"Dez…Dez…"
No. Don't wake me up. If this is all a dream, please don't wake me. I don't want to open my eyes and find I'm all alone, that I've fallen asleep somewhere in the Capitol Wasteland. Just let me rest, let me live in my dreams.
"Dez, you must wake up…"
Charon's voice caused me to open my eyes. I let them focus, and realized I was staring at the wall of Carol's Place. Was it a dream? Did I really wake up after he left? Did he even leave? Moving my head, I saw Charon putting on his black tee shirt behind me. No, it wasn't a dream.
"Charon?"
He turned at looked at me.
"Yes? What is it?"
"Was…last night…did we…it was a dream, huh?"
He looked at me, examining my face for a bit. Finally he shook his head, looking to the ground.
"No. It was not a dream. I suspected you would think it was, and I knew you would regret it in the morning."
I sat up, rubbing my head and running my hand through my hair. My lips were sore, I can feel them. Wait, did he say regret?
"Charon? What the hell makes you think I regret it?"
He handed me my top, picking up his leather armor in the process.
"I am a ghoul, Dez."
"So? I just…didn't know if I dreamt it was all. I can't really trust my own mind sometimes."
"You do not regret the events that took place last night?"
Events? What?
"Wait, wait. We kissed…a lot, that's what I remember. That's all that happened right?"
"Yes. We both agreed not to…intercourse was not part of it."
"Right. So I remember correctly, good. Why would you think I'd regret any of it?"
He looked up from fastening on his armor.
"Because I was unsure if you were intoxicated. I am a ghoul, and it was hard for me to register it all when I woke as well."
"You being a ghoul has nothing to do with anything. You're stupid."
I slid my top on, zipping it up and throwing the covers off of me.
"I was simply worried."
"Yeah well don't. It's stupid."
He nodded, handing me my pants. I threw those on, too, and looked for my shoes. I found them under the bed, and slid them on my feet, making sure they were laced tight. Grabbing my pack, I strapped it on my back and picked my gun up. Charon was strapping on his shotgun, and he looked at me. I nodded, and he opened the door. Ghouls watched us as we emerged, confused and whispering. It seems that all they ever did when I was around.
Charon led me to Carol's desk, and she smiled at us.
"Oh I'm so glad to see you've patched things up. Are you leaving?"
"Yes. We must get back. Thank you for the free room, Carol."
"Oh no problem Charon. Please, give Gob my love when you can and tell him to send word soon. I do worry."
"Yes."
Carol looked at me, and I waved at her. Good, no Greta in sight. Charon looked down at me.
"Ready?"
He asked, and I motioned towards my gun.
"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess."
I followed him through the doors of Carol's Place, and pulled up my Pip-Boy map. I began to mess with the locations, to see if there wasn't an easier way to the Citadel other than the Metro tunnels. No such luck.
"We can take the Metro tunnels to Dukov's place, and from there cross the river to get to the Citadel."
Charon nodded, leading me down the stairs of Underworld. I tried to ignore the stares and glares from the residents, wondering what I did to make them so angry. We reached the base doors, and Charon opened them for me.
"I fucking hate early mornings."
I grumbled, moving past him while he held the door open. I stepped outside, stretching in the giant room. Charon came behind me, placing his hand on the small of my back. It messed up my stretch, and I didn't get to finish it.
"You messed up my stretch. Hang on don't touch."
He looked at me, taking his hand from my back. I began to stretch again, yawning in the process.
"That's just her way of saying she doesn't want you touching her."
I heard a voice off to my right, and looked over. Greta stood, smoking an early morning cigarette.
"No, that's my way of saying he messed up my stretch. If I didn't want him to touch me, I'd fucking say so you dumb bitch."
She glared at me, tapping the ash from her cigarette.
"I hope you have a happy, life Charon. Under the employment of that Bitch from Vault 101, that is."
"Charon isn't under contract. He holds his own now, and yeah you bet I'm that bitch from 101, you wanna start something?"
