A/N:Hey guys! I know I said the previous chapter was the last one before christmas. But I decided to post another one. Hope you have a good christmas! Also thanks for those who reviews it means a lot. Also thanks to those who follow, read and favourite this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee.

Warning: There is some offensive language in this chapter.

Enjoy! :D

Chapter Twenty: Fear

Fear. What is fear? Some define it as an emotion that scares the toughest of people. While others describe it as a thing that holds you back from achieving goals or dreams. Fears are scary but they can be overcome.

Whilst some fears are general in every human being, others aren't. Some fears are personal matters that will scare them. Some fears are about secrets being told. Something that few people know about others. Something that can destroy a family.

My fear is my telling my dad I'm gay. My fear is my dad being so angry and disgusted with me for liking girls. My dad saying I'm an abomination of nature. My dad not being able to look me in the face because he can't stand the sight of me. My dad kicking me out of the house because he doesn't want a 'sinner' living in his house. My dad disowning me for something I didn't choose, for something that is natural, for something that I was born with.

My biggest fear is about to come true.

I felt like I was having a heart attack. My heart was beating rapidly and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I have never this afraid in my life. I felt like I was physically rooted to the spot, I was frozen by fear. My senses suddenly were heightened as I noticed every time my dad would blink, or he pacing up and down and I could hear how angry he was. He was bright red and looked as if at any moment he would explode.

I thought about how stupid I was to kiss Brittany outside my front door. I didn't think of the consequences, I didn't think about the effect this would have on my family. I was too caught up in the moment. Don't get me wrong I was really thrilled that I went on a date with Brittany and that we were dating now. But I was even more scared about what that would mean and how it would change the relationship with my dad.

Neither of us had said a word for what felt like ten minutes, but was probably only about five minutes in reality. I could almost see the tension and unsaid words in the air. I didn't want to start the conservation and my dad probably didn't know where to begin. However I knew that he was going to expect me to answer whatever questions he had.

I didn't know that my dad would be home. I thought he would be at work. I didn't know the curtains would be open and I didn't know that he could see outside from his position on the sofa. In this moment I felt like I didn't know as much as I thought I did. I felt like a child who was about to be told off for doing something wrong.

I started to wonder where my mom was. I thought she would be at home. But maybe she was sleeping upstairs. I needed her. I knew she would be on my side when I told my dad this. But I didn't know where she was. I just wanted her to hold me as I cried and tell me that everything was going to be okay. Even though dad hadn't spoken a word I knew he wasn't going to be happy about me being gay.

"Dad I..." I broke the silence. I wanted to calm him down first before we spoke about this. However I didn't think anything I would say could dissipate his anger. "Please don't be mad." I spoke in a small voice.

"How can I not be mad after what I just saw?" My dad shouted. I saw his nostrils flare with rage. But I also hurt in his eyes.

"Can you calm down please?" I whispered, as the first tear started to roll down my cheek. I wanted to stay strong but I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"Calm down! Calm down!" My dad was still seething and wasn't showing any signs of calming down. I thought this was going to be a long night.

"I can explain." By now more tears were streaming down my face and starting to cloud my vision. I was standing near the bottom of the stairs and my dad was standing near the sofa still pacing up and down. I looked at him and saw confusion on his face.

"Please do, because I don't know what has happened to my 'normal' daughter." My dad had lowered his voice and he wasn't sounding as angry. But that didn't stop the venom from his words from hurting me.

"Can we sit down?" I asked hoping that if we sat down he would calm down even more.

"I'd rather stand." My dad replied. I knew that he wanted to feel in control.

"I was on a date tonight." I started and saw his face grimace in disgust. I knew I had to continue. "I was on a date with somebody who makes me feel so many things. They make me feel happy, safe and loved. We had a meal at a restaurant and it was perfect." I stopped to gage his reaction. I hadn't said it was a girl yet and we both knew what he saw on the porch.

"I don't understand if you were on a date, who was that girl at the door" My dad was obviously in denial. He didn't want to accept that I went on a date with a girl. He wanted to pretend that the kiss he saw was a mistake, but I knew it wasn't. The only mistake I made was him seeing us.

