the room and Jackson looked at Derek while Meredith tried to avoid him as good as she could considering that she was on his service „Who gets to cut?" the young Avery asked.
„I want to get a look at both of you with a drill before I decide who gets the shunt." Derek smiled and looked at Meredith who still tried to look away „Skills lab seems like a fair way to go. Don't let me regret this! I usually wouldn't let you go near this surgery, but the Chief told us to delegate more of our work to residents and as one of you insisted they could have debulked a tumor the other week, I'd like to see your skill in the lab."
Jackson coughed "Competing with the wife? Like that's not a stacked deck."
„Well, it's a game, really. So all you have to do is win, which you won't." Meredith teased him,
„Callie… um… I came to check on…." Arizona walked into Callie's room. She had been on bed rest for a few hours and Addison had started an IVF to stop pre term labor. Arizona wasn't sure what do say and mumbled „Are you okay? I just wanted to make sure you …"
Callie's eyes were full of fear as she looked at Arizona and yelled „Do I look okay? No, I'm not okay, I'm definitely not okay. I'm on bedrest because I almost lost my baby." Her voice echoed in the hall and were followed by a few seconds of silence.
„I'm here for you. I came back because of you." Arizona said cautiously. She looked at Callie and it broke her heart that she couldn't stand by her side.
„Well, I never asked you to. I don't need your help." Callie said „Last time I talked to you I ruined Africa for you!"
„You did ruin it for me!" Arizona nodded. „Because I noticed, I realized that I can't live without you."
„I can live without you." Callie said. Was it really too late Arizona wondered as Callie continued „It took me a long time to figure out how, but I can live without you."
As they both stood there neither one knowing what to say a nurse came in and looked at Callie „You paged. What's the matter?"
„Get her out of my room! I don't want to talk to her." Callie demanded.
The nurse looked at Arizona. She saw the scrubs and the lab coat „But she's a doctor." The nurse said and Arizona tried to reason with Callie. „Callie, come on! It doesn't have to be like that." All she needed was a little time to explain.
„She's a pediatric surgeon. Last time I checked I wasn't a child." Callie snapped „So come on, get her out of my room! I don't want to see her."
„Callie, we need to talk!" Arizona insisted and her eyes filled with tears.
„I don't know what we would have to talk about! We are over." Callie told her.
A tear ran down Arizona's cheek as she said „I love you Callie."
„You really have to leave Dr. Robbins" the nurse said with a friendly smile „Dr. Montgomery said she has to avoid stress."
„I'm going to leave this room now because I love you and you need to rest" Arizona said.
„I'll be more relaxed and rested once you are gone." Callie smiled while Arizona walked out of the room.
„Addison left me. But it's not your fault and I'm still trying to be your dad. I'll help you to take care of the baby."
„Mark, I have to talk to you. I can't raise this baby." Sloan told him.
„I'll raise it for you, I'm a great dad." Mark encouraged her.
„We both know that if you raise that baby, it's still going to be my child. You get a chance to be free, to grow up without the responsibility of a child. You did pretty good for yourself by not having to take care of me. Don't you think I deserve that too?" Sloan asked.
„I'm going to support you." Mark tried to reassure her.
„They already found a family. They are going to love that child."
„What's his problem?" Cristina wondered while observing how Jackson threw away half a dozen eggs.
„Derek's got us competing for a brain shunt insertion. The egg is the skull. You can break the shell, But you can't break the membrane." Meredith explained and smiled "Damn it! I feel bad for him. He's kind of losing it."
„I shouldn't be in charge of anybody." Cristina said
„Just put one foot in front of the other. Just get through the day." Meredith smiled and Jackson threw away another egg.
„Grey! You broke my concentration." Jackson said out loud.
Thirty minutes later Derek came back to check on Jackson's and Meredith's progress „Okay, 30 seconds. If neither one of you breaks the membrane, I'm going to have to judge you on precision, so make sure your initials are clean and clear."
„Stop talking! Five, four Three, two, one. Time." He count down and started to look at Meredith egg „Ah. What do you got? Oh, not bad". He handed the egg back to her and walked over to Jackson's table. „What about you, Dr. Avery?"
„I just wish I had more time." Jackson said while handing over the egg to Derek „. Oh, really? You did your whole name?" Derek said.
„What?! You conned me." Meredith exclaimed in shock.
„I don't know what you're talking about." Jackson smiled victoriously.
„He hustled me". Meredith said looking at Derek "He went through two dozen eggs And made me think I didn't have to practice."