I took a step towards her, but I felt Charon grab hold of my arm.
"I wish you would not, Dez. We have a long day ahead of us, do not start on a bad note."
"She called me a bitch!"
"Dez, please."
I looked up at Charon. Grumbling, I took my arm back from him, crossing my arms in front of me.
"You're lucky I decided to listen. I'd rip whatever hair you have left off of that disgusting head of yours."
Greta smirked, seemingly unmoved by my insults.
"It just amazes me to see what kind of classy you are. I mean, what nice girl goes and hooks up with another woman's man?"
"That's it bitch."
I went to lunge at her, but Charon grabbed me by the back of my pants. He pulled me into him, arms around my waist, while I thrashed trying to free myself.
"Fuck let me go! Let me go! I swear to fucking god I'll kill her! I'll fucking kill her! Charon let me go!"
"No. We must move on."
"Fuck moving I'm gonna rip her throat out!"
He dragged me all the way outside, kicking and screaming like a lunatic. He slammed the museum doors shut, freeing me and blocking my entrance back.
"Goddamn you…I swear if I ever see her again…"
"Pick your battles, Dez."
"She picked with me first!"
"We must get into the tunnels. The Super Mutants will be waking shortly."
Did he even hear me? I groaned, following him down into the Metro station. He picked the lock quickly, and rushed me inside. I turned on my Pip-Boy light, a little sad that I didn't even get to enjoy the sunlight for ten minutes. But there'd be more of it, there's always sun out here.
Charon walked over to me, and we walked side-by-side. I kicked trash and debris out of my way, walking into the giant room that held the platforms. What happened with Charon last night wasn't a dream, it really happened. He kissed me, ran his fingers through my hair, and kissed down my neck. I didn't dream it all. So why am I having such a hard time believing it? Glancing up at him, he was doing what he does best, scanning the area for threats. He isn't acting any different, and neither am I. Should we? I'm not good at this whole thing, my only relationship was with Butch, and we never acted different in public. Something about his image…
But Charon isn't like that. Maybe if I wanted to, I could hold his hand or his arm. That would be a dead giveaway, though, and I'm not sure how everyone out here is on the whole ghoul/human relationship thing. They'd probably shoot me, and want me dead twice as bad.
"Three Dog!"
I slapped myself in the forehead, and reached for my Pip-Boy. We stopped walking, and I turned into the GNR station. I regret the day I helped him with that satellite dish. Charon stood next to me, towering over me, really. We looked at my Pip-Boy, waiting for the little line to start jumping.
"Good morning Wastelanders! It's me, Three Dog awroooo! How ya'll doin' this hot, hot morning? It's going to be quite the heat wave today, so stay cool! Not like the weather ever changes out here though, ha! Anyway kiddies, about that Lass from 101. It seems she's given up the Slaver life, for another life! What kind of life? A good one? A bad one? We don't know, but my sources tell me she spent the night in Underworld in a room with some ghoul fellow. Could it be the same ghoul she used to enslave? Who knows? What Three Dog does know, is that the certain ghoul fellow didn't have much clothing on, and neither did our Lone Wanderer. Keep fighting that good fight girl, and keep the public displays of sex to the bedroom! And now…an important—"
I turned it off. I gave Charon a look, and he took a step away, giving me some well-needed personal space.
"He's paying someone to follow us."
"I would not doubt that, but I suspect our follower is a bit above Three Dog."
"Well when we find him, I'll going to kill him."
I said that extra loud, in case he heard us. We started to walk, and I crossed my arms. I have something private, personal going on with Charon, and now everyone knows it. That's not fair, it's my life. It's what I do in the privacy of my own four walls, not everyone's goddamned gossip. Why do people care what I do anyways? Because I came from the vault? Well wait till they hear I was actually born in the Jefferson Memorial. That'll make them shit something big.
