Liza slipped into the apartment, trying to close the door quietly and not wake Maggie. She had risen from the hotel room bed early. Actually, she wasn't sure she had ever fallen asleep. She and Charles had been awake late into the night and when he had finally fallen asleep Liza had lain in his arms, her head nestled into the crook of his shoulder, listening to his steady heartbeat. As the sun had come up, she had quietly extricated herself from his arms and slipped out of the hotel room before he woke up.
"Look who's doing the walk of shame! Looks like you had a late night." Liza jumped as she heard Maggie's voice. Slipping off her shoes, she walked into the kitchen, where Maggie stood in her bathrobe pouring a cup of coffee. Liza sat down at the island, crossing her arms on the countertop and resting her head on her hands.
"You have no idea, Maggie." She sighed, quickly filling her in on what had transpired the night before and watched as Maggie quietly sipped her coffee. "I shouldn't have done it Maggie. I'm trying to keep my distance from him. It's the only way I can get through this without losing my mind. I need to put some space between us."
"Why? Everyone in this situation is an adult. Why can't Charles just tell his wife that the two of you are dating and ask her for a divorce? She has to know it's coming."
"It'll just complicate things. I'm her editor. And his attorney says that if he asks for a divorce now, we'll lose the book."
"Who gives a rat's ass about her stupid book?"
"I do, Maggie. It's a fantastic novel, and it's my first as an editor. Plus, if Pauline finds out about us, she could try to use it against Charles and try to get custody of the girls. I can't let him risk his kids to be with me."
Maggie nodded. "I mean, I get that. But it's really shitty that you have to go through this. I don't like seeing you like this, Liza." She reached across the island and covered Liza's hand with her own. "You deserve better than this. So, what are you going to do?" Liza lifted her head and rested her chin on her forearm.
"I think I need to call things off until the dust settles. Get the book published and send Pauline on her book tour and then see where things stand. Charles needs to figure out what he wants. And, god, I hope it's me, but I'm not going to stand in the way of a family being together. I don't regret what happened last night, but it feels wrong. I woke up this morning and felt guilty. Like I'm the other woman." She reached up and wiped away a tear. "I really love him, Maggie."
"I know you do, sweetie." A folded sheet of paper caught Liza's eye, sticking out from underneath her copy of Anna Karenina that was sitting on the counter. "What's that?" She jerked her head towards the paper.
"Oh, I'm not sure. Josh left that for you last night." Liza reached over and opened it. She recognized Josh's slanted handwriting. On the sheet were two words. Thank You. Underneath them he had drawn an intricate four-leaf clover. She handed the sheet to Maggie and sighed. "Apparently I'm now in the business of making everyone else around me happy while I'm miserable and alone. I hate this." Maggie came around the edge of the counter and wrapped her arm around Liza, rubbing her shoulder.
"Everything is going to be okay. And if you need to take the edge off, I still have a joint leftover from last night, if you can believe it. It's all yours." Liza laughed halfheartedly and leaned her head against Maggie.
"You're the best."
"I know."
There was a knock at the door and a moment later it opened, Josh sticking his head in. He saw Maggie first.
"Hey, sorry it's so early, but I think I left my cell here last night. Is everything okay?" His eyes fell on Liza, leaning her head up against Maggie. "Liza, what's wrong?" He strode across the room, leaving the front door open and came around the other side of Liza, reaching a hand out to touch her on the shoulder.
Liza turned and gave Josh a weak smile. He could tell that she had been crying. Her eyes were red, her face pale and tired looking. His blood boiled as he guessed at what the source of her pain was. Or who. "What did he do?" he asked gently, trying to keep his voice steady.
Liza shook her head. "He didn't do anything wrong. It's just complicated. His wife came back."
"Don't tell me that he dumped you and went back to her. I'll kill him."
"Josh, no, calm down, it's not like that. She wrote a book about her life, and we're publishing it. I'm editing it. It's just a messy situation and it's wearing on me. That's all." The last thing she needed was Josh getting all "knight in shining armor" on her. He wrapped his arm around her, rubbing her back, as Maggie poured him a cup of coffee. He laughed a little.