„Well, if you didn't practice, Meredith, You were overconfident. Dr. Avery, congratulations. You have the surgery."
There was an uncomfortable tension in the OR. Lexie, Mark, Addison and Teddy were preparing the OR and were about to start when Addison decided to inform Mark about the baby's condition. „Not everything you are doing is right, Addison! I know what I'm doing here. I'm a damn good surgeon if you want to know the truth." Mark started bickering after Addison had told him that the baby's vitals didn't look great.
„I know that, Mark, but as it turns out you have a hard time prioritizing everything vital." Addison suggested.
Lexie felt extremely uncomfortable. „Shut up, both of you, shut up!" She yelled „We are in the OR and you have a critical patient in front of you, so do your freaking job and help her and for a second ignore who slept with whom in this room.
„Are you…? Mark, …" Addison looked at Mark in shock.
„Oh my god you told her." Lexie looked at Mark.
„Told me what?" Addison wondered and looked at Lexie. The look on the resident's face made her realize „Oh my god, you screwed little Grey. We are broken up for a day and you … don't tell me you jumped into bed with her."
„You haven't told her?" Lexie asked Mark.
„You broke up with me, Addison!" Mark said.
Lexie was shocked and looked at Addison. She never intended to destroy their family. „Listen, I'll go, I'll leave this OR and the two of you are going to focus on saving her. It was meaningless sex. I was confused and he was confused. It didn't mean a thing."
„I can't believe you slept with her. She's an infant and she's Derek's sister in law." Addison yelled and everyone in the OR looked at her.
„We were… are broken up, Addison. I was confused and vulnerable?" Mark tried to explain, but the words he used made Addison furious.
„Confused and vulnerable? Is that what you are trying to tell yourself?" Addison dismissed his statement.
„I just wanted to inform her that her husband is calling and asking how she is." One of the nurses interrupted.
„Tell him to come as soon as possible because sometimes you have to tell the people you love that you love them." Mark said and couldn't take his eyes away from Addison. The neonatal surgeon added „Tell him that and that we'll have to consider delivering the child if she doesn't stabilize. Tell him that she's a fighter and that she'll pull through. Let's get started."
„I'll start the incision now." Teddy said.
„I'm sorry you had to hear this, you probably think I'm nuts." Addison told Teddy Altman as both women were cleaning their hands after surgery.
„Oh, you are talking to a person who just moved half way across the country to get a second chance with a guy she has been in love with forever only to find out that he hired me to appease his little resident girlfriend. I'm not passing judgement on anyone." Teddy laughed.
„I love him, don't get me wrong, I really do. I love him, and we have a beautiful daughter together, but every time I look into his eyes I just feel like deep down he's in love with somebody else." Addison admitted. Even if there wasn't someone, there was something. Something that was hard to overcome.
„Has he told you he's in love with somebody else?" Teddy wondered.
„No" Addison answered.
„Well, you still have the time to make him realize how much he's in love with you" Teddy smiled „It's never to late to make him realize that it's not too late"
„Overconfident my ass." Meredith mumbled.
„Sloan is about to leave. And Mark is super pissed off because of it. He took Maria and stayed at the house." Lexie told Meredith who wasn't really paying attention at first, but wondered „Why would he stay at the house?"
„He had nowhere to go and he knew we had the nursery. Addison was on call." Lexie said.
„They seemed so perfect. It really is a small thing, don't you think so?" Meredith wondered.
„He is perfect" Lexie nodded „really perfect. Way too perfect."
„Don't tell me you have a crush on Sloan! He has a kid and he's happy being a dad. Before Addison arrived here he was an unbearable manwhore." Meredith looked at her.
„So was Alex before he met Izzie and now we are dating and he's actually sort of sweet. … " Lexie smiled.
„You know what? You can't be having feelings for Karev. He's like Meredith three years ago." Cristina cut in.
„I said that – weeks ago." Meredith giggled.
„I don't have feelings for Alex." Lexie insisted.
„Yes, you do. Your heart's, like, in your vagina." Cristina replied.
"I slept with Mark" Lexie stated and looked at Meredith.
„Last night?" Meredith wondered. It would have explained why he had chosen to stay the night, but Lexie provided a different answer.
"Two weeks ago."
„Your heart really lives in your vagina." Cristina laughed as Lexie got up and left the room and screamed „Oh, my god. You are both monsters. Oh my God, is that Dr. Robbins?"
„I thought she was in Africa. But wow, that's her." Meredith said as the three women observed a blonde woman in navy blue scrubs walking down the hall.
"That's the reason Callie has been mad for a week you morons." Cristina suggested.