Kicking some trash, I tried to blow off some steam. This is exactly why I still contemplated dropping in the FEV vile. What? You think because Charon and I got together I'd bow down and become some ass-kisser? No. I am still fucking insane. I am still Dezbe. I do not change because I got some action, I learnt that lesson with Butch. It's pointless, and below me. I still hate everyone in this fucking place, and don't feel the need to help any of them. I'm only…doing any of this for Gob and his unborn child. So that maybe, if it is his, he and Nova can have a shot at a normal life. God knows they deserve it.
It dawned on me as we walked through the tunnels, that it was going to take less than a day to reach the Citadel. Then what? I'd be asked to start the Purifier. Lord knows they've probably wiped the Enclave out of there by now, and I'm the only one who knows what to do next. I swallowed hard, remembering how everyone in that room died because of the radiation. Everyone except Autumn. That lowly prick. But…what about me? The radiation will still be there, it will…it will…kill me. I can sense it. I have less than twenty-four hours to live now, just when one part of my life seemed to fall into place. It'll be all over for me tonight, I'll be gone. I…don't want to leave now.
I stole a look at Charon. By tonight, this would all be over. None of this…would mean anything. I didn't think this day would actually come, that I'd have to soon look death in the face.
"Charon…"
I said under my breath, quietly. I don't think I've ever felt so scared before, so scared of the unknown.
"Yes?"
"…You need to promise me when I die you'll live freely…"
"I am living freely, and you are not going to die. We are not having this discussion."
"Just…promise."
"Yes, I will promise if it will make you feel better."
I nodded, and stared at the ground. I began to go over all the people I've met, the places I've been able to see. Maybe getting kicked out of the vault isn't all bad. I've been able to live, really live, and meet people and see the world. Sort of. Gob, Nova, Charon, they're the only ones that really matter to me. Megaton…Megaton isn't anything to me, I couldn't care less what happened there. But…Gob I care about. I care about Carol, I care about Charon and Nova, even though I didn't know her very well.
Now that I have a time limit, I realize how much time I've wasted. Tonight it'll be all over, tonight it will be the end. Why did I spend so much time alone? Sure, I prefer it but…shit why did I drink so much? I should have been spending time with Gob, not drinking up his booze. I…I can't believe that this is real. Never did I think this day would come, eventually I knew I'd end up there, but so soon? No…not this soon at all.
Charon…he'll be free. What will he do when he sees I was right? I looked up at him, biting my lip. He caught me looking, the expression on my face.
"What is it?"
He asked, his accent making me realize more than it should have. Three Dog calls me the Lone Wanderer, and now I think I realize why.
"I…wasted a lot of time, on a lot of stupid things. I just realized that."
"I do not understand."
I shook my head at him, fighting back tears and narrowing my eyebrows. I stared straight ahead, determined to keep my head about me.
"What are you going to do after this?"
"Whatever it is you wish to do."
"Where will you go…if by some small chance I do die?"
Charon sighed, and I felt him put his arm around my shoulders. I looked up at him, his eyes set forward in an intense gaze.
"I do not think you will die for this cause, Dez. But if by chance it does happen, I will return to Underworld for a short period, until I figure out my motives, and figure out if I can truly live without the constricts of my contract."
"Okay. As long as you do what makes you happy."
Charon nodded, but didn't look at me. Sighing, I pushed back all the fright and fear, and took my gun off my back. I slug it over my shoulders, putting my arms over it. I walked ahead of Charon, backwards so I could face him.
"There ain't no rest for people like us, is there?"
Charon shook his head.
"There will always be something for us to do, yes."
"I like this life. Just doing what I please, it suits me."
I turned around so he couldn't see the pain over my face. I walked with my back to him, in front of him, swaying my hips like I loved to do. I'd never get to feel what really being with him felt like, and somehow, I was okay with that. For a short time, I was able to make him happy. I was able to change him, show him how to live. If no one ever benefits from my sacrifice, I can take comfort knowing that he will. He's shown me a lot, things that people probably wouldn't have been able to show me. I've learnt from him, and learnt well. I guess this is just how it all ends.
