A/N:

A/N: Chapter 20… wow… Well, my story is an adult now and will eventually get to adult stuff.. lol Lame humor aside, thank you all for reading and extra thanks to the people who take the time to review. You guys are wonderful and help me be fix stuff that are off or make me less nervous about trying new stuff with your support.. I appreciate it more than I can convey. :-D Gazillion thanks to TWNJ for her support and her BEAUTIFUL art- here's the link for you guys to check it out! . http : / / twnj . deviantart . com /

Many thanks to my anon. readers that I can only thank here. Insomniac – Thank you so much- character evolution is very important to me. Next chapter is Ino and I have plans for Gai. :-D Don't worry, before this is over, everyone will have their respective chapters. As to the manga, I've read it and am not too thrilled about the last turn there. I think it's cheap unless Kishimoto comes up with something that REALLY justifies this. I generally don't use stuff that spoil ahead of the anime because I don't want to be unfair to people who are not reading the manga… Halskr – Thank you for your kind words. :-D As to the chapter. I'm sorry for the confusion… I tried writing the chapter in a lineral manner and it was coming out too big. I'd have to break it in two chapters and that would be a little like milking it dry.. or at least that's what it felt like.. Kakashi's Dog­ – I thought Pakkun and the Ninken deserved their place in the spotlight. :-D Thank you bunches and bunches!

And now to the chappie… because I suspect that this is why you guys are checking in and not my blah blahs.. The name of the chapter is actually a verse from a song I love, "Hurt" by Johnny Cash. Lyrics after the chapter for anyone who's interested…

Disclaimer: I own the right to blah-blah before each chapter… and after… but not as much.

Tides and Ebbs of Honesty

Tide 10: I Hurt Myself Today…

Everything hurt.

It wasn't as though he was a stranger to pain, so his opinion should by no means get discredited as an exaggeration. As a matter of fact, his pain threshold had shocked freaks like Orochimaru, so that should vouch for the severity of his opinion, if nothing else did. And that shouldn't be the case, anyway. They could doubt his sanity, his stability, his loyalty, but he had learned how to experience hurt with dignity for the better part of his life- wherever that got him, however much it had cost him.

The annoyance arising at his own train of thought became almost as prevalent as the pain. He opened his eyes slowly, rather apprehensive of the effect the light would have in his state. Thankfully, it was dark enough- not nighttime, rather late evening. He blinked a couple of times and the world came into focus with a sick feeling. In retrospection, just maybe he shouldn't have gotten quite that cocky about his vision. He shut his eyes tightly again, almost hoping that it would erase the effects of his previous action. It didn't, really.

"Sasuke!"

He creaked an eye open towards the source of the voice that had echoed inhumanly loud in his ears. It stood to reason that his senses were just too sensitive at the moment, because Sakura was supposed to be a medic nin and shrieking at him at this point would have been an act of pure sadism. "What happened?" he managed to choke out through the cotton haze that was his mind.

Sakura folded her hands on her lap, relaxing slightly against the chair by his bedside. He had known her well enough to recognize that a broad variety of answers flashed behind her eyes. She chose the most evident one. "The Kyuubi training went wrong. Pakkun found you on the other side of the training field." She paused a moment. "Did you use a teleportation jutsu?"

The question had little to do with his well-being, so he much doubted that it was Sakura asking. So, the Godaime was curious, was she? He felt too battered and sick to play games. "Replacement. It was too late to use teleportation."

It had almost been too late to use replacement as well. Naruto's red Rasengan had barely touched him as he was finishing the jutsu, but apparently that alone had been enough to land him on his ass. It served him right for underestimating the damage Naruto could do and overestimating his ability to take it. He couldn't remember opening his eyes before a few moments ago. The one thing he did remember though, as he watched Naruto descent upon him like a creature of vengeance, was a strange feeling of regret he could not place, but it mostly had to do with the blonde. If he were to fail and die that instant, he would die with the knowledge that he hadn't said all there was to say or done all he could do to make things right between them. It was a sad, familiar drill, he knew all too well. He wanted to say everything- truly, sincerely did- but said nothing. He was not quite sure why- he just couldn't. There was always something. Once, it had been his quest for revenge. This time, it had been his aggravation that Naruto was shutting him out and refusing his help. He had -

"- been hurt. So even though you should be feeling significantly better tomorrow, your sessions with Kakashi-sensei will be put on hold until you have made a full recovery." Sakura finished.

Sasuke had not even realized that she had been talking and came dangerously close to praying that his surprise, at the odd way her words seemed to have rounded out his thoughts, was not too plainly written on his face. He shook his head and hazarded a guess on what had said. "I'm fine…" he lied quickly- stubbornly, generally as possible.