"She was the person I was on a date with." I found that sentence hard to say. Not because I had regretted the time I had spent with Brittany. But because it would force my dad to react to what he had heard.

"Why?" My dad asked. I was confused as to what exactly he was asking me. Was he asking me why I went on a date with a girl? Or why I felt that way about her?

"What are you asking?" I questioned. My tears had started to subside for now. My voice didn't sound strong but not weak either. I looked at his expression and saw some anger return.

"Why did you go on a date with a fucking girl?!" My dad shrieked. I flinched at his tone and the use of profanities. I felt the tears build up again and I couldn't help a small sob that escaped. I had never heard my dad this angry. I knew he was hot-headed but he had never shouted at me or mom before.

"Because I like her." I spoke in small voice. It was true but the truth wasn't what my dad wanted to hear. He wanted to hear that it was a stupid mistake or I was joking. He didn't want to know the truth. He wanted to know what made him feel comfortable.

"You-You li-like like her." My dad stammered angrily. I could almost see the cogs turning in his brain with what I said.

"Yes. I like her." I stated. I looked at him and saw that he had his heads in his hands. He looked frustrated. So far we really hadn't got very far. We were skirting around the main subject.

"As in a friend. You like her in a friendly way." My dad spoke more to himself but I knew he was asking me a question in his own way.

"I like her as more than a friend." I looked in my dad's eyes and as soon as we made eye contact he looked away in disgust and what I thought was most definitely hatred. At this I started to sob more. I was crying really hard. The type of crying that shook my whole body and was messy, loud and uncomfortable. I couldn't control it. Just that look of pure hatred was enough to make me like this.

"You shouldn't like her as more than a friend. She's a girl. You can't like her like that. It's wrong and a sin." My dad didn't even try to comfort me as I cried. He didn't notice I was in pain, that he was hurting me with his words.

"But I do like her. It doesn't matter that she's a girl. It isn't wrong and it damn well isn't a sin!" I had slowed down my breathing and I had stopped crying. A new emotion had taken over. Anger. I didn't want him thinking that way. I was furious that he would call it a sin.

"Yes it is, Santana! It's a sin. God didn't make humans so they could commit sins. God made men and women so they could reproduce. God made men and women so they could fall in love with each other. God didn't make humans so they could disrespect him." My dad rambled. I knew he wasn't religious but he was using god to back up his opinions. This wasn't what god might have or might not have thought. This was what he believed.

"You're wrong! Loving someone isn't a sin. Loving someone is natural. Loving someone is a part of what makes us human. You can't help who you love!" I shouted, still extremely mad that he was saying those words to me.

"You're right loving someone isn't a sin. Loving someone is natural and loving someone is what makes us human." I looked at my dad with disbelieve written across my face. Did he really understand? I wasn't sure. However he continued. "But loving someone of the same sex is a sin and not natural. Loving someone of the same sex means you will go to hell." I was wrong. He didn't understand. He thought awful things.

I stood up and looked at him. He was red in the face and looked at anywhere but at me. I looked at the clock that was placed on the wall and saw it was nearly midnight. I thought that as we had been shouting my mom would have heard us, if she was home and would come down to see what was going on. But she hadn't so she obviously wasn't home. I desperately wanted to know where she was. I wanted her to stick up for me.

"What do you want me say?!" I screamed. I was beyond trying to have a reasonable conversation with him. "That you're right that being gay is disgusting. That just because I love someone of the same sex I will go to hell. That there's something wrong with me. Well there isn't, there is nothing wrong me." I spoke with certainty and this was the first time that I was sticking up for myself. It felt liberating but scary at the same time.

"No. You don't love that girl. It's just some stupid phase. You can't love her! Don't you see she's making you like this? This isn't my daughter. My daughter is straight. You're straight. You are not a fucking dyke. No daughter of mine is a rug muncher." I felt the tears and sobs start again as my own father called me those hateful words. I couldn't believe he standing there calling me those things. It broke my heart and I didn't know whether I would ever be able to talk to him again.

"This isn't a phase, this is who I am. How dare you say those things about me. I love her with all my heart and there is nothing that you or anyone else can do to change that. This isn't something I chose, it was the way I was born and it's taken me long enough to finally accept myself. I'm not going to let you make me believe those thing you said are true because they aren't." My voice sounded surprisingly strong. I looked at my dad and saw his anger grow. I dreaded what he was about to say.