The walls feel like they're closing in around me. I noticed it as we came to the platform that would take us out to Dukov's Place. All the trials and tribulations we've been through don't seem like a big deal anymore. All that matters now is that he's still here, with me, doing this out of his own free will. He saved me, in more ways than one. He's helped me see that it's not so bad, that there is such a thing as comfort and kindness, even in a world like this one. Charon didn't just save my life time after time, he's saved me from falling into the trap and cruelty that's so available here. I may not be totally for the 'good fight', but at least now I know I'm not the only person in the world with issues.
I led him to the chain-link gate, and waited for him to start to unlock it. He took the lock in his hand, and began to fumble. Sun leaked through like it was mocking me, telling me this would be the last time I would ever see it. I heard the click and creak of the lock opening, and the gate pushing out. Charon stood, holding it open for me. It's going to be hard, to tell him goodbye. I don't even want to think of how that's going to play out right now.
He locked the gate behind us, and I figured it was because he wanted to stall whomever it is that gets paid to watch us. I waited patiently, until he looked at me.
"I'm sorry for all the fights I've picked with you."
I told him as we walked into the warm, warm sun. I'm going to appreciate these last few hours, and try my best to tell him how much he means to me. The Citadel is a hop, swim, skip and jump away. It will take an hour, maybe less, to get there. I don't have much time. The river was in front of us, and we stood, staring out at it.
"I do not hold them against you."
I nodded at him, stepping into the calm water. He followed my lead, swimming across with me. I don't care if my Trog gets worse by the radiation, it won't matter soon. We came to the other side, and I felt my feet hit the sand underneath. Charon and I walked out together, wet and refreshed. I saw the glow he had about him, as he emerged from the water. Radiation makes him feel better, I only wish it did the same for me.
"And…I want you to know that I am really happy you've stuck with me."
"Yes."
"I'm not easy to put up with."
"You can be very stressful at times."
"So…I'm sorry and I care, okay?"
He looked at me, slowly nodding his head. I felt like he was analyzing me, trying to figure out what angle I was coming from. The Citadel is close, I saw it on my Pip-Boy map. Less than an hour, I think now. I'm thankful for the lack of enemies we've seen today. For the first time in my life, I don't want to shoot anything. I don't want to waste time with it. I just want to walk with Charon, and bask in his company.
"It is okay, for you to be scared."
I turned my head to look at him, scowling.
"I'm not scared."
"You seem it."
"What would I be scared of? We haven't seen a Super Mutant or an Enclave soldier or any of that."
"I am not sure what you would be scared of, but I sense that you are. It is okay to worry, Dez. I will stand by you through this. I understand this is hard for you to do."
I sighed, fumbling for a cigarette. When I found one, I was a little pissed that it was damp, but hey not all of my gear can be waterproof. I lit it, happy I could still smoke it. Charon took one from the soggy pack in my hand, and lit one for himself.
"It's really hard…I…I am scared, Charon. I…don't want to do this alone."
"You are not, I am here."
"No…I mean the Purifier. It's my choice now, I'm going to have to decide what to do with the FEV."
"You still have not decided?"
"No."
"You know how I feel about that, I do not need to remind you."
I looked at my feet as they led me closer and closer to my impending death.
"I…will tell you when I decide. No matter what happens, promise you'll just remember me as…a good person."
"You are a good person, Dez. You have made some bad choices, but I would be worried if you did not. Life sometimes calls to make harsh choices."
"I didn't save those kids…"
"Yet you were correct in your logic. As upsetting as it was at the time, I could see where you were coming from. They would have succumbed to something else, eventually."
"I let innocent people die before I met you."
"Regardless of that, you have made decent choices."
"I've killed innocent people. Sometimes, I can still see them staring at me, begging for mercy."
"I have killed innocent people as well, Dez. We live lives with no room for mercy, and at times lose ourselves. It is understandable."