Her teal eyes observed him with evident concern, by then quite familiar with his tough act. He couldn't really blame her for being skeptical about his answer. When he had been brought back, he had insisted that he was okay even though he had bled himself dry and had to- quite literally- be stitched back together- chakra techniques aside. He had said that he was fine, with a straight face, even after the anesthesia had worn out. He had furthermore insisted that he was in no need of painkillers. Sakura, being the closet sadist that she was, had a male nurse shove a syringe on his bottom. While he was asleep. The male nurse had to be hospitalized in another wing, Tsunade had threatened his probation and he had- begrudgingly- complied the next time Sakura presented him with the painkillers.

"Sasuke…" she warned.

It would have been rather strange to him that there was no more "kun" to go with his name- that is if he hadn't been around her often enough the past few months. Something in him was still finding it hard to believe that this was Sakura- sure of herself, strong, not seeking anyone's approval or affection. His friend. A bigger part of him had a newfound appreciation for Rock Lee.

The Uchiha rolled his eyes, but gave up with a smirk. "I will be okay." He assured her, then propped himself up on his elbows to really take in his surroundings for the first time.

He had expected to be at the hospital, but instead he was at the mansion, in his parents' old room. The dark blue walls, the Uchiha crest over the bed felt heavy on him, smothering him under the weigh of his memories. Everything had been ceremoniously left in their original place, exactly the way they had been before the massacre- that was after he had scavenged the blood. But since then he had never repositioned anything and had even left a small vase, that his mother prided as a heirloom that dated back generations, tilted on the nightstand. Each time he had dared walk back into the room- and that was only to clean it- his eyes carefully disregarded the porcelain vase, because then he had to wonder if it was his mom that had knocked it over trying to escape Itachi. He didn't look at the family photograph that his father kept on his nightstand, because he'd have to fight back the emotions that overwhelmed him, when he recalled how his mother talked about the way the legendary Uchiha Fugaku would take it in his hands and smile proudly, like any other father. It almost felt like a sacrilege that he was there. It hurt.

Sasuke fought his way out of those thoughts and focused on his arm. Like everything in him, there was no scar or bruise to explain the pain. "I can't be too bad, if I'm home."

Sakura looked at him strangely for a moment. "You were clearly not paying attention while I was talking. Your wounds are not severe but they will- at the very least- cause you discomfort for a while. Even though your condition did not warrant keeping you in the hospital, you have been hurt. So even though-"

"I get it." He interrupted. The way she stressed every second word was torture and she knew it. Evil woman.

Her expression softened. "Tsunade-sama thought you would rather not be back in a hospital bed, if you could avoid it…" she sighed and rose from the chair, gathering her notes. "You have been resting for a few hours… it seemed longer than that. You had us all worried… some of us more than others."

Sasuke looked up at her, coming to a full sitting position. He intended to ask something, but it was rather swiftly and entirely lost to him- along with pain, bother and any other concerns he had up to that moment- in light of his newest discovery, that he was naked under the expensive blue covers. He pulled the sheet up to his chest almost defensively. "Sakura… what the hell…?"

The pink-haired girl just waved off his concern. "Oh, don't worry, Kakashi undressed you. He was already here when we reached the mansion."

The Uchiha was torn between feeling disturbed and assured at the same time, before his mind registered another thing that was out of the ordinary. "Where is the Dobe?"

There was no reason for the blonde not to be in the room. He had always been there- coming after him, waiting for him, pestering him. Even all those years that he was away from Konoha, a part of him averred that Naruto would not give up on him. Because that's how the blonde was; he argued, he cared, he was a pain… he never left- not anyone, but especially him. And he believed that, no matter how it sounded and even as he didn't know why it was so important to him. The shadow of grim suspicion overcast his features as to what Naruto's absence could mean. Had the Dobe managed to hurt himself as well?

It was either that Sakura had become proficient at reading him or his expression was that telltale of his thoughts. Either was equally disconcerting to him. "Naruto is outside with Kakashi-sensei. He's been waiting for you to wake up."

Instead of relief, he forced his featured to convey simple acknowledgement. "Sakura… would you mind telling him to-"

"He won't come in." she cut him.

Now that surprised him- this time not because she read his mind, but the finality of her response. "What?"

Sakura bit her lip for a moment, then let her hands drop to her sides, communicating her frustration. "Naruto is feeling too guilty to come in here and face you…" she took a deep breath and looked vaguely towards the entrance, her thoughts carrying her sight to where Naruto would be. "Sasuke… he could have killed you… He's not dealing too well with what happened."

