A/N. One of my favorite bands, Boyce Avenue, covered 'Perfect' by Pink (clean version by the way). For the rest of March, they're donating the iTunes proceeds to Japan. It's a gorgeous cover and it's for a good cause so pick it up before the end of the month! I don't own anything.

"All right, James. Why don't you tell me about yourself and your friends?"

James tried to return the smile his new therapist gave him but it was a pathetic attempt. He glances down unable to meet the sympathetic gaze that he didn't deserve. "Where do you want me to start?" He asked quietly.

Peter Morris shrugged lightly. "Wherever you feel the most comfortable. Tell em anything you want."

"My friends. . ." James trailed off and was silent for several long minutes before he finally took a deep breath and went on. "Well, there's Kendall. He's been the leader since we've known each other. He's the kind of guy who want on your side because he'll defend you no matter what it does to him. He cares about you more than he cares about himself."

"Carlos is the one who always makes me smile. He makes everyone smile. He doesn't like it when someone isn't happy. He'll do whatever it takes to cheer you up basically. Sometimes that results in him getting a little hurt because he'll pull some crazy stunt to make you laugh. But he'll always say that it's worth it. But. . ." James paused and cleared his throat. "But he's different. I mean, he still wants people to be happy and everything but it's harder now. And he's grown up a lot. He's not as goofy. He's kind of like Kendall now except a little more sensitive." Instantly, he regretted his words but he knew it was too late.

"What do you mean by that?" Peter asked, grabbing onto James' minor slip-up right away.

James sighed. "Kendall is. . . well like I said, he's the kind of guy you want on your side. Because when he's not on your side it. . . it hurts a lot. He can be a little. . . harsh?" The words came out in a question and James glanced up at the therapist to catch his reaction. He only received a nod to continue. "See, it's hard to describe unless you see Kendall for yourself. But I guess I can give you an example. Just don't. . . just don't judge Kendall because I think he was right even though he doesn't."

"Go on," Peter replied encouragingly.

James nodded and obeyed. "After the accident everything changed. At first Kendall was okay with me. I mean, he wasn't mad at me. He was worried about me. But then he and his mom and sister and. . . and Logan moved into an apartment and Carlos and I couldn't be there all the time. Logan is having some. . . problems and they're affecting Kendall a lot. So one day he got really mad at me and told me the whole thing was my fault."

"And he was right. It is my fault. If it hadn't been for me then Logan would be fine and none of this would have happened." Tears blurred James eyesight but he blinked them away and rushed on. 'I wouldn't be here right now. "But I was stupid and now. . . anyway, after that Kendall started treating me differently. He resented me. And I didn't handle that very well."

"What do you mean by that?" Peter asked patiently.

"I just. . . when Kendall is on your side he'll protect you no matter what. When he's against you it's. . . scary. I was scared. He. . . he hated me. Every day he would either ignore me and just say these things and they hurt so bad. So I. . . I started to cut myself because I thought I deserved it and it made the pain go away for a little while."

Peter gave a small nod. "But it ended up making things even worse." He reminded James gently.

It was never easy to hear. "Yeah," James whispered. "A lot worse. Logan. . . Logan saw me. I didn't know that he saw me. But he saw me and he saw that I looked. . . happier I guess. But then the next time he saw me I was crying and it confused him. So he wanted to see how it would make him feel. He. . . he almost died. Again. And it was my fault. Again."

"James, why don't you tell me about Logan now?" Peter suggested, surprising his patient with the sudden change of subject.

The mere thought of Logan was like a hand wrapping around James' throat and squeezing tightly. He swallowed hard. "Logan is. . . was. . . before or after the accident?" He asked.

"Let's start with before."

"Right." James closed his eyes and concentrated on keeping the tears from overflowing. "Um, before. Logan was smart. Like, really smart. He was going to be a doctor. He's wanted to be a doctor ever since I can remember." He stopped and thought hard for a minute before looking up at Peter and giving a small shrug. "That's all that's really different now. He's still really caring and gentle and-" He could no longer hold back the tears. "He's still the same." He whispered.