"Who would have thought 3 months ago that this is where we'd be? Me listening to your boy problems and dating a girl you set me up with. This is crazy, right?"
Charles climbed the steps up to Liza's apartment, taking them two at a time. He had woken up to the sound of the hotel room door closing and the bed cold and empty next to him. By the time he had thrown on his pants and run into the hallway, she was gone. He had headed straight to her apartment, needing to talk to her, to clear the air. He knew she was confused about what was going on. Hell, so was he.
The door to the apartment was slightly ajar, and he pushed it open, not bothering to knock. He stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in the scene in front of him. Liza sat at the kitchen counter; Josh next to her. Her head was on his shoulder and Josh was rubbing Liza's back. Charles felt like someone had clubbed him on the back of the head.
"Uh, hello." Liza and Josh turned their heads, simultaneously and Liza stood, shrugging Josh's hand off of her.
"What are you doing here?"
"You were gone this morning when I woke up. I wanted to talk to you. Alone." He said the last word with a pointed glare at Josh.
"That's my cue." Josh stood, throwing Charles a dirty look. He leaned over and hugged Liza, making sure to speak loud enough so that Charles would hear him. "Call me if you need anything, Liza. You know where to find me." He crossed to the living room where he pulled his cell phone from underneath a throw pillow and walked past Charles, brushing past him, checking him in the shoulder and slamming the door behind him. Maggie disappeared quickly into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
"What was that about?"
Liza sighed. She didn't need to deal with jealous men this early in the morning. "It was nothing Charles. He came to pick up his cell phone. He left it here last night. He caught the tail end of my conversation with Maggie. You know, no." She shook her head. "I don't need to defend my actions to you. I was talking to a friend. That's all."
"I'm not accusing you of anything. This is new territory for me, Liza." He sighed, leaning against the counter. "I just don't like feeling like I'm competing against that guy."
"It's not a competition. I chose YOU, Charles. Not him. And I would choose you over and over again." Her voice broke a little. "But this situation that we're in right now, I can't do this anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"I can't do this," she said, tears flooding her eyes and gesturing between them, "Being with you, but not being able to be with you. You have things to figure out, Charles, and I can't be in the middle of it anymore. You need to figure things out with Pauline. I'm not going to judge if you decide to try and make it work."
"That's not going to happen." Charles said, emphatically.
"You don't know that. You have children together. Young children, who need a mother and a father. I'm not going to stand in the way of that. I can't do that, Charles." She wiped a tear from her eyes. "I love you, Charles, and I want to be with you. But I want to be with you on our terms, not someone else's. And I can't do my job properly being in the middle of all this. So, I'm calling time out. We need space away from each other to figure this out. I need space."
"Is that how you really feel? Is that what you really want?" He said the words, but they were shaky coming out of his mouth. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
She took a moment to answer, steeling herself. She lifted her head, looking him in the eyes. "Yes."
He nodded slowly, standing up straight. "Okay then." He strode over to her, leaning down and kissing her softly, grazing her lips. "Goodbye, Liza."
Liza didn't see Charles at work on Monday or Tuesday, and it wasn't until her final editing meeting with Pauline on Wednesday morning that she discovered what was going on. Apparently, Bianca had hurt herself mid-afternoon on Monday at horse camp, so naturally Charles had gone to fetch her. Pauline didn't seem overly concerned about the injury and was so excited to see the girls that evening that the meeting took 3x longer than Liza had anticipated. When Pauline excused herself to use the ladies' room, Liza couldn't help but pull out her phone and text Charles.
Just heard about Bianca. Everything okay? The three dots appeared, and then a quick response.
Yeah. Broken wrist. Fell out of a tree. Just got home. The dots appeared again, then another quick response.
Thanks for checking in.
She slipped the phone back into her purse as Pauline came back, steeling herself for another hour of Pauline.