Her simple explanation was met with bemused silence. Sasuke was staring at her as though as she spoke in some unintelligible language, spattering gibberish. He watched her study him for a few moments.

"I should go out and inform them that you are awake." She said, then paused at the door. "I will come by tomorrow to check in on you, but until then stay in bed and don't move around too much. You need rest."

His response was a shallow nod, indicating that he heard her instructions, but providing no promise that he would abide by them.

The door opened and closed behind Sakura and then he was alone. He felt ridiculous holding the sheet to his chest, but not ridiculous enough to not struggle with his covers and pillows for a comfortable position. He soon gave up with a curse, resigning to the idea that his physical discomfort would not allow him for anything of the sort, and lay on his back. The light of the settling sun and the curtains cast eerie patterns on the ceiling. At times it looked like soothing strokes against the wood, at others it morphed to memories of a nightmare that had played out in the mansion close to a decade before.

It was not just his body- everything hurt. He hurt.

Nothing had ever gone remotely the way he had intended. Not his life and not the training session he got into to help his friend. Naruto was supposed to co-operate and have a high-level spar with him. Maybe he had hoped that it'd be one of those spars they used to have back then, only better, because now they both knew a lot more tricks. They were supposed to go at it tit for tat. It was supposed to make it right for the last two fights they had- on the hospital roof and then the Valley of the End. Instead it turned out to be one more fiasco between them. It weighed rather badly on him, how Naruto had reacted at his provocation.

Isn't this what you wanted? A chance to hurt me back?Was it?

He ran his hand through his hair feeling frustrated and antsy, just lying on that bed. And not just any bed- his parents' bed. He didn't want to taint whatever had been left of his parents' scent and presence- which hadn't been there for years, but Sasuke knew how to hold on to his ghosts. He'd rather hurt himself than let go.

And true to that principal, after a few moments of inaction, he forced his body to move and rise from the bed. That was not fun. It required conscious effort to put one foot in front of the other- his body felt leaden and weak, his head spinning- but he walked to the closet and reached for anything he could wear. First thing he grabbed was his mother's red kimono. And it was a good thing that his father did not have anything red, or he might have just tried it on in his dazed condition.

He rolled his eyes. Wrong side of the closet.

Thankfully, his father's side was but a few steps away. He retrieved a long white robe that had the Uchiha crest on the back, the one that he had always fantasized that he'd get from his father one day. His mom had said that maybe his father would give it to him when he grew into it. But that never happened. And now that he was claiming it without permission, the irony occurred to him that- even after all those years, even after everything he had done- the robe was still too big for him. His mom would have said that all he has to do is drink his milk and finish his food- and all those other things that embarrassed boys; he would act tough, but love every minute of it. Uchiha Mikoto was the ideal mother. He missed her every minute of every day. He missed everyone.

Unconsciously, his hand had clenched into a fist around his mother's kimono. It hurt to the touch, it burned him the way something sacred burns the evil. Sasuke sighed and placed it tentatively back into the closet. There was nothing he could do for those long since dead, but there was a particular loud blonde outside his home that required his attention. Truth be said, he was like a bull in a china shop when it came to dealing with his personal life and important people. More often than not, all he could really do was try to minimize the damage.

It took him a while, but, by the time that he made it to the front door, he had managed to soldier up his body so that he simply seemed stiff and not near-crippled. There was the sound of muffled conversation on the other side. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

The reaction he got was almost comical with Sakura, Kakashi and Naruto gapping at him. Then Kakashi's visible eye became that familiar crescent suggesting that the Jounin was smiling.

"Ma, Sasuke… did you feel left out and decided to join us?" he asked casually.

"Screw that!" Sakura was seeing red, "What did I tell you when I left the room? I said, don't move!"

"Actually, Sakura, you said 'don't move around too much'." He said in that haughty attitude of his, used to having the final word on things. "I didn't."

The blonde went from outright gawking at him to letting plain relief wash his features. He assessed Sasuke for a long moment, but hen his eyes were averted to look at something really intriguing on the ground between his feet. It had to be intriguing, because nothing around him seemed to motivate him enough to look elsewhere. Not the weight of everyone's gaze on him and not the pregnant silence. The Uchiha watched him, then locked eyes with Sakura, who had been about to kick the cocky boy back into his bed. She shook her head, indicating that she didn't think forcing the subject was a good idea. As time went by, Sasuke had discovered that the girl was quite protective of Naruto- that and the concept that only she could monopolize beating the blonde.

"Sakura. Kakashi. Could you excuse us?" the raven said politely, even though it was not a request.

