Chapter Twenty

I pulled my backpack strap over my shoulder and walked to the porch. I was aggravated, not upset, but emotionally in pieces. I unlocked the door and let myself in, only to find Charlie and Jacob sitting at the kitchen table.

"Yeah, I know, Char-" Jacob's response was cut off when the door closed behind me. He and Charlie looked up, almost completely surprised.

"Hi, Bella," Charlie greeted me, recovering the fastest. "Jake's here."

"Yeah, um," I fought to keep my chest together without needing my arms. "Hi, Jacob."

"Hey, Bells," his carefree reply was tempered by something I couldn't identify. "How was school?"

"Rough," I answered and clomped up the stairs to take a shower.

"Choose, Bella!" I stared at the mirror where she wasn't. She stood between Jacob and Edward. My reflection gazed back at me.

"I chose already!" I shouted at her. "I chose Edward first!"

"Wrong!" She screamed as Edward's eyes turned black. He and Jacob stood on either sides of her, stoic. "Wrong, Bella, he's wrong!"

"I know that!" I yelled at her. "I know he's wrong!"

"Choose again." She left their side to walk to me. Her hands went to my shoulders and she began shaking me. "Choose again, Bella."

Silence filled the gray forests, and the rain that fell down felt like ice.

The other Bella shook her head, glaring at me. Behind Edward and Jacob, past my reflection, I could see Victoria waiting. Eyes bored into me from all sides.

"I did." I mumbled and tried to pull away. She held fast. "I chose Jacob."

Bella shook her head more fiercely. Her chocolate brown eyes went to mine.

"Wrong again," her words stunned me into consciousness.

I woke up screaming in Charlie's arms.

"Bella, you're going to give yourself a headache." Eric chided me. I ignored him and focused on the words.

"I don't remember any of this." I fretted. "I have to reread the chapters we've covered."

Eric rolled his eyes and only said, "Headache."

I fell asleep in the truck when Jasper climbed inside. When I opened my eyes again, I was on my bed.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. In the kitchen, I found Charlie watching TV in the living room.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie said and his eyes went to the dark circles under my eyes. "Did the TV wake you?"

"No, no," I mumbled and sank on the couch. My eyes went to the TV. "Who's winning?"

"Don't know right now."

"Dad, you're usually good at this," Charlie had the uncanny ability to pick the team that would win the game within the first hour.

"It's a close game." Charlie said happily, and I was surprised when he flicked the TV off with a click of one of the buttons on the remote. "Jasper drove you home again?"

"Yeah," I said sleepily.

I knew what he was asking.

"Dad, I'm not going back to the Cullens." I said. "Not to Edward or any of his brothers. Don't worry."

Charlie grunted. "I just don't want you hurt again."

"I know." I felt his hand touch my hair from where he sat. "Those months were rough, I agree."

"Yeah," Charlie said in a tone I couldn't recognize. It sounded like exhausted agreement. "They were, Bella."

The TV never came back on. Charlie only stroked my hair and gazed around the living room though I felt his eyes touch my head occasionally.

A question struck me.

"Hey, Dad. . .?" My voice broke the pleasant silence.

"Yeah, Bella?"

"Do you miss Mom?"

Charlie didn't say anything and I opened my mouth to say something to distract him when he mumbled,

"Sure do."

"What went wrong?" I asked him quietly. Edward and me hadn't had any kids, thank God, but what if I had married him? And had a child? What would have happened if something tore us apart? Would she be like me, now? Living with her Father and visiting her Mother? Or would it be the other way around?

"We were young," Charlie said, his voice a low rumble in the quiet house. "Young and stubborn."

"What if. . . Phil wasn't there? What would you do?"

"Beg for her back." Charlie answered somberly. "And then threaten her with you if she said 'no'."

"How so?" I felt alarmed.

Charlie chuckled. "I'd threaten to make you a pink-loving, purse-chasing, glitter-and-sequins kind of girl."

I felt horrified, and found a quick comparison.

"So, like Alice?"

"That's right."

Thanks, Dad, I thought in mild irritation and pleasure.

"Goodnight, Dad." I got up and pecked him on the cheek.

"Night, Bells," Charlie said to me. "My little girl. It's hard to believe you're eighteen."

"It's hard to believe you're twenty five."

"Ha!" Charlie snorted and waved at me. "Tell Jasper to come inside sometime. I wouldn't mind meeting him."

"You'll just badmouth Edward the whole time."

"How'd you know?" Charlie smiled brightly.

I sighed, slightly amused. Charlie would enjoy it too much.

Charlie shouted at me, shaking me. "Bella!"

"I can't just choose one!" I shouted at her. "That's impossible!"

"Choose, Bella!" She held my shoulders hard, her eyes wild. "Choose!"

"Bella?" Someone shook me.

I sat up in bed and stared around. Jacob was sitting on the bed, his eyes somber.

"Nightmare?" He asked quietly.

"N-No," I answered shakily. It was hard to tell whether it was daylight or not. "How are you in here?"

"Charlie let me in." Jacob answered and his dark eyes pierced me.

"Why are you here?" I rubbed my eyes.

Jacob didn't answer, only point to my desk. It was normally clean, but a small pile of homework sat on the wooden countertop. "That's for you."

"Lovely." I scowled at the pile.

Jacob let me dress in sweat pants. "What time is it?"

