Chapter 20

Carrots, cut in small pieces, a lot of soup and very soft biscuits. That was pity. Loki had all food arranged for my needs or what he thought my needs were. For that I couldn't be thankful. He treated me like a weeping child, which was embarrassing. Compared to him I am a baby, but that is unimportant. I didn't need his pity as I had enough of it. Furthermore, I surely didn't need a guarding dog sitting in a chair in the corner of my chamber, or the same dog sleeping on my bed. Okay, technically it is his room and his bed, but that doesn't give Loki the right to squeeze his way in everything I do.

I wasn't happy or content in Asgard, but sadly there is nothing on Earth for me. It was devastating to know that all I have now is Loki. Under the mask of Odin, he is my only support. And some support he is, I felt so weak in his company. Nothing could get in his way, he was untouchable and I, so damaged. Loki would wake me from my nightmares, hold my hair while throwing up blood, make bubble baths... I wondered why he did anything for me. I couldn't give him anything in return, only the stone he would need to carve it out of my chest.

People talk.

"About what?"

Allfather visiting his new mistress every night.

"Which mistress?"

Lady Sif. I was of course sarcastic.

"She never seemed to be an Allfather's type. He sees her rarely these days.''

You rarely see anyone, but me.

"My company bothers you then."

Don't make foolish assumptions.

"You don't like me much, what else can I think?"

You just want me to say that is not the case.

His smile confirmed my words. Wicked bastard. He knew very well I like him, if I didn't I wouldn't tolerate his bullshit. I had my freedom to tell him off every now and then, but I didn't want to push. In a way I thought of him to be alike me, alone and lonely in this cruel world. It was dangerous, but I wasn't afraid of him. Partly because I didn't invade his thoughts. Who knows what I would see in his head. If he ever thought of killing me, I would rather not know.

There were plenty opportunities for me to take a peek into his head, just like one at the moment. Loki was sleeping with his head on my lap while I was reading one of the books I took from the library. I had my fingers in his hair and one small touch on his skin would be enough to read him without him ever finding out, but I draw my hand back. Tried to take my mind off with the book, but I've found myself admiring his aesthetically pleasing face. Loki never slept fully relaxed, but this time he was exactly that. Turning to make himself more comfortable, his hand touched mine and I saw hell.

I saw how often he thought about me, imagining all kinds of things we could do together or what he could do to me. I was a snake seducing him while wrapping my tail around his neck. He didn't allow himself to trust me, he needed to control me so I wouldn't control him. He wanted to skin me alive, see what I am made of. I was in his darkest thoughts, his desires. He needed me and thought of every possible way to replace me. In a way truly wicked, Loki wanted to kill me as much as he wanted to fuck me.

I never wanted to see any of these, but I did and there is no turning back now. I knew I had to do something, but I was unsure what. If I run out of the room and hide, he will eventually find me. Only way I could be safe from him is if I jump from Bifrost, but then I'm dead. The person I've chosen to be the one to protect me might as well become one to kill me. Loki didn't want to need me and that is why I needed to make sure he never stops needing me. For now, I needed time think.

"Sneaking out of bed?" I didn't notice when he woke.

Just like real mistress.

"You're still not Odin's type, he prefers blondes." Loki had this smile on his face. It was cute. So was the plot to kill me, but at the moment I held on small detail. I never asked what he did with Odin, but he keeps speaking about him in the present tense and I know grammar.

But we are not talking about Odin here. Is half-dead miserable mortal to your liking?

"You just want me to say you're not miserable."

No need Loki, I know I am not. I've seen it in your head honey, but you will never know. I have a history with people far thirstier for blood than this spoiled child playing with a king's crown. I was beginning to like him, but I like oxygen in my lungs too. What could one expect from someone ready to betray family that raised him? I admit we all have our desires and aspirations, but those don't compare to mine. Loki will need me more than he ever needed anything else. If not. I smell treason.

I want you to say you like me. But we both know that won't happen in my lifetime.

"Isabella…" He sat up. He was serious. "I like you." I let out some sort of laugh.

How about coffin with nice purple velvet inside? Burial under tree? Nice flowers on my grave, daffodils maybe? Anassembly singing some touching song. A priest reading from Bibble, people who are present at my funeral tearing up and praying to save my soul. Hmm, I could use a beer now and just imagine if the beer is so good on the Earth, how good would be up in the heavens. Heavenly beer. But lets face it, I will be turning barbecue in hell and why I think of all this is simple. If Loki likes me…

Then I'm already dead.

Time passes fast.