"I…can't be who my parents wanted me to be…and…I've done so many things…"
Charon looked at me, and I saw a comfort in his eyes that wasn't ever there before.
"You have come a long way, Dez. Your parents will be proud of you, despite what choices you have made."
"I hope you're right."
I saw the Citadel in the distance. It's hard shape looming like a big, black cloud of evil. My heart began to pound in my chest.
"You must be brave now."
"I know, Charon, believe me I know."
I felt his hand take mine and squeeze it lightly. I tried to squeeze it back, but he took it away before I could. He's right. I can't be scared now. I have to be strong, brave and ready to deal with the Brotherhood. If I go in there like this, they'll eat me alive. I have to find my confidence somewhere inside me. I don't know how, but I have to. I took in a deep breath of air, sucking on my cigarette trying to calm my nerves. The Citadel got closer to me with each step I took, and I fought back running away from it all.
The guard in front of the gate let us pass, staring at me in awe. It has been almost two, maybe three now, months since anyone from the Brotherhood has seen me. I open the gate, the sun beaming down in the center of all the commotion. Knights and Scribes stop what they're doing, looking over at Charon and I.
"I don't like them looking at me."
I grumbled, jamming my hands in my pockets.
"Let us find Elder Lyons with no trouble, Dez."
"I don't like them looking at me."
"Remain calm. Come."
He led the way, looking back every few seconds to make sure I was still following and didn't run off to pick a fight. I had to fight myself to keep from shaking as we walked through the center. Why did this place have to be so big? Charon's height and appearance made everyone gawk and stare, giving me away. I just wanted to slink in, unnoticed, and talk to Lyons. Not parade through an arena of people.
"Do you know what you will tell him?"
"No, Charon. I'm going to play it as it goes and hope the entire Brotherhood doesn't try to kill me."
He nodded, leading me to a door that I remembered from way back when. Stupid fucking Brotherhood needs to learn how to do their own business. In a few short hours, maybe less even, I'm going to be dead. No one knows how much this bothers me, how much this scares me. I have no time to make amends and say goodbye to those choice few I care for. It hurts me, bothers me.
Charon and I walk in on a few Knights, and Sara arguing with her dad over when to infiltrate the Jefferson Memorial. Something about a thing called 'Liberty Prime' and doing it now. Elder Lyons didn't seem to agree with Sara, and Charon and I exchanged looks. Well, I looked at him and he just stared.
"We have to do it now! They could have the Purifier started already!"
Charon nudged me, and I tripped down a step, alerting everyone to my presence. They stopped talking, arguing, and all eyes were on me. It was like they had seen a ghost.
"Uh…hi."
"Dezbe! You have returned! The G.E.C.K? Where is it?"
I swallowed, and faked my confidence best I could.
"The Enclave took it."
"See! See that's why we need to go now, dad!"
I looked at Sara as she pleaded with him.
"No…no they haven't started it yet."
Sara looked at me, angry.
"Oh and how do you know? Taking your sweet time and all that getting the G.E.C.K only to come waltzing in here saying they have it!"
Stupid. Fucking. Bitch.
"They don't have it started because they don't have the code. I should know, they took my ass to their base and fucking beat me black and blue for it! That's what took so fucking long, dipshit."
Their faces were priceless. Elder Lyons stepped up, his face showing kindness.
"You…you mean to say there is a code?"
"Yeah. My dad apparently set the Purifier to start only after a code was entered."
"You…you know the code?"
"Yes. I didn't tell them it, though."
Elder Lyons looked at his daughter, and the Knights that stood behind her.
"We have to do this now."
She urged, and her father nodded, turning back to me.
"Dezbe, we will need your aid in infiltrating the Jefferson Memorial. Liberty Prime will lead the way."
He didn't say anything else. He moved past me, and Sara stepped up.
"Do you have everything you need now? We have to get this shit going!"
"Who the hell is Liberty Prime?"
Sara pointed to a forty-foot robot next to me. I stared at it, dumbfounded.
"Do you want Recon or Power Armor?"