Peter shoved a box of tissues across the table and waited until James regained control.

James hastily wiped away his tears and breathed deeply. "I mean, he's not exactly the same because he's. . . because of his. . . his brain injury." He spoke the words and then closed his eyes, feeling his heart start to ache painfully. "He needs a lot of help and everything." it was beginning to hurt to much to talk about his best friends but James forced himself to keep going, deciding that he deserved all the pain it caused him. "He's like a little kid." He whispered. "But. . . he's still the same. Just different. I don't know."

"I understand perfectly, James." Peter assured him. "It makes perfect sense. I'm just concerned with how hard you're still taking all of this. It's like you're stuck and you can't move on."

"How am I supposed to move on?" James demanded, suddenly angry. "I destroyed Logan's life. It's all my fault. There's no way I'm not to blame. I convinced Logan to go to our rehearsal that day. I convinced Logan to take my car instead of his. I ran the red light. Logan almost died because of me. I could have killed him. I would have been a murderer."

"James, you're still being too hard on yourself." Peter said cautiously. "Keep in mind that Logan never had to give into you-"

"Do not blame Logan for any of this." James interrupted in a furious whisper.

Peter seemed willing to let his protest go for the moment. "You wouldn't have been a murderer, James." He said instead. "It was an accident."

"I was driving recklessly." James pointed out, refusing to back down. "Sure, it's not like I shot him in the head but really, what's the difference?"

"James, a murder happens when a person willingly takes another person's life. You didn't run that red light to hurt Logan."

James shook his head, stubbornly. "Still," He said, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his chest. "I did this to him. It's all because of me."

"Fine," Peter said easily. "It is your fault. But James, there's nothing you can do about it anymore. You can't change the past. But you can move on and focus on the future. Logan needs you. So do Kendall and Carlos. The incident that brought you to me proves that you need help. For your sake as much as your friends'."

"It's so easy to say," James breathed heavily. "And not so easy to do. I don't know how to move on. I can't forgive myself for what I've done. Never."

A long silence filled the room. Peter gazed across the table at the tortured boy in front of him. "Your refusal to forgive yourself is holding you back, James." He said gently but firmly. "Until you forgive yourself you won't really be able to move on and help Logan and your other friends to the best of your ability. I know it's hard but I think you're on your way."

James scoffed. "How?" He asked bitterly. "I feel as stuck as I did on the day the accident happened."

"Well," Peter said mildly, seemingly oblivious to his patient's anger. "You're here. I know it's not easy to accept help, especially when you don't even know that person. So," He gestured around the room. "This is a start."

Maybe it was. But James just wanted to leave. "Can I. . ." He hated to sound so ungrateful. "Can I go now?"

Peter didn't look the least bit insulted. He nodded and smiled at James. "I think that I can let you go back to your friends." He said quietly. "Same time, same place next week?"

James nodded reluctantly and mumbled a thanks. He stood up and left as quickly as he could without seeming rude. His face burned with humiliation. How much lower could he sink? At least he had the walk back to the apartment to think things over.

"Hey, James."

Surprised, James looked up to find that he wasn't alone. "K-Kendall." He choked out in a whisper.

Painful regret filled Kendall's eyes when he saw how intimidated James still was by his presence. "Hey," He said again, this time in a softer voice. He approached his best friend slowly, wincing when he saw the way James flinched away in fear. "I. . . I thought I'd walk home with you. Is that okay?"

James still couldn't meet Kendall's worried gaze. "If you really want to." He whispered.

"James, I am so sorry things got this bad." Kendall sighed and ran a shaking hand through his hair. His gaze studied James intently, taking in everything, the scars on his pale arms, the way his cheeks looked thin and hollow, everything. "I think I hurt you worse than you hurt Logan."

That got James' attention and he shook his head. "No way. Anyway, if I didn't hurt Logan then," He gestured wildly around the lobby. "None of this wold have happened."

