Chapter 20: Physical

The next week was torture . . . Sunday wasn't so bad because I stayed in my room all day but once it was time for school the next day . . . I just wanted to sit in my room again . . . but I couldn't. I ended up having a sleepless night and finally got up at dawn to get ready. I made no breakfast and headed to school on my own, very early and bought myself a box lunch, planning to be alone for lunch even if I had to sit in the restroom . . .

I couldn't face anyone. Sapphie, Kari, Nora and even Miku had tried to console me the day before but I wouldn't talk to them. Talking about it only made me feel sad and start crying more than I already did or had. Goku barely came out of his room either, except to go downstairs and get food because I heard him in the hallway with bags of chips and sodas unless it was someone else . . . but Goku was the only person who usually went to get late night snacks.

Monday dragged on forever and I was tortured by other people who knew about the breakup through Chi-chi who enjoyed every last bit of this. She didn't stop smirking or smiling and threw things at me in the hall before Goku saw or before she would run up to him and flirt with him. I heard people calling me a cheating whore and rumors that I paid Goku to go out with me because I'm such a loser. Even the teachers looked down upon me in every class I went to.

When P.E. came, I distanced myself from everyone. Since the teacher had a rough weekend she made us run laps for part of the period then walk the track for the rest of the class before lunch period. When we were supposed to stop running, my friends approached me, still wanting to know what happened.

"Alice, c'mon! Stop being so damn stubborn!" Kari yelled at me as we walked.

Sapphie used a softer tone. "Alice . . . we're your friends and we want to help you . . . but you gotta tell us what happened . . ."

I hung my head, not letting myself make eye contact with them and finally spoke for the first time in nearly 24 hours. "Why? Everyone knows what happened. Chi-chi told everyone . . ."

Kari put a hand on my shoulder. "She's a lying bitch and we want to hear the whole truth."

I shrugged her hand off my shoulder and turned to them looking up at them with tears in my eyes and plastered a fake smile on my face. "I can't tell you right now . . . because it still hurts . . . just . . . talk to Goku about it. He can tell you everything . . . when I can open up . . . I will."

With that I ran off the field into the bathroom stall as fast as I could and changed back into my clothes then got all my things and headed home early claiming to be sick as a dog. By the time I got home my stomach grumbled so hard and cramped I thought I was going to pass out from hunger. I took out my boxed lunch and ended up tossing it in the fridge. I wasn't in the mood to eat. I went upstairs to my room leaving the door cracked and started crying as my cat tried to comfort me by rubbing against me.

I felt a hand on my arm and turned around to see Miku with a softened expression on his face that I've rarely seen before. He made me turn to face him and folded his arms.

"Spill it. What happened Saturday night?" He demanded to know, softly.

I turned away and folded my arms as well. "I . . . I . . . can't tell you right now . . ." I said as tears began to pour out my eyes.

He sighed. "Look, I know it hurts right now but I wanna know whose ass I need to kick. I would have beat Goku up but all he's told me is that you two broke up over something on Saturday night. Since he won't tell me, I want you to tell me."

I let my tears pour and hit the floor. "Desmond Potsmound kissed me at the party Saturday night . . . and I think it was because someone paid him to do it. Goku saw it and broke up with me . . . there . . . are you happy?"

Miku hugged me tight. "So I have a preppy boy's ass to kick . . ."

I sighed and pulled away burying my face in a pillow, not being used to Miku comforting me ever since he put his walls up. "Don't hurt him . . . there's no point. It won't get Goku back to me."

Miku smirked. "It will if I threaten him enough, he'll be running and begging to tell Goku what really happened . . ."

I shook my head sighing even harder. "Goku already has the snake girl trying to ease in."

Miku gave me a weird look. "Who the hell is snake girl?"

I narrowed my gaze at him. "You seriously don't know?"

He rolled his eyes. "Sorry Alice, but I don't listen to the stupid girly gossip between you, Sapphie and Kari."

I laughed a little and sighed. "Snake girl is Chi-chi Mao, the cheerleader?"

"Nah, he won't even talk to that bitch . . ." Miku denied.

I sighed and nodded and he hugged me tight. "Don't be so down in the dumps about this. We both have plenty to be sad about." He said quietly before exiting. He shut the door behind him for me and I plugged in my earphones and started listening to music, not being able to take his advice.

Later on I opened up to Sapphie and Kari but couldn't make eye contact with them. They hugged me tight and told me it would be okay and he would soon regret doing this to me. They also told me that they saw him talking to Chi-chi and saw them hugging after I protested wanting to know. Sapphie started first . . .