"Who are you texting, Daddy?" Bianca quipped from her perch on the couch. He had grabbed everything from her bedroom and playroom that she might want – coloring books, movies, a few small books that she had been working her way through; and had propped up her broken wrist, now wrapped in a bubblegum pink cast, on a pile of pillows. Nicole sat in a nearby chair, her nose in a book.
"Liza wanted to know how you were feeling." Bianca perked up at the sound of Liza's name.
"Can she come visit me, Daddy? I want Liza to sign my cast." She smiled. "And maybe she can bring me some of her chocolate chip cookies. They're the best."
"I'll ask her and see." Part of him was glad that Bianca had asked. Charles was trying, desperately, to honor Liza's wishes and keep his distance, but it was proving incredibly difficult. He found himself on multiple occasions picking up his phone to call her. At least the cell reception at the horse camp in Westchester was practically nonexistent, or he knew he would have called her.
He had told the girls that their mother was back, and that she would be coming to see them on Wednesday night. They were both excited, but hadn't said much else about it.
"Ask her now, Daddy! Maybe she can come over tonight." Knowing he shouldn't, he typed out the text anyways.
Bianca has requested a visit from you, if you're up to it. Preferably this evening. She's quite insistent.
A moment later, his phone vibrated. I'll be there. With cookies.
A few hours later, Liza stood on the stoop to the brownstone, a Tupperware container of still warm chocolate chip cookies and a care package filled with snacks, movies and games in the other. Maybe I overdid it, she thought, looking down at the overfilled bag as she rang the doorbell. She had remembered when Caitlin broke her leg when she was 10, and how she had gotten bored so quickly being stuck in the house.
She had also had the foresight to make plans with Kelsey and Lauren tonight, so she would have an excuse to leave. She knew herself, and despite what was going on between her and Charles, she knew that Bianca and Nicole would do their best to persuade her to stay. So, she had made plans to meet the girls and had changed into a floral sundress and white sandals.
The door to the house swung open, and Liza was thrown off by Pauline standing in the doorway. She tilted her head and look questioningly at Liza. "Liza, hi! What are you doing here?" Ever the polite hostess, Pauline stepped aside and gestured for Liza to come in. This feels wrong, Liza thought, and fought the instinct to drop everything and run back out the door.
"I, uh, brought some things for Bianca. Charles said she was up for visitors, if that's okay."
"Oh, of course. I mean, I guess I'm visiting them too." She lowered her voice. "I feel like a guest in my own home. So, you know the girls?"
"She's our favorite babysitter." Nicole wandered in, coming in to give Liza a bear hug.
"You babysit them?" Liza nodded, swallowing hard.
"Sometimes. If Charles is out of town or has to go to an event." She wrapped her arm around Nicole, squeezing her shoulder.
"Liza's our favorite babysitter. She plays Polly pockets with us and builds forts and makes zombie movies and takes us to the park. She taught us how to fly kites and she makes the bestest chocolate chip cookies."
"I thought my cookies were your favorite?" Pauline leaned down and looked at Nicole.
"Liza's cookies are yummier. She has a secret recipe." Nicole deadpanned, and then grabbed Liza's hand. "I'll take you to see Bianca. She's watching Frozen with Daddy." And without another glance at her mother, she pulled Liza down the hall.
Pauline wandered into the living room a few minutes later, after composing herself. It was only natural that the girls liked Liza. She was fun and pretty and apparently great with kids. A small part of her insecure mind flitted to the thought that maybe it wasn't just her girls who liked Liza, but she brushed the thought away. Charles was not the type of man to sleep with an employee. She leaned against the doorframe, watching the scene in front of her. Bianca had pulled Liza down to the couch, and Nicole had curled up on the other side of her. Each girl had a chocolate chip cookie in their hand and were looking at the bag of goodies that she had brought while Liza signed her name on Bianca's cast. Bubbles and board games and books. Charles sat in a chair on the opposite side of the room, watching the scene. His eyes flicked up to Pauline for a moment, and he smiled politely at her. If a stranger walked into the room at that moment, Pauline thought, I'd look like the outsider, the one that doesn't belong here anymore.
