Author's Note: The title of this chapter is "Feelings". But what kind of feelings you may ask? The physical kind? The emotional kind? Guess you'll just have to read to find out. :) What do you think the feelings are?
Chapter 19
"Feelings"
On Monday morning, Auggie cleared his throat after getting out of the shower. Annie looked up from the dresser she was sitting at and said "Yes?"
"Ummm, Annie. How would you like to get out of here for the evening?" Auggie asked out of the blue surprising Annie.
"What do you mean?" Annie questioned.
"Well, I know you're allowed to go off campus at times. I just wondered if you wanted to get out of here. Just to see what it's like for you. I remember having to take countless field trips into the "real world" when I was in rehab, I learned more on these field trips then I'll ever admit." Auggie said smiling to himself.
"Well, I do that with my instructors sometimes, like going to the grocery stores, parks, theatres, or museums to be able to experience different terrains and environments with my wheelchair. I guess I learn to ask for help when I need it while there too. But I haven't gone out by myself." She told him. "What did you have in mind?" Annie asked slightly nervous. She was nervous about what people would think of her now in a wheelchair. What if she saw someone she knew? How would she cope with their questions?
"I was just thinking maybe dinner? Don't get me wrong, the foods alright here, but I could do for something a little better." Auggie said trying not to indicate his original plan.
"Oh my goodness, Auggie of course! How could I be so selfish? You've been staying with me now for nearly a month and you have not left for anything not work related." Annie realized. "Sure, let's go out tonight. I'll ask my driving instructor if I can borrow one of the facilities cars for the evening." Annie said. She couldn't believe she hadn't thought he might need to get out of this place. She had been almost fearful to leave since arriving the second time. This was a comfortable place to her-a place where she was accepted, where no one thought of her as less than capable.
Auggie immediately felt guilty. He didn't want her to think he regretted this time with her at all. But, he was also not ready to spill all right here and now. So he needed the rouse of dinner to be able to finally speak his mind.
"Already done." Auggie said interrupting Annie's thoughts. "You can borrow the Corolla they have. The instructor mentioned something about your liking that one best right now."
"Yeah, it is almost identical to the car I'm buying. So I feel like it's best to practice with the car most similar to what mine will be." Annie told him. It still bothered her that she had to buy a new car. She loved her old cars. But neither car could be fitted with hand-controls, so for now they would both stay in storage. She had not discussed what to do with Auggie's car with him yet. She honestly wasn't even sure he knew why she couldn't drive it. She had not mentioned it at all.
"Hey, you don't have to convince me. I'm good in any car you drive as long as I get shot gun."
"You trust me?" Annie said playfully.
"Always." Auggie said seriously.
Later that night, after all of Annie's therapies, classes, and lessons, the two were in the car heading to the restaurant. Annie was taking directions from Auggie. He had not told her where they were going yet, but he promised everything would be perfect when they got there.
"You're going to take the next right and we will be there." Auggie said just a few minutes into the drive.
"Wow, that was a short drive." Annie commented when she realized the restaurant was less than 5 minutes from the rehab center.
"I know you're still not the most comfortable with driving again, so I wanted to keep it close. We can go somewhere else if you want. This place has amazing reviews, but if you'd prefer something more low key, we can try somewhere else." Auggie said as she turned off the engine. He knew that Flemings was a little pricey, but given the occasion he didn't mind.
"No this place is fine. I've also heard good things about it. I'm glad I listened to you when you told me to dress up a little." Annie said before Auggie exited the vehicle. As he got out he made his way to the rear of the car and waited for Annie to get out. As Annie unbuckled her seat belt, she mentally prepared to get out herself. This was her first public outing without an instructor present as a wheelchair user. Pushing her seat back as far as it would go, she grabbed her wheelchair she had stowed in the backseat, and maneuvered it outside the car. After unfolding it, putting the wheel back on and making sure all the parts were locked together, she transferred from the car's seat to her wheelchair.
Shutting and locking the door behind her, she moved to the back of the car to meet Auggie, she said shyly, "Sorry to make you wait, I'll get faster at doing that." She came up beside him and tapped his hand with her own, offering him sight guide. He took it finding her shoulder. Holding his cane diagonally as he walked slightly behind her wheelchair, they made their way to the entrance of the restaurant where the hostess was immediately there to hold the door open. Annie wasn't sure if this was common practice or because she was in a wheelchair, but she remained quiet about it.
"It's okay, I understand what you're going through." Auggie said behind her, but before he could continue the line of thought the hostess approached them.
"Can I help you sir?" The hostess spoke to Auggie.
"Reservation for two, under Anderson." He told the hostess. "I called ahead this morning."
"Yes sir, we have you on our list. There isn't a booth available right now, will a table work?"
"No, I specifically asked for a booth, we will wait." Auggie said a little upset that they weren't prepared for them. He had told them of their special circumstances of his blindness and his date being in a wheelchair. He understood that it was easier for Annie to sit with the support of a bench style seat rather than a hard back chair.
"Yes sir. I'm sorry for any inconvenience. Your table will be ready in 5-10 minutes." The hostess told Auggie. "There are benches behind you on either side of the entrance if you two would like to sit while you wait." The hostess told them before going to her next task.
"Well, I'm good where I am." Annie said jokingly. "The bench is about three meters behind us." Auggie stepped to the side so Annie could maneuver her wheelchair in a small circle to head in the opposite direction. Once again Annie tapping his hand to offer him sighted guide.
Once they approached the bench, Annie took Auggie's hand from her shoulder and put it on the bench. Auggie sat down as Annie settled beside the bench. Annie was a little self-conscious sitting there in the middle of the walk way.
After a few minutes, the hostess came back to get them. "You're table is ready. Please come this way."
