Now that that's been covered:
-PARTE DEUX-
10:00pm – The lounge
"So who won? Alois or Ciel?"
A bunch of confused faces and shrugs. Apparently no one knew.
"I was supposed to win," Telracs explained, "but I couldn't find the darn thing! Where the heck was it hidden?"
"In the chimney," cjestarstyle said.
"Which one? This house has dozens of them."
"No, in the chimney."
At that moment, Lindsay and Anna were led into the lounge by Drocell and one of the triplets. The first two were wasted, and Anna was speaking in Czech. She kept saying, "Vesele Vanoce!"
"LOOK!" Lindsay exclaimed, holding up the blue flag, which was tied around the neck of her doll. "Lindsay doll has a cape! It's SEXY SUPER LINDSAY!"
"Then where's the pink flag?" Brittany asked.
Through the opposite door came the most peculiar looking trio of the night. Led by Shizuka Sumizome—the girl in the Christmas tree dress, now with the addition of a blue bandana—were Sebastian and Claude, neither of whom were in their uniforms. Shizuka shook out the pink flag with a flourish and waved the butlers into the room. Sebastian was dressed like a playboy bunny, and Claude was wearing the absurd lovechild dress of Spiderman and a Disney princess. They didn't look too pleased.
"I HAVE THE PINK FLAG!" Shizuka hollered drunkenly.
"Do you ever..." someone mumbled. Then a good chunk of the lounge's occupants started giggle-snorting at Claude.
Ciel and Alois finally showed up, looking not at all disheveled and with all their buttons done up correctly. Someone wolf-whistled at them. Alois clasped his hands and shook them victoriously over his head.
"We were playing chess!" Ciel quickly clarified. Then he noticed his butler and burst out laughing.
Alois laughed too. "Ciel Sourpuss Phantomhive is actually fucking laughing! This is great!"
Ciel tried to form a sentence, but kept interrupting himself with more guffaws and gasps for air. Finally, when he was semi-intelligible, everyone heard him start on another one of his Humans-Are-So-Laughable rants. "She gets to be King, KING, and all she does is dress up the butlers! I could've done that without the goddamn flag! Ahahahaha!"
Shizuka skipped up to the boys—as well as one can skip when they're covered in ornaments and lights and they've got a train chugging along behind them—and took another swig of her Catnip Tequila. "It's funny, isn't it?" She threw an arm around each of the boys' shoulders. "That's all I wanted to do though, so Ciel can have the flag now. He is the birthday boy, after all!"
Ciel gave a little smile and reached for the flag.
"OH WAIT! One more thing! I wanna name your baby!"
"Baby?" Ciel's face went blank. "Oh yeah, that thing..." Alois pursed his lips, unsure he'd like the name someone who called herself something as extravagant as Shizuka Sumizome would come up with.
"I was debating between Ezra and Botata, but I think I like Botata better. That'll be his name, okay?" Then she handed over the flag.
Ciel shrugged. "Fine."
Alois blew the hair out of his eyes. "I guess that's an okay name..."
"Hooray!"
A few more people hoorayed. Then Brittany found her megaphone and announced, "It's movie time, ladies and gentlemen! Please—"
All of a sudden the doors were blasted inwards, there was a mighty roar, and then a deafening shout of, "EVERYBODY FREEZE!" Two figures stood in the doorway, both clad in blood-red attire. One of them was Grell, brandishing his chainsaw death scythe, the other a girl in the mostly sheer nightie and negligee he'd worn in the musical. "This is so fun!" she stage-whispered.
"Grell!" someone exclaimed.
"Emerald Line!" Brittany gasped, dramatically clapping her hands to her cheeks.
"Shut up, mortals!" Grell shouted. Then he looked at Emerald Line. "Too much?"
"A little."
The shinigami cleared his throat. "For too long I've been the butt of homophobic ridicule and hazing at the hands of that dumb girl—" he pointed at Brittany, "and so many others! Including my darling Sebas-chan, for whom I've done nothing but help." Grell sniffed a little, and Emerald Line patted his arm comfortingly. "Thank you."