"Excuse me?"
She sighed, shaking her head.
"Welcome to the Brotherhood of Steel, Dezbe. You've helped us a lot. We're honored to make you a member."
"I…I don't…no. I'm not a Knight, no."
"You don't want the armor?"
"No, just…let's go start the Purifier."
She nodded, and I watched as everything kicked into gear. The Knights and Sara ran out, and Prime was being lifted into the air. I looked at Charon, this all moving so fast.
"What…what am I doing?"
I asked him. He took his shotgun out, cocking it.
"You are helping the Knights get to the Jefferson Memorial. We are to follow Liberty Prime, and take the base back."
I nodded, shaking. I grabbed hold of my gun, this can't be real. Charon looked at me, urging me with his eyes to move. Somehow, I did. I felt myself walking up the stairs, following him out of the room. The sun blinded me, and I looked to see Knights coming out of everywhere, following the giant robot. It looked twice as big as it flew over my head, and I wondered what the fuck I was getting into.
"Dez?"
Charon called my name, and I looked away from Prime. I jogged up to him, shaking.
"You…you…don't let me…you be safe…"
"Yes. Go, we must follow closely."
I nodded, holding my gun, finger on the trigger. Charon jogged behind me as I ran, catching up to the Knights outside of the Citadel. I pushed through the doors to see everyone staring up at the robot, waiting in anticipation.
"Liberty Prime…is…online!"
Holy shit.
"All systems nominal! Weapons, hot! Objective: Destroy any and all Chinese Communists!"
Chinese? I thought we were fighting Enclave. Looking around, I saw the Knights cheering, fists in the air. The ground shook beneath me, Prime was moving. What is this giant thing? I can't feel my body. It's all numb, I don't know why.
"America will never fall to Communist invasion!"
Prime took his first step, leading the Knights into battle. Leading me into battle, to my death. Even with all of this, seeing this robot in action was…amazing. I saw a Vertibird flying overhead, and got worried, only to see Prime take it out with one quick toss of a Mini Nuke. I stayed behind the Knights, at the tail-end of the charge. I'm not ready for this kind of war. I've only fought Raiders and Slavers, nothing like this. Nothing at all like this.
My body shook, Mini Guns and explosions went off all around me. Prime walked forward, taking out Enclave soldiers with some strange laser beam from his eyes. He missed one, and I felt the warmth of a Laser stream just brushing my cheek. It burned, cauterizing instantly. I raised my weapon, and saw Charon charging forward.
"What's the matter? Can't stand the sight of your own blood?"
He shot the soldier, dead, limp to the ground. I realized I'd been standing still, and he jogged over to me.
"Move!"
He hissed, grabbing my arm and pulling. I let him drag me, catching up to Prime and the others. I could hear cheering, the Knights were cheering through their helmets as Prime easily destroyed everything in his path. This is all too much for me, why do I have to come? Couldn't I just wait until the memorial was safe, then start the Purifier? I looked over at Charon, his gun raised, ready to fire at any Enclave who may have survived Prime's rampage.
I saw it in slow-motion. That shit really does happen. The blasts, the explosions, the people…all had a delay. I saw Charon swiftly dodging scraps of metal that flew off of old vehicles that exploded. He would look at me, making sure I was still walking, still alive. I'm so sorry…I'm sorry. I saw two Enclave soldiers to my right out of my peripheral vision.
"Get down!"
Charon screamed, dashing over to me. I turned, seeing it all happen like it was slowly playing just for me. My body moved itself behind an old car, I ducked, covering my head. I heard the familiar sound of a Plasma Rifle firing, and the explosion of a frag grenade going off. I screamed, my ears ringing. I've never screamed in a fight before. This isn't a fight, though. This is a straight up war.
I picked my head up, looking for Charon. All of a sudden, everything hit me. I could see it all in real-time, hear it all loud and clear. It deafened me, and I could hear myself calling for Charon. Smoke swirled, and I heard the Knights firing their Mini Guns. The smoke cleared a bit, and I saw Charon running out from it, his body leaning at an odd angle.
