Chapter Nineteen

The closer we got to Terminus, the more strained the atmosphere felt. I don't think any of us, besides Michonne, had even the slightest bit of hope for this place. And I think even Michonne's careful optimism was a front for Rick and Carl.

Rick decided we should walk in the woods, under cover of the trees, rather than openly on the road. He stopped us just outside the fence line, sliding a duffel bag he'd been carrying off his shoulder.

Rick dug a shallow hole for the duffel bag. Where the hell did Rick find a collapsible shovel? I thought.

Daryl watched him quietly. He didn't say a word, but you could tell from the looks he and Rick exchanged that they were communicating.

"Just in case," Rick told him, and Daryl nodded. When Rick stood back up, he turned to me.

"Livy, I want you to stay outside the fence."

"What the hell, no. We can't just leave her outside while we all go in," Daryl said before I even had a chance to react.

"Think about it, Daryl. Livy has her own weapons and these ones out here. She's the fastest in our group, by far. If things start to go south inside Terminus, it would be helpful to have someone they don't know about on our side."

I knew Daryl was going to protest again, so I put a hand on his arm.

"It is smart," I told him.

"If things seem to go alright in there, wait a day and then come to the gates," Rick told me. "Maybe it won't look so suspicious that way."

If I angled myself just right, I'd be able to see through the fences and trees into Terminus. Hopefully no one would be able to see me from the inside.

"I'll do it," I told Rick, ignoring the angry set to Daryl's jaw. Rick nodded his thanks and Michonne squeezed my hand before turning to walk with Rick and Carl.

"I'll be okay," I told Daryl softly. "Hell, I might be safer out here than y'all are in there."

"Just stay safe out here," he said gruffly, looking towards Terminus rather than at me. I smirked at him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before they all set off, going over the fence instead of through the front gate like Rick had just told me to do later, if it was safe.

As for myself, I found a place in the tree line not too far off from where Rick had buried the weapons that seemed like it would offer a lot of coverage but still allow me to look into Terminus.

Daryl looked back quickly, scanning the fence line. I knew he was looking for me. He nodded, though; he couldn't see me. I wasn't visible. I sighed and settled into my hiding spot, nervous for my friends.

They ran quietly, weapons ready. But they were soon in a building. I couldn't see them anymore, and that made me even more nervous.

I had no way of knowing what was going to go on. All I could do at that point was wait. To make it worse, I could only see the back from where I was, and to move to where I could see the front would make me much more visible. So for now at least, I was stuck staring at the back and straining my ears to hear anything.

I was concentrating so hard on hearing anything, anything at all, that the silence became like a roar in my ears. And then…

When the gunfire started, it spooked me so bad that I fell right on my ass.

I stood up, backing out of my hiding place, ready to climb the fence myself and get in there to help when a voice stopped me.

"And where do you think you're going, princess?"

I barely looked at the guy. I gave him a once over, saw the huge gun in his hands, already prepared to fire. All I could think of were Rick's words: Livy's the fastest.

And then I turned and booked it like I never had before. The gunfire being aimed at my feet was a big motivating factor in how fast I ran. I needed to get away from them and I needed to do it quickly if I wanted to live long enough to try to help my friends.

I heard the guy yell at someone, a woman named Amanda, telling her to follow me.

I ran until my lungs were on fire and my heart felt too big for my chest, and then I kept running in a zigzag pattern, hoping to lose this Amanda chick that I could hear keeping pace behind me.

Why the hell did they have to have a good runner, too?

I ran until I couldn't anymore, until my legs were basically Jell-O and I had no choice but to stop. I hadn't lost Amanda. Rather, she fell when I did, so we were a tangle of arms and legs fighting against each other.

I realized I was taller than her, and stronger, but she was squirmy as all get out. I tried to get her into the headlock maneuver Rick had taught all of us, but my arms weren't tight enough around her neck and she managed to get her mouth close enough to bit into my arm.

"Fuckin' A!" I yelled, pushing her and kicking her in the ribs to get her away from me. She had dropped her gun somewhere in the chase. I pulled mine out of my holster and aimed it at her.

And then I shot her. Right in the head, like she was already a walker and not a person. I didn't even think about it. It was a reflex more than a decision.

I had killed four people in a week. What was becoming of me?

I didn't have the time to mull it over, though. I knew they would hear the shot, and when Amanda didn't come back, they would come for me. I needed to put some distance between me and them.

Running was out. I would have to walk. But first I took a rag hanging out of Amanda's pocket and tied it around my arm where she had bit me. She had bitten pretty deep, and taken some of the skin off. It would make an interesting scar.

I was shaking a lot as I tried to tie the rag around my arm. I mean, I had just shot an unarmed person point-blank—it doesn't exactly leave you feeling too great.

"It was you or her, Livy," a soft, familiar voice said behind me. "You had to do it."

I looked up, startled, and looked behind me to see Carol.

I threw my arms around her, forgetting entirely about the wound on my arm. Carol hugged me back and then helped me tie the rag tightly around the bite.

"What's going on?" Carol asked. "I heard the gunshots."

"The prison fell," I told her, and she nodded.

"I know. I saw the end of it. I was too late to help, but I have Tyrese and Judith with me."

"You have Judith?! Oh my God, Rick will be so happy!" I said, not thinking. "Well, I mean, he will be if we can get him out of Terminus."

"They're inside?" Carol asked, pointing toward where Amanda and I had come running from.

"Yeah, Rick, Daryl, Michonne, and Carl. I don't know where anyone else is."

"Tell me everything you've seen, everything you know." Carol said. "We have to get them out."