"Hello!" Balin's familiar voice calls.
"Where's the food?" Dwalin's friendly grumble follows soon after. I hear the door close a moment later.
I look over to Kili, who is fighting off sleep in the recliner. I checked his temperature not thirty minutes ago. Thankfully, it's low-grade, but it's still there and that worries me. A football game is on the TV, but he isn't seeing most of it considering his eyes are drifting shut.
"Hey, boys!" Dwalin enters the room and gives me a friendly, albeit powerful, pat on the back.
"Hey," Kili croaks out from the recliner. Dwalin looks at me, silently asking for permission to go over and say hi. I nod my head, letting him know it is okay.
Dwalin walks over and gently lays a hand on Kili's blanket covered shoulder. "How are you doing, laddie?"
"I'm ok," Kili says with a yawn. "Hey, we match now." Kili says, pointing to his bald head.
"Better wake up. If you think I'm going to sit here and tell you about the game after you've chosen to sleep through it, you're wrong." To anyone else, Dwalin would sound hateful and harsh. But, we've grown up around him, and know when he's joking. Like, right now.
"How am I supposed to sleep with your loud mouth?" Kili says, sitting up a little straighter.
"Watch your tongue, boy," he says gruffly. Kili gives a small laugh as Dwalin carefully hits him on the head.
"If you two promise to not break anything," I say standing up, "I'm going to go see if I can do anything in the kitchen."
Dwalin looks at Kili and quietly asks him something. Kili laughs softly.
"We'll be good," Dwalin says seriously. I spare one last look at Kili, knowing I'm leaving him in good hands and join Balin and Thorin in the kitchen.
Thirty minutes later, the five of us have gathered into the living room, full plates and drinks in hand. Normal families would be gathered around a table and telling each other how thankful they are for each other. But the Durin family doesn't show sentimentality so openly in larger groups of people. I suppose we do, just not with so many special words. It's more of actions and gestures for us.
Balin occupies the other end of the couch. He rolls his eyes at Dwalin's loud outbursts of frustration at the game. Dwalin is sitting in a chair which he has moved right beside Kili. Thorin is seated in an overstuffed chair on the opposite side of Kili. Even Kili, after a few bites of food and some loud encouragement from Dwalin, is starting to get aggravated and voice his frustrations at the game. Thorin, though not as loud as Dwalin, is getting into the game, as well.
"Get ready to run," Balin says leaning over to my ear. "Something's bound to break if the score doesn't change soon."
The room gets quieter. The only sound coming from the commentators and the roar of the crowd at the game.
"What!"
"GO! GO! GO!"
Three different reactions occur due to the sudden excitement: Thorin leans forward, hands on knees, muttering "C'mon!" repeatedly; Kili sits up a little straighter and his eyes widen as they follow the player down the screen, who is gradually getting closer to the end zone; Dwalin abruptly stands and places his hands on his head as he shouts, fighting back obscenities.
"Touchdown!" the commentator proclaims.
Thorin, Dwalin, and Kili all let out excited cheers. Kili's quickly turns into a cough, but he immediately says he's fine. He takes a sip of his water to clear his throat, and sure enough, starts cheering again.
"I hate to see what will happen if we win," I say to Balin. He laughs in agreement.
The game continues, the score flipping from team to team. Eventually though, the clock reads three seconds left on the overall time. Kili has pushed the footrest down on the recliner and is now sitting- or rather bouncing- on the edge. Thorin is doing the same from his chair. Dwalin gave up his seat long ago, and is now standing and fighting to stay in one place.
The play begins. The clock starts counting down. The punter runs up for the kick. The ball soars through the air and straight between the goal posts.
"And the field goal is complete! The Ered Luin Hammers have won the game!" The announcer proclaims, only to be drowned out by the loud cheers coming from our living room. Thorin pumps a fist into the air. Kili does the same. And then suddenly, Dwalin is picking Kili up out of excitement and bouncing him in the air. The two of them manage to make enough noise that I'm sure all of Ered Luin can hear them.
In contrast to the force of picking him up, Dwalin sits Kili back down gently. He may be a beast of a man, but when he is with people he cares for, he's the biggest teddy bear. Kili and I would torture him about it when we were little. But, he took it all in good stride. More than once, he'd mended our cuts and bruises. One time, when Kili was about seven, he broke a toe while playing little league soccer. Dwalin had gently picked him up like the little wounded bird he was and carried him off the field. He used soft words to get Kili to calm down long enough for the paramedics to get to him. By the time they arrived, Kili was laughing and teasing Dwalin about his bald head.