A few minutes later the girls were engrossed in their new loot, and Liza stood.
"I really should get going." She said, to no one in particular. She leaned down to give the girls hugs and kisses.
"Hot date?" Pauline asked.
"Oh, no. Just meeting Kelsey for a drink. My friend Josh's band is playing." Pauline thought she saw Charles stiffen as Liza said this but didn't think much of it.
"Sounds like fun. Listen, I wanted to ask you if you had plans tomorrow evening. My friend Louise is throwing a party, sort of a welcome home party, and I'd love it if you'd come. It'll be fun."
"Oh, uh," Liza glanced at Charles. "Yeah, I guess so."
"Great! I'll text you the address?"
"Sounds good." Liza shrugged on her coat and Charles stood.
"Here, I'll walk you out." Liza turned and smiled tightly at him. "No need. I know where the door is. I'll see you at the office tomorrow, Charles."
"I can't believe you're actually going to a party with the wicked wife!" Maggie stood in the door to Liza's bedroom, watching her get ready.
"Oh, stop it, Maggie. What was I supposed to say? I think she's suspicious of me and Charles, anyways. She looked pissed last night when I came over to visit the girls. Like I was invading her territory. I can't give her any ammunition that would help her if they split up, officially."
"You say no, Liza. Honestly, I think you're just trying to punish yourself."
Liza through her an overexaggerated eye roll as she slipped on her heels. "Why do you say that?"
"Because I think you feel guilty. About lying to people. Even though everyone knows now, and has forgiven you, I think you feel like you don't deserve to be happy, so you're putting yourself into situations where there's a pretty good chance you're going to be the one who gets hurt."
"That's not true." But even as Liza said it, she knew that Maggie was right. It was like her first instinct was always self-sabotage. "I've got to go. I'm going to be late."
"Liza! Come over here!" Liza caught Pauline's eye a few minutes after wandering into the stuffy Upper East Side party. She hadn't seen anyone she recognized, so she had grabbed a glass of champagne and tried to look like she belonged.
"Everyone, I want you to meet my amazing editor, Liza Miller." Pauline grabbed her hand and pulled her into a throng of women. A heavily botoxed woman who Pauline introduced as Louise, reached out and placed a manicured hand on Pauline's arm.
"Anyways, I think what you're doing is really brave, Pauline. I hope you and Charles work it out." The group of women scurried away as they recognized some other New York socialite. Pauline threw her head back and laughed, linking her arm with Liza's.
"God, you know, I used to live for the approval of these women, and now, nothing. I don't care anymore. It's such a good feeling."
"I bet it is. I'm happy for you Pauline."
"Oh, that's not even the half of it. This book is changing everything for me, Liza. Charles even invited me to stay at the townhouse. I know it's mostly so that he doesn't have to hire someone to look after the girls, but it's a step in the right direction, even if it's the guestroom, right?! Listen, I have to make the rounds, but don't go, okay?"
Liza stood there for a moment, swaying on the spot. He had asked her to move back in? It's over, she thought, he's going to get back together with her, and we'll be done.
"Liza! Hi sweetheart!" A light hand touches Liza on the shoulder and she jumps, turning to see Julia smiling serenely back at her. "Are you alright?" Liza nods, but Julia gives her a once over and pulls her over to a quiet corner.
"How are things with you and Charles?" Liza doesn't answer immediately, tilting her head up to the ceiling and sighing.
"I don't know, Julia. Messy. Confusing."
"I can't imagine what you are going through. Bob has told me a bit about what is going on. And I'm so sorry that you've been put into this terrible situation. I think you and Charles are wonderful together. I've known him for years, Liza, and he has never been happier than when he's with you. Pauline was my friend for a long time, but he never looked at her the way he looks at you."
"He asked her to move back into the house, Julia." She nodded.
"I know. But from what he told Bob, it's temporary. Just until Bianca gets better."
"I wish I could believe that were true."
"What's meant to be will always find a way, Liza. What you and Charles have is true love. The two of you were fated to be together. Do you know that Bob and I were planning on setting the two of you up on a date? We both thought you were perfect for each other before we even saw you together."