„Do you think she came back because of Callie? That would be so romantic." Lexie wondered.
„To waste an opportunity like that and let a wonderful scholarship go to waste. Yah!"Cristina nodded.
„I'm Anthony Scusoso. My wife has been admitted with burns three days ago. I took the first flight out."
L: „I'll take you to her room, but you'll have to prepare yourself. What you are about to see is not easy."
„Do you know her? She's such a sweetheart. She doesn't deserve this."
„I talked to her when she was admitted. She was asking for you."
„How's the baby?"
„Dr. Montgomery is going to talk to you about the baby. She's your wife's OBGYN here. I'll page her and she'll come to see you once she's out of surgery. But as of now, the baby is fine."
The door of Callie's room opened. For a second she feared that Arizona was going to try to talk to her again. „I wanted to check on you, Callie. Lexie said you needed a few things. Can I come in?" George asked
„Sure." Callie nodded.
„Are you okay? I mean obviously you are not okay because you are on bed rest and almost lost your child." George stammered „What I meant to ask you was are you feeling better and do you need anything?"
„The bleeding stopped. They just want to make sure I can carry her to term." Callie said.
„That's good, I guess." George said and handed over a bag to Callie „I brought a few bits and pieces, Lexie let me use her key. I brought your gaming console and clothes."
„Thanks. You remembered how much I like to play when I'm bored?" Callie asked.
„I do. I don't regret anything we did or were, Callie." George smiled „I remember a lot of things. I remember your pet ferret."
„You know, if I make it through this, maybe you can be uncle George." Callie smiled „Uncle George wouldn't be too bad."
„Uncle George?" George wondered.
„You don't want to?" Callie wondered after noticing George's hesitation.
„Oh no, I do, I'm just surprised. I'd … I'd be delighted." George smiled.
„You realize that you'll never be more than this, do you?" Callie wondered
„I do Callie, and I want you to rest now because the past few days have been too stressful for you and our… your child." George emphasized the last two words before adding „I'll go and check on my patients."
„Thank you, George. Thank you for looking out for me."
Jackson, Meredith and Derek stood in the OR. Jackson was about to start and Derek explained the whole procedure one last time. „The minute I hand you this drill, you're on your own. You may have hustled Dr. Grey, but you better not have hustled me." He looked at Meredith who looked away. "This is not a game. This is a real brain."
„I got it. I'm ready." Jackson nodded.
„Dr. Shepherd, Lexie grey is paging for a consult, repeatedly. She said she already paged Nelson and the other on call surgeon, but they are also busy." The nurse held up Derek's pager.
„I'm in surgery. Dr. Grey, go." Derek commanded.
„Well, are you sure? I wouldn't want to be overconfident." Meredith smiled and walked out of the OR.
„Where's Shepherd? I paged Shepherd." Lexie said when Meredith walked into the room.
„You got me." Meredith said apologetically.
„Are you her boss? 'cause there's something seriously wrong here." The woman next to the patient said.
„I am." Meredith said.
Lexie was nervous „Okay, um, she's- she's post-op day two from a tibial plateau fracture. She- she was fine all day, fine, and then ten minutes ago, She started complaining of headache, blurred vision And tingling on the left side of her body. I- I ordered a stat head CT. I cannot believe that you're the neuro consult."
„Is she on blood thinners?" Meredith wondered. She knew it was something common for ortho patients.
„Yes, for DVT prophylaxis." Lexie nodded.
Meredith checked her pupils and looked at the CT Lexie had ordered. „She's got a brain bleed. Let's book an OR"
„- H - how didn't I see this coming?" Lexie asked, but Meredith knew she did all she could „Did you check her platelets?"
„Yes".
„And everything was normal?" Meredith checked.
„Until now, yes." Lexie confirmed. She had seldom experienced a patient deteriorating like this so quickly.
„Okay, well, you checked her platelets, you got a CT., you called neuro. You did everything right. The only thing you're doing wrong Is standing around talking about it, wasting time, While we should be getting her to the OR." Lexie smiled.
„You totally sounded like an attending." Lexie laughed
„Right? Let's page Derek 9-1-1."
„Somebody wants to see you" Cristina said as she walked into Sloan's room. The girl was sitting up at her bed while Mark was sitting in a chair holding the baby.
„So this is it." Mark bit his lip and looked at the infant for one last time as two men took over for him.
„Hello, we are here to pick up our baby." One of them greeted him.
„Goodbye, little guy. You are going to have a great life there. You'll be surrounded by people who love you and who believe in you and they all want the best for you. I hope you take great care of you!" Mark said as one last goodbye to his grandson. This was probably the last time he'd see him.