"Miss, could you guide Auggie to the table please. The walk way is a little narrow for me to use our usual guide method. I will be behind you Auggie." Annie asked the hostess swallowing her pride. She hated admitting that she could not guide Auggie right now.
After a moment of awkwardness, the hostess was guiding Auggie to their table as Annie rolled her wheelchair behind them. As they slowly followed she couldn't help, but think every pair of eyes were on her. Each table she passed seemed to begin conversing about them as soon as she was beyond it.
Once at the table, the waitress put Auggie's hand on the back of the booth so that he could orient himself to sit down. After Auggie was sitting, he asked, "do you need help getting up to the bench? I didn't realize it would be so high."
"No, I've got it, I think" Annie said with more confidence than she actually felt. Annie locked the wheels of her wheelchair and transferred to the bench of the booth and the slid herself over on the bench. It all happened much more smoothly than she imagined it would.
"All settled?" Auggie asked not completely sure.
"Yep. All good. It was easier than I expected." Annie said smiling to herself.
"Your waitress will be right with you." The hostess informed them before leaving, having witnessed the whole exchange making Annie more self-conscious. She hadn't paid attention to her still standing there after she had led them there.
Once the waitress took their drink and appetizer orders, she left for them to look over the menus. As Auggie was reading his menu and Annie hers Auggie asked, "Is something wrong?" when she was uncharacteristically quiet for too long.
"No." She answered too quickly. "Well, yes. I'm sorry Auggie, I'm just not sure I feel comfortable being out in public like this." Annie confessed.
"What do you mean "like this"? With me?" Auggie said not certain what she meant.
"No, Auggie, I mean, like this—in a wheelchair, with everyone staring at me." Annie looked down at her hands. She knew he understood what she meant and that he was sympathetic to the plight she was experiencing.
"Annie, trust me, what you're feeling is completely normal given the circumstances. But you can't just crawl in the bed and stay there all the time. You have to move on. If other people want to stare, let them, you just have to be the most confident paraplegic you can and prove to them that their stereotypes about wheelchairs users are not true, just as I try to do with people's assumptions about people who are blind."
"I guess you're right Auggie. I suppose I'm just feeling sorry for myself." Annie said with her eyes still downward. Auggie could tell by the projection of her voice that she wasn't quite convinced.
"People will ask questions, they will stare, and they will be unkind. It is just part of life with a disability. I won't say you get used to it, but it will get easier to deal with. But for tonight, let's enjoy a nice meal together." He did understand how she felt. He had been unwilling to go out in public right after his accident as well. He could hear the whispers and sense the stares. Now he was used to it, he still didn't like it, but he grew accustomed to it, just as she would. "Have you decided what you're going to order?" asked Auggie
"Yeah, I think I'm going to get the Barbecue Scottish Salmon with the asparagus and macaroni and cheese. How about you, have you decided?"
"I think I will try the prime rib they are so famous for with French fries and the green beans. Would you like to order a glass of wine?"
"Hmmm, well, it is up to me to get us home and it has been almost three months since I had any alcohol, but I don't think one glass will hurt me."
After their meal arrived, Annie and Auggie sat in comfortable silence enjoying the first bites of their food.
"What's going on at work?" Annie asked.
"Walker, I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to tell you." Auggie said honestly. "Since it's still up in the air whether you will return to the CIA, I'm not sure I can say anything specific."
"Of course, I understand." Annie said shyly. "I guess I didn't think about that."
"There is something I wanted to talk with you about though." Auggie revealed finally.
"Really, what's that?" Annie asked curiously. She thought he might have some ulterior motive for dinner tonight, but she wasn't sure if her spy skills were as trusty as they once were.
"Well, Walker, I wanted to first off tell you, you're welcome at my house anytime you want to come. So if your house is not ready when you leave here, you can stay at my house." Auggie said surprising Annie.
"Auggie, I appreciate the offer, but there are stairs in your apartment and only one bedroom." Annie replied. She was grateful for the option, but didn't see how it could work. "I'll probably rent an apartment for a month while I wait, I've looked into that.
"I've outfitted my apartment with a ramp. I wanted you to be able to visit my home. That was done a month and a half ago. As for a bedroom, you can have my bed when you're over."
"Wow, Auggie! I can't believe you did that for me." Annie exclaimed.
"Annie, there's something else I need to tell you." Auggie stated obviously nervous.
"What is it, Auggie?" Annie said slightly surprised with his nervousness.
"Well, Annie, I'm just going to say it, I think I'm falling in love with you. I think I have been for a while now. I know you've just had this huge life changing experience and a relationship is the last thing on your mind, but I've been holding this inside for a while now. It needed to be let out." Auggie said seemingly all in one breath. Annie couldn't believe her ears. Auggie had feelings for her? How had she not seen it before?
"Auggie, ummm." Annie started, causing Auggie to semi panic as he prepared for rejection. "I feel the exact same way." She revealed smiling. Auggie couldn't believe what she said. Could she really feel the same way he did? Had she all along and he missed the signs right in front of him.
For a few minutes they both remained quiet, each keeping their reservations to themselves and considering the next step they should take. As they both sat continuing to enjoy their meals for a moment, Auggie sat his left hand on the table with his palm up. Annie silently placed her own left hand into his.
"Really?" Auggie asked smiling after he swallowed another bit of food.
Annie twisted their fingers together. "Really, Auggie." She confirmed.
Auggie smiled broadly as he brought her hand up to his lips and gently kissed it.
Author's Note: Well, what'd you think? Were the feelings indicated in the title what you thought they would be? Just a reminder: like you'd clap or boo for the concert you just sat through, please review my writing as you read it. I'm not above saying, I really do NEED to hear from you. Each review is like a piece of chocolate rewarded to me for my hard work. Do you think I deserve that reward?