Disclaimer: Nah, nothing...

Chapter 20.

A month later

A month later, Karen was still in the hospital. She had finally agreed on seeing dr Martin both alone and together with Will. According to dr Martin she made progress already. She had started to show her emotions more, which was good. She still refused to say it out loud though. She refused to come to terms with the fact that her baby had died.

Dr Martin thought that it might be for the best if they both got home and into familiar surroundings to get on with ther lives again, to be able to get over the loss.

Will agreed and he and Karen went home. Jack and Grace were there to pick them up, but Karen refused to talk to them or even look at them. She didn't even look at Will.

Grace and Jack gave Will confused and worried looks but he just shrugged and mouthed to them that everything was going to be fine with time.

They took the limo home and Karen was sitting by herself, looking out the window. Will was seated next to her and he tried to wrap his arm around her shoulders, or at least take her hand but she shook him off her and slid deeper into her seat looking out the window more intensly than before.

Will sighed but knew that he couldn't do anything at the moment. Grace and Jack didn't say anything but they just gave each other a look and kind of cuddled up against each other out of worry and fear of what Karen might do to herself in this state. They both knew that it wasn't looking good. She had closed herself inside, building up her strong walls again which had taken Will such a long time to break down and now they were back up again.

Well at home Grace and Jack disappeared to their own apartments while Will and Karen made themselves home again in the manse. They unpacked together their bags of clothes that Grace and Jack had brought to the hospital.

"Karen, sweetie talk to me" Will asked her as he sat down on the bed, watching her unpack the last things from her bag.

"Why? Talking is no good" she said.

"Karen, please, why won't you talk to me? Do you blame me? Is that it?"

She looked at him with eyes that were totally empty.

"Blame you? For what? No honey, I don't blame you. I blame myself" the last part she screamed.

"Why do you blame yourself honey? It's not your fault."

"Then why did my baby die?"

That was the first time she said that and the sudden realization hit her hard. She broke down completely. She was standing by the bathroom door, sliding down and sat on the floor with her legs up under her and her hands covering her face. Tears were falling like rain and she sobbed so heavily that she had trouble breathing.

Will sat down next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her to him tightly and soothingly begun to rub her back.

"Sweetheart, it's not your fault. It's not your fault."

"It is my fault" she sobbed.

"It's not your fault." Will said firmly but gently.

She was making his shirt soaking wet from her tears, but he didn't care. It was good that she finally let it all come out and that she finally admitted to herself that their baby was gone.

She screamed out her agony and pain, causing Will to start crying too. He really hated to see her like this. He wished that he could take the pain away from her and carry it himself, and partly he actually did carry the pain, but it was his own pain. The pain of loosing a child was probably the most painful thing that he ever had experienced in his life. Even though the child hadn't even been born, it still hurt. It was so wanted by the both of them.

Karen continued her screams of pain and agony until she collapsed. Her body couldn't take the crying and screaming anymore and she fell asleep. Will lifted her up and carried her to bed. He gently laid her down on the clean, white satinsheets and pulled the covers up over her, tucking it in just under her chin. He stood there for a moment, watching her sleep. Her features were now relaxed again, only disturbed every once in a while by a wince or a silent sob. He hoped that she would sleep peacefully all night, that was what she needed right now.

He seated himself in a chair next to the bed, relaxing into the soft back of the chair, leaning his head back and closed his eyes. He felt a stray tear wander down his cheek, but he let it be.

-------------------------------------------------

A/N This is tearing me up inside out...what will happen next? R&R people