"I-it's not homophobic!" Brittany was quick to protest. "I swear, I love gays! Three of my guy-friends are gay! And Adam Lambert, Trevor Borris, Andrew Johnston, Daniel Tosh, I love them all! Alec Lightwood, um, the hair stylist from She's The Man—!"
"BUT WHAT ABOUT GRELL SUTCLIFFE?" He swung his chainsaw dangerously close to the judge's face.
"Eep!"
"WHERE'S MY LOVE? And why is it so despicable of me to express my feelings for Sebastian, hm? HE'S MOTHER-FUCKING ATTRACTIVE! I CAN FAWN OVER HIM IF I WISH!"
"You tell 'em!" Emerald Line cheered on, producing her own chainsaw to lean against.
"I'M TAKING THIS," Grell announced. He strode into the lounge, everyone still frozen in shock, and grabbed playboy Sebastian by the wrist.
Sebastian glanced frantically back at Ciel. "Um, Young Master, if you could..."
Ciel blinked, then started laughing again. He actually slapped his knee. "This is so unbelievably random! Best birthday ever!"
"Oh dear, he's snapped," someone murmured. Someone else looked at the drunken Anna and said, "I blame you and your show." She ignored the jab and starting popping Christmas crackers with Lindsay and Chocolate Ribbons. "SCORE! I GOT A MINI BOWLING SET!"
Grell pushed Sebastian into the hall for Emerald Line to hang onto and stared all of the other guests down with narrowed eyes. His tone was hushed, measured, and not at all gay. "If any of you little prats try and come after me, I'll slice out your lungs, cut them open like popped balloons, stuff your heads in them and watch you suffocate. Any questions?"
There weren't any questions. Even though one would technically require their lungs to suffocate, therefore the threat was kind of invalid and there should've been questions regarding the anatomical likelihood of it all, but alas, no one had the nerve to correct him.
Grell straightened up. "Alright then. Have a fabulous evening." And with that, he, Emerald Line (who was saying, "After this, can we go chop people up?"), and their prisoner left.
It was silent for at least a minute before the chattering resumed. Brittany fainted.
10:19 pm – Alois' home theatre
Brittany brushed her fringe out of her eyes. "As I was saying before that um... interruption, we have a movie to watch. Zombie-unicorn, take it away."
Zombie-unicorn, who was dressed as one of Alois' elves with the awesome long hat and bells and the whole shebang, stepped up in front of the projection screen. "I brought a gift for everyone!" she announced, and brandished a handful of tapes. "Unbeknownst to all the guests and hosts, I installed little cameras all over Ciel's house at Halloween."
Having recovered from his fit of hysteria, Ciel frowned and muttered, "This can't be good."
"They caught everything!" the elf went on triumphantly. "Everyone take your seats! It's time for movie night!"
Everyone found a place to sit in the theatre while xMaddie frolicked about handing out popcorn xJudy had used her new machine to make and noogies to anyone who declined.
The film began to play. The first image on the screen showed a washroom, wherein a girl dressed as Mrs. Lovette was washing her hands and humming.
"Ooh ooh ooh!" Zombie-unicorn started bouncing in her seat. "Watch this, I played the best prank on Ciel's lawyer!"
As the girl dried her hands, a panel in the ceiling opened and the bathroom was instantly flooded with candy corn, and the lawyer disappeared in a sea of white, yellow, and orange. Zombie-unicorn fell out of her seat laughing.
Back onscreen, a banner swished down with the words "So long and thanks for all the fish!" The film then cut to a clip of Elmo/Brittany staggering through the halls and belting out a mash-up of Teenage Dream and the Banana Song.
You. Make. Me. Feel like
I'm a banana!
I'm a banana!
I'm a banana!
BABY PUT YOUR HANDS ON ME
And LOOK AT ME MOVE!
"I don't remember this," said Brittany.
"You had half a glass of champagne and got totally shitfaced," Laura said helpfully. "Your tone improved but your rhyming suffered."
"Oh."
The final clip appeared to be composed of shots from at least half a dozen different angles. Ciel and Alois could be seen under the smaller boy's sheets. The images were a little grainy and the lighting was poor, but the content was clear.
Ciel face-palmed. "Oh god..."
"Hey!" Alois said. "Only I'm allowed to display my sluttiness to the world!"