"Charon!"
I called, and he saw me. He ran over, slinging his gun over my shoulders.
"Go!"
I saw his arm bleeding badly, hanging lifeless at his waist. He pushed me, pulling his gun from my shoulders.
"Dez! Go!"
I nodded, shaking. No time to worry, no time to care. Just go. Go into the smoke, into the blasts, go towards Prime, and hope to the heavens above there's someone watching over me. I looked to see Charon following close behind, holding his shotgun in his good arm, ready to fire it. He kept the butt tucked close to his torso, under his arm. I wanted to push him into the river below as we crossed the bridge, make him get better in the radiation. But I didn't. I saw a car fly past my head, scaring the piss out of me.
"Shit!"
I yelled, putting my arms up. It missed me, landing with a splash in the river. A Knight beside me looked at me, and I felt we locked eyes through his helmet. Charon placed the barrel of his gun at my back, pushing me with it.
"Hurry!"
He yelled, and I ran past the Knight. Prime was screaming, taking out Vertibirds and throwing himself into a blue electric fence. There was hissing, loud, loud hissing. Then the fence went down, and he took out all remaining Enclave in the area. The Jefferson Memorial. I saw Sara running towards the door, and stop. She looked for me, and I saw her see me. It was quiet for a minute, the fire blazing behind me from the cars warmed my back. I ran at her, out of breath, hearing Charon's heavy and painful breathing behind me.
"Let's go."
I said, ready. Grabbing a grenade, I glanced to see three red ticks on my Pip-Boy. Enclave. They were inside. I clutched the grenade in my hand, staring at the door that was going to lead to my death. I looked back at Charon. His face was covered in sweat, hiding the pain he was feeling in his arm.
"You can do this."
He told me, and I nodded. Taking one last look around, I opened the door, tossing in the grenade. It exploded, and I charged in, spraying bullets and praying I hit something.
"Take that!"
I heard Charon scream, firing his gun best he could with one arm. The three Enclave inside were crippled from the grenade, they didn't put up a fight. I easily took them out, with the help of Charon, and led him to the door that held the Purifier. My hand froze on the door, I couldn't open it.
"Charon…"
I said, staring at nothing, dazed in my confusion.
"What is it?"
I turned, shaking, facing him.
"I…I can't do this."
"You must."
"You're hurt…I…"
"I will be fine. Go, I will cover you."
There wasn't words of comfort. We didn't exchange looks of safety, or embrace. I simply nodded, knowing I had to open the fucking door. Nothing else matters right now. Not me, not Charon, not the Brotherhood. All that matters is I start the Purifier, and say my goodbyes. I wanted to puke, but I held back, shoving the door open.
I came face to face with Autumn. He stood, with two Enclave soldiers at his side. I lowered my weapon, disbelieving it.
"You…"
I muttered, and heard his laugh. He told me to give up, to run or die. He said he was going to kill me, and I just smirked at him. Have you ever felt like it doesn't matter? Like nothing you can do will ever change the past? That's how I feel, staring at Autumn as he speaks to me. Nothing I can do anymore will bring my mother back, my father back. Nothing will ease the hurt and pain I feel from being an orphan, in this hell on earth. Something's been taken from me, from way deep down inside. It was taken before I was expelled from the vault, taken before my father died and before all the events that led to right now. I am the Lone Wanderer. I am Dezbe, vigilante of the Capitol Wasteland, cursed to bear all of this on my own. Forced to face the darkness of my past, and the enemies of my present.
"You've lost, Autumn. The Brotherhood is here now, you have no base. Eden is dead. Leave now, before they come here, and kill you, too."
Autumn stared at me, bore into my eyes and down into the recesses of my soul. He lowered his Laser Pistol, and hung his head. Killing him won't bring my dad back. It won't make the voice in my head stop, and it won't bring me any justice. I've avenged my father by doing this, by coming with the Brotherhood, and taking part in this insane and useless war.