"Well . . . at lunch, Goku didn't sit with us. I guess he was afraid of being questioned. He sat alone at first but then Chi-chi sat with him alone and they talked a lot . . . from where we sat we couldn't hear them but it ended in them smiling at each other and then . . . well . . ."

Kari interrupted. "Jeez, it ended with them walking to every class together and she held his arm like you used to and before their last class, Chi-chi gave him a kiss on the lips . . ." Kari's expression began to turn from her normal self to an expression of sympathy and pain.

Sapphie's expression was sympathetic too. "He kissed her again after that . . ."

I bit my trembling lip and looked up at them with a fake smile. "You know . . . I think I'm gonna go for a walk . . ."

Kari put a hand on my shoulder. "Alice, honestly it's okay. He's a loser and karma is a bitch. He's honestly not worth it . . ." I shrugged her hand off of me and started keeping my gaze. I grabbed my purse and threw a few items in it and ran out my bedroom door and downstairs, already starting to cry and went out the front door bumping into Nora and Goku.

"Hey Alice, why are you in such a rush?" Nora asked.

I gathered my things and pushed my way through them, not making any contact with them and ran through the woods as fast as my legs would carry me. My feet burned from the cold snow underneath my bare feet and finally I tripped and nearly fell into the river that seemed higher than usual. I sat down crossing my legs feeling extremely cold but knew I couldn't go back just yet . . . I needed my medicine.

I opened my bag and took out a razor and began to have all sorts of conflicting thoughts and memories. Sapphie used to cut . . . and I remembered telling her my experience with it because I cut as I reached teen age. Goku caught me once . . . and he looked so frightened at what I was doing. He begged me to never do it again . . . and I didn't until now.

"Well go ahead you chicken. Do it," one voice echoed. I took a deep breath, raising my sleeve and placing the blade to my arm, sobbing, hearing everyone's voice that I live with shouting at me in unison.

"Don't!"

I sobbed harder as my head and my heart began to pound with an increasing pain. My whole body seemed to tinge and twitch from the surrounding cold. My muscles gave a shiver and my teeth started chattering. The different thoughts all began to grow louder and louder until I screamed and pressed the blade harder at the top of my arm and began to cut my skin, deep with sharp intensity all the way down to my mid-arm.

Blood began to spill and leak into the snow. I held it away from my clothes so it wouldn't be as obvious what I had been doing in the woods, alone. A fiery burn took over the cut and tingled and I stopped crying and started feeling more and more empty with each drop of blood that poured. Finally, I pulled my sleeve down and stood up and started roaming the woods, enjoying the burn that the snow started to give my feet. Eventually I got back home and locked myself in my room.

The next morning, I awoke to intensifying stomach cramps and sickness and passed out almost as soon as my feet touched the ground.

Meanwhile . . .

Everyone else woke up a little late but still went about their day. Sapphie knocked on Alice's door one last time. Kari sighed, growing frustrated.

"Look, just leave her alone! She's probably sick from going out barefoot in the snow."

Goku glanced back up the stairs before heading out the door, sighing. Miku broke into Alice's room after everyone was gone to see her lying on the floor looking sickly and paler than usual. He picked her up and laid her back in her bed putting extra blankets on her and a cold cloth on her forehead, scoffing as he shut her door and headed to school.

"Geez Alice, one little breakup and you lose all ability to function . . . it's usually Sapphie who needs this kind of help. You're stronger than that . . ." He spoke to himself.

They all walked to school in complete silence. Goku was ahead of everyone and Miku was behind everyone. Sapphie and Kari walked together and Nora eventually eased his way back to Miku.

Kari growled lowly. "How much do you bet that Chi-chi had all of that crap set up just to get her claws on Goku?"

Sapphie sighed. "It appears to be the case since she showed up at the party and stayed back from everyone until she noticed what happened. Then she slithered in like a snake."

"Chi-chi didn't do shit. She's been a good friend to me since Alice did what she did . . ." Goku defended.

Kari and Sapphie stood in utter shock staring at Goku who had turned around to face them, glaring them down. Nora and Miku even stopped walking and stared at him not believing their ears.

"Goku . . . you CAN'T be serious. You're on Chi-chi's side now? Are you sure she didn't give you a subliminal message or something?" Kari said first.

Nora agreed, jumping in. "You told me not two months ago how much you wished she'd leave you alone . . . now you're friends with her?"