Forgetting the absence of his butler, Ciel yelled, "Sebastian! How did you not see those cameras everywhere!" Five seconds later a messenger owl flew in with a note that said,
Dear Young Master,
I was a little... preoccupied. *accusing look at Claude*
It totally wasn't my fault, he's done it before and it's on film if you want proof,
Sebastian Michaelis.
Everyone shuddered. Claude and his stupid dress were banished from the room.
The film went on to show all the hasty foreplay and fumbling that'd occurred while the fangirls were gathering outside the door.
"Hey!" Brittany interjected, "What did I say about keeping Christmas rated G?"
"Nothing," someone said.
"Oh. I could've sworn I mentioned it somewhere..."
Ciel's eye twitched. He turned to Lindsay and snatched the bottle of whiskey from her hand. "Give me that."
Back onscreen: Now Ciel's usual poker face was contorted in obvious pleasure, with only the slightest undercurrent of pain made obvious by his brows. Alois looked concerned, perhaps even guilty. "Did that hurt, sweetheart?"
All the fangirls awwww'ed.
Ciel pulled a smirk through his daze. "Don't flatter yourself."
IRL: Ciel took another swig of whiskey.
Brittany was mumbling under her breath, "I'm not so sure... um... morals... This is probably super illegal..."
Onscreen: Ciel was now crying out. Alois was panting and groaning, and the fangirls avidly watching this all were squealing, burying their faces in their hands, blushing like mad, etc.
A handful of anti-AloisxCiel girls just went, "Uhhh..."
Anna stood up. "Drocell and I are gonna go man the bar 'kay?" She hurried out and was followed by the aforementioned girls.
Ciel knocked back the final dregs of whiskey.
10:41 pm – the lounge
Lindsay and Ciel were sitting bright-eyed at the bar while Drocell polished glasses. "What can I get you guys?" Anna asked.
"Liquor!" they answered in unison, then burst into a fit of giggles. Lindsay tried to throw an arm around Ciel's shoulder, but her chimney box got in the way and she ended up knocking herself over. A twenty-pound cat flopped out of her chimney and set about wandering around the room.
At the other end of the bar was Laura, robed in a glittery midnight blue gown, knocking back shots and drunkenly rambling to Telracs. "I-I mean, I'm like her best friend, and she only even mentioned me, what, like twenty-one pages into this chapter? What the fusk?"
Telracs nodded understandingly. "She probably thought you'd understand, since you are such good friends."
"I guess." Laura set down her shot glass. "I prolly wouldn't've been real keen on playing Capture the Fag anyway."
"Capture the Flag."
"That's what I said."
10:57 pm
"Okay okay—" giggling, "Alright, I'm doing it! Shsh, the words are coming!" More giggling.
Baby, can't you see? I'm calling,
A guy like you should wear a warning,
It's dangerous, I'm fallin'!
There's no escape, I can't wait,
I need a hit. Baby, give me it!
You're dangerous, I'm lovin' it!
After which Lindsay and Ciel burst into relentless guffaws that they were unable to reign in until the chorus of Toxic. Lindsay chimney-bumped Ciel, trying to tell him to get his shit together. He narrowly avoided tripping on the massive roaming cat.
With a taste of your lips
I'm on a ride!
You're toxic, I'm slipping under
With a taste of poison paradise
I'm addicted to you,
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic?
All the while Alois was sitting transfixed with several of his fangirls cuddled up to him (KaZe, zombie-unicorn, and Emily, who'd invited herself directly onto his lap). "This is trippy," he said. Someone had the foresight to film it, so Alois gave her a pat on the head.
11:34 pm
Just assume that everyone is a little tipsy at this point.
Now blasting from the speakers was a Spanish-y sounding number, to which zombie-unicorn had somehow managed to get Alois and the triplets dancing. She joined them on the makeshift stage and the three of them proceeded to flail their arms (sexily!). It was like Bollywood on crack.
"DON'T THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT ME WITH YOUR REBELLIOUS BEARD!" zombie-unicorn shouted at one point. And on and on they danced until Alois made a move to dramatically tear off his clothes. He only got as far as his shirt before Ciel tackled him and dragged him into the hall.