"School's out for the day, that's pretty much all you need to know." Jacob said, trying to sound cheerful.

I had missed an entire day of school?

"Good thing tomorrow is Friday," Jacob said and I realized that he had never left my bed.

"Finals are in one week." I blinked hard and put my hands to my face. "They start two Mondays from now. And then they end on Thursday."

"And then you graduate on Saturday." Jacob finished. "I know how it works, Bella."

I turned to him. "Why are you here, Jacob?"

Jacob grimaced and gestured to the door. "Edward wanted to talk to you."

"Why are you here?"

Jacob squirmed and then he spoke. "Edward wants my permission to take you to his house to talk."

"He can't ask Charlie?"

"He did," a strange, remorseful twinkle filled Jacob's dark eyes. "But Charlie said to ask you, and Edward asked me first."

I said nothing, only bit my lip in panic while I tried to prepare myself for going to his house. "It must be important."

"Must be," Jacob echoed, and then he scowled. "So you're going?"

"Sounds like I have to."

"Okay." Jacob looked edgy.

I turned to him and scowled. "Is something wrong?"

"Why is Jasper driving you home?"

"You wanted someone to drive me home."

"Yes, but not the one who nearly killed you." Jacob snarled and I took a step back.

"You guys keep hanging that on him!" I cried. "It was my fault, all right?"

"You cut your hand on purpose?"

"It was a paper cut!" I shouted.

"Ugh, Bella-"

"No." I began to walk away. "I'm not having this conversation with you, too. Talk to Edward, and he'll tell you my point of view."

"I'm not talking to that bloodsucker!" Jacob sprang in front of me, stunning me by his speed. I hadn't even reached the stairs. "Bella, look-"

"Jacob, I'm not talking to you about this." I hissed to him.

Jacob shook his head and blocked my way with his large torso. "Listen to me!" His hands were trembling.

"Why? You're not listening to me!" I shouted at him. "Jasper apologized!"

"When?"

He had apologized, not with words, but by actions. He helped me read, and I had already forgiven him. I had told Edward that, to tell Jasper it was fine.

"When they left, I told him to tell Jasper that I was okay, and there wasn't any harm done-"

"He nearly killed you!" Jacob roared and his entire body quivered.

Danger made me pause and my mouth shut. I turned the other way and heard Jacob snarl. I ran to my room and closed the door behind me.

Immediately, Jacob was pounding on it.

"Bella, let me in!"

"No!" I yelled and barged the door with my body. "Jacob, you need to calm down-"

"Listen to me, Bella!" Jacob hit the door again and again. "You can't be with Jasper!"

I bit my tongue, biting back what I wanted to say, and said, "Calm down, Jacob."

"Don't!" Jacob shouted and his loud voice made me jump. "Don't be like that, Bella! Don't patronize me!"

"Jacob, stop!" I was trying hard to keep the door closed.

"Bella!" Jacob yelled and the door began to push back at me with the force of his blows. "Bella, Bella, Bella!" He was too furious to say anything other than my name.

"Jacob, calm down!" I shouted. "You're about to tear down the door!"

"Bella, no! You can't go with him!"

It was too much.

"Bella, let me-"

"Jacob!" I screamed and I heard Jacob's breathing stop.

Silence came from the other side of the door.

I exhaled a breath I hadn't realized I was holding and put my ear to the door.

That. . . That had been too close.

I felt my hand go to the door. My heart ached all of a sudden.

"Jake?" I murmured.

I heard him groan. "I'm sorry, Bella. I. . . I lost it."

I opened the door very slowly. "It's okay. . . I'm okay." Jacob was sitting on the floor with his knees in front of his face. "Jake, I'm okay."

He didn't look at me.

"Jacob, you didn't hurt me. I'm all right."

"I could have. . ." Jacob whispered. "I could have hurt you, Bella." His dark eyes went to my face and I was stunned when I could see tears budding. "I was so angry. . . I could have hurt you."

"Jake-"

Jacob groaned and shut his eyes, the tears falling onto his cheeks. "We'd be just like Emily and Sam, you know that? If I had gotten through the door, and had gotten angrier, we. . ."

The magnitude of what could have happened made me pale.

I tried to soothe him though I was shaking. "I'm okay, Jacob."

Jacob shook his head. He said nothing.

He didn't say anything when I joined him on the floor, nor when I stroked his cheek with one hand.

He bit his lip and pulled away, getting to his feet.

"Go with Edward. He's waiting."

"Jacob-"

"Go, Bella." Jacob didn't look at me. "Go where you're safe."

Did he really just say-

He disappeared down the hallway. I heard the front door slam, announcing his departure. He left me, too.

The holes suddenly appeared, appearing out of nowhere. Acid flooded my veins, choking me, and tears filled my eyes. I hurtled off the floor, fled to my room, slammed the door behind me, and launched myself on my bed so I could muffle my screams.

I wiped my eyes in the bathroom and held my chest together with my arms. It didn't work. The holes still ached.

I found Edward waiting at the driveway in his silver Volvo. I hopped inside and held my chest together, not caring that he saw it. I was struggling to breathe.

"Bella," Edward sounded livid next to me. I turned to him and was surprised to see his faces inches from mine. His gold eyes were smoldering with emotion.

"What happened?" he demanded in a velvet voice raw with fury. "What did Jacob do to you just now?"

I blinked and felt the tears fall.

"He grabbed a knife and ripped me open."

Just like you did.