"Well, how about that! We won, boy!" Dwalin says, rubbing Kili's back. Kili just smiles and laughs.
"Well, now that the excitement is over, I do believe we shall be going." Balin says, standing. "Thank you for letting us invade your home and for the meal."
"Just keeping with tradition." Thorin responds, referring to the fact that we do this nearly every year.
Balin tells us goodbye and walks out of the room. But, before he disappears from sight, he catches Thorin's attention indicating that he wants to speak with him.
Dwalin tells Kili goodbye, but before he can walk away, Kili clears his throat. Dwalin turns to look at him and raises his eyebrows. Kili reaches out his hand, palm up. With a sigh and some grumbling, Dwalin reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out a twenty dollar bill from his wallet. Kili grins mischievously, and Dwalin swats at his head. He tells me good bye in passing and I say the same to him.
When he leaves, I turn to Kili, whose eyes are closed and is curled into a ball.
"What was that for?" I inquire about the money.
"We made a bet earlier that he couldn't make it the entire game without breaking something. He did okay until the last ten minutes." Kili says with a laugh.
"What did he break?" I ask, fearing the answer.
"Nothing major. Just snapped five pencils right in half." Kili ends with a yawn and buries himself into the quilt.
"It's been a good day," he mumbles, sleepily.
"Yeah, it has." I agree, looking over and seeing him already asleep. "Happy Thanksgiving, Kee."
"Fili, can you get that?" Thorin calls out from where he is currently helping Kili back to the living room.
"Yeah!"
I take the stairs two at a time, all the time wondering who is responsible for the ringing of the doorbell. I run a hand through my hair and then smooth my shirt as much as possible. I unlock the door and turn the knob to open it then immediately stop.
"Éowyn?"
She steps in, not waiting for permission and immediately takes in my frazzled appearance. "Get a change of clothes and whatever you need to shower. You're coming with me."
I hear nothing of what she has just said and continue to stare at her. "Now isn't a good time…"
She grabs my hand. "I know. Thorin called me."
"What? I can't—"
"Fili, your uncle and brother are giving orders for me to do whatever it takes to get you away from here for a few hours. Now, compromise or we can do things the hard way."
I swallow hard and nod my head. "I'll be back down a few."
"Éowyn, thank you." I say to my nephew's girlfriend.
"It's no problem at all. I'm glad you called me." Her gaze drifts over my shoulder to my youngest nephew who is currently fighting to keep down the medication he has just taken for the second time this afternoon. And, probably soon to be the third. "Is he going to be ok?"
"I haven't told Fili yet, but his temperature is starting to climb again. If it gets too high, I'm taking him in. This isn't normal."
Éowyn nods her head in agreement. "Not a word to Fili, I promise."
"Thank you." I tell her sincerely.
"I thought we would go back to my uncle's and give him a chance to get cleaned up. Théoden is looking forward to getting some one-on-one time with him."
"Oh, yes, I forgot. Kili ordered me to set up a dinner reservation for the both of you- 6:30 at The Gardens of Lórien downtown." I hold up a hand as she begins to protest. "It's paid for. Kili wants to do this."
I can see her struggling with the pure generosity and kindness that has just been offered to her. But, then she smiles and I find myself trying to smile back.
"Thank you for everything. Just stay here and help Kili. I'll take care of Fili, I promise."
"I don't doubt it for a second."
Fili appears in the doorway soon after, duffle bag in hand. The dark rings surrounding his eyes are proof of the consecutive sleepless nights he has endured. Things were looking up regarding Kili's health Thursday evening, but all hopes were shattered when he woke up sick Friday morning. Things have grown gradually worse since then. Now, it's Sunday and although he is scheduled for a treatment tomorrow, I may be taking him to the hospital instead.
Fili tries to step around me. I grab his arm, stopping him in the process.
"Fili, we will be fine here. Kili is in good hands."
Fili hesitates a moment. Then tries to step forward again. I gently tighten my grip on his forearm and push him towards the doorway. Éowyn reaches forward and grabs his hand, tugging it gently.
"I just want to tell him that I'm leaving." He insists.
"Kili knows you're leaving. This is all his idea."