"Don't be such a killjoy, Ciel!" z-u yelled after them. "We were having a PARTAY up here!"
"Go Timber! Go Timber!" the other two triplets were cheering. Timber layed down some sick moves and then the song petered out.
From out in the hall everyone heard, "Ciel! What are you doing?"
Cjestarstyle ran out yelling, "No, Ciel! Your innocence! Save it for Sebby!"
Brittany came across them in the hall, with her dress tucked into snow pants and a koala bear hat on her head. She was just putting on her coat, and she looked ridiculous. "Whoa..."
Ciel looked up from his perch on Alois' lap. He'd been doing up the blonde's shirt buttons. "Yeah?"
"Wanna go build a snow fort?"
A pause. Then both boys, slightly drunk and reverting back to childhood due to the immaturity of most of the guests, jumped up and said, "Okay!"
"MINE'LL BE BIGGER!" Alois hollered as he dashed down the hall, presumably towards the front entrance.
11:59 pm - somewhere
"TEN! NINE! EIGHT!—"
"WRONG HOLIDAY!"
"OH!"
12:42 am – Fort Phantomhive
"Major Lieutenant Captain Ciel! What should we do?"
Ciel looked to his subordinate and pulled the fur-lined hood of his snow-cape tighter around his pink cheeks. "We retaliate." He waved the pink flag overhead, reminding his soldiers who the boss was tonight. "Man the stations! Increase snowball production! Prepare for fire and wait for my command!"
"Aye aye, Captain!" came the reply of Ciel's Capture-the-Flag-turned-Snow-War team. Usagi M e m o r i e s had even found a pair of shoes so she could join in the outdoor festivities.
The subordinate looked a little uneasy. "Sir, if you don't mind my saying so..."
"Bard! You'll listen to me and you'll like it! I don't care what goddamn legit war you were in!"
Bard sighed and took a drag on his cigarette. "Yes, sir."
12:43 am – Fort Trancy
xMaddie and xJudy were staggering drunkenly about the battlements, though neither of them had had a drop of alcohol. They were singing Club Can't Handle Me at the tops of their lungs.
"Gentlemen!" Alois announced. "Prepare for impact! Reinforce the walls and hang onto your hats! Anyone willing to form a human shield in front of the fort in welcome to do so!"
"But it's COLD out there!" Thompson said.
Suddenly, a chirpy version of the Kim Possible theme song rang out. Emily whipped out her cell phone and answered it with, "WHAT'S THE SITCH?" after which she ran off into the night.
"FIRE!" came Ciel's order from across the way. A barrage of hastily formed snowballs rained down on Fort Trancy, knocking Alois off his tower and smacking one of the triplets in the face. Ciel was leaning over his battlement with a hand cupped around his mouth. "ALOIS? I'M SORRY, BUDDY!"
"Nggh."
"MEDICS TO THE RESCUE!" Lindsay hollered and charged across the field with the fat cat.
1:01am – back in the lounge
Everyone was snug as a bug in front of the roaring fireplace. Lindsay had managed to obtain a sobriety serum, which she produced from a plaid bag in her chimney and shared with the gathered company. Laura and the triplets were singing pretty Christmas carols, Ciel and Alois were wrapped in a blanket on a bed of fangirl laps, Isabel was snuggling with the Undertaker, Drocell was handing out the rest of his dolls, a few people were asleep, and Telracs was dutifully guarding the Christmas tree and its fake gifts, should anyone fancy to tear them apart to check for themselves.
A dusting of soot trickled down from the chimney (the actual chimney), followed by a grunt and more soot. "Hey!" Telracs said (she was guarding that too). "Get back up there, creeper!"
Zombie-unicorn chimed in, "We don't want any of you red happy-fatty men here! Screw off!"
The person fell into the fire and tumbled out onto the carpet, slapping at the flames on his skin. It was Sebastian, looking more frazzled than ever. "I got away..." he panted, still in his rabbit ears but having found a coat somewhere.
Everyone just nodded. He went somewhere to freshen up.
Brittany gave him a weird look as she passed him at the doorway. She was dragging a wagon with two large, elaborately wrapped packages in it behind her, and had kept on her koala hat in lieu of the Santa hat she'd wanted to wear to avoid setting Alois off again. "I have something for the boys!" she announced.