„Oh, we will, we will." The other guy nodded.
„Here's the diaper bag and this little teddy bear and he'll fall asleep if you sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' to him" Mark said and handed over all the items.
„We are going to love him. He's gorgeous. And we are forever grateful. We know this can't be easy." The black haired guy explained and turned to Sloan „Do you want to see your baby before we leave?"
„No, I'm fine and he's going to be fine not having me for his mother." Sloan said „I'll never be able to love him like he deserves it."
„Goodbye little guy. I'm going to miss you." Mark said and kissed the baby's forehead.
„Do you think I'm a horrible person for giving him away?" Sloan looked at Cristina.
„No, you did what you had to do. You don't love that child because you don't think you are cut out to be a mom. You don't get warm gooey feelings when you see a baby you don't smile when he's pooping his diapers." Cristina said.
„Yeah and he thinks I'm a horrible person." Sloan said referring to Mark. She knew what he was really thinking.
„You aren't. You made the choice that was best for your baby." Cristina smiled „Ultimately it's your decision"
One of the nurses held the phone in her hand and looked at Derek. Ever since Meredith had left the OR, Lexie had called every 5 minutes. "Dr. Shepherd, it's Dr. Grey again. Meredith Grey." The nurse said.
Derek observed Jackson and explained the next steps. „Just passing the ventriculostomy tube now."
„Almost there." Jackson nodded.
„All right. Take your time, Dr. Avery." Derek sensed his nervosity, but as he explained "You want to make sure that—" Jackson screwed up. "Damn it. Damn it. Damn it." Derek cursed and asked Jackson to step back "Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I- what did you do?"
"Is there anything I can do or—" Jackson asked insecurely.
„I don't know, Avery." Derek snapped „Is there anything you can do?
Meredith got more impatient by the second. The pressure inside her patient's head was rising and she needed relieve soon. „Where are you?" she asked Derek who was on the other side of the line.
"Uh, we're having a problem." Derek explained „I'm fixing it now."
„Okay, I've got a post-op ortho patient on DVT prophylaxis with a subdural hematoma. Derek, she's got a blown pupil. Nelson is in surgery and I can't get a hold of the on call neuro surgeon." Meredith said on the phone.
„I'm not going to be there for a while, So you gotta take care of it yourself." Derek said.
This wasn't the response Meredith had expected „What?" she asked surprised.
„You wanted a solo surgery today. Now's your chance." Derek said „Don't screw up"
Meredith took a deep breath and turned to the nurse who was standing beside her „Take point. I need loops and a headlight."
„Here you go, doctor." She smiled.
„Okay, scalpel." Meredith said as she stepped to the table.
Addison and Mark were observing their patient's reunion with her husband „He's so happy.
I'm sure she wouldn't have thought he'd be the one visiting her in the hospital."
„You want to start your life as a family and then all of sudden from one moment to the next everything changes. She won't be able to hold her baby in a very long time." Addison said quietly.
„Not without excruciating pain." Mark nodded.
„But it's the pain that makes you feel alive and that makes you appreciate the love we feel for one another." Addison said as she observed how the husband held their baby for the first time.
„We can figure this out" Mark nodded
„We can figure this out." Addison nodded. „Even if it's painful to get there."
„Fresh start." Mark smiled.
„We can do this" Addison nodded „see you at home"
Meredith and Lexie both looked at the open brain in front of them. „Did you just stop that bleeder?"
„Uh-huh. I think I did." Meredith nodded.
„How did you even know to do that?" Lexie wondered.
„Sorry I'm late." Derek came in wearing his ferryboat scrub cap.
„That's okay. Lexie made a good call. I've got it under control." Meredith smiled while Derek approached the table. „What do we got?"
„Let me finish, Derek. I got this." Meredith smiled finishing the last steps.
„Yes, you do." Derek nodded. „I'll pick up Christopher and drive home"
"Oh my God, that was amazing!" Lexie said in total admiration for what her sister had just done in the OR. As they washed their hands after surgery Lexie looked around to make sure they were on their own „I'm going to tell you something now Mer and I need you to promise me that you won't tell anybody and that you don't judge."
"Did you kiss George again or sleep with Mark before you paged me?" Meredith joked.
"Oh, no, god no, no. You know about Alex and me." Lexie said.
"But?" Meredith looked at her.
"I slept with Mark" Lexie admitted and Meredith couldn't help herself but laugh.
