Chapter 20

Michael's Journal

Ramone was smart to give me the gun as it turned out. A few days later, Tony (hard to think of him as Ruiz now!) told me that someone was sneaking around the village. We were all on high alert. We knew that most of the people living there would never betray Ramone, but you never knew if someone was a traitor.

Someone was. Nita Lopez snuck in one night and was led to Ramone's quarters by none other than my nemesis Almosa. Ramone had given him a dressing down about his attack on Alison and had stripped him of most of the power he'd had. I could see the resentment in him every time he looked at Ramone or me. It hadn't bothered me, because I hated him even more than he hated me.

But now it seemed that resentment had turned into outright hatred and betrayal. It was by dumb luck that I wasn't killed that night. I was heading to Ramone's to talk with him when one of the children stopped me to ask about Alison. I spoke to the little girl for about ten minutes, gave her a hug and told her that I would tell "Dr. Alison" that she missed her.

When I entered the house, I heard a raised, angry voice with Ramone's. A female voice. I stayed in the shadows, out of sight.

The woman was Nita Lopez. She was facing Ramone, with her back to me. She had a gun that she was aiming at him.

She was railing at him about all of the things he'd done.

"Hector was your friend and you killed him!"

"He was Marino's man and I couldn't take the chance that he would turn the rebels over to Marino."

"Your cause meant more than your friendship?"

'Stop it, Nita. You didn't care about Hector. You're angry because Marino tossed you aside. You blame me for that."

"You were the one who let him know!"

"Of course. You would have betrayed me to him. I didn't care about you, not then, not now."

"Oh, it's all about your cause, your precious people!" she spat out.

"It is." Ramone's eyes drifted carefully to the shadow in the back of the room. I knew that he saw me, but he didn't give it away.

I waited for the right moment. If Ramone could distract her, I could take her off guard and get her to drop her weapon.

I was sweating. I was sure my heart was beating loud enough for everyone to hear.

I had never done anything like this before. I had never held a gun in my hand and attempted to point it at someone. I was a doctor. My job was to protect life, not threaten to take it.

I didn't know if I would be able to do this. Then I saw her cock the gun and I knew she was ready to shoot Ramone.

I stepped out and said, "Drop it, Nita."

She turned her head slightly towards me when she heard my voice. "Of course you would be here, caro." She said in her sultry voice. There was the merest smile on her face and a look in her eye that spoke volumes.

"I said drop the gun."

She laughed then. "You won't kill me, caro. You are not capable of it."

"I have a gun in my hand, Nita. Don't test me." I told her, even though I felt she was probably right and I would be unable to pull the trigger."

She laughed again, all the time keeping one eye on Ramone and the other on me as she said, "Michael, put your gun down. I am going to kill this devil and then I will lead these people. You can help me! You are a doctor. The people love you. We can take over and have everything."

I shook my head. "That's where you're wrong, Nita. Ramone didn't take over. He earned the people's respect by working with them and for them. And he has nothing except their respect. You'll never understand that."

Her eyes grew cold then. "You stupid American! I offer you everything, including me, and you stand by this piece of garbage!"

She turned her attention back to Ramone then. "Time's up, General. Say goodbye to your precious people."

She aimed the gun and I knew what I had to do. I held my breath and pulled the trigger.

She looked at me once more before she fell. Her face showed her astonishment. She never thought I would do it. I never thought so either.

I watched her crumple to the ground. I had held this woman and kissed her. I had contemplated making love to her and I had imagined myself doing just that. And now I had killed her.

Tony came up beside me and pried the gun out of my hand. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me out of the room. I hadn't even known he was there.

I tried to turn back, "I should see if she's still alive, if there's anything I can…"

"She's dead, Mike. There's nothing you can do."

"But—"

"I know. I've been there. I can never forget the first person I killed."

I looked at him. His eyes were intense as he looked at me. Tony always seemed so nice, so normal that sometimes I forgot that he was a soldier who had probably killed lots of people.

"How many?" I asked him.

He looked away from me. "I've lost count. More than I care to remember."

"Does it get easier?"

"Nope."

We were silent for a while, thinking about that.

"I'm a doctor." I said.

He nodded.

"I'm supposed to save lives, not take them."

He nodded again, then asked me the same question Ramone had. "Would you kill Almosa?"

When Ramone had asked that, I'd been ready to answer yes with no hesitation. But right then, after holding a gun in my hand, pulling a trigger and taking a life, I didn't know if my answer would be the same.

He nodded once more. "You'll be fine. You're not a killer, Mike. You're a man who did what he had to do to save a friend's life."

I sighed and we walked away, but the danger wasn't over. As I entered my hut, I felt a sharp pain in my leg and I fell. I looked up to see Almosa's ugly face above me, gun in his hand.

He laughed. "Time for you to die, Americano. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. Too bad your wife isn't here too. I'd like to fuck her one more time before you die. She was a pretty good fuck for a skinny American. And she liked it too. You didn't hear her moan when I was fucking her."

I couldn't get up, but I wanted to wring his neck. I was bleeding from the gunshot wound. He raised the gun and pointed it at me. I knew this was the moment I would die.