"You're only seventeen, a child. You don't know the meaning of love. You don't love her. Do you understand me you don't love her?!" My dad shrieked as he stepped closer to me, he was only inches away from my face. I shivered with terror and sadness. I knew he would never hit me but I felt for a fraction of a second he just might.

"I do. I do love her. Why can't you understand that? You don't know what I feel. You can't tell me what to feel. I'm my own person and you have no right to dictate what I feel."I took a step back from my dad. I looked him in the eyes and saw some of his anger disappear. But just a tiny amount.

"I can't understand it because you are not a lesbian. You are not weird. You are normal. You are attracted to guys. You have some many opportunities ahead of you. I don't' understand why you throw them away. Because you will if you're with that girl. You won't have a normal future. You won't be able to get married. You won't be able to have kids. People will make your life a living hell. I don't understand how you can ruin your future because you 'think' you love a girl." I listened intently to what he said. He sounded genuinely confused and sad. But he was still being closed minded.

"Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I can't have all of those things. I can get married and have kids. Okay there will be different ways of having kids but I can still have them. Although not all of the states legalise gay marriage there are states that do. I'm not ruining my life. Its people like you who can't see beyond their own opinions. Its people like you that make so many teens commits suicide just because their different. It's people like you who bully gay people, over something they have no control over. But there's a large amount of people who don't care about a person's sexuality. They accept that person for who they are."I looked at him willing for him to see that he's wrong.

"I can't accept something I don't agree with." He told me. My vision started to blur again when tears built up in my eyes.

"But I'm your daughter." I said in a whisper.

"You were my daughter." My dad looked me right in the eyes as he said those words. "You're mother won't like this either." He told me looking smug. "When I tell her she'll see what I see. A stupid girl who deserves everything nasty word thrown her way."

"Unlike you, she doesn't think that. She loves me for who I am. When I told her a few days ago she told she would love me no matter what. She let me talk to her about everything that I was feeling. She was there for me." I saw anger flash in my dad's eyes. I knew he didn't like what I said.

"You told her and she- she ...accepts you." My dad asked in disbelieve. "She didn't tell me about this." He sounded upset that my mom had kept a secret from him

"I asked her not to tell. Because I knew you would behave like this. She understood and told me she would be here for me. She told she would be right next to me when I tell you." I told him. There was a moment of silence before he spoke again.

"If you stay with that girl. You aren't my daughter anymore. I can't bear to look at you knowing all of the disgusting things you must be doing with that bitch.I-" Before my dad could continue his rant I interrupted him as soon as I heard him disrespect my girlfriend.

"Don't you fucking talk about my girlfriend like that!" I screamed. I saw my dad look shocked at me swearing. I knew whatever was going to happen next would not be good. But I wasn't going to let him get away with what he said.

"I can say whatever I damn well want. I am utterly disappointed by your behaviour tonight, Santana. This is not the girl I raised. The girl I raised had manners; she never swore and most certainly would not like girls!" My dad voice had finality about and knew the conversation was drawing to a close.

At that moment the front door swung open and my mom walked in. She looked at us confused and then when she saw me crying and my dad looking angry she instantly rushed to my side. I was so glad she was here. I wanted to know where she was but it wasn't exactly the right time to ask.

"What's going on?" My mom asked both of us.

"You knew and you didn't tell me. How can you be ok with our daughter being a disgusting lesbian?" My dad spoke. I saw anger flash in my mom's eyes.

"Because I love her. She can't change who she is. Don't dare you call Santana that ever ever again!" My mom's voice sounded stern and strong. My mom now her arms wrapped around me as I cried into her shoulder.

With a last glance at me and my mom my dad walked past us and upstairs. I heard a door slam and presumed it was the bedroom door.

"Don't worry, mija. Everything is going to be alright." My mom assured me. I looked at her and burst into another set of tears. She led me to the sofa and held me in her arms as I fell asleep. The last thought I had was I was glad that I had a mom like mine.

Please review and let me know what you guys think. :)