Miku rolled his eyes ignoring all of the pathetic drama. Sapphie stood quietly baffled and didn't try to put forth anymore words. Goku stood there, building in anger and conflicting emotions reflecting quickly about what happened and what is now happening and the wind began to blow and the ground shook as he was building up his ki energy within him but instead of transforming into a super sayain he just turned away and ran, letting out a growl of frustration.

His thoughts raced as he ran and before he knew it he was at school with Chi-chi at his side. She plastered a fake concerned look on her face. "What's wrong, Goku?"

Everyone else arrived a few minutes later and went their separate ways to their classes. Sapphie and Kari went to Alice's different classes to get Alice's homework, Nora went to class early and Miku went to his locker, being in a mellow mood.

"Hey, it's the whore's brother! I bet he's a man whore." Desmond's voice called from behind Miku. Miku shuddered and clenched his fists in anger and grabbed Desmond by the collar of his tailored shirt.

"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Miku said gruffly.

Desmond pushed back, hitting him into the locker. "I said you're a whore just like your little sister. What are you gonna do about it?"

Miku pushed Desmond on the ground pinning him down as he resisted. "My sister isn't the whore. You are for kissing her for money. I know no one will believe me, but you know what? You're the whore and your ex-fucking-girlfriend, Chi-chi; she's the whore who probably got someone to pay you to do it. Either you figure all of this shit out and clear my sister's name since you're mister popular, or I bust your fucking skull open."

Desmond smirked. "But Miku, how are you gonna do that if you get expelled? You're the troubled student and I have almost everyone on my side."

"That might be true, but my sister is a straight A student who causes no trouble. Kari and Sapphie would back me up on this since this is more of a defense move and they have good reputations as well. To be honest, Kari can handle herself."

As if on cue,

"Hey, there go the other two whores of the whore trio!" A preppy blonde yelled at Kari and Sapphie.

Sapphie immediately hid her eyes behind her hair and Kari scowled in anger and cornered the blonde, having already taken too much shit from people over a span of two days.

"Say it again . . . I dare you."

The girl turned pale and apologized and ran off as fast as she could and Kari comforted Sapphie.

"But Sapphie is really sensitive and so is Alice. I'm normally not helping Alice out but this time I am because what you fucking did ruined what little of a life she had."

"So, what? It's not my fault the little emo bitch is depressed." Desmond countered.

"Oh but it is. You have no clue how much YOU would get in trouble if she killed herself. What the fuck would you do then preppy boy? Chi-chi would be the first to rat you out and so would your little prep friends. So, either you fess up by Saturday, or I come get you and beat you senseless to where you can't walk straight." Miku continued and finally pushed Desmond against the ground and got up and marched to class.

Desmond stood up and straightened his tie and looked around, a bit shaken up from what just happened and what his options were. He picked up his books and walked down the hall.

I woke up again around seven in the evening and crept downstairs to get my box lunch out of the fridge and ran back upstairs as fast as I could. I locked myself back in my room and ate my food thinking about how much damage this breakup has done to me over just three or four day's time. I finished eating and took a shower and felt much better physically. I went and lay down and worked on my homework that had been slid under my door in silence and absent-mindedly.

Eventually I fell asleep after finishing all of my homework for what seemed like five minutes. I woke up and it was time to get ready. I threw my uniform on, brushed my hair down, threw my books in my bag and walked downstairs and made everyone breakfast. Someone entered the kitchen as I had my back turned.

I turned around. "Good Mornin-" I began before stopping when I saw it was Goku, and I dropped the plate I was holding that had an omelet on it and it shattered. I lowered my bangs over my eyes and without thinking my legs sprung into action and I grabbed my bag and ran out the door, slamming the door behind me. I started running through the woods in nothing but my socks and house slippers until I was at school.

Before I could even reflect on what just happened, I noticed something else; people weren't saying rude comments to me. They were civil and didn't harass me . . . a few of my teachers apologized for their stares and looks they had given me and all considered, it was a pretty good day at school . . . until I got to lunch.

Sapphie, Kari, Miku and I all sat together in one of the furthest tables away from the preps and the action. This was the first time Miku had sat with us in awhile. Kari sat by me and Miku and Sapphie sat by each other casually, not minding one another's presence which was kind of odd.

"Do you feel better, Alice?" Sapphie asked.

I smiled a little. "I feel . . . okay. I'm still really sad though. I really cared about Goku and I just can't believe he didn't believe me . . . and took the words of others . . . over mine . . ." I began to grow weaker with each thought and I sighed pushing my food away.