Naruto frowned at him. "I actually need to go-"

"Actually, Sakura and I need to see the Hokage now that Sasuke is awake." Kakashi interrupted with all the innocence of a cat who just tore up the curtains. "And being that I'll have to be gone for a while, it appears that you have to stay here and watch over Sasuke. Hokage's orders."

The blonde almost choked. "You just made that excuse up, sensei!"

Sasuke watched them wave their goodbyes to him and Naruto, who continued to yell accusations in their wake. Sakura had seemed hesitant, but went along with Kakashi. The raven appreciated his ex-mentor's help on this. He was not strong enough to pin the blonde and force him to talk or listen.

When the yelling died down, he stepped from the entrance to the cold, stony patio. It occurred to him that he had not seen his shoes anywhere and that the evening was chillier than he had thought. He pulled the white robe- now hued in the colors of the setting sun- tighter around him."Ready to talk now, Dobe?"

The other boy sighed and walked back to the mansion to sit on the stairs. "Yeah…"

The raven settled himself beside him, cautious not to wince at how much it took of him to move his body. It was not very nice of him, but he actually counted on Naruto's guilty to keep the boy's attention off of him. It felt silly to ask what was the matter, so he simply waited until the other boy decided to speak. Between the two of them, he held the record for longest silent moment.

And true to his calculations, the blonde spoke first. "I'm thinking about joining the ANBU." He started with a twinge of hesitation. "It will take me away from Konoha a lot, but I think it's time I get moving."

Sasuke watched him for a long moment. Multiple responses went through his mind, out of which his mouth chose the most pragmatic… and insensitive. "You are not even a chuunin yet, Dobe."

Cobalt blue eyes snapped to his, full of irritation. Then he seemed distracted, his expression morphing to concern and more than obvious remorse. "You look like crap, Teme."

"I've been worse." The Uchiha amended. "You don't look that good yourself."

Naruto's eyes returned to the same spot between his feet. Sasuke couldn't help but follow his gaze. All he could see there was dust and perhaps something… brownish? He scrunched up his nose in distaste as he realized what the brownish stain might be. He'd have to have another long talk with Kakashi about his Ninken. Refocusing on the matter at hand though, he much doubted that the blonde had even noticed any of those things.

"… Gomen…" Naruto said after another long moment.

The look on the boy's face was contrite, betraying guilt and shame. Sasuke felt a sharp pang on his chest at the sight. Before his mind could process his actions, his hand had reached over and gently stroked the blonde's hair. His mom had always done that when he seemed sad and it always made him feel better. Almost as though the other boy wasn't real, but something taken out of the natural flow of time for him to examine, he took his time to consider the sensation. The golden hair wasn't soft, but it still felt slick, easily sliding through his fingers. He smiled slightly, amused at how it seemed to grow in every direction, much like the crown of a king- a Hokage- and much like the sun itself.

"Uh… Sasuke…?"

The raven's charcoal eyes moved to Naruto's eyes, who was staring at him in a wild mixture of trepidation and bewilderment. "Yes, Dobe?" he asked… which, quite honestly, was not what he had meant to say or do. What he should have done, was drop his hand, smirk and say something obnoxious that would send the blonde straight to a tantrum; but he was tired and this felt comforting and soothing. It mystified him at times, how he reacted to Naruto. It wasn't choice per se, just a general sense of traction to a specific action or word.

"W-what are you doing?" Naruto asked, attempting- and failing- to make it sound like a demand.

The stuttering was amusing. Sasuke smiled a little- somewhat taunting but mostly genuine. "Is what I'm doing disagreeable to you?"

That wasn't the response that he had in mind, because his mouth hang open for a few moments, those cobalt eyes almost frantically trying to figure the Uchiha out. Then he sighed. "No, but-"

"No 'but's." Sasuke cut him and was pleased to find that the blonde's alertness, slowly gave way to a much needed repose.

It was almost entrancing to watch as tension flowed out of his body, his eyelids fluttering in an attempt to resist sleep, his breathing easing to a more restful pattern. Sasuke watched until he started to feel uncomfortable with how comfortable this all felt. Until the smoothness of the golden hair started to hurt. Then he dropped his hand and leaned forward, resting his arms on his lap, overlooking how Naruto almost fell over instinctively following his retreating touch.

The blonde's eyes filled will confusion and indignation, his cheeks rosy with fresh embarrassment. "Teme, why did you…?" Stop? "What were you…?" Doing? Thinking?

Sasuke watched the other boy, certain that he would not finish any of those questions. Perhaps he hoped that he would not, because he wasn't sure he had the answers; or didn't want to know that he did have them. He waited until Naruto's temper had subsided. "I tried to kill you. Not by accident or a miscalculation. And not just once either." he said, voice back to betraying no emotion. "What makes me worthy of your forgiveness?"