Alois and Ciel looked up tiredly.
"Wow, guys, contain your enthusiasm, please."
Ciel groaned and got stiffly to his feet, stretching out all the kinks in his neck. As he approached the box labelled with his name, it began rocking back and forth. "Jeez!" He jumped back. "What the devil is in there?"
"Open it!" Brittany ordered him. "You'll like it, I swear on my life!"
Hesitantly, Ciel tugged at the ribbon. The entire box fell apart and something massive and black leapt out of it to tackle him. He fell back with an oof! and was subjected to several minutes of tongue-rape by his childhood pet. "Se-Sebastian!" he managed to say. "Sebastian!" The boy flung his arms around the dog's neck and buried his face in the overgrown fur, laughing the whole time like the child he should've been.
Alois smiled sleepily at the scene, then yanked the ribbon of his own box. Luca popped up with a bow in his brown hair, laughing giddily at his brother. "Jim!" he squealed.
"Luca?"
Luca stumbled out of the box and hugged Alois around the waist. "You didn't like your present, did you?" he murmured.
Alois ignored the question and lifted his brother to his face. "Luca!"
"Jim!"
The blonde tucked his beloved sibling against his shoulder. "This is way less gay than the actual ending!"
"Now we can be together without the lady who ate me!"
"I couldn't ask for anything better!"
The two Mackens laughed and danced around, Ciel got reacquainted with his dog, and all the guests smiled at the sappy, outlandish Christmas miracle.
When Sebastian returned, back in his uniform, he was wheeling out one massive cake and a smaller one of the Dairy Queen ice cream variety. Telracs hopped up and added a chocolate lemon cake of her own making to the trolley. Everyone wished Ciel a happy birthday, and then Emily/mleleamur as well, Brittany got a couple of high-fives, lots of 'Merry Christmas's and 'Happy Holidays' were exchanged, and eventually everyone grew tired and went off to bed or home.
Morning:
Behind closed curtains the grey light of a winter dawn beckoned at the window panes, coaxing Ciel awake, despite the darkness of the room itself. Contrary to the last 'morning after' he'd experienced, he felt well-rested. Comfortable, even, and delightfully warm.
He snuggled deeper into his pillows and sighed. Then his pillows snuggled back.
It took all of a second for Ciel to become acutely aware of another presence in his bed—an arm draped languorously over his shoulder, the rhythmic rustle of breath through his hair, something furry against his back.
Okay, two presences.
Ciel's hand twitched automatically towards the pistol he slept with, but with one arm tucked between himself and presence #1, and the other wrapped around said presence and—what was this now?—his hand intertwined with the little fingers of presence #3, he was in no position to move.
"Morning, sleepyhead," Alois murmured, his azure eyes peeking out from under an endearingly untidy fringe of cornsilk hair. He at least had a free hand, and he used it to push the hair from Ciel's face. Ciel's dog roused on his other side and began whapping the boy's leg with his tail.
Luca popped up from behind Alois, grinning like the King of the Morning People. "Morning, big brother, big brother's friend, Sebastian!"
"Get back down," Alois mumbled, playfully shoving the boy back onto the mattress. "It's too early to get up. Especially during the holidays."
Ciel finally found his voice. "What are you doing here?"
Alois blinked, then said chirpily, "I just came in last night so you could say goodnight to me, because how you expected me to sleep without you saying goodnight I haven't the foggiest idea. And you already had your dog in your bed, so I figured two more guests wouldn't make much of a difference."
"Well it does. You know what the difference is? Two people."
"Ciel, don't be such a Grinch. I thought you liked sleeping with people on your birthday."
"My birthday was a week ago."
"Shut up."
So Ciel shut up and snuggled back into the sheets. It was kind of nice, he supposed. Not a real family, certainly not his real family, but for just this Christmas the Mackens and one undead dog would do fine.
THE END!
I wish you all a Merry Christmas or whatever it is you celebrate, and an awesome New Year! May you all laugh and eat lots of delicious food and watch amusing Christmas specials on TV. I'll see you all in 2011 :D