Kendall bit his lip. "Maybe. But still. I was wrong and I hurt you really bad. What kind of friend does that make me? I mean, you're still afraid of me aren't you?"

"You're pretty scary when you're mad." James admitted with a half-grin. He relaxed his tense posture and let Kendall pull him into a comforting hug. Ironically though, he found himself holding Kendall up.

Kendall hated seeing the fear in James' eyes. He hated how quiet he had become. He hated the scars on his arms and he hated how thin he had become. Part of James' problems were a direct result of the accident but another reason he had become so. . . depressed was because Kendall had practically shoved him off the edge of a cliff. And Kendall would never forgive himself for that. He sighed then and stepped away. "Well," He said, offering James a shaky grin. "Want to head over to the new apartment?"

James' smile was real that time. The Knights had finally found a bigger apartment so now he and Carlos could be with them for good. Logan was ecstatic over the idea of James and Carlos never leaving and actually, so was everyone else. They would be together. "Yeah." He said with a nod. "Let's go."

"So," Kendall asked as the two boys walked outside. "How. . . how did it go?"

"I don't really know." James' smile faded and he sighed. "Peter, that's my counselor's name, said "it was a start" but I'm not completely sure what that means. I'm scared, Kendall."

Kendall hesitated briefly before wrapping an arm around James' thin shoulders and pulling him closer. "Well, you won't be alone." He said seriously. "We're all here for you, James. Me, Carlos, and Logan."

"I'm so happy that you and Carlos can finally stay with me and Kendall." Logan told James happily later that night. "I used to miss you when you had to leave."

A small smile crossed James' face. "We missed you too, Logie." He said softly. "But at least we don't have to worry about saying goodbye any time soon."

Logan frowned. "Yeah we do." He reminded James. "Me and you both have different doctors to go to."

"True," James said slowly, thinking carefully before he said too much. He thought of Logan's therapist Emma and how she said that they couldn't spoil Logan. He had to make sure Logan knew that their current situation was for the best of everyone. "But, Logan, you and I both need our doctors."

"Why can't you come with me?" Logan asked sadly. "Emma is a nice lady. She gave me a lollipop today 'cause I said all the ABC's without forgetting any of them."

"Good for you!" James praised him.

Logan nodded, looking proud of himself. "It was red."

"Red?" James questioned, suddenly confused.

"The lollipop." Logan told him as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Emma gave me a red lollipop."

"Oh!" James nodded, pretending that Logan's fascination with the candy wasn't breaking his heart all over again. "Cool, Logie. Red lollipops are my favorite."

Logan brightened and he nodded. "I know!" He said enthusiastically. "That's why I saved it." He pulled the prized possession out of the pocket of his sweatshirt and handed it over to James, a broad smile on his face.

He couldn't cry. He wouldn't cry. James summoned every last bit of his remaining strength and smiled back at Logan. "Thanks, buddy. I'll eat it tomorrow though okay? It's getting pretty late and I already brushed my teeth."

"Okay," Logan said looking satisfied. "I thought it might make you happier. 'Cause I know you go to your doctor because you're so sad." He patted James gently on the knee. "I don't want you to be sad, Jamie. It's better to be happy."

He was losing the battle with his tears. James kept his smile on though and nodded again. "Yeah," He managed to squeak out in a whisper. "You're right."

"Logie!" Carlos bounded into the room, followed more slowly by a weary and worried looking Kendall. "Hey, buddy, it's bedtime okay?"

"Okay," Logan said agreeably, reaching up for Carlos to have him help him stand.

Carlos bent down and supported Logan while he stood unsteadily to his feet. "I bet you'll be glad to finally get rid of your cast, won't you?" He asked, making conversation as the two boys left the living room.

Kendall watched them leave and then turned to James. "How're you holding up?" He asked, softly.

It felt so. . . good to have Kendall ask him that. It was such a relief to know that he cared again. Smiling was easy again as James nodded. "Okay," He said honestly. "It's been a long day. At least Carlos and I don't have to leave."