Naruto frowned at him, clearly not enjoying the turn of the conversation. "Why are you asking?"

It was an easy question. "Because I want to know. Is the answer difficult for you?"

One of the worse things anyone could do to the blonde was verbally corner him. He knew what he felt, he would die for what he believed, but he was no lawyer. His eyes drifted down again to that favored spot on the ground. "If this is about making a point about how I did not intend for you to get hurt, spare me. I should have never gone along with Baa-chan's plan." His lips tightened to a thin line. "I had attacked Ero-sennin, while he was training me. I attacked Sakura before we found you- Sakura!" Naruto's voice was picking up in volume- in frustration, in pain. "Our Sakura-chan! I would have killed her, if Yamato-taicho hadn't saved her! My Rasengan might have killed you!"

Sasuke smirked, trying to lift the tension. "Don't flatter yourself, Dobe."

When Naruto looked up, his eyes were glazed over with unshed tears. "Shut up, Sasuke- just shut up! You think this is something I can just deal with and laugh about, just because no one died? This is my life and the people I love." his voice was loud, breaking with emotion. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about…"

"Naruto…" the Uchiha began, then sighed. He looked up at the setting sun, whose last brilliant rays outlined the mountains in the distance and hailed the coming darkness. "You had once said that someone who cannot save a friend should not be Hokage. Now I'm telling you that neither can someone who is not prepared to lose one. You dream of becoming Hokage and protect everyone, but you need to realize that sacrifices must be made at times. And they will be made." He kept his tone soft, because really, he couldn't stand the sight of the blonde crying. "You know I'm quite powerful by now. If you are not ready to take a the chance with me- with all the risks your training involves- how do you expect to give orders to people who are not quite as prepared as I am… some of them may be your friends. Others might be your own students."

Naruto sniffled and wiped his eyes. "If you mean to make me feel better, Teme, you are really not succeeding."

He scoffed, then smiled softly. "What I mean, Usuratonkachi… is that you can trust me. I won't break."

The blonde looked up at him with those shiny eyes and pulled him roughly into a tight hug. It hurt, but it didn't matter.

Sasuke decided that perhaps he was not quite as well equipped as he had thought to deal with pain. Good things, heartfelt and genuine, could hurt someone like him in ways no physical blow or personal tragedy ever would. They hurt because such rare curiosities made him feel vulnerable, naked and unprotected. There was no jutsu to shield from fragile beauty of finally having something, the loss of which could mean the loss of everything.

"I trust you." Naruto muttered into his neck.

It made him smile and he closed his eyes, contentedly surrendering to the pain of the embrace, if only for a while, because he knew it would not last longer than that. "Aah…" he acknowledged.

The blonde cleared his throat, after a few moment, fidgeting with the fabric around the Uchiha's neck. And even as he didn't let go of him- which in itself was surprising- Sasuke knew that whatever it was that the boy would say next would dramatically change the mood of the moment. "Ne… Sasuke?"

The Uchiha knew by then that any question that started like that could not end too well for him. He wondered if it was really that Naruto's mind was that random or that the blonde knew the same pain as him and felt the same need to protect himself from those precious moments of deep, human connection. "Yes, Dobe?"

"You are wearing something under this robe… right?"

If someone had dropped a bucket full of ice down his back, it would have had the same effect as Naruto's question. He froze in place for a moment, his cheeks burning up in a feverish flush. He looked at the culprit responsible for a fleeting moment that he passed judgment and moved on to execution. The blonde yelped and was about to move away to safety distance- wherever that imaginary place might have been- but it was already too late.

Sasuke punched him all the way down the stairs. He hoped it hurt.

I almost didn't include that final scene but Naruto's voice in my head was SO persistent… I hope the lighter ending kinda lifts the bleak mood I have Sasuke in for the better part of the chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Review if you like… I like. ;-) Next Chappie will be another Tide, Ino's pov and will have to do with that party I mentioned a couple of chapters ago. :-D

Love and Huggies to all!

Ja!

M.

PS. I do not think that the song I'm mentioning- Hurt- is Emo. It's too much of a classic and I think it's about personal cost and consequences. And those of you who know who Johnny Cash is, you know there's nothing remotely emo about him. How can a man who wrote epics like A Boy Named Sue and Cocaine Blues. Those of you who don't know who he is I think you'll get a kick out of the 3 songs I mentioned… and The Man in Black.

Johnny Cash - Hurt

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

Chorus:
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

Chorus:

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way