Liza leaned in and hugged her, blinking away a tear. "Thank you, Julia." As she pulled back from the hug, she saw Charles out of the corner of her eye. He was wearing a dark blue suit, his white shirt unbuttoned at the top. He stepped around a corner and out onto the balcony, out of view of the partygoers. Liza excused herself from Julia and made her way to the door she saw Charles slip through.
He was leaning against the rail at the end of the balcony, a cigarette in his mouth. He had confided to her that he was a stress smoker, but she had never seen him with one. He took a drag and held the cigarette in his hand, resting it on the balcony. Liza walked up to him, quietly, and took the cigarette out of his hand, putting it out on the concrete.
"Smoking is bad for you." He started at the sound of her voice, breathing in sharply. He had come outside to clear his head, but now Liza was all he could see and smell and feel.
"Yeah, well…." He couldn't think of anything to say, and his voice trailed off as he tore his gaze away from her and looked out into the night. "I can't get you out of my head, Liza." He said quietly, looking down to the street below. "I don't know how long I can do this. Pretend to be okay with her being here. Pretend to be okay with not being with you. I'm not very good at pretending, Liza."
"You asked her to move back in." It wasn't a question; Liza already knew it was true.
"She tells you way too much, and that's not exactly accurate. She was talking about looking for a place to live and I offered to let her stay in the guest room for a week so that she can help out with Bianca. That's it, Liza."
"I love you, Charles. And I love your girls. And I am not going to be the one standing in the way of this family getting back together."
"That's not what is happening, Liza."
"Well, maybe you need to tell her that." Liza raised her voice a little bit, her frustration bubbling over. "Because I have spent the last two weeks listening to her talk about how much she loves you and wants to be a family again." Her voice cracked, but she continued. "She thinks you are getting back together, and the fact that you haven't had this conversation with her yet makes me think you're not certain about what you want to do."
"Liza, I think we're making a mistake, handling this the way we have."
"Maybe we have, Charles, but it's too late now to change things."
He turned, grasping her upper arms and sliding his hands up to her neck. "I don't want to throw away what we have, what we could be, for this." He gestured towards the party inside. He pulled her to him, into a desperate, frantic kiss. "I can't stay away from you," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.
"Then you have a decision to make." Liza pulled back and turned away, walking back into the crowded room.
She grabbed a glass of champagne and stepped into a small reading room off of the main living space, trying to compose herself.
"Well, well, if it isn't the enigmatic Liza Miller. How ya doing?" Liza turned at the sound of Jay's voice. He grinned at her, his smile faltering when he saw her face.
"You okay?"
"No, but I really wish people would stop asking me that."
"My apologies." He raised his hands up in an apologetic manner.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. Just having a bad couple weeks."
"So I've heard. Bob." He added, in response to her questioning look. "He likes to gossip more than a high school girl at a sleepover." He smiled as Liza giggled. "Listen, I'm not going to pretend to know what is going on in your life. But from what I've heard, you're in a pretty shitty situation. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. And I have the added benefit of knowing your boyfriend for 20 years. I'm a decent sounding board, Liza. And I like you."
Liza appreciated his bluntness. He was a nice guy, and in a different lifetime, the kind of guy she would be attracted to. "Can I take you up on that?"
Jay raised his eyebrows. "Now?"
"Yeah. I can't be here anymore. All these people. Pauline. Charles. I just need to get out of here."
Jay shrugged and nodded. "Sure. There's a bar around the corner from here with over 50 different kinds of tequila. Let's start there."
Liza laughed and set down her glass of champagne. "Sounds like exactly what I need." She let Jay guide her out of the room, his hand lightly touching the small of her back. She tilted her head down slightly as they left, trying to avoid catching Pauline's eye.
Charles felt helpless as he watched her go. Watched one of his best friends guide her out of the room with his hand on her. He wanted to step in her path and plead for her to stop, to be with him. To kiss her and proclaim his love for her in front of everyone. But he let propriety get the better of him, and he let her go.