Sapphie pushed it back toward me and gave me an encouraging smile. "He'll come around. He'll realize just how much he has screwed up and he'll come back to you on his knees begging you to forgive him."

I sighed and nodded. "It doesn't stop the pain though . . ."

Miku smirked and laughed. "You just haven't gotten into the anger phase yet."

I shook my head and hugged myself. "I can't be mad at Goku . . . I just can't. I really care about him . . . and he just threw something away that we've actually had since we were children . . . to . . ."I drifted off as I saw Goku and Chi-chi walking through the lunchroom and holding hands. I smiled and bit my lip looking down at my hands.

Kari groaned. "You saw their dumbasses didn't you?"

I nodded and poked at the food on my plate and remained silent as an awkward silence wafted over the table.

When I got home, Goku and Chi-chi were sitting on the couch with their books open but neither of them was studying. They both looked up at me and I stood my ground. I wasn't going to flee again the same way I had this morning.

I kept my eyes off of them pretending like they weren't there and walked into the kitchen to get a bottle of juice.

"Hey Alice," Chi-chi began. I imagined a smirk on her lips at this moment. "Could you get me a soda?"

Gee, I guess she felt good and content right here in MY home. I reached into the fridge and got myself a bottle of orange drink and deciding to be the good person in this situation silently gritted my teeth and grabbed her cola. When I began to walk away after giving it to her, I heard her call me back.

"Alice? Why don't you come study with us or at least chat for a little bit?"

I sighed and walked back, trying to prove that I'm fine and could manage seeing them together. When I walked behind the couch, Chi-chi sat up and held her soda can in a weird way and opened it and sprayed me with it. It had been shaken up. I didn't do it. I bit my lower lip trying not to break into tears or lash out in anger. I opened my eyes to see Goku's shocked expression and Chi-chi's spiteful one.

Instead of doing either one, I remained silent and crept my way upstairs to my room, dragging my bag and cleaning myself up, changing into my most comfy pajamas.

Meanwhile . . .

Goku still sat downstairs, bewildered about what just happened as Chi-chi sat across him on the couch laughing and smirking.

Goku's eyes narrowed. "Maybe you should leave . . ."

"Why? I thought it might have been shaken up and I was right." Chi-chi said non-chalantly.

Goku sighed shaking his head. Chi-chi scowled. "Alice is jealous of us. Isn't it obvious?"

Goku nodded, giving in but thought to himself. "Maybe, but maybe she's sad inside . . ."

The school day on Friday eased by pretty quickly and I decided to chill out in my room since others had plans again that night. I sighed flipping through the phone book, trying to find the number for my favorite pizza place. I rented my favorite musicals on the way home and decided to have a pizza delivered.

Looking through the phone book made me think of the dinner reservations I got Goku for Christmas . . . he wouldn't . . . go use those with Chi-chi . . . would he?

As if on cue, I heard Nora call out from downstairs, sounding angry. I ran out of my room and watched what was happening from the staircase. Goku and Nora were standing in front of the front door, Nora looking like he was going to dive at Goku's throat.

"Okay, so at first, I really wasn't going to get into this whole breakup thing between you and Alice, but what you're doing now is just way too low, man! It's wrong. She got you those dinner reservations for Christmas and you're gonna take that slut with you instead? No, that's just wrong. You don't do that EVER! I can't believe you! I think you should be up there apologizing on your knees to Alice!"

Goku retaliated. "Alice is the one who ruined our relationship! Not Chi-chi! Chi-chi didn't do anything but try and be a good friend to me in times of heartache!"

Nora punched Goku in the shoulder as hard as he could make a small mark. "I don't know you anymore man. That slut has really ruined you and you'll realize it when it's too late. You just better hope Alice stays forgiving."

Goku hung his head gritting his teeth and walked out the door slamming it so hard the house shook. All was quiet for a moment. Nora glanced at his fist that was turning slightly red and shook his head.

I heard Sapphie's voice next. "Poor Alice . . . how is she going to react to this?"

I crept down the stairs seeing Sapphie and Nora there in the room and their heads immediately whipped around to face me.

"Alice, did you hear all of that?" Nora asked

I nodded, tears quickly welling in my eyes, not believing my ears that my prediction was right and Nora hugged me tightly.

"Alice, I'm sorry I stayed out of it at the beginning but now I promise, I'm gonna help you get through this! ROCKY TRAINING MONTAGE!" Nora shouted.

Sapphie and I laughed, making my tears leave and I smiled. "What are you two doing tonight?"

"I'm chilling out here . . ." Sapphie said smiling. "You need someone to hang with?"

"I'm staying here too. Goku pissed me off." Nora declared.

"Well . . . I can't eat a large pizza by myself . . . why don't we chill together?" I suggested.

They both nodded enthusiastically and I ordered pizza. We had one of the best nights ever hanging out as three friends. We built a pillow fort, did shadow puppets with a flashlight and just had a jolly old time.

The next day, I woke up and made breakfast although it was just me and Sapphie for most of the day. I felt sad again, remembering that Goku was taking Chi-chi to the restaurant that I had bought reservations for us at Christmas for. Most of the afternoon was spent in silence in my room doing homework that had piled up over the past week until six or seven o'clock when Sapphie called me downstairs.

"Alice! It's snowing a lot down here!" She shouted. "Come look!"

I crept downstairs and sat on the couch with her and raised the blinds as she was looking through them and we started watching the snow fall and stick everywhere, piling up more and more by the second and listening to the wind sift through the cracks in the house, making it chiller.

I shivered slightly and we watched the snow pour down in buckets. "Isn't it beautiful?" Sapphie asked, turning to look at me with her innocent smile she had on most of the time. I sighed heavily and nodded.

"Alice . . . it's okay." Sapphie said patting my shoulder.

"No it's not . . . because he likes her . . . maybe even loves her. He won't even believe a word I say and Chi-chi is the one who is lying." I said letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Then we'll sabotage her!" Sapphie protested.

I shook my head and folded my arms. "That won't do any good."

Sapphie continued to protest. "Yes it will."

I started protesting back and reasoning. "We'll just be sinking to her level."

"But it's what she deserves."

I shook my head dismissing her comment and sighed looking back out the window. "I guess I better go start preparing dinner."

Sapphie's expression melted into a pool of sympathy sadness and she followed me into the kitchen and I started cooking dinner. I put four pans on the stove top on each burner and filled one with water to make it start boiling, another with a can of peas, another with hamburger and another with sauce to keep it heated. I was going to make spaghetti.

After mindlessly cooking for a few moments, images of Goku over the years eating spaghetti or noodles of any kind went through my head and made me feel unfathomable sadness so deep and overwhelming my actual chest began to ache with heartache. The most prominent one of the first time Goku helped me make dinner and we made fish spaghetti and he had a hold on my arms and was showing me how to cook the fish properly.

Little did he know he was taking hold of my heart, full storm. I tried to shake the thought away from my head and lightly burned my fingers and ran to the bathroom and looked in the mirror at myself. Slowly crumbling down, the tears began to well and before I knew it I was sobbing.

I reached into my makeup bag and pulled out a razor. The only thing that would cure my tears . . . I rolled my sleeves up on my right arm, the arm I hadn't stained with bloody cuts and placed it at my shoulder and slowly drug it down my skin, cutting every single fragment with a sting and the tears quickly shed then stopped coming.

I bled and bled as I stared at my cold expression in the mirror. After about ten minutes I dabbed a wet cloth at the blood until it was gone and stopped running down my arm. I felt cold and empty as the all-too familiar burning sensation of cutting raced through the veins and skin on my arm. A few more tears leaked out before I wiped my face too.

I waited a few more minutes to make sure my eyes and eyebrows weren't swollen and finally went back out downstairs into the kitchen, feeling an odd presence. I entered the kitchen to find Sapphie lying on the ground, a huge knot forming on her head and blood on the ground as a dark shadowy figure stood over her who could only be described as one person.

Irashu.

Our mortal half demon enemy who haunted us in our sleep and threatened us with just his presence. He swiftly turned to look at me and chuckled lowly trying to strike where I stood but I slid across the floor into the bottom cabinets. He raised his blade up.

"Good-bye Sapphie."

"NO!" I screamed and dived in front of Sapphie as I heard a rip and felt a slice from my shoulder to my hip. I lay there and watch my blood spurt out in what seemed like an endless amount and I knew this was the end. My vision began to go blurry as I saw Sapphie going flying through the wall that connected the kitchen and the dining room and she fell through the table. Irashu kneeled back down and picked me up throwing me through the hole that Sapphie went through.

Flames began to encase the house as Irashu chuckled and left. I felt myself choking on the thick black smoke that began to fill the kitchen and dining room. The last thing I saw was Goku over me shaking me before I passed out. All was black and silent and empty.