Kendall grinned too. "Yeah, that's pretty cool. Come on." They followed after Carlos and Logan. There were two bedrooms for the four boys. Kendall and Logan in one and James and Carlos in the other. Carlos sat on the edge of Kendall's bed, watching Logan who was already fast asleep.

Kendall pulled Carlos to his feet and gave him a tight hug. "You're amazing, you know that?" He asked, shaking his head. "Just what Logan needs. Someone who doesn't fall apart and fight every five minutes."

Carlos smiled but his eyes were filled with tears. "You're learning." He said, trying to joke.

"Slowly," James said with his eyes on Logan. "We're learning slowly. But we wouldn't be learning at all if it wasn't for you, Carlos." He yawned and then leaned against the wall. "Call us if you need us." He told Kendall in a hopeful whisper.

Kendall nodded, instantly catching on to James' tone. It was about trust. James still wasn't sure if Kendall trusted him and that made his trust lessen just a bit. "I will." He promised.

But he didn't need to call them because Logan's screams at 2:30 in the morning brought everyone rushing in. Kendall had already tripped and fallen flat on his face in his rush to get to Logan. "Logie," He called, trying to wake the other boy up.

"Logan!" James' shout was far more effective but he hadn't even meant to shout. He had just been so scared. He still was. His heart slammed into his chest and he couldn't relax until he saw Logan's brown eyes wide and staring.

"M-monsters!" Logan cried grabbing onto James and pulling him close. "There's monsters!"

"Logan," James' voice was just a whisper now and he shook his head. "There aren't-"

"Yes there are!" Logan insisted, shaking all over. Tears streamed down his pale face and sobs jerked him violently. "They're everywhere, James!"

Kendall picked himself up off the floor and joined James and Carlos in comforting Logan. "It's okay, Logan." He whispered. "We're all here. We'll protect you."

"Is everything okay?" Mrs. Knight and Katie watched from the door way, waiting to see if the boys had everything under control.

"I-I don't know." Kendall stammered in a shaky voice. "Logie?" He finally caught Logan's attention and gripped the smaller boy's shoulders tightly. "Hey, listen to me. If there are any monsters out there then I promise that James and Carlos and I will take care of you, okay? You don't ever need to be afraid."

Logan was slowly calming down, his shivers becoming less frequent as the seconds ticked by. "Uh-huh." He said, breathing deeply. "Okay. Can you. . . can you check though, Kendall?"

Making sure that Logan was in good hands with Carlos and James, Kendall nodded then stood up. "See?" He called as he opened the closet door. "No monsters."

"U-under the bed?" Logan guessed in a faltering and frightened whisper as he watched his "big brother" move around the room. "Jamie, don't let the monsters get him." He pleaded, receiving a reassuring squeeze in answer.

"No monsters." Kendall reported after ducking his head under both beds. "See? You're safe. We all are."

"Logie," Carlos said comfortingly. "How about me and James stay in here tonight? Will that male you feel safer?" When Logan practically nodded his head off, Carlos grinned. "Okay, we'll be right back then."

Kendall sat with Logan while James and Carlos gathered their sleeping stuff and brought it into the other room, laying it out on the floor. "See, Logan?" He said with a smile. "No monster are ever going to get in here. We're all too scary for them."

Logan finally smiled again. "Monsters are silly." He said as his eyes began to drift shut again. "'Cause you're all so nice to me and everyone."

Kendall didn't answer him. He only thought of his actions that had nearly torn them apart all over again. And he wondered if he had been unintentionally lying to Logan all along. He wondered if monsters really did exist.

A/N. Lalala. They all need therapy if you ask me. I really hope this was worth the long wait because it's been longer than a month afrgt that's so awful. So um, review? I'll update something ASAP but I might be a little busy this week. Don't forget Boyce Avenue's cover of 'Perfect' because every little bit helps! Love you all!