Autumn walked out, just as Sara was walking in.
"Don't. Let him go."
I told her, enduring the glares from the Knights and Charon.
"You…you let him go?"
I nodded, staring at the floor.
"We need to start the Purifier."
Sara nodded, and jogged up the stairs. Charon and I followed her, and I heard she was speaking to Doctor Li through an intercom. I listened intently, hearing Li's words and fearing them. I felt my heart sink, a lump rise up. Charon stood behind me, waiting for Sara to turn around. Lethal levels of radiation…it's all I could hear from Dr. Li. It's…it's a scary thing, knowing you're about to die. Knowing that you don't care for the cause you're dying for, and knowing you're never going to be able to see another tomorrow.
"Well, so much for celebrating. One of us is going to have to go in there and turn the damn thing on. And whoever does is it, isn't coming back out."
"…I'll start the Purifier."
"Hurry up and get in there!"
My voice wasn't my own. It was distant, and far away. Sara didn't show thankfulness in her voice, she didn't show concern or worry. I looked up at her, knowing that I had to act fast.
Dropping my pack, I pulled out the FEV. I clasped it in my hand, and turned towards Charon.
"I…told you so."
I said to him, tears streaming down my face.
"I did not know, it would come to this, Dez. I will start the Purifier."
I shook my head at him, my hair flying in my face. I stepped closer, standing on tip-toes. Charon stared at me, his eyes watering.
"No. It's…it's my choice. For the first time in my life, I'm making my own decision about this."
He nodded, sighing. I gave him a sad smile, and wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in him.
"Don't…don't forget me…okay?"
"I do not like this choice, I do not like this situation."
He wrapped his good arm around me, dropping his gun. He wrapped his hand in my hair, pressing his cheek to mine as he bent down.
"You're all I've had Charon. Don't…don't fuck it up and make me regret giving you free will."
"I…will not."
I kissed him, knowing my time was running out. I heard Sara gasp in shock, but fuck her. Fuck her and fuck the Brotherhood. Fuck this whole goddamned world. I hope it burns in hell and perishes. There's nothing I hate more, than having to do this.
I stepped away from Charon. His eyes didn't lie to me, I knew it wasn't his arm making him hurt. I felt the FEV in my hand, it was warm. Go on, turn around and put it in. No. I'm not going to die, and make the only person I've ever given two shits about reap what I sew. I shoved the vile in his hand, and looked up at him.
"Give it to Elder Lyons."
That was it. I made the choice, all on my own. It didn't feel fulfilling. I didn't feel anything. Turning, I walked into the room, and saw Sara click the button to lock me inside. The door to the Purifier opened, and I swallowed hard.
"I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. I will give unto him that is athirst of the fountain of the waters of life freely."
I stared at the keypad, muttering the verse. Revelation 21:6. I pushed the numbers in, hitting 'Enter'. The room vibrated, making me lose my balance. I turned to look at Charon thought the glass. Don't be afraid, I've taken it all in stride. I've never been perfect, I've never done anything worth dying for, except this. It's my time now, and I can only hope Charon forgets all the wrong I've done. I hope he can help people remember me for the good things I've done. Forget all the hurt I've caused, and remember how much I care about him.
I saw him standing there, staring at me through the glass. Tears spilled from my eyes, and I felt my Pip-Boy vibrate, so much radiation. This is it, it's coming, I can feel it. Charon banged on the glass, and I felt my legs give out. The radiation burnt me from the inside out, and I fell to my knees. All I could hear was Charon, banging on the glass, and the soft keys of the song we played together. It played in my head, making me give the floor a sad smile. I know this room, I've walked this floor, I used to live alone before I knew you. It all began to slip away, and I stole one last look at him. He looked down at me, his limp arm at his side. I saw tears on his face. Real tears. Finally. Charon…remember when I moved in you? Last night? Every breath we drew was hallelujah, Charon. It really was.