"Yes. So what do you say?" Lexie wondered. Meredith looked at Lexie for a second and seriously wondered what her sister expected her to say. Mark Sloan was a manwhore and Alex was Meredith in her intern year. "I say, it's for you to decide" Meredith smiled „and your heart really lives in your vagina."
"It doesn't." Lexie said offended „They are both decent guys and I don't want to ruin them. I just feel like I'm everyone's second choice."
"Well, find someone who'd pick you over everyone else. Maybe you shouldn't be with either one." Meredith said cautiously.
"Yeah I should really find somebody like that." Lexie said.
"Dad asked why you haven't called him in 3 months." Meredith told her. Thatcher had called her two days ago and asked whether she knew what was wrong with her and she wasn't too sure.
"My life is a mess." Lexie stated.
"So what? He's your dad. He doesn't care." Meredith said. „Just call him"
The front door opened as Derek was preparing dinner at the house. Meredith walked in holding Christopher. Derek looked at her and smiled. He was grateful that he was waking up to this every single moment and eventually he had realized that he had something to make up for. Meredith did a fantastic job on so many levels. "You amaze me Meredith! Everyday I discover another thing I love about you. I'm proud of you and you were right, I was jealous the other day. I don't get to be in the OR as often as I want to." Derek admitted.
Meredith didn't pay much attention to what Derek was telling her. All she had eyes for was her son whose hands looked like he had bathed them in tomato soup. "I'm proud of our son. He ate his meal on his own today, with his own two little hands. Look at those hands. The little tomatoes were his favorite and he ate like 5 or 6 of them. Lexie and I watched him during lunch. He ate his lunch on his own. He's so grown up."
Derek looked at both of them and smiled, but wondered how the backseat of their car might look like if Christopher's hands were looking like that "He really is. Let's see how good you eat on your own now. I made enchiladas."
„You are my favorite cook. So gifted." Meredith smiled.
"And I didn't even need a skills lab." He teased her a little bit. At this point in time he knew that both of them had realized they had been wrong.
„You knew this was going to happen." Meredith said referring to the outcome of her duel with Jackson.
"I did. It happens when we are too confident. After last week I did." Derek nodded „You didn't have control over your feelings the whole week. You let your emotions come in the way of being a good surgeon. You were mad and …"
"I was arrogant in there. I know." Meredith grumbled and added „Thanks Derek!"
„For doing what?" Derek wondered as he placed their food on plates and put them onto the kitchen counter.
Meredith smiled and answered „For showing me all those things I thought I never wanted to do. I never thought I could have or could do. I might be mad at you, but you enable me to do those things"
"You did very well in the OR, not every resident would have handled an emergency craniotomy the way you did. I mean Avery screwed up with a shunt insertion. But you are a 3rd year resident and you have a lot to learn yet. You kept calm." Derek praised her.
"I wasn't. You know, I don't even feel proud of myself." Meredith admitted „My mom was usually very cold. But the night she came home after winning her first Harper-Avery Award she hugged me and told me that she didn't win that award, she earned it. It was one of the few days were she actually seemed to be happy. She even apologized for not taking me and we had our own little ceremony in the kitchen. She told me she was proud of me that night because I was such a big girl. I think I was eight or nine. I don't think she ever told me she was proud on any other occasion."
"She would have been very proud of you today. Any mother would be and regardless of that I'm proud of you and you can be very proud of yourself" Derek insisted
Meredith looked at him. "No, because I was so scared in there and she was able to smell fear. Don't laugh I'm serious. It's so different if you are acting as lead surgeon."
Derek kissed her neck and whispered "You did very well in there, Meredith. I couldn't have done it any better. You were flawless."
In the mean time Meredith was observing Christopher's attempt to push his body up and walk "You know I'm going to cry if Christopher takes his first step in daycare. I mean it feels like he's going to take them any minute now."
So we may not always be winners. But we're not lazy. We take chances, we go for broke, swing for the fences... And sometimes, yeah. We strike out. But sometimes, you get a home run.
„Arizona, I told you I didn't want you in here!" Callie said after Arizona had entered her room for the second time that day.
Arizona was unimpressed and started to say everything that had been on her mind ever since she had been back from Africa „No Callie, listen! I disappointed you! I left you to go to Africa! I left you and it was the biggest mistake of my life! You might refuse to talk to me Callie, but I love you! I love that you want to be a mom so badly that you went through IVF all by yourself. I love you, Callie and I can't stand not talking to you. You are the most wonderful person I know. Please think about us again! Please take me back!" she begged.
„I don't want to be with you! Leave me alone!" Callie said „Leave the room"