"Fili," Éowyn cuts in. "You're taking a break. Now, come on. You need a shower." She adds with a gentle smile.
"Fee, go." We all turn around upon hearing the weak, but still forceful, command.
Éowyn tugs on Fili's hand once more and he gives in. I give him a warm pat on the back and watch the two of them leave. I turn as the sound of heaving fills the room.
"Round three of meds, coming right up."
The third attempt at Kili's medication worked and for the past two hours, he hasn't had any ill side effects. For which, we are both very thankful. I look down at Kili's head which is settled on my chest, eyes closed tightly. His deep breathing tells me that he is asleep. I can't remember the last time we were in the same position. Memories of a little Kili curled up on my chest sound asleep as the end credits to a movie roll on the television screen, flood my mind. Those days seem like another lifetime. None of it even seems possible anymore.
I shift my position slightly, trying to ease the numbness of my back. The couch does nothing to help my subtle movements and the shifting causes a small groan of protest to come from Kili's sleeping form. I stop moving and put my arm back across his shoulders, holding him close, not wanting to wake him. Right now, he needs all of the sleep he can get because he hasn't gotten hardly any for the past few days.
Kili's battered frame gives in, finding comfort from my strong embrace. I feel him move, trying to resituate himself. A slender arm sneaks out from underneath the quilt and hugs me. I smile at the distant memory of a little Kili doing the same thing. But now at seventeen, the action feels just as natural coming from him. I know they aren't my biological children, but I've always felt like they were. I know I can never replace their parents. My sister and brother-in-law remain strong in my memories and my heart aches with their loss. Almost daily, I question if Dis and Rimi would approve of what I am doing or if they would be ashamed of my choices. Sometimes though, I can almost sense their approval.
To my amazement, Fili still hasn't called or even sent a text. Éowyn is doing a good job at the difficult task we have assigned her to. At first, I had protested Kili's request to call Éowyn. But the longer I thought about it and the more Kili protested, I decided she was a force to be reckoned with and that I could trust her with this. Now, I am glad that I did.
Kili begins to shift in his sleep and a small whimper escapes from him. I rub soothing circles on his back and whisper soft encouragements in his ear. The movement increases and finally I realize after a particularly loud groan that he is trying to push himself upright. I quickly sit him up, leaning him against the back of the sofa and reach for his bucket. He quickly seizes it from my hands and promptly throws up. When he finishes, he leans his head back against the couch, closes his eyes, and takes in a few deep breaths.
"Are you finished?"
Kili opens his mouth to respond. When no sound comes forth, he clears his throat. "Yeah."
I watch as his eyes squeeze even tighter and the grimace on his face deepens.
"No," he suddenly says reaching over for the bucket. I grimace in concern as the retching continues. He stops sooner this time, and then shoves the bucket away indicating he is finished for good. I leave and go to the bathroom down the hall. Once the bucket is clean, I return to the living room. Kili is leaning sideways, head cocked at a certainly uncomfortable angle, but his eyes are closed.
I place my wrist to his forehead. The warmth has grown a little more, but still isn't enough to send off the alarms in my head. I tap his knee gently, trying to wake him.
"Kee. Hey buddy, look at me."
Kili lets out a small moan, but opens his eyes like I have asked.
"Drink this." I order him, handing him a small glass of water.
He shakes his head no in protest.
"Kili, you have to drink this water. It will help."
Kili opens an eye, weakly glaring at me. But, when I return with my penetrating stare, he gives in and drinks the water. He hands the glass back to me when he is finished. He closes his eyes and leans over again, putting his head on the arm rest.
"Do you want to go to bed?" It's only four in the afternoon, but I can see he is exhausted.
"Here's fine." He mumbles.
"I'm sure your own bed is much more comfortable than this couch. C'mon." I place my arms around him carefully and pull him up. To my surprise, he doesn't protest at me carrying him. Instead, he lays his head in the crook of my neck and releases a deep sigh. This, of course, concerns me. The weight-loss he has experienced is frightening. He is nothing but bones now; his sharp shoulder blades are ever-prominent against my biceps. At a spur of the moment decision, I turn left instead of right when we reach the top of the stairs.
Kili notices this and asks what I'm doing.
"You're going to my room. I have my own bathroom, so it'll be easier than dragging your lazy butt down the hall."
I put Kili down when I reach my door. I push the door open, and help him make his way to my bed. As soon as we enter the door, he puts a hand in front of his eyes and squints at the bright sunlight coming through the windows. He makes it to the bed and sinks down onto the mattress. I quickly walk over and close the blinds and the curtains on the four windows.
"Do you need anything from your room?" I ask.
"No."
Kili lays his head onto one of the pillows. I cover him with a large quilt and another blanket. I sit down on the edge of the bed and take his hand which he has outstretched toward me. I rub circles on the back of it, noticing how cold it is.
"What was mom like?" Kili asks after a period of silence.
I freeze at the random question. After thirteen years, it still aches to speak of my lost sister.
I look at Kili. His deep brown eyes are looking at me, waiting for an answer.
I clear my throat before I begin speaking. "You look just like her; same hair, nose. Except your eyes; those are from your father. Dis, was my little sister. She was strong-willed and stubborn; always put up a good fight. One time, I had to break up a fight between her and another kid. Of course, she got in a few hits before I could stop her." I pause to laugh at the memory. "The poor guy who met the end of her fist went home with a bloody nose."
"She hit a guy?" Kili asks in complete shock.
"Yes. I told you, she was tough." I smile at the memories. "She was the most compassionate and loving person, though. She was very protective of her own. Always had a smile on her face. She loved you and Fili very much. We were very close."
Kili lets the new information sink in. After a few minutes he asks about his father.
I smile, once again, at the memories of my deceased brother-in-law. "Rimi was my best friend. Fili is the spitting image of him. His heart of gold is what really made him special. He always had a smile on his face and was very intelligent. His mind was always on others, never himself. He was the only man brave enough to handle Dis. I believe that's why she married him." I laugh fondly at the memories. "Now that I think about it, you're laugh is just like his, as well. And that cheeky grin."
Kili attempts that cheeky grin at my comment. It doesn't make its usual grand appearance, but a glimmer of what it used to be does make its way to his face. For a second, he almost looks like the normal Kili. Almost.
"What do you think they'd be saying now?"
Without hesitation, I answer. "I know they would be very proud. Both you and Fili have been through a lot in your short lives, but you pull through every time. It's that Durin-Oakenshield blood running in your veins."
"You're doing a good job." Kili says.
I meet his eyes. "Sometimes I don't feel like it."
"I know," Kili says earnestly.
Fili has always been the more observant of the two. And, sometimes, I find myself not bothering to listen to Kili's opinions because I assume he doesn't ever have one. And then he says something like this, and I realize that Kili does pay attention to the important things in life: those he loves and cares about the most. And then I hate myself for being so inconsiderate.
"It's ok to be scared sometimes." Kili says seriously. "Fili tells me that sometimes. Thought it was good advice to share with you."
"Your brother is wise."
"Usually," Kili says with a grin. I return that grin.
We sit in a comfortable silence for a while. Kili's eyes are open; his gaze lost on the ceiling. I watch him closely. His pale face is outlined by the deep purple surrounding his eyes. A spot of red, burnt looking skin is sneaking out beneath the beanie that Éowyn made him. His cheeks are beginning to redden due to the fever, yet his hand remains cold. Kili moves his free hand up to rub his head. His eyes close and his grip tightens on my own.
"I get scared a lot." Kili admits after he loosens his grip. He swallows and a lone tear falls down his cheek. He quickly wipes it away and sniffs. Then another tear make its way down his face, followed by another, and another.
I move to sit beside my nephew's head, lean against the headboard, and pull him into a hug. His arms wrap around me. His face is pressed into my chest, where his flowing tears are soaking my cotton sweater.
"Hey. Hey, Kili. It's ok. Let it out. I've got you. I've got you and I'm never letting you go." I bury my face into the top of the cap on his head. I feel the cloth beneath my face moisten and then realize I have been crying, too. I continue to hold Kili close, whispering encouragements in his ear the entire time.
Eventually, I feel his grip slacken and notice that he is no longer crying. Instead, he is sleeping, somewhat peacefully, on me. I carefully untangle one of my arms and reach up to Kili's head. I gently remove the cap and read the letters stitched in large print: CHAMPION. I lay the cap on the bed beside me.
"You're a champ, Kili. You're a winner." I whisper, as I tenderly caress his bald head. I never will get used to seeing him with no hair. But, it will grow back and that brings me hope. I bring the blanket up closer to his neck, and place a gentle kiss on his head. Then, I make myself comfortable and decide that more than anything